Still small voice

So...what has God been telling you to do?

The first was fairly simple. I was at the store and wanted to buy a whole chunka candy...and I was strong and didn't buy it. YAY!!! I was very thankful that God gave me the strength to say no! to something that just was not healthy for me. I really felt that to disobey the warnings inside my spirit re those wonderful chocolate candies would be a real slap in the face. I mean..sometimes one KNOWS it's God telling you not to do something ...and one does it anyway. And what happens? One feels crappy. God is still there and loving us but one has not straightened one's spiritual walk or fine-tuned one's ability to obey. And when one continues to obey God, the time comes when he's not going to ask you to do anything anymore. One develops a seared conscience that cannot hear or feel God's spirit.

Well, moving from chocolates. I’ve been feeling a little whisper telling me to stop watching gossip shows and to stop clicking on internet links that deal with gossip. Other than the fact that we live in a culture of greed, a culture of spite, a culture of envy, and a culture of adulation, and those things taint the soul....there’s the spiritual fact that negative stuff about other folks lives simply is not my business. It’s an addiction that destroys the soul. I find myself getting very annoyed at pundits and comedians who make fun of the trials of other people. I’m actually quite peeved that they have made certain folks their communal laughingstock. Sure, I don’t know Britney Spears but I don’t have to stand by all full of schadenfreude and feel superior to famous people who are having a tough life. So yeah... in addition to giving up cop shows I now have to avoid TMZ, Best Week Ever, and The Soup. Talk about withdrawals! But if God seems to be hinting at this change in my TV-viewing...well, homegirl’s gotta do it.

Of course it may not be God telling me this at all. It might just be that my soul is more tender toward people being humiliated and insulted. But even so....if the soul becomes sensitive to something, it’s a good idea to think that the “soul is the lamp of God” and that what the soul wants is also what God wants. So either way...to not change something about one’s self when one feels the inner urge to...is like quenching the holy spirit’s warnings. I know all too well what it’s like to not listen to the Holy Spirit. One becomes dull of hearing the next time. I don’t want to do something that will leave me in the position of resensitizing myself to hearing God’s voice.

BTW, this is my issue. Am not saying everyone should be changing their viewing habits. Just saying that I feel it is time for me...to do something.

First day of the fast -- yet again

I've been beginning this fast for the past week.

No wheat, no meat, no teat, no sweet. I've even streamlined it for myself to make it easier. It's now... no wheat, no meat, no sweet. I like yogurt and goat milk, what can i say? But I've been pretty good as long as I wasn't tempted.

Trouble is, though, I feel I need this fast. I need a breakthrough. And I also feel that if I don't do it I'll be feeling as if I should've. St Paul pummeling his body and bringing it to bay and all that.

So, I'm starting it again today. And to prevent it from being a glorified diet I'm gonna try to put on AOL radio christian stations to help me praise in the morning. The house is filled with juices -- frozen, foreign, and otherwise.

I suspect that a part of me doesn't want to do this fast because I think nothing's really gonna happen. But maybe simply learning not to be pushed around by my apettite is the needful thing. 21 days makes a habit. I intend to drop this fast on the 18th. But maybe I'll make it to the 21st. (Not promising anything, mind you...just putting it out there.) If I manage that, it'll make my body -- and my soul-- know not to push me around. Gotta live by obedience. And honestly, I know the holy spirit isn't a bully but I keep sensing that he really wants me to do this thing. I figure I could get away with not actually doing it because God is not pushy but I figure that just because he isn't pushy doesn't mean I should take advantage. I mean... I know what he wants me to do right.... to learn not to be pushed around by earthly things such as food and emotional needs. Yep, God is my true comforter, not food. Okay -- ready, set, obedience.

Memory of Peace

Well, last night I lay in bed and I got into a whining...which is what i often do when I look around the house and see what needs fixing.

I simply could not see a way out of this house. As the saying goes, "Ain't nothing wrong here that a whole lotta money can't fix." And I kept hoping Wind Follower would bring me a movie deal...or that some gorgeous rich guy would tell me, "Carole, come and I'll take you away for all this."

So there I was winding up and pretty much preparing myself to blast my hubby with my despair about his not being rich when suddenly..... I MEAN Suddenly... I felt this supernatural peace and assurance that God was in charge and all was well. I wish I could describe the feeling. So, awed by this feeling of being taken care of, I fell into praise mode and thanked and blessed God and apologized for my sinful murmuring. I realized in a wonderful moment that God's power works best in joy and praise and if I was being negative and building a negative future in my own mind, I wasn't cooperating and co-laboring with God in building my better future. So I was all peaceful and happy. Then I fell peacefully to sleep.

Do I even need to tell you that when I woke up the peace was gone and I am now stuck with the responsibility of remembering that wonderful mountaintop experience? I have to commit to that joy and truth today....even if I don't really feel it right now. God is good. I have to obey the joy.

Nevertheless...at Thy Word....

Ah, my friends! The brave and unusual and hopeful things we do when we feel God has told us to do them!

I wrote my novel, Wind Follower, a Christian multicultural fantasy
, the way I wrote it because I felt God wanted me to write it that way: honestly, frankly...with the sex scenes, with the racial comments, with Bible-believing sincerity, honoring the Bible, being very liberal in some respects and being very conservative with others. A book designed to be honest even if it p*ssed folks off. Because the liberal world isn't used to hearing Bible-believing Christians ...and the Conservative Christian world doesn't like talking about race...or even sexual issues.

Then I wrote my Bible study book. Actually, it's a How-to Bible Study Bible Study book.

Seeds of Bible Study is a book on how to study the Bible. It is written by a writer and by a lover of books. But it is really a book by a normal person written to normal people. It uses basic common sense and reading comprehension rules to help people through pitfalls of Biblical interpretation. The writer loves her Bible and wants others to love it too.

Now I'm writing Inheritance...a story about religious folks ...and also about sexual issues. A romance with two unlikely main characters: a 20-something bi-racial Chinese young man...and a 40-something Jamaican-American woman. I love it. Will see what this bit of bravery brings to me. Many Christians don't like reading fiction about sex. But mercifully many do. Will Christians accept a story about sex and about race. Will see. But God made me brave. And if he tells me to do something...no matter how odd it seems, at His Word I will obey.

Tomorrow I am off to the old folks' home to talk to them about writing. I'm trusting they will bless my little works. Praise ye the Lord.

Bible verse dream

I went to bed last night thinking about my need to feel God's love. I truly believe that one can endure anything and be healed of all the hurts thrown into one's life by humans and demons if one really feels God's love. Felt that so much about life is about "an unveiling"... as Paul said in Ephesians... that there are things we need to truly see and know, that to know God's love for us, God's power in us and about us, God's guide, God's care...

And what do I dream of?

I had two dreams: The first dream was about a person who hurt me. I forgave her. She wasn't a Christian and I was. Then I had hurt someone else -- a little slight, mind you-- and she was a Christian and very rigid and very unforgiving. I sat in the dream amazed and stunned at how unforgiving this supposedly Christian could be, and how relentless in her unforgiveness. She was pretty mean to me and closed the door in my face although I begged her to forgive me.

The second dream was about psalm 70 and 71. A woman from church and I were reading it. Got up and read it: The verses that really touched me were:

Psalms 70: 4 May all those who seek you be happy and rejoice in you!
May those who love to experience your deliverance say continually, “May God be praised!”

Psalms 71: 8,
I praise you constantly and speak of your splendor all day long.

71:15 I will tell about your justice, and all day long proclaim your salvation, though I cannot fathom its full extent.

71:16 I will come and tell about the mighty acts of the sovereign Lord. I will proclaim your justice – yours alone.

71:17 O God, you have taught me since I was young, and I am still declaring your amazing deeds.

When we read these verse -- and depending on the translations-- we sometimes think of them as a plea to God, but they really can also be read as commands to the people of God.

So I feel as if I have been given a command, something that I must be obedient to and obey with every possible ounce of obedience

Really trying to work on my mouth.


God bless.