Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So, how awake am I?

Seriously pondering why my main male characters are white or Asian. Am I just mindlessly falling into the boy-goes-on-a-quest myths I've grown up with? Or is it more personal? And should I change it? And even when they're black characters, they're males. Sylvia Kelso, a writer friend of mine, wants my pulley YA story to have a female main character. Can I find my inner feminist and do it?

So where do my stories come from? Is there some great need to heal my teenaged heart, loving all those non-black guys who stomped on my heart? If the stories rise from the purest part of me -- no matter if it's totally f*cked up by American racial issues-- to heal me, why should I change it just to be a true Black person or to do something for the feminist cause?

I really do want to be awake and mindful. Am hoping I am. am hoping I can be. This mindfulness has to do with everything. For instance, if I'm feeling crappy, I really should be mindful enough not to talk about it. Not only because my whining is upsetting to some folks and I get stressed when I stress other folks out. But because Christians believe in the power of the tongue. If I truly believe God has healed me, why should I slip into speaking of sickness?

I want to be alive in everything. I have so many Christian friends who live by platitudes and maxims. (And heck, most of these maxims are theologically incorrect.) I don't want to do that. I don't want to have a glib kneejerk answer for everything. I don't want to live by daydreams or by news pundits or medical newsbites. I want to live by truth. I don't even want to succumb to sexual fantasies, for instance...so have been very careful with any luscious thought of gorgeous warriors that drop into my mind when am in bed with hubby. The devil is a liar. Lies include exaggeration, delusion, false truths, fear-mongering, doubts, and stupid knee-jerk theological platitudes that aren't true.

So yeah, am trying to be mindful, not led about by the world or by new spiritual or worldly trends, or by my own inner demons, or by demonic entities. Will see. Jesus says the day has enough trouble of its own.
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