conversions, conversions

I find myself getting more and more concerned (troubled) by Christian folks who convert to Islam or Judaism. I suppose a part of it has to do with a sense of loss, that Christ has lost someone (but Paul wanrs that people who fall away from us were never with us in the first place. I think it was Paul.) And a sense that if ministers had taught these people rightly, they would not have become Jews or Muslims. And a sense that if these folks knew how to taste and see how good the lord is (instead of a love of genealogy, rituals, arrogant researching and ever learning and never able to come to the truth, etc.) they would never have left.

I know the great falling away will come at the last days. And I trust Jesus and love him. Certainly, God has been very good to me and has shown me such intense kindness so he doesn't seem to mind that I'm Christian (if I'm wrong about Christ) but I feel this present battle -- this long-drawn out battle-- with the illnesses in me and Gabe are part of the attack of my faith. When I come out of this, I will be as gold tried. But sometimes things get so strange...and when I see all these folks dropping their faith and not really caring a relationship with the living God (being really satisfied with rituals and semantics as Paul wanted.)

I see a lot of these folks with their super word skills and they have a devotion to God in some ways, yet they don't seem to have the same kind of relationship Christians have because to them God is so far away and we Christians dehumanize him by being so into the fatherhood of God, or by "daring to believe" that God could become man. That's what keeps me strong. I can list the weird supernatural or healing or sweet things the living God has done for me. These folks often just list research.

Still thinking:

I see more and more why we need an Elijah Challenge. Not to come to people through words of doctrine or philosophy but through the power of God, through showing them that the living God works mightily in our lives through His son, our redeemer, Jesus Christ. Anything else is just a word game and arguments. But we need a: If Jesus is Lord and God's chosen mediator, then let the bodies be healed, let the captives be delivered, let the bodies be cleansed, let the demons depart. And to have proof in our lives -- if not for others but at least for Christians-- that these things have happened and the year of jubliee has come.

Just thinking... Keep me in my prayers. Am hoping to come through this with a total surety about Jesus so that my faith never wavers. Thanks so much. It's just that all these folks turning from belief in Christ. I ask myself why is Christ so reviled if he isn't truly otherworldly? As Kierkegaard said, "The greatest offense of Christianity is that it says, humans want to believe they are good but Christianity tells us that if we were to get our hands on God we would kill him. Because we are at war with God and with true goodness and we truly do not wish to love our neighbors. We want to be better than they are and to feel justified in disliking them." A paraphrase from Training in Christianity. And one I totally believe to be true. But really, all I have going for me is that God has proven himself to be alive in my life and to be very present. Don't know how it holds up with all the research nuts and semantic nuts, but it would be so good for Gabe and me to be healed...then I would be as Kierkegaard says, "I feel as if I were a piece in a game of chess, when my opponent says of it: That piece cannot be moved. --Soren Kierkegaard

Last night was worried about Gabe so much, prayed in the spirit a long while and felt God's presence. Am trusting that He's working. Hoping Gabe'll go to the bathroom today and not be in pain. More and more convinced that if I were ever in a spiritual debate with another person from another faith I'd go in with a list of God's goodness to me. "I love the Lord because he has heard my prayers." Others may get all philosophical and they may slam me with Bible exegesis that put me to shame but I can only speak of loving this living God who is close to me because I love Jesus. Nothing else matters.