Poem: Failed

I'm slinging more snot 

than Viola Davis in a crying scene.

And for what? For whom?

For immigrants and deportees I don't know.

This is not good.

I should not be crying;

I who have attempted to cage my heart 

All these tears should be laughable

would be laughable

If the times weren't so dangerous

if our common life hadn't gotten so surreal

I've sheltered myself round

shutdown my newsfeed

tuned my radio to the oldies

kept the TV blaring on SyFy channel

where only fake horrors

like sharks 

(with me so far from the ocean)

assail me. 

But life snipes at me

in spite of all my efforts.

Emails from self-righteous friends 

drag me into conversations

detail my supposed evil 

because I have not picketed,

have not written my senators and congressmen.

They are all very good, my friends.

Their lives are as difficult as mine.

No, no, not so difficult as mine

but difficult enough.

Still, they manage to bear the weight of the world.

Unlike me.

And they judge me for it...

my supposed coldness.

But I am weak,

I want to tell them.

I am unable to bear it.

All this oppression, all this suffering

My body cannot bear it.

No more of these emails

No more of these links 

showing governmental atrocities.

And yes, I know that soon

soon

soon

the government will come after me as well.

 We Black folks

We Christians

Cannot be far behind.

But for the moment, for the moment, for the moment

leave my heart at ease

spare it a tear.

Let me have some time, some time, some time

for my body to heal

from the harm that despair and grief has caused it.