As I near my 49th birthday, I feel I'm becoming more and more myself. Whatever that means.
An example: I've been on active sharing on youtube for about two months now and let me tell you it's the most public conscientious activity I have ever done.
"Really?" you ask.
"Yes, really," I answer.
The trouble is I am what many Christians would consider a "carnal" Christian. Granted, I don't think I'm that carnal. At least I'm not carnal in the way St Paul meant it. When St Paul described carnal Christians in 1 Corinthians 3:3-4 and 2 Corinthians 10:4 and Hebrews 9:10 he was talking about the type of Christian who walks by sight, who actually believes in and fights about earthly stuff such as denominations, who actually think following external rules of eating drinking clothing etc are signs of holiness. That's not me. But most Christians will think I'm carnal because I do have that horrendous crush on Cloud from Final Fantasy and I actually listen to music and watch movies no Christian would be caught watching.
So here's the problem. When you do active sharing on youtube, ALL your youtube friends can see what it is you're actually watching. They see what you've rated, what you've favorited, what you've uploaded, etc.
So my youtube friends can see that I've favorited the (somewhat potty-mouthed) Canadian East-Indian comedian Russell Peters. And Chocolate News. And . . . well, everything I've done.
This wouldn't be so bad if I had only one kind of friends. If say, I had only secular non-believing friends, they'd see my proclivities and all the religious stuff I rate and favorite and think I'm odd but they'd probably not think I was being sinful.
But the problem is with my Christian friends. One of them is quite cool and easygoing. But the other...well, I like him but I find myself wondering. Okay, he's white Christian so he didn't vote for Obama. I see him rating and favoriting stuff against Obama, but do I care? No! I'm cool. I let things go. I don't think he's a racist. But what does this guy think when he sees the stuff I've been seeing? Lord knows. He hasn't been talking to me in a while. Hasn't returned my emails. Ahem. So. . .uhm. . .I shouldn't assume anything. He's probably just off on vacation. But my history with Christians make me worry that he saw one too many "Cloud is so sexy" video on my favorite list and dumped me.
Of course I had the choice of taking myself off active sharing. But I did not. Why? Because I am trying to be myself without fear. Yeah, stupid reason and stupid thing to do when you know how easily some Christians judge. But I put myself and my heart on my blog and I'm not going to start hiding aspects of myself. A true witness delivers souls, as the Proverbs say.
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