Luke and I had a great spiritual talk last night in bed about our growth in God. So good! We talked about the times God has shown himself to be our jehovah jireh miraculously, and as our guide and shepherd, and as our protector, and as our parent who taught us how to eat...and how we're looking to see him show himself to us as jehovah rophe, the God who heals. Two nights ago at the end of the fast. I went to bed and i prayed in tongues. I didn't know who to pray for but if a thought or a person came to my mind i assumed it was the interpretation of what i was praying so i prayed for all the folks who came to mind especially for all the special ed disabled folks we know.
Well something said, "pray for logan." So i prayed for logan that he would be saved that he would go to church. Prayed that in my mind while i spoke in tongues. Well suddenly, yesterday, logan calls me up and he asks, "Where am i???"
I say: "At our train station?"
"With the inlaws in CA?"
"Mom, what day is it? where would i be?:
I screamed and yelled out..."CHURCH!!!
Turns out he was there with this girl who he has had a crush on for a year or so. She's the daughter of a minister and he's been liking her forever and she likes him but she has been adamant about being suspicious about him, like a good christian girl! thank heavens! So he finally after all that time decided to go to her church and the sermon was on mercy and grace. And i just screamed with joy because it was the plan of God. It was like God saying to me: "I gave you an instant answer to a prayer because i know certain things. And now can you believe that there are things happening, that you don't see? Can you see what is happening with Gabe, Carole?"
Then I got to thinking how God loves me and my family so much. There is this issue about that with me
how much God loves me. And so last night we were talking about God's special graces to little old us and how the spiritual world works. It looks as though maybe this is the girl for logan.
Can you imagine? I was saying to God, "God, if you want you can make me die so that gabe can have my life"
and now it's like he's saying, "Carole, you and luke are going to get a new family possibly in FL. I will finally have the extended family i always wanted. Will see.
Anyways.. a coupla years ago, I was telling logan about the power of the word. And i said to him, "When gabe was small i was so frustrated i said, "I can't deal with this kid. It would be better if he was dead!"
Gabe wasn't around at the time I said that but from that time on every day Gabe started running out into the street into cars! It was sooooo weird. And my friend Rodlyn sayd, "Take it back take it back!"
So i took it back and it stopped. So i hadn't mentioned it in years and 2 years ago, i was telling logan about this and THAT very day, logan was in MT Vernon where Gabe's school is and Logan is never there. But he was there for some reason walking around. And AT the very moment he was there he saw Gabe bolt into the street...from the corner of his eyes. And he recognized the runner as Gabe and ran and caught him.
Now i always thought, "That is so weird! I never talk about this thing and the day i talk about it ...it happens again and logan is there to witness it?" And i took it as an affirmation of the word that we really have authority in our word, for better or worse. But last night it dawned on me how God had choreographed that, that logan had been there to see it! that logan had been there to run and catch Gabe! That no one else had to catch Gabe.
It showed how loving God was to us. It really showed me how he led logan, how he was showing logan and me how much he loved the family, how both my sons are linked together.
Once around christmas Gabe's class went to burlington to buy christmas presents. And of all things logan was there. Again, Logan is rarely there. He turned and he saw Gabe. It was weird. Logan is never there and neither is gabe but at both times God brought them to the same place at the same time. But the incident with the running away and wandering in Mt vernon...it was God placing logan there for safety.
And as hubby and I thought about it .. I felt God's love for our family.
When luke was 17 (in 1976 or 1977) he bicycled across the country, from California to the east coast. His tube broke and the bicycle needed a special tube, and wouldn't you know it? It happened when he was in Kansas and this town had a bike store where the guy who had a bike shop had had a bike tube specifically for that type of bike which had been mistakenly ordered. The guy had kept it in the back for 6 months kinda waiting but procrastinating on returning it...and there it was! yes! And it was a special heavy duty one. He could bike the rest of the way and he had that tube on his bike for years.
The more i think of it the more convinced i am that God was giving Luke (son of atheist) something to remember, to hold onto, to build his faith on.
I remembered the time God prevented me from falling over the side of a cliff. A miraculous angelic intervention. Heck, I even remember the day I was craving mustard and I mentioned it in prayer and I went for a walk and there was an unopened bottle of mustard in the middle of the sidewalk waiting for me. As if it had fallen from someone's shopping cart...or from heaven. ;-)
So it dawned on me God DOES love me!
Why do i have this battle that God doesn;t love me???
He's always being so close to me.. why am i so hard to convince?
I mean pretty much everyday i worked on onion he would do a "korea" godwink. So I feel very loved today. I'm finally seeng that God loves me personally and is involved in our lives. The evil heart of unbelief in me is being hammered at. Instead of this kind of benevolent indifferent love I've been feeling hurt about, I'm seeing God's specific love for my family. I mean when i thought of how he had logan there to save Gabe and to tell us about it.