tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12177793.post4342231432396100617..comments2024-02-25T14:37:25.154-05:00Comments on CaroleMcDonnell: SeepageCarole McDonnellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15443401088634718848noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12177793.post-49946017976145201512009-10-28T04:46:06.560-04:002009-10-28T04:46:06.560-04:00Nah, I can't wear anyone else's shoes bett...Nah, I can't wear anyone else's shoes better than they would wear them. They would pinch just as hard as the ones I've got, I fear, maybe harder. And that might be where the learning would come from, if it were really possible to do it. The thing is, we're all suffering, and my thinking that my suffering is worse than yours, or different from yours, is fruitless.<br /><br />For me, at any rate, realising this simple fact - that we're all suffering - helps me stay equanimous when someone says something hurtful to me or to someone I love. Can't always do it, of course, but like you, I'm working on it:-)Satima Flavellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17427849961195148899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12177793.post-15166021843644169702009-10-27T13:04:37.077-04:002009-10-27T13:04:37.077-04:00Hi Satima:
This platitude thing gets tiring. Beca...Hi Satima:<br /><br />This platitude thing gets tiring. Because A) Platitude-giving is more about someone's arrogant need to say something wise than it is to actually enter into the pain of the person they're giving the platitude to. B) Platitude giving is one person saying that if they walked in your shoes they would behave differently. It's a comparative mode thing and it says "Look at me! I have walked in your shoes and look how good I'm being." and C) the person speaking the spiritual platitude doesn't really see the pain of the person to whom they are giving advice. They are seeing an opportunity to show off their spiritual wisdom and how further along they are on the road. <br /><br />Very hard. <br /><br />That's a nice quote from Buddha. St Paul said, "Overcome evil with good."<br /><br />Yes, alas...a lot of oughts/shoulds/musts. Definitely a sign I'm not ready to let go. But I must let go because the musts have to be obeyed at this time cause I want Gabe and me healed. And Jesus said unforgiveness blocks prayer. So even if I can't do the musts on my own, the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives within me and is changing me and enabling me to do the musts. <br /><br />Yes, am trying to focus on loving the persons I'm angry with. Jesus said to bless them that curse you. Am not sure if walking a mile in their shoes would make me feel differently with them. After all the situation is pretty much about them not walking in my shoes. Very hard to commiserate with someone who is cruel to one's disabled son. I try my best to love them, though. I pray for them. But I know that when I had only one child that child was healthy. And I didn't criticize or mock at people with sick children. So if I know what it's like to have had healthy children -- before I had a sick child-- I think I've already walked in the shoes of the people who are ready to attack disabled children. All the same, I still pray for them.<br /><br />The essential problem is basically people's need to give advice and platitudes. Humans like thinking that if they had walked in someone else's shoes, they would basically wear those shoes better. For instance, people who give spiritual advice and say stuff about having a sick child. Or people who give spiritual advice about how to deal with hurt caused by people who give spiritual advice. It all comes down to the basics: If I had your particular spiritual problem, I would handle it better because I'm so in tune with what my spiritual master says -- it doesn't matter if the spiritual master is Jesus or Buddha or whoever. It's just the human need to tell someone else what to do and to compare one's self to that other person. <br />to forgive someone like that. -CCarole McDonnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15443401088634718848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12177793.post-81697473125298406202009-10-27T12:52:36.269-04:002009-10-27T12:52:36.269-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Carole McDonnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15443401088634718848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12177793.post-3880427006394626912009-10-27T00:47:50.002-04:002009-10-27T00:47:50.002-04:00That sounds like an awful lot of shoulds and ought...That sounds like an awful lot of shoulds and oughts and musts, Carole! I've found they are sure sign that I'm not yet ready to let go of whatever it is - anger, resentment, bitterness, wanting.<br /><br />FWIW, I sometimes find it useful to remember that my anger is not hurting the person I'm angry with - it's only hurting me by raising my blood pressure and causing health problems! So I focus on loving the person I'm angry with instead. If I knew what had brought them to the place they are at, maybe I'd feel quite differently. And if I'd walked a mile in their shoes, maybe I'd feel as they do.<br /><br />"Hatred is never driven out by hatred, but only by love," said the Buddha. A nice way of looking at the golden rule, I think:-)<br /><br />Got caught up blogs. Wil answer your email later!Satima Flavellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17427849961195148899noreply@blogger.com