Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Besetting Sin

I keep asking myself: When will I be free from these particular issues?

Fear -- child of alarmist mother, grandchild/relative of people who delighted in scaring and terrifying young children.

Worry/Post Traumatic Stress -- And a terrible fear of having to take care of myself. I've been in a state of worry/spiritual divorce/abandonment/ it seems like all my life. I'm hoping in God to help me cast my care on him.

Fear of man, personal history of judgmental people and self-repression -- A terrible inability to tell people when they've hurt me...a fear of hurting them... a fear of being disliked by people. A fear of falling short or being judged by them.

I know most Christians will give an easy answer to it -- cause they are such know-it-alls-- but God is able...even now, after all these years...to heal one like me who is so beset with fear. It's hard to believe in a miracle when one has had a problem for so many years but... if Jesus healed the man at the pool of Bethesda who had been sick for so many years, I know he can healed me. If I CAN BELIEVE and learn to trust him. One moment at a time.

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