Today I've got a bit of the blues. I suspect many moms in my position would be. My friend emailed me to say her son, about two years younger than my younger son, just got his first job. I was happy. Times fly! But at the same time, I have to admit I got all weepy. (sucking my teeth here cause I'm Jamaican and we Jamaicans do that to show our sorrow, etc.)
I get this way whenever someone's one year old kid starts talking or some other thing... I just have to bear up. It's not as if I'm not happy for them but then I just see how much the toxins in the world, food, medical vaccines have stolen my son's life from him.
Yet, I know that my redeemer lives. I know that God didn't make my son to have a life where no one understands what he says, a life where he has limited understanding of a Disney movie. I remember once I asked a Catholic priest to pray for my son. The jerk said, "Let me pray for you that you may bear the gracious gift God has given you." What an idiot! I can bear my own pain in my own body, thank you asshole pious theologian sentimentalist! But it takes a bit of nerve for me to say, "Yes, let me bear my son's loneliness. Let ME learn to live with his stomach and pain." I swear! Only a pious jerk would say that. And I told him so. YEP! I DID! I'm absolutely snippy with ministers who have sentimental crap always at the ready to say. And only a person who wasn't a parent would say that we are to accept our children's suffering...as if the suffering child isn't a person in his own right. (I didn't tell the priest that....at least I don't remember telling him that. Come to think of it...maybe I did. I can get pretty nasty when I'm riled. Plus being a minister's grand-daughter I have very little patience with ministers.)
Today I'm forcing the family to only eat fruits and veggies and nothing cooked for three days. Big aim: to get rid of son's congestion. Remember the old word "catarrh." The nutty health-nuts of days gone by used to use it. I totally believe it exists. And am doing what I have to do to get this kid cleaned up inside.
Trusting as usual the quick, active, healing word of God is working mightily in my son and me. And trying to be happy for my friends' son. I know that my redeemer liveth. -C
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