Before Philip called you

Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.

Verse: Luke 19: 2-8, John 1:48, John 12

Do you remember this incident? Jesus had just arrived in town. Philip went looking for Nathanael and told him, AWe found Jesus who might be the Christ.  He=s from Galilee.@ Nathanael=s response was a sarcastic ACan anything good come out of Galilee?@

A little background here. During Jesus= lifetime there were four large religious parties: the Sadducees who were rational intellectuals and did not believe in spirits, angels, and the resurrection; the legalistic Pharisees who honored Scripture, the Law and the Prophets; the Zealots who had a militaristic spirituality, and the Essenes (also called The Way) who honored the Scriptures, hoped for the Messiah, and longed for the outpouring of God=s Holy Spirit as had occurred in the days of Elias and the school of the prophets. The first believers in Jesus came from these four branches and many were probably Essenes because Jesus not only called Himself The Way but the early Christians called their religion The Way.

We don=t know what Abranch@ Philip belonged to.  Nor do we know what school of thought Nathanael was aligned with. But we do know that all the people sensed that they lived in prophetic times. It did not help matters that many false Messiahs had cropped up and had betrayed many hopes. The only good prospect of a possible Messiah was John the Baptist and John was saying that he wasn=t the Messiah. (Even now, there is still a small sect which believes that John was the Messiah.)

As he stood under the fig tree, Nathanael was probably as keen to listen to a new Messiah as anyone else in Cana. But this AGalilee@ business would have surely made him raise his eyebrow. Galilee was such a non-Jewish kind of place. It had way too many Gentiles. It was cosmopolitan in the worse sense. And now he was being asked to listen to a supposed prophet who had a Galilean accent. He could hardly contain his disbelief.

It says a lot about Philip that Nathanael actually took him seriously. We all know people like Philip, people we respect much more than we respect the intellectuals among us, friendly types who are outgoing yet who seem to have a genuine love of their fellow men.  Philip called quite a few people. (No wonder his daughters were also active in the early church.) In addition to calling Nathanael, Philip also called Andrew who called Peter. Philip may or may not have been one of the Asuper-apostles@ but his outgoing personality was a ministry in and of itself.

When Nathanael meets Jesus, Jesus gives him an unasked for sign. The Savior and Creator of the world tells Nathanael that He had seen him long before Philip called him. Before Nathanael had claimed Jesus, Jesus had claimed him as his own.

Moral: God has called many. Yet although He wills that people come to Him, He has also appointed people to call those destined to be His.  Here is a paradox: Would Peter have come to Christ if Philip had not called him?  Who knows? Maybe Philip would have called another. Or maybe Peter would have been called to Christ by another. We do not know. What we do know, though, is that more people need to know Jesus.  These are people under the fig tree, people Jesus has already seen at a distant.

Prayer: Dear Lord, there are so many people out there. You watch them in their daily life. You know that as they go about their daily lives they are looking for you. They don=t know that you have been watching them as they stand under the fig tree. They don=t know that you have appointed them to be part of your kingdom. But how can they know except someone preach to them?  The harvest is white ready to harvest. Send laborers who will bring these Nathanaels to you, Lord. Help me to bring people to you, or --at least-- help me to bring them to someone who will bring them to you. Bless all the seeds you have given me to plant for you, Lord. Bless all the laborers. Bless all the harvest.  Amen

Asking, Seeking, Knocking

"Ask, and you shall receive. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and the door shall be opened to you." Matt 7:7                                  

These encouraging words of our Lord not only help us to persevere in prayer, they help to make our minds like Christ's. True, we know that we are being conformed to Christ and His mind is daily being formed in us. But we often forget that we are beings who are made for Eternity, and we will not be able to receive a full reward if we enter into our Real Country with personalities and character traits more suited to this land we presently sojourn in. 

In addition to receiving, finding, and having a door opened, we also are learning to worship God in spirit and in truth. Jesus encourages us to Ask, Seek, and Knock. If we follow this command, we will achieve the fruits of love, faith, and hope. As St Paul tells us these are the three things that endure.

Asking and Receiving

When we ask, we are trusting that God hears us. We are consciously believing that Jesus loves us and has heard our prayers. But asking is not enough. After we ask, we must train our minds to look expectantly for the answered prayer. The saints in Heaven were people who learned how to see the invisible. They saw heaven before they got there. They saw the visible result of prayer when there was only God's Scriptural word --the invisible seed hidden in their heart. Like them, we must learn to have a confident expectation that the good seed will flower and produce fruit. We must learn to believe in the seed growing secretly. The Bible tells us that the wind blows where it wills. (John 3:8) The Scripture tells us that God is the Husbandman who gives seed to the sower, who sends rain and sunshine, who prunes and fertilizes the plant, and who gives the increase. But we also have our part. We are to water the word, watching in prayer with thanksgiving. (Col 4:2) When we plant earthly seeds in the springtime, we believe that there is power in the seed to grow. Although we don't see the seed because the dirt covers it, we know the seed exists. Earthly farmers use earthly methods to reap their harvests. We are spiritual seed-planters. When we ask God for something, we are using God's word to plant invisible seed. God's word is active and powerful (Heb 4:12) and it has life in itself just as earthly seeds have life in themselves. God's word accomplishes what God sends it out to do. BUT this spiritual seed must be watered spiritually. Our prayers must be planted, watered, weeded, and reaped spiritually. How do we do this? We water the seed by praising God and believing that the prayer has been granted, even when we do not see any signs of the result of our prayer. That's how we "receive." The Word of God is an imperishable seed. It will not die. The calling and grace of God are without repentance. God doesn't take back what He gives. But we must be careful not to neglect the gifts that God has given us. If the word of God will profit us, we must mix it with our faith. We need to water the seed by faith. St Paul tells us that we water the word by giving thanks for what God has done. Jesus said, "When you pray, believe that you have received and you will have." St Paul says, "In due time, we will reap if we faint not." When we praise God in faith for something we have not yet seen with our human eyes, we are "believing that we have received." We are not fainting; instead we are participating in the reaping of the precious promises of God. We don't know when or how, but in "due time" -- the harvest time-- the seed will grow. We walk by faith and enter God's court with praise, trusting that He has already answered our prayer. This means that we don't begin our prayers with doubt, but with a faith that God has already answered our prayers. Oftentimes we begin to believe that God has heard our prayer when we start seeing an answer to our prayers. The little sprouts and blade begin to rise and then we start praising God. That's well and good, but we are to walk by faith in God's word, not by what we see. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. Therefore, we must live expecting that something good is happening even now. In all things and in all situations, we must rejoice -- regardless of what our human eyes see-- because the eyes and heart of faith know that God is in charge and that He cares for us.

But why do we water the seed. What is the real reason? How can we continue watering seed when we have not seen the blade, the stalk, the full flower? Because we know the personality and character of God. We love Him because He first loved us. As we give thanks and walk in love and wonder at His goodness, we train our souls to trust in God's love, power and providence.

Seeking and Finding

A Christian who seeks knows there is an answer to her problems. Christians really should not go around saying that they see no way out of their problem. First of all, there is a way out. God always makes a way out. Second of all, we should not go about speaking negatively about our lives in a way that makes God a liar. How can a child of God who is blessed with God's wisdom within dare say that there is no answer to her problems? Those who seek believe that every problem has a solution and every request for wisdom will be answered by a God who upbraideth not. We may not see the answer before us. But we know it exists. We know that our God reveals the secrets of people=s hearts and gives understanding to the simple. Unlike others who have no hope, Christians never despair for solutions. We are God=s people and He speaks to us in dreams, through Scripture, through the counsel of good people, through circumstances. Like discoverers and inventors, Christians are always ready to receive insight and wisdom that help us find our way out of the dark, even when human logic tells us there is no way.

Knocking

Knockers trust God's love. It is a hard thing to persevere in knocking when no one answers the door. It=s even harder to keep knocking when one is not sure if someone is actually behind the door, or what the personality of the person behind the door could be. We know that Someone is behind heaven's seemingly closed doors. We know that Someone loves us. We know His personality and character. We know he hears our cries. We know we are in a relationship that can never be destroyed. We might even become angry that the Someone behind the door is delaying the manifestation of our prayers. We wonder why his Adue time@ is taking so long. Why won=t the fruit appear now? But we have good memories. We can persevere and endure because we remember other times when the person behind the door helped us. We know His faithfulness. But perhaps best of all, we know that we are not knocking at the door alone. For although we are asking for the door to be opened, we also know that the one who owns the house, the one who opens the door, is in fact beside us knocking on the door with us.

But these spiritual lessons in living a life of faith, hope and love not only teach us how to see and pursue the invisible, they change the very core of our characters. They prepare us for the kingdom of heaven where life, accomplishments, and fullness of joy depend on the spiritual currency of faith, hope, and love...currency we collected on earth. 

Pushing my buttons, playing me

In American two of our slangs are: "he pushed my buttons," and another is "he played me."

In life you must be careful not to let anyone push yuor buttons or play you. People will say something like "I didn't want to get mad but she pushed my buttons." This means that a person knows exactly how to get you mad or angry or envious or depressed.

It takes a lot of awareness not to let someone push your buttons or play you. People can get on your nerves but you alone have the power to decide how you react. Thoughts can come into your mind but you alone have the choice to follow them. When someone pushes your buttons your choice goes out of your hands. When someone human or a demon does something to you because they know your personality and your sins and your tendencies,

they pretty much can direct your life by doing things that make you react in one way or another.

It's as if you're a computer or a TV and the person knows that if they do A, you will do B.

They know if they say "this" to you that you will do "that."

The devil is like that. He's been around for centuries. He knows how to play humans. He knows human reactions.

People are like that -- they push your buttons. Sometimes they say things or do things to make us react in a certain way. Sometimes they don't even know that things they say in their own lives or towards another person are really thoughts put into their heads by the devil.

Paul tells us we are not ignorant of the devil's devices...but we Christians often are. Just because a thought comes into our minds doesn't mean we have to say, do, or think it.

Always question your immediate reactions and learn to react to things the way God would want you to. I cannot tell you how many times I've ruined things for myself because someone "pushed my buttons." Train yourself to do the right thing, train yourself to have the right reactions. The book of proverbs is a good book for Christians to read all the time because it tells us wise ways of reacting. Those ways aren't natural to us, but they are the ways God wants us to react so we don't get in trouble.

The Bible says it is not in man who walks to direct his steps. So our reactions have to be trained and the Bible trains us with words such as "a soft answer turns away wrath."

In the past if someone annoyed me, i'd get very angry but now if I catch myself I can catch the thought and the action and not let anyone push my buttons or play me like someone playing a computer game. You alone own your mind and you must be aware of not being used...or being played.

I'm always amazed at Christians who don't seem to realize that they should take all thoughts captive.

The bible is there to open our eyes to show how the world really works. The best way to train one's mind and to learn to take thoughts captive is to read the proverbs, the epistles, and other books of the Bible. It's easy to read Proverbs. It has 31 chapters, a chapter for each day of the month. So if today is the 11th, you read the 11th chapter of proverbs

The God Who Sees Me

The God Who Sees Me

Hagar, a favorite Bible character, was the first single mother in the Bible, the first woman Aput away@ or abandoned by her man. When she realized that God loved and cared for her, she gave Him a new name: AThe God who sees me.@

Hagar represents the unseen of earth. The poor, the divorced, the outcast, the discarded, the foreign, the poor, the hungry, the rejected. Even now she is unseen or Awrongly seen@ by many Christians.   Yet, her life in many ways mirrors another slave=s: Joseph.

Both Joseph and Hagar were owned by foreigners, faced possible death because of the jealousy of others, were seen as mere objects by female owners because of sex and their youth. Both learned obedience through suffering, were  honored and demoted, were enslaved because God needed them to preserve His people, suffered in order to help their master=s nation, and were saved by divine intervention.

AYou, God, see me@ encompasses all the names of God:

Jehovah-jireh  B God provides  B He sees your needs. 

Jehovah-rapha B God heals B  He sees your sickness because he was afflicted as we were and was wounded for our healing.

The Lord our shepherd B He is not a hireling who pays no attention to the sheep.

The Lord our light B  He sees our path although we know it not.

The Lord our Comforter B  He sees the pain in the heart of the rejected and unseen ones.

AYou, God, see me.@

The name=s meaning can be understood by the most innocent child and by the most guilt-wracked adult. It is a name that the wounded and the powerful, Christians and non-Christians can be enlightened by. It is a name that shows that God is immediate and intimate, yet omniscient, awesome, and eternally loving.

Darwin's Pious Idea: Why the Ultra-Darwinists and Creationists Both Get It Wrong

by Conor Cunningham

Hardcover: 580 pages

Publisher: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company (December 3, 2010)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0802848389

ISBN-13: 978-0802848383

Here's the blurb:
According to British scholar Conor Cunningham, the debate today between religion and evolution has been hijacked by extremists: on one side stand fundamentalist believers who reject evolution outright; on the opposing side are fundamentalist atheists who claim that Darwin’s theory rules out the possibility of God. Both sides are dead wrong, argues Cunningham, who is at once a Christian and a firm believer in the theory of evolution. In Darwin’s Pious Idea Cunningham puts forth a trenchant, compelling case for both creation and evolution, drawing skillfully on an array of philosophical, theological, historical, and scientific sources to buttress his arguments.




Here's a bit of a review

THE STORY OF THE GOSPEL -- Without the Christian jargon

THE STORY OF THE GOSPEL  -- Without the Christian jargon

 Gospel is a word often used by Christians when they speak. It is a word that has two meanings and these two meanings are closely related.

The meaning of the word “gospel”:

•                      The word “Gospel” is an old English word which means good news. It is related to another old currently used old English word: gossip. But “gossip” means rumors and bad news about other people, the word gospel is used of news that is true and so wonderful it sounds unbelievable but which is nevertheless very, very true.

This leads to the second meaning: something which tells the wonderful unbelievable truth about Jesus Christ.

•                      The second meaning of the word gospel refers to four books in the Bible which tells about the life of Jesus Christ. There are four gospels

•                      The gospel according to Matthew

•                      The gospel according to Mark

•                      The gospel according to Luke

•                      The gospel according to John

                These gospel writers are called “evangelists” which is a Greek word which means “Messengers who tell the good news.” Three of the four writers (Matthew, Mark, and John) were friends, followers (sometimes called an “apostle”) and eyewitnesses of Jesus when he lived on earth. The fourth (Luke) was a friend who met them later. He was also a researcher and a doctor and he wrote another book in the Bible called “The Acts of the Apostles” which tells about how Jesus’ followers taught the gospel and what they did as they preached the good news.

All the gospels were written to tell about the good news of Jesus Christ.

Who is Jesus Christ?

Jesus Christ lived more than 2000 years ago in Israel. At that time the country was called Palestine and the Romans had invaded the country. The gospels show Jesus healing the sick, raising the dead, and telling people about God’s love. But for Christians, Jesus is more than a mere historical figure. Christians believe Jesus is:

•                      The Pure and Ultimate sacrifice for a person’s sins

•                      The Love of God made visible

•                      The One and only mediator between God and humans, someone who is equal to both God and humans and so he can speak to both.

•                      The uncreated Son of God who co-created the world with God the Father

•                      The Prophet who spoke the ultimate truth and mysteries about God, God’s love, Faith, Evil and the Devil, Truth, Life, Death, Spiritual Laws, and the spiritual world. 

•                      The True Example of what a real human being should be.

•                      The Living Word of God in human flesh.

•                      The Way to God and to heaven

•                      The revealer of certain mysteries such as how the world really works.

What is the good news of Jesus Christ?

Christians believe that humans don't understand how the real world operates. Christians believe there is a spiritual realm with spiritual laws and operations that affect this earthly world we live on and because the world is confused about these spiritual laws and about God (who created these laws) people wrong God, wrong other people, and wrong themselves.

 The good news of Jesus Christ is based on the following beliefs:

•                      God loved humanity and saw that humanity had forgotten how loved they were.

•                      God wanted humans to know him yet he knew they could not understand his goodness or his essence because the way humans thought was different from the way God thought because God is spirit

•                      God saw that no matter how hard people tried, they could never be as good as God wished them to be. Nor did they wish to be.

•                      God’s holiness required justice and required that all sins – bad things we do, think, or say such as murder, lying, pride, or sexual immorality—be punished. But God’s mercy wanted to provide a way to help people come to Him.

•                      God understood that people couldn’t be good without His help, yet people did not understand that they needed to understand what goodness, justice, and love were.

•                      God sent Jesus Christ, who is the representation of everything God is, to be born on earth as a Savior, Teacher, and Sacrifice on earth

•                      God put the punishment for all the sins humans would ever commit onto Jesus.

•                      Jesus perfectly did everything God sent Him to do.

•                      Jesus lived a perfect life, and died for all the sins that sinners had ever and would ever commit in order to pay for their sins 

•                      Jesus gave his life to free humans from death, hell, and the power of sin.

•                      Jesus sends God’s Holy Spirit to live within those who believe what the gospel writers say about Jesus.

•                      That anyone who puts his or her trust in Jesus  and asks Jesus to died for his sin have power over sin and sickness and conquers the world through their faith in all that Jesus did.

God wanted those people on earth to understand what the truth about goodness, spiritual reality, and God's love really is.

What the gospel is not

The gospel is not

•                      A system of laws -- although those who believe in the gospel should be good.

•                      The gospel is not aesthetics – although those who believe in Jesus often worship God in many kinds of beautiful settings and church services

•                      The gospel is not political correctness – although those who believe in Jesus are commanded to be kind and good to all people

•                      The gospel is not etiquette – although good behavior is always a good thing.

How do you become friends with God and stop being separated from Him and His way of thinking?

If you want to be reconciled to God and feel that something is separating you from him, say this prayer:

God, some people are so sure that you exist. Some people are so sure that you love them. They say that if we ask you for anything and mention Jesus to you, you will answer our prayer. Please God please let me know you in the way your son Jesus Christ does. Please let me understand everything about the Bible and about you and about Jesus. Please help me see that you have destroyed even the most powerful sin and that if you live in me that I will be able to conquer sin and all that sin does to my body, mind, and soul. Please let me understand your love, your care, and your power. Help me to trust in you and for the sake of Jesus and all Jesus did for humans, please forgive me of all my sins, free my soul and spirit from the damage sin has caused in my life and make me your true and obedient child. Amen. It's done.

THE END

General creative update and ponderings

Hi all:

Well, another update on creative bottleneck.

CRY FOR HIRE

Am just so confused now about what to do with Cry for Hire, my pulley world story. My soul feels it's about a lonely rejected woman longing for connection even if with a strange little boy in some other reality. And she will lose this kid because he's a kid, not one to really be connected to her because as a kid he has his own life. So the window through which she sees his world is almost akin to the internet. But I could also just make the story all steampunk and not show her world at all and where we don't see the delineation between her world and the child's, where everything in the story occurs in his world. But my emotion is with the sense of loss and alienation and being far off from that world. Gotta think about that one.

NIGHT WIFE

Realized I did something in Night Wife that I would never ever ever let another writer get away with. I so want to challenge the demon lover idea. Just because....as a Christian and as someone who has seen a real demon, I get annoyed with folks who don't take demons seriously or who don't see how seductively evil they are. The story is really in three stages. The first when he woos her and she marries him. The second when she realizes he's been a ghost all this time. The third when she realizes he's been a demon all this time. The reader discovers early enough that he might be a ghost and much of the first pages are flashback to when Lian  (ghost) and Jewel (MC) first met. But the question is...what is poor Jewel going to do with this problem? So what did I do? I skipped to her getting rid of him and him getting all demonic. I kinda wanted to spare Jewel the character torture... and wanted to spare myself as well because digging so deep into one's own sexual attraction fantasy issues is hard. But then ugh! realized the three stages aren't really there. And the second stage is so important. I want it to be like wooing someone with a drug issue. Enabling addiction metaphors. Then I want to go to the last stage where she realizes he is irrevocably evil. But NOOOOOOOOOO! I simply jumped to the ending. Need to add maybe 6000 more words to the ghost wooing section (and still make the readers want her to be with him) and another 6000 pages to the demon section. I sooo don't want to do that. But it seems to me that that is what the story wants. 

CONSTANT TOWER

Other than that... realized the last section of CT, the poetry section, should be an epic poem. (yeah, i know... so stupid because epic poems can suck really badly if done ...well, badly.) We've seen the real life in the prose section and the poetry section must be the fantasy epic poetic "lying" section of the novel, where we see the lie of fantasy macho romantic hero...after we've seen the reality of bullying. Realized the poem as it now is is written in Ktwala's POV -- had thought it was the best thing to do-- but somehow it would be better if it was written in omni poetic epic so we can get a real overview...not just the victim's overview. 

DARK INHERITANCE

Still have to decide if Dark Inheritance (Now called Daniel's Seventh Week) will be a YA "sweet" love story or an adult passionate may-july love story. Ah gee... gotta think. If it's a young adult story, then I'd have to make Danny the sole main character. The character feels older to me, though. But I really really really want to write a sweet little asexual mainstream love story. Every once in a while I see some movie on Hallmark channel that really is quite good. I love a good slice-o-life story. And seriously, there is just so many times one can see a story with some noble white woman trying to live her life while she takes care of some poor oppressed needy black woman. Also, I just feel the need to write a good story with a male Asian kid as the main character. Gotta think.  

 

Will see.

Am always aiming to do dangerous stuff but not quite sure I have the skill. Feeling that I'm beginning to have the health though. Which is saying much. For a while there I thought I was on my way out of this reality. But God isn't finished with me yet. 

Dark Parables: A hateful, terrifying, devouring dragon

Last night, I dreamed a hateful, devouring, terrifying dragon was terrifying my town. It looked like a dragon or like a dinosaur or like Godzilla. It was a little ways up the block from me and it went to certain doors along the road where it would choose it would kill. At one point, I heard it shout to someone to get a particular woman because that was the one it wanted to devour. It seemed to have a particular hatred for women. I was outside my house when it spoke and I rushed inside my house hoping it wouldn't see me or hurt me or take any interest in me. But its voice was so full of hatred that I became filled with terror. There's something very terrifying about such pointed hatred. Glad that I had made indoors, I was still worried about what this creature would do when it came unto my block. Would it choose to devour me? Which of the family --if any-- would it choose to eat? I ran into the kitchen looked out the window of the kitchen. There I saw a woman with blonde hair and in a polka-dot red dress with some pink shawl of collar or something. It was very like the little girl I'd seen in the vision of the dead birds and seemed to be the same woman ...but at the same time it was as if the little girl had grown older. But she wasn't really mature in many ways. She was sort of giggly and was dancing about and she seemed very surprised that the hateful dragon had decided to kill her. I watched her face change as she realized she was being killed. I got so afraid. I started shouting hysterically to my husband, crying, "Where will we go? Where will we go?" He responded, equally agitated, shouting quite quickly, "Pray in tongues, pray in tongues!" The dream ended with me trying to catch up and pray although I thought it was too late to actually be praying because the monster was so near. I wasn't sure the quick sudden desperate prayer --instead of a life of consistently praying-- would have much effect in saving me as the monster approached. 

Four Views on Divine Providence

Four Views on Divine Providence
By: William Lane Craig, Ron Highfield, Gregory A. Boyd, Paul Kjoss Helseth   
General Editor: Dennis Jowers

HERE'S THE BLURB:

March 2011
Zondervan Publishers
272 pages

ISBN: 0310325129,  ISBN-13: 9780310325123,  UPC: 025986325121
This book guides students, pastors, and lay learners to consider and evaluate various ways of understanding God’s involvement in the world, especially in relation to views on predestination and the extent of the atonement. Four different scholars present their positions in point-counterpoint style, and the editor’s introduction and conclusion frame the discussion.

Description: 
Questions about divine providence have preoccupied Christians for generations: Are people elected to salvation? For whom did Jesus die? This book introduces readers to four prevailing views on divine providence, with particular attention to the question of who Jesus died to save (the extent of the atonement) and if or how God determines who will be saved (predestination).
 
But this book does not merely answer readers’ questions. Four Views on Divine Providence helps readers think theologically about all the issues involved in exploring this doctrine. The point-counterpoint format reveals the assumptions and considerations that drive equally learned and sincere theologians to sharp disagreement. It unearths the genuinely decisive issues beneath an often superficial debate.
 
Volume contributors are Paul Helseth (God causes every creaturely event that occurs); William Lane Craig (through his “middle knowledge,” God controls the course of worldly affairs without predetermining any creatures’ free decisions); Ron Highfield (God controls creatures by liberating their decision-making); and Gregory Boyd (human decisions can be free only if God neither determines nor knows what they will be). Introductory and closing essays by Dennis Jowers give relevant background and guide readers toward their own informed beliefs about divine providence.

Here comes the Calvary -- Experts, and Deliverers -- Reality Show as Religion

Was watching Kitchen Nightmares again and was reminded once again about how we humans so desire and honor teachers and deliverers. Gordon Ramsey comes in and saves the day ...the family's livelihood and the family...and I actually get weepy. All they needed was a teacher and a savior. The same goes for a lot of other reality shows: Tabatha's Salon Makeover, for instance.

It also goes for other areas of life. When the computer crashes, when the boiler doesn't work, there is this joyous spark of life that bubbles forth when we the victim of the crash realizes that an expert has arrived. Of course, helping to edit someone's manuscript is often viewed with disdain because some writers think they're great and in no need of improvement, but for the most part, we humans rejoice when a Helper arrives. It's that profound knowledge that we need help and that there is someone to help us. The Calvary has arrived!

I did that in Wind Follower, showed a village where people were sick and diseased and awaited their only hope -- a possible savior and deliverer.  I get so gooey when I read that scene. Because it is essentially part of the human experience. Okay, someone who is healthy doesn't need a savior. Only those who are sick need a savior. And perhaps that is why such a weak Christianity is so often preached. Because we have doctors to deliver us. We aren't as poor in spirit as those who don't have money or doctors.

One of the phrases I love -- especially when it's not overused or used badly-- is the phrase: "Man of God." It fills me with joy and hope. Usually because the person who uses it really honors the Man of God as a possible deliverer. He will say something the sheep needs to hear and after hearing that the sheep will have a shepherd. He will do something that the poor sheep hadn't the power to do.

So, yes.... I like reality-show deliverers and reality-show judges. (I've already discussed the effect of expert-as-judge- on me in other blogs.) Reality-show deliverers and Reality-show judges hint at the REAL things: the real Judge, the real Deliverer. Even so, Jesus, Come. And help me to learn to deliver others as you delivered people when you were still on earth.

Riffing on sins and the ten commandments

Sins, sins, sins. They overpower us so much! Some folks say there is no such thing as sin or that they have conquered them through religion, but when I hear someone say stuff like that... I don't believe them. 

Note: religion isn't Christianity. Religion is following a set of rules. Christianity is letting God inside you do the work of purifying your soul. And this can only be accomplished through a major spiritual work and by the blood of Jesus Christ. 


I see a lot of religious people who think they've conquered sins. And atheist folks who say there is no such thing as sin, that it's all cultural, deterministic, genetic, etc. Whatever it's called, the human soul and the human will are pretty selfish and weak. Especially if one doesn't allow God to take over. People let anger take over..and sometimes they fight against anger but it comes out anyway. Humans have no control really over their worse selves. I'm sure you have done things you didn't want to do. Best to look at our own failings because they are bad enough instead of really stressing ourselves out by looking at other folks' flaws

Emotions! So closely connected with sin. It's like we have to vent them out because the emotions are so much more powerful than the good in us. There are certain emotions we don't feel. For instance, I generally don't feel greed, but I've felt jealousy. I can't understand how someone can be greedy and want things and money but I really understand jealousy. So many different sins in the world to deal with. Jealousy, lying, covetousness, greed. Mercifully not everyone has all of them...generally. I can understand anger a lot, but stealing, no.

But rationality is also connected with sin as well. Pride often goes with those who think they're rational. I always used to watch Star Trek and see how proud the Vulcans were of their lack of emotions. But isn't the very rational sin of pride in one's intellect also very emotional?


It's hard seeing a person sin...well, unless one is used to the sin. Proud people, murderous people, are comfortable with other proud people and other murderous people.


For instance, I don't lie. So when I deal with liars, I am amazed that someone would be so arrogant and cruel as to simply not tell the truth. I see "cruelty" in lying. For me, a liar is someone who is bent on deceiving...and there's a heavy hint of superiority in a person like that...that they should try to deceive someone else.


I don't feel greed either. I can understand greed, though. I've seen it in action. It's so clear that those who have this emotion are suffering because of it.  Greed, jealousy, and envy are some sins that make the sinners who are overpowered by them suffer. I know jealousy. I used to have it very bad. And the pain was awful. Covetousness is painful too. And judgemental. Someone sees another person with something and has a pain in their heart, a sense that what belongs to the other person really should be mine. There's a sense there where  it leads to envy and belittling of the person who has the "thing" because the covetous person begins by saying, "I want that person's husband, maid, house, car, etc"...and it ends with the coveter saying "I don't care if that other person gets hurt by me taking the coveted thing from them." In that way, it is idolatry. St Paul calls adultery idolatry for that reason. People simply make the thing they covet -- and they make their own covetousness-- a god.


The sin of disobeying and not honoring one's parent is closely akin to the sin of anger and pride. The person who indulges this sin often really feels they have a right that is being violated. They feel anger at their parents and pride when they rebel against what they consider unfair rules. (I'm not one who believes parents should go treating their kids like dirt, btw.)


Some sins bring joy. Lust, for instance. Whether it's  a totally raw need to hope into bed with someone and do something filthy or whether it's the more refined kind of lust which is sensual longing and carnal concupiscence. There's a strange joy and pleasure in it which can easily be mistaken for love...so that when folks are involved in lust they often genuinely think they're in love. Stealing also brings joy, and a bit of excitement. It also brings a false healing. A covetous person gets it into her head that by stealing a thing she's healed the pain she felt when she coveted something.


Other sins bring neither joy nor pain. Most folks who dishonor God hardly notice it. It's usually a sin of omission, laziness, rationalization, or indifference.


My main characters are always sinners, but not cruelly so. I seem to have an aversion to the perfect heroes who are totally wonderful folks. In Wind Follower, Loic is spoiled rotten...but he has a good heart, and he has a short temper. In Constant Tower, Psal is a whiner and although he's a bit of a revolutionary, he doesn't fight all the wrongs in his culture. I like that. 

Subverting the claptrap -- fierceness

Every once in a while -- much too often-- I just fall apart on my husband and burst into tears. The sweetie is so full of love but who can heal me? I have such a depth of woundedness, hurt, and trauma. "A wounded spirit who can bear?" I need God's love to pour into all my soul, heart, body, mind, spirit. And then there is this about the last days  In the last days mean shall be Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,... That's true in America now where being fierce and cold is considered hip. So I guess the day will come when all the world will be fierce.

I don't like fierceness and the world is fierce. It honors fierceness; in fact now it honors fierceness but it lacks the balancing honor. In fantasy, fierceness is always aligned with honor. But in the United States, fierceness -- whether passionate and uncontrolled, whether immature, whether studied, whether callous and cold, whether daring, whether humorous, whether done in gangs and collectively or done by one weak or strong individual-- is everywhere. And it is so kneejerk. Kneejerk disdain/hip disdain ... lacking kindness, politeness, forbearance, empathy, etiquette. One simply says to someone, "I'm on my way to church" and the person, for no good reason has to say in a snide dismissive way, "I don't believe in God." Or one is in church and someone one doesn't know has to come and say one should dress up for church. And don't even talk to me about the fierceness in the Black community where parenting and even well-meaning jokes can be cruel.

(I think this is why I hate cop shows. It's like the cops show their fierceness by being impolite. It's like... the tough female cop and all the cops have to show how tough they are by how much they can destroy the other person's soul. So much soul-annihilation going on.)

I don't know what happened to me. Yes, yes, I know what happened to me. Okay...so I am really stressed by cruelty. I am really empowered by it. The fibromyalgia goes awry when the slightest cruelty comes my way. So of course I end up with a life and with novels where my characters are totally alienated from the rest of the world. Which I suppose is good. In these clannish times where one has to have backup -- racial clan backup, political backup, religious backup-- what happens? I don't fit easily into any camp. Quite the bother, but I remember that my lord Jesus was rejected and despised of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

Fibromyalgia is an illness of woundedness, as is lupus. (Weirdly, lupus is really epidemic in the African-American community which makes me wonder if our immune system is so stressed by race, poverty, cruelty, weird families that it just breaks in a certain way.) Supposedly, those women with fibro have were assailed one time too many with feeling of being unloved and abandoned. The immune system just couldn't take it.

I don't believe in terminal or incurable illnesses. And in this case I believe that if I were to feel a super-dose of God's love that I would be healed.

My main female character in Constant Tower is Maharai. She lives in a fierce world within a fierce clan. She cannot deal with it but in the end she ends up with two husbands. I really like that. I really really really like that. Because there are victims of fierceness in fantasy novels and in the real world. A young Christian writer friend was upset with me that I had given Maharai two husbands. It bothered her because she felt one of the husbands would be wounded and plus it was just unChristian. But for me...it was the desire of my soul. My character Maharai builds blanket fortresses in her room. She sleeps between her husbands, protected from the world. In my spirit, that's what I want. I can't have it in this world. It's not legal. Plus my husband is loving and in this world, I have God's love to heal and shield me from the world. But Maharai has nothing.

Sometimes I just cry out for the Lord. I just say "Continue to Love me." I sing and start crying while I listen to, "Come quickly, oh Lord. Even so hasten your return."

Because heaven is my home.

Last night, I was thinking of the angel who smiled so sweetly at me. What love there exists in heaven! Enough to heal me of all the hurts I've received. From family, foe, friend, stranger, social workers, teachers, racists, cops. Enough to heal my soul from trauma. Lord, let our lives on earth be like the lives of the blessed ones in heaven.  Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

Sometimes I remember the cruelty that has been hurled at me by people. When I remember the pain, I remember the striking to my heart. I imagine those fiery darts are still in my back and soul and heart and flesh.I want God to pull them out.

Lord, heal my heart, please! And in the meantime, help me to show my heart in my stories. -C

Too strange, too lovely, too good, too magical to believe

My sweet Psal in Constant Tower is an atheist. He's a tolerant atheist, however. (Well, tolerant enough.) He's certainly not as rude as the militant angry hateful atheist I've encountered in life and seen on TV or on the web. Loic, in Wind Follower, was a believer in the Creator but was very unclerical and hated the shaman of his people. In that way he was a prophet. But Psal is an atheist. Or rather, he is a secret believer. Except the secret is a strange one: the owner and keeper of the secret doesn't know his own secret: Psal is an agnostic who believes but who is unaware that he is a believer. Or maybe he fights against believing. What, then, will bring him to see that he might secretly want to have a Creator in the world? He becomes aware that there are things in the world that no kind or amount of science can fix: the evil in men's hearts, the evil in his own heart, the strange evil in the world. But really there's more. He discovers that something can be righted in the world...but that only the spiritual Creator can fix it. There is, one might say, a specific joy the Creator can bring to Psal which will prove the Creator's existence to Psal.

That brings me to this: We Christians find it hard to believe that the God who made heaven and earth, the taste buds (yeah, the tongue can discern about 10,000 different tastes, if I remember rightly...which amazes me because it shows God wants us to love food and not merely feed ourselves) and the eyes (tons of flowers and patterns out there) should care for us?

It's not as if we're Hindus who are caught in a kind of universal indifferent machinery. It's not as if we're Moslem who have a holy far-off God who rules and dispenses and whose will one must submit to. We have a God who is God-with-us who has put a ladder between heaven and earth, who has created for us a mediator who can put one hand on God's shoulder and one on ours, who has provided us with a high priest who is not untouched by compassion for us, who has given us an advocate to walk beside us. So then, why the difficulty in believing?

I'm thinking of St Thomas again. And as usual I'll state that St Thomas' problem with believing wasn't some rationalism...it was melancholy and pessimism. And that is the problem with many in the Christian world. We really aren't rationalistically unbelieving, we're just unable to believe that something good can happen to us....now that Jesus is not here.

But the righteousness that is by faith says: "Do not say in your heart, 'Who will ascend into heaven?'" (that is, to bring Christ down) "or 'Who will descend into the deep?'" (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? "The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart," that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: Romans 10:6-8. 


We know if Jesus was here that all would be well, that He would heal us...that the healing He's placed in our spirit would transform our mortal bodies. But this God-with-us business, this Christ-in-us the hope of Glory stuff....that is a problem...because our rational minds want to see Jesus is here with us standing beside us in the flesh. 

Paul said this.
Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me 
And I can say it as well.

Yet, although I have seen an angel with my very own eyes, and seen a demon with my very own eyes... I still find it hard to believe that the world operates in the way God says it operates.

I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? John 3:12

The world doesn't work the way we've been taught. But to jump in -- with all one's heart, faith, mind, soul, will-- into the God machinery and to trust that other way as being the true way of being....wow! Difficult. Dar I believe that God has given his people dominion over disease, sin, demons? Can I be transformed by the renewing of my mind? We will see.

Evil and the Justice of God

Evil and the Justice of God by N T Wright

Hardcover: 176 pages

Publisher: IVP Books; 1ST edition (October 5, 2006)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0830833986

ISBN-13: 978-0830833986

Seemingly tiny spiritual stronghold, major healing obstacle

Ooh, new insight into a strange little stronghold we Christians have. When we ask God to heal us we ask him to heal a specific area. We here people say, "a touch, Lord" as if when God heals someone He picks and chooses from among the person's illness which he will heal at that time. This of course leads us to only receiving healing in that area.

It leads us to limiting God and not ascribing to him glory and strength. We start thinking, "But can God do it all?" And yet, if we think about it... God's normality is to do it all. This is the God who uses the words "all" "any" and "every" very easily. His arm is not straitened that it cannot save. This is the God who adds, "And because it is a small thing, I will also...."

But what typically happens in healing services is that we see God as going about with a healing finger or hand and touching someone's knee or neck or lower disc or tooth. We don't see him as one whose healing purpose and power is so good that he makes someone every whit whole. We say to ourselves, "Such and such is wrong with me. This too, this as well. I will ask God to heal this, or this, or that. I will ask God to heal the worst of my problems." It's as if we think the power is meted out. As if God can only give a little of health here and there when it's really A) the church's tradition that has trained us to think this was and B) our limiting God.

It seems to me that when we encounter God's power, the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead should be able to to transform and heal our mortal bodies. ALL of it. That's what St Paul said, anyway. When the enemy comes in like a flood the Spirit of the Lord raises a standard against him.

Strange that the God we have, who healed everyone of the Israelites on the Passover and there was no illness upon them, who caused their feet to not grow old on their feet for 40 years, who made his people rich when they left Egypt, who would not allow Pharoah to whittle away and wheedle down the full deliverance of all his people and their lands and goods....is the God we ask for a small touch.

So someone who has tooth issues and foot issues and depression and weight issues and a combination of illnesses should not be questioning if God is able to heal ALL. When the power of God comes in at us, all our being should be opened to Him. Like light coming into a dark room, God's light should touch every part of our souls, spirit, minds, flesh. And the power of God's light is so powerful it should transform us entirely...not just the parts of our bodies we are begging Him to do. Just my 0.02 and yet, to me it's worth a million dollars because it makes me reframe the idea of God's healing power. It's not a finger-pointing, fine-tuning of healing power but a gusher and a tsunami of His love. When we reframe, we can see ourselves being entirely healed as we're overwhelmed with his loving power.

The devil's deceptions are subtle and have been around for ages in many ways. And this is one of the most powerful, most subtle of these pseudo-spiritualities.

Should children come to their heavenly loving Father thinking he will only give them the necessary little food?
-C

Story characters as an exploration of spiritual strongholds

Okay, so there's King Nahas in Constant Tower.

Last night Luke (beloved hubby)  and I were talking about God and King Nahas. Nahas represents the totality of his clan's traditions and belief about strength and suffering, and I was wondering if there is some stronghold in me which considers God a bit like Nahas.

Nahas will not relent until all the tests Psal goes through have been overcome, until Psal proves himself. He is absolutely merciless, even to his son....especially to his son. And I said to luke, "I hope to God I don't have that idea of God working and mixing in my faith in a kind of double-minded stronghold. Because it would mean that I won't allow myself to receive any blessing until i think I've "suffered enough" or "endured enough." 

So am trying to take every thought captive. Trying to focus on God's love and on the quality of unearned love, of grace..unmerited favor.

This is one of the blessings of fictions. They're fictive dreams and we see the argument our soul is having with our spirit when we look at our characters. 

A stronghold is something within our minds that battles against faith. A stronghold is not doubt, per se. But it is a subtle belief or self-deception and it gets intermingled in our world view and it works against us getting our prayers answered or our growing closer to God.

If Nahas is one of my mental images of God as king, then I need to explore that. This character kinda reminds me of a dream I had when I was young where I was shouting, "God, Father! God, Father!" When I woke up I realized that God was showing me in my dream that my idea of God was that he was like Mario Puzo's "godfather" -- someone to be feared.

In Wind Follower, Loic's dad was loving but misunderstood. In some ways he was inscrutable and ineffectual. Yeah, the dads in a Carole McDonnell novel tend to be odd. 

The interesting thing is I do not have a father. He disowned us when we were younger. And I've only seen him twice or thrice since the folks divorced. So I don't know what fathers are like. People talk about dads and I'm like... "uh, uh..okay." And so I have to wade through this God as Father thing.  But God is helping me. When I discover His true love for me and how He wants to give me so much and how freely His love is given...maybe I will be able to receive more answered prayers.

Will see. Happy creating!