Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sex-grief, forgiveness, fiction


Am thinking stuff I have to do today.

First, I have to write one of Carole McDonnell's trademarked angsty sex scenes. Yep, I trademarked them myself. In real life, sex is often full of angst. In romance novels, one sees sex as full of hope, pleasure, joy, pleasure, excitement, fullness. But in real life, it is often laden withfurtiveness, unforgiveness, grief, depression, doubt, self-loathing, self-rejection. Folks I know whose kids have died have had to learn to attempt sex again. So I have to do a scene today where my physically disabled somewhat self-loathing male character makes love to his wife the first time -- a girl whose family his family has killed. What will this sex scene be like? Lord knows. I put a placemarker scene in and have been attempting to write this thing for a while. So, to day am gonna attempt to commit to it. Am hoping God helps me to make that scene powerful. Then I have to jump a coupla hundred pages again and do the final forgiveness scenes between another main character and the king who destroyed her family. What to do? God help me.

Second, somewhat connected: am gonna attempt to begin reading The Last Women Standing. I rarely read romance novels. They don't do much for me. This is written by a Christian black author so it'll probably attempt to touch my heart. It's about a woman who is in battle with another woman for her husband. Not something I've experienced. And the truth is I really don't like fiction all that much. But I gotta do what I gotta do: which is? Try to read more fiction.

Third, am going to set about to forgive my son's former friend Dayron. I have disliked Dayron for the past 8 or so years. He entered my son's life at a time when older son was attempting to deal with younger son's issues. Dayron told older son that younger son's issues had "ruined his life." It was like fuel added to a fire at the perfectly wrong time. Teenagers have a bad effect on each other. And the effect of this kid on my kid -- and my family-- by turning away my older son's empathy, love, compassion toward his older brother...and leaving us with a resentful kid. We've tried to work on this. But Lord knows. I should try to work on a book that shows this kind of thing. Not many novels show that. Will see. First I have to finish the Constant Tower.
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