Friday, February 27, 2009

Small but powerful

So there I lay with hubby in bed at 2:00 in the morning. (Yeah, call me selfish but I'd been up since midnight and I allowed him his sleep...so I figured I could wake him up.)

So there we were pondering God and sex...like we do and have done every night for 20 years (rolling eyes) <-- Is there an emoticon for rolling eyes?

And I got to thinking of the angel Gabriel. I like Gabriel a lot. Okay, he's probably liked by a whole lotta people. And I doubt I'll love him as much as I like my guardian angel who appeared to me when I was sixteen. (May God bless him, if we humans can ask blessings for those in heaven, the most blessed of places!) And when I get to heaven I'll probably like my guardian a lot more (but who knows? Does "degree" of love count in heaven? Don't we just all get overwhelmed with love for everyone equally?)

And I got to thinking about what the angels must think about we humans. Gabriel was around when God created the earth. He was around to talk with Daniel. He was around to talk with Mary. Like all angels -- and demons-- he's seen a hell of a lot. What must they think of us? They've seen humans in pain, humans in joy, noble faith-filled humans, evil humans who weren't aware their evil would send them to hell...and they've seen humans who made one simple wrong little choice in their life and suffered terribly for it.

As I was in one of my gloomy moods. (Which, yeah, is often. But dammit, when one cannot sleep one becomes quite gloomy and bitchy!)

So I thought of my mother's warning: "The saddest words are 'IF I HAD KNOWN'." My mom was a nurse and well...she'd seen a lot of stuff and heard a lot of bewailing from folks. She'd also had a terrible marriage to my selfish whoring father. But also, by a certain age you know how odd life is, that one's life turns on the smallest choices...sometimes choices so small one doesn't even know one is making them. A walk down the wrong block, picking up the wrong medication, etc. Scary.

Then I got to thinking of a poem which goes like this: "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: It might have been." And I start getting all remorseful with If I had known such and such, then such and such. I'm lying there in the bed bewailing the past. Then hubby suddenly makes up this on the spot: "Of all great words that man can conceive, the greatest is 'All things are possible if you can believe."

Ah, I love this guy! Yeah, sometimes I want to choke him. Honestly. But sometimes when he opens his mouth...such priceless gems of wisdom and hope fall from his sweet sexy little mouth. -C
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