Monday, October 05, 2009

Dark Parable: accounting and balance dream

I dreamed of going to a weight loss center. The women were learning to eat properly and to lose weight. At the end of the class there was a food recipe/presentation contest. I had a lot of little dishes that I had worked hard on but which were kinda haphazardly put together. But a woman who made a large salad in a big bowl won. I realized that there was a popularity game going on. The salad was large and fairly normal but the presentation had made it win and that was what mattered to the judges. I realized I would probably not win any of the food contests. I left the shop/store where the group was and took the rest of my food out. As I walked through the streets of my town, I realized I was carrying my leftovers in a jade-green ceramic rectangular dish. The dish wasn't mine and I had had no intention of stealing it. I wanted to save the leftovers but return the dish to its owner -- who probably would realize she missed it. I looked for somewhere where I could get a plastic bag so I could put the leftovers inside and wash the dish and return it..or call and let them know I had it. Didn't want them thinking I stole it. I saw an acquaintance of mine. His name is Kazi and in real life he really gets on my nerves because he has that "I'm Black but I'm more enlightened than you regular christian blacks and I'm a Buddhist now" thing. The kind of spirituality that is rooted in being hip and better than...and not being like regular black folks. He's a drummer and we had a fight the last time we met because he was being so nasty to Christians. Anyway, he's really sick now with a degenerative disease and I've been worrying about him. I said to him, "How're you doing? Rain has been asking about you. She wonders how you're taking care of yourself and who is taking care of you. She says if you have no one to take care of you, you can live over at her place. Call her." He said, "I'm doing okay on that. They're paying my house rent for me." I said, "How're you feeling?" He said, "Well, it's pretty urgent now." I looked around to pray for him. I continued walking and I saw a little girl on the street who was afraid to cross the road. It was a pretty busy road, but her mother snapped at her for not trying. When I bumped into her mother, her mother and I talked about a particular famous artist whom I knew and who had given me some earrings. The mother said she didn't believe I knew the woman and didn't believe the earrings were given to me by this artist. It was very annoying and stressful for me to not be believed, especially since I was wearing the evidence. I felt if the famous artist was around, she would've proven me right. Then I got home and I had surreptitiously given a gift to a hispanic Christian neighbor -- a religious book I thought she would like. But it got lost in her yard somewhere and I realized I shouldn't have given it to her. The dreams all seemed to be saying to me that things are given, hard work is done or not done, friendship or no friendship, receiving acknowledgement and not receiving acknowledgement, giving and receiving, fairness and unfairness, getting credit and not being credited, being compared to other folks and not. One of the things I left the dream with was that it all comes out in the wash sooner or later and that I should pray for Kazi whether he knew it or not...and if he got well (or didn't) that he wouldn't know about it. That life is made up of giving and doing things and people not knowing we're giving or doing or not giving it its due...and that we receive things also without giving it its due...and that it all balanced out in the end.
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