Subverting the claptrap -- fierceness

Every once in a while -- much too often-- I just fall apart on my husband and burst into tears. The sweetie is so full of love but who can heal me? I have such a depth of woundedness, hurt, and trauma. "A wounded spirit who can bear?" I need God's love to pour into all my soul, heart, body, mind, spirit. And then there is this about the last days  In the last days mean shall be Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,... That's true in America now where being fierce and cold is considered hip. So I guess the day will come when all the world will be fierce.

I don't like fierceness and the world is fierce. It honors fierceness; in fact now it honors fierceness but it lacks the balancing honor. In fantasy, fierceness is always aligned with honor. But in the United States, fierceness -- whether passionate and uncontrolled, whether immature, whether studied, whether callous and cold, whether daring, whether humorous, whether done in gangs and collectively or done by one weak or strong individual-- is everywhere. And it is so kneejerk. Kneejerk disdain/hip disdain ... lacking kindness, politeness, forbearance, empathy, etiquette. One simply says to someone, "I'm on my way to church" and the person, for no good reason has to say in a snide dismissive way, "I don't believe in God." Or one is in church and someone one doesn't know has to come and say one should dress up for church. And don't even talk to me about the fierceness in the Black community where parenting and even well-meaning jokes can be cruel.

(I think this is why I hate cop shows. It's like the cops show their fierceness by being impolite. It's like... the tough female cop and all the cops have to show how tough they are by how much they can destroy the other person's soul. So much soul-annihilation going on.)

I don't know what happened to me. Yes, yes, I know what happened to me. Okay...so I am really stressed by cruelty. I am really empowered by it. The fibromyalgia goes awry when the slightest cruelty comes my way. So of course I end up with a life and with novels where my characters are totally alienated from the rest of the world. Which I suppose is good. In these clannish times where one has to have backup -- racial clan backup, political backup, religious backup-- what happens? I don't fit easily into any camp. Quite the bother, but I remember that my lord Jesus was rejected and despised of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

Fibromyalgia is an illness of woundedness, as is lupus. (Weirdly, lupus is really epidemic in the African-American community which makes me wonder if our immune system is so stressed by race, poverty, cruelty, weird families that it just breaks in a certain way.) Supposedly, those women with fibro have were assailed one time too many with feeling of being unloved and abandoned. The immune system just couldn't take it.

I don't believe in terminal or incurable illnesses. And in this case I believe that if I were to feel a super-dose of God's love that I would be healed.

My main female character in Constant Tower is Maharai. She lives in a fierce world within a fierce clan. She cannot deal with it but in the end she ends up with two husbands. I really like that. I really really really like that. Because there are victims of fierceness in fantasy novels and in the real world. A young Christian writer friend was upset with me that I had given Maharai two husbands. It bothered her because she felt one of the husbands would be wounded and plus it was just unChristian. But for me...it was the desire of my soul. My character Maharai builds blanket fortresses in her room. She sleeps between her husbands, protected from the world. In my spirit, that's what I want. I can't have it in this world. It's not legal. Plus my husband is loving and in this world, I have God's love to heal and shield me from the world. But Maharai has nothing.

Sometimes I just cry out for the Lord. I just say "Continue to Love me." I sing and start crying while I listen to, "Come quickly, oh Lord. Even so hasten your return."

Because heaven is my home.

Last night, I was thinking of the angel who smiled so sweetly at me. What love there exists in heaven! Enough to heal me of all the hurts I've received. From family, foe, friend, stranger, social workers, teachers, racists, cops. Enough to heal my soul from trauma. Lord, let our lives on earth be like the lives of the blessed ones in heaven.  Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Sometimes I remember the cruelty that has been hurled at me by people. When I remember the pain, I remember the striking to my heart. I imagine those fiery darts are still in my back and soul and heart and flesh.I want God to pull them out.

Lord, heal my heart, please! And in the meantime, help me to show my heart in my stories. -C

The Ellijah Challenge

Wonderful Christian site on healing. Some great essays there. Been listening to a DVD someone sent me. Wonderful stuff.

Interesting insights from this guy so far:
In his evangelical services oftentimes the rich are more blessed and healed by God -- even when some of the rich are Christians. Reminds me of Mary's Magnificat where she says God has sent the rich away empty.

Ministers telling a Bible miracle story will not blame the ministers for problem with healings. They blame God (It's not God's will) or they blame the sick person (It's your lack of faith) but they never interpret the stories to blame the disciples which is what Jesus often did. In the story of the boy with the epileptic demon, most ministers will blame the man and say "Jesus put it back on the man. You must believe." But Jesus in fact was pretty annoyed with his disciples and told his disciples they should fast and pray for such healings.

In addition, what does it matter if a healing is not God's will? IT was not God's will to heal Hezekiah. God had appointed him to death. But God healed Hezekiah when Hezekiah prayed. Nor was it Jesus's "will" to heal the woman with the issue of blood. He was pretty neutral toward her. She wanted to be healed and she caused the healing. Nor was it Jesus' will to heal the daughter of the Syro-Phenician woman and yet he healed her because the woman prayed.

It's over at the elijah Challenge.

Here is the website address:
http://www.theelijahchallenge.org/index4.htm

African-Americans and Stokes

Strokes are the third leading cause of death among African Americans. The
American Stroke Association has released a downloadable kit to help African
Americans recognize the signs of a stroke and to help prevent one.
Download or read the kit here

Praise God for Communion

Communion, like speaking in tongues, is one of the great underused gifts given to us by God. Both build up the spirit and edify us. Like the word of God, they both are vehicles for bringing the transforming spirit of God into our earthly lives, minds, bodies, and spirits.

Taken on a daily basis, Communion brings healing. Jesus blood is drink indeed! His flesh is bread indeed!

The Bible tells us that "man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." And so we know that we live by the word of God. We trust the word, we live the word, we speak the word. In the same way, Jesus says he was the true bread that came down from heaven. He said the Holy Spirit is Living Water.

In his first letter, John tells us "Three things bear witness on earth to God's power and the salvation Jesus has given us: The water, the spirit, the blood." I John 5:8 The water of baptism is a witness, the holy spirit is a witness, and the blood of Jesus is a witness. Yes, the Word of God witnesses to God but without the water, the spirit, and the blood we don't really have the power to be true witnesses of God.

Communion is a way of declaring to our sick bodies the truth of Jesus salvation. Many people have been healed by taking communion every day and declaring that through Jesus wounds and blood they were healed. Many people have had their sick bodies transformed by eating the flesh of Jesus, which is the true bread of life and declaring that God sent His word and healed us.

God has provided a blessing to the poor. Those of us who have been A) challenged by so-called incurable diseases
B) who have not been helped by many doctors
C) who have weak faith and can only be healed slowly and gradually
D) have no minister near by to help us
NOW have the healing power of the communion -- simple bread and grape juice.

The early church took communion from house to house. Where two or three are gathered together, Christ is literally in their midst. It was only four hundred years later when the church usurped communion and really got into this idea of laity and the oh-so-special clergy that ministers pretty much behaved as if they were the only ones who should do it. (One day I'll go on a rant about what we have lost from the early church but not.) Hey, hubby and I do it almost every night. Grape juice and rice cakes. It has been healing to our marriage. How could it not be?

Praise ye the Lord