Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dream of Control

I had to do a podcast last night on black writers. Supposed to start 7:30 but noooo Obama had to do a speech and all the black folks in the (speculative and otherwise) universe had to look at it. So then it was scheduled for 8:30. But then the lady had trouble with her computer. Upshot? I was on the phone from 8:30 to 11:15. And Because of that I didn't sleep at all last night. That caused a great deal of painful attacks in my chest and a headache. In the past, if I don't get into bed by 7:30 or so I am in a bit of danger of not sleeping. But it would have been rude to leave the conference.

Anyways, I had the most wonderful dream about control. I dreamt a woman producer was in charge of a film and in charge of a film production company. An actor and his wife were helping her in creating the film. I think the actor was the director. Except that they had gotten so used to being in charge that they wouldn't listen to her. She decided to take her power back. She asked them, "who pays your check? who owns this company?" They kept ignoring her. She kept her ground but they weren't paying her any mind. . . as if she was unimportant. They were silently mocking her. And the actress said something like, "you think my husband is so gorgeous, he has you under his thumb. you won't do anything to upset him." The producer said, "oh, you think I won't ruin his face" and she took a razor and cut the guy across the face." And she cut the actress over the eye or in the eye. Then she took a large bird out of the sky a great white dove or albatross or whatever....and she pulled it from the sky and threw it tumbling into the actor;s apartment.

When I got up I instinctively knew what the dream was about. There's a line in the Bible about the kingdom of heaven: The kingdom of heaven endures violence and the violent take it by force. The upshot is that to bring the kingdom of heaven into one's life one must be all out pushy for it.

I had been attacked by sleeplessness last night and all night I was up. So it's like about 40 hours so far without sleep and I decided to defy the tiredness -- which i always do cause I'm strong like that-- and I was being attacked by such a headache and such pain and such despair. That I decided to sing songs about the power of Jesus blood and to pray and to tell my body that Jesus healed it on the cross. I told my body it had better behave and it had better sleep because God had given it sleep. And told Gabe's body that it had better be healed. I was just supremely angry with sickness and the way it treats our family. And then I fell asleep and got this dream. So it was as if my body was saying, I will not be your servant and listen to you. But I was saying, "Who owns you? My spirit owns my body and my mind! Jesus said the body is a servant to the spirit, not the other way around! So you had better damn well listen to me! So I told my body all kinds of Bible verses and promises about the power of God's word in our life. And the word of God is compared to a spiritual sword which destroys the enemy (sickness, demonic entity, poverty, etc.) Hence the knife. Then the large white bird represents the holy spirit, i guess.

Anyways, upshot: I feel as if I have found my inner anger against sickness. I am fighting against it even though it tries to ignore me. That's the way it works sometimes but I WILL be heard. And this sickness will leave, and my body will have to come in line with God's word.

So am doing well. I know how to fight now.
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