Leadings, but leading to what

Okay, so there I was in bed praying for younger son and my mind starts wandering. I always believe it's a good thing for the mind to wander in prayer. That is often how Holy Spirit talks to us...by leading our minds to something.

So there I am praying away and affirming the word and praying in the spirit when suddenly someone I truly dislike appears SMASH in my mind. I truly dislike this girl. She has caused me a great deal of grief because she has a big mouth that always says what she thinks and I am very quiet. This kind of friendship is often dangerous because the talkative judgmental person talks and talks and is utterly unaware that her quiet friend is hurt and angry. So, for future reference, if you are a black woman with a big mouth and you have a quiet easygoing friend, never assume she isn't mad at you...even if she says so. Also, if you are a quiet person, for future reference, never befriend a talkative person who says everything that comes to her head. It might not work out.

So I say to God, "Lord, you have to be kidding! Why are you bringing this woman to my mind? I haven't seen her in about three years! I haven't thought about her in years! Do I have to forgive her? Do I have to pray for her?" NONE OF WHICH I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO.

So I kinda do the big thing -- in my wimpy non-committed way-- and I say, "Well, if this woman is in any kind of trouble, Lord help her. And I forgive her --yet again!-- for her assholey behavior toward me. I'm sorry, Lord, but that's all I can do at the moment."

So this morning I'm walking around feeling furious cause I'm remembering all the things this woman said that I never challenged, and all the negative things she said. Gonna be spending the entire day attempting to forgive her. And also asking God to free me from all the negative stuff she tosses my way. People DO curse you. . . with their comments about your future and what will happen to you and it's very hard to deal with those types.