Monday, August 24, 2009

Working on the imagination

If I'm not careful, my imagination leads me. Before I know it, I'm living in some alternate reality. Teaching in Japan at age 22, married to Anderson Cooper. I've really got to take control.

"Cast down all vain imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."( 2 Cor. 10:5)

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:2).

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; 2 Corinthians 10:4

So...must work on my imagination so I may prove God's word of healing and miracles are true. The stronghold of my alternate life is pretty strong. The stronghold of 22 years of sickness is pretty strong. I don't think it's going to be hard but I will have to receive with meekness the engrafted word and long habits such as my otherworldly existence must be cut away mindfully. I'm thinking I've got to repent for using my mind so shabbily and not using it in the way I should be using it. But after 19 years of younger son's illness and 22 years of my own...can I even begin to dream what life could be? Am trying to work with God...to speak faith-filled things, and imagine faith-filled things. To imagine health after all these years, wow! Folks who don't understand will probably come up with their judgmental selves and say, "it's easy." Yeah, like they know what it's like to wake up every morning for 19 years wondering if one's son has died in the night! Silly, judgmental "if we lived your life, we'd live it so much better" know-it-alls!

But stop imagining that, Carole! It really is quite possible that Christians are nicer now than they used to be. (Clearing throat.) Come now, Carole, imagine! So why did God give me imagination and memory? Certainly not to re-imagine the past, certainly not to allow horrible past situations to terrify me. So, let's see ...where to begin? Consciously see younger son healed, consciously see myself in a healthier house.

Whatever things are lovely, etc. But also, whatever things I want...not whatever things I fear. Whatever things are possible ...even the miraculous, even what folks call the impossible. And that means, no living in alternate realities where I'm married to that rich former Catholic monk. (Long story.) Must get a hold of my imagination. Okay, God, help me. -C
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