Psalm 39: Seething desperate self-silencing

When one reads a Psalm, one must first ask why the psalmist wrote it.
Sometimes, as in Psalm 51, one knows: David was feeling guilty about  murdering Uriah so he wrote Psalm 51.
Other psalms have enough references and clues within their verses to make us know what they're referring to. Some are historical, some are prophetic, some are messianic, some are worship songs. But then there are some psalms which makes a reader wonder.... uhmmmmm

Okay, Psalm 39 is one of those. (I have a gut feeling this psalm was written about Joab. Yeah, there is absolutely no reason why I should think so. But hey this is my blog...so I'll take my premise and run with it. Because...yeah, that's how I roll.)

So David writes this song and gives it to Jeduthun (also known as Ethan, the choir master.) And it's a song about silence. A bitter praise song. YES!!!! Communal praise songs to God can be bitter.

Now, here is the odd thing. We are all told that a religious person knows how to hold his/her tongue and that control of the tongue is one of the high marks of spirituality. But there are also instances in the Bible where some holy person tries to hold his tongue and ends up in this situation. They seethe and seethe and get desperate. The words they don't speak become like fire in their bones. Either they have to let it out in some way or they end up like David in this psalm. And, hey, David finally let it out in the psalm didn't he. Sure he didn't come right out and say "I am supremely pissed because I am stuck with Joab (or someone equally wicked) beside me ...but he managed to get his anger said.

It starts out with this resolve: I'm gonna watch myself and I'm gonna be really good because God is doing something odd in my life. So am gonna watch this tongue of mine. Even when wicked people are near me, I am simply not gonna say anything. No blaming of others, no blaming of myself, no praising of others, no praising of myself, no complaining or murmuring about God to God in prayer, no complaining to others about God. No jesting, arguing, defending, self-defending, asking for anything, demanding. Just major silence.

May I say this is a very dangerous way to go?

(ESV) Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

(KJV) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:

(LITV) "Be angry but do not sin;" do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

(NASB) BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

(NLT) And "don't sin by letting anger control you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry,


But apparently, fasting from speech (without being angry) is something a religious person should go through once in a while. A fasting from words so to speak.

So what does this self-silencing do? First it makes him so angry that the fire inside his bones got worse and worse and at last it leads to him pondering death. Isn't that always the way?

Silencing one's self is a scary thing. The urge to speak -- about one's sorrows, about one's sins, about the stupidity of other people, about one's own stupidity -- is a hard one to overcome.  And when the self-silencing occurs because God has rebuked you!!! Oh my! Dear Lord! What to do?

It's a bit like Job when God spoke to him out of the whirlwind: "I cover myself with ashes and dust. If I spoke I won't speak anymore."

Perhaps James, Peter, and John felt the same way when God spoke to them on the mount of transfiguration: "This is my beloved son, hear him!"

Perhaps this is the way Ezekiel felt when he was silent for seven (or was it ten? I forgot)days after he saw the vision of the living creatures and got his commission.

There is a painful harrowing when one sees man's evil, our own evil, other folks' evil, God's goodness. And if one adds an inability to speak or a committment to not speak...one can only reflect on one's mortality. Sure, one wants God to rend the heavens and come down. But one is also aware that if God tears the heavens, one also must be broken as well.

Somehow, being able to speak makes us fool ourselves as to our own importance and influence. But what can one do when one realizes one's human words are valueless in the large scheme of things. Others can do your work. Your words are not that powerful and insightful. Your defense of God is not needed. Your self-defense against God ain't gonna work.

I think one of these days -- not anytime soon, of course-- I'm gonna attempt to keep a fast of silence. I will not challenge stupid folks on the internet. I will not ask God to forgive me for my sins. I will not praise friend or insult foe. I will endure this silence and see how I come out of it. No navel-gazing, mind you. I will just go around the world being silent. Will see what happens.

Honestly, I do not like King David at all. But his psalms always show such insight. (Perhaps cause the holy spirit was helping him.) God bless, all. -C

<< Psalm 39 >> King James Version 1<even to Jeduthun, A Psalm of David.>>  I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me.2I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred. 3My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned: then spake I with my tongue, 4LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am. 5Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah. 6Surely every man walketh in a vain shew: surely they are disquieted in vain: he heapeth upriches, and knoweth not who shall gather them. 7And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee. 8Deliver me from all my transgressions: make me not the reproach of the foolish. 9I was dumb, I opened not my mouth; because thou didst it. 10Remove thy stroke away from me: I am consumed by the blow of thine hand. 11When thou with rebukes dost correct man for iniquity, thou makest his beauty to consume away like a moth: surely every man is vanity. Selah. 12Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I ama stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were. 13O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more.

My Halloween Post: Those Awesome Cherubim

Yep, it's that time of the year again when folks celebrate dead creatures and stuff that terrify. But since hubby and I finished Revelations last week, I figured I'd do something on Living Creatures who terrify. (Honestly, who fears dead stuff? Maybe corpses bring diseases and contamination but other than that...the dead are not particularly troublesome.) And no I'm not gonna talk about demons either. True, they're living creatures in their own way because they have immortal life. But they are evil. What I want to right about is Terrifying holiness.

With God is terrible majesty! With God is terrifying majesty!

God made many type of creatures, creatures who can live in the three-dimensional world and in other dimensionalities. And he also made the Cherubim. The Cherubim live in heaven...in fact they live in God's throne room and are never out of the presence of God. God rides on the Cherubim, He is seated above the Cherubim. (Satan himself was the cherubim that covered the throne while the other cherubs surrounded it or were under it. But I digress.)

The weird thing is that as heavenly as Cherubim are, they are weirdly intertwined in human affairs. What their purpose is God alone (and great Bible students) know. They are carved over the mercy seat...which represents their place in heaven. They represent life forms on earth: tame animals, wild animals, humans, and birds. (No fish or creeping thing, but again, I digress.)

So this is what I want to talk about the Cherubim. Now, on earth we have one way of being: we are spirit, body, mind, but we are all in one visible package. Because God is above and beyond the third dimension, God can see our bodies, our minds, and our spirits.  But we humans can only see each other's bodies. (Okay, if we have a gift we can see into spirits but I digress.)  Back to the Cherubim.

As we see them in the Book of Ezekiel, (the first time I believe in the Bible) we are told they all have one likeness:

The appearance of the wheels and their workings was like the color of beryl, and all four had the same likeness.  The appearance of their workings was, as it were, a wheel in the middle of a wheel. " (Ezekiel 1:1, 4-5,15-16, NKJV)

That is: they all look alike.

Under each of their four wings I could see human hands. So each of the four beings had four faces and four wings. 9The wings of each living being touched the wings of the beings beside it. Each one moved straight forward in any direction without turning around.

10Each had a human face in the front, the face of a lion on the right side, the face of an ox on the left side, and the face of an eagle at the back. 11Each had two pairs of outstretched wings—one pair stretched out to touch the wings of the living beings on either side of it, and the other pair covered its body. 12They went in whatever direction the spirit chose, and they moved straight forward in any direction without turning around.  Ezekiel 1: 8-12

Okay, so we accept this. One being has four faces, feet straight down so they don't ever turn their face from God, and eyes everywhere just in case...so they don't miss anything. And then there's that pesky wheel-within-the-wheel which hints at all kinds of things.

The other thing we have to note is that these Cherubim move about in groups of four. Each four is one entity: a singular entity made up of four sub-entities who all look alike. This is something we can't even begin to figure out. I mean, on earth a marriage is an entity but the hubby and the woman are not really alike to such an extreme.




Anyway, we accept this...and ponder and ponder. But then what happens when we arrive in Revelations?

In the center and around the throne were four living beings, each covered with eyes, front and back. 7The first of these living beings was like a lion; the second was like an ox; the third had a human face; and the fourth was like an eagle in flight.8Each of these living beings had six wings, and their wings were covered all over with eyes, inside and out. Day after day and night after night they keep on saying,  Rev  4: 6-8

There are two changes here:
The first: the number of wings: two pairs each in Ezekiel's vision, and 6 wings (not said if they come in pairs) in Revelations.
The second: The cherubim are now separate, kinda. . .and fully themselves but still a unity of four.

They're still unified but one is fully human with six wings, one is fully a bird (with six wings), one is fully a lion (with six wings) and one is fully an ox (with six wings.

Again, they have all the eyes.  Now if there is any confusion here about these creatures: Ezekiel calls these living creatures "Cherubim" and John calls them "living creatures."

Ezekiel 10:20 These were the living creatures I had seen beneath the God of Israel by the Kebar River, and I realized that they were cherubim.

Revelation 4:6 Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal. In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back.

But, what's interesting here is how these cherubim are part of each other and a unity. Not a trinity but a Quatrinity (I just invented that word, I think.) On earth we can't begin to understand beings who are part of each other and who can dismantle and reassemble themselves in different patterns....but wow! this is heaven! A spiritual sphere! A world of dimensionalities we cannot begin to understand. Question: do they really "look" like this? Or is the way they look the only way our human minds with its limited understanding of what a "person" is can understand? 


And may I say, these are terrifying. I have never seen a cherubim -- especially when it/they is in their one from column a, one from column b, one from column c, one from column D ---and yet one-single-entity mode  And know what? I do not want to see them.


In Daniel, the angel Gabriel is often called "The man Gabriel." He stands before God, in the presence of God. Just like the cherubim are always before God. And honestly, if God wants to send anyone to talk to humans, I think he knows enough of human fear to send someone who looks like one of us: Gabriel.


How terrifying and majestic holiness is! I imagine the eyes of the cherubim, always seeing God and yet possibly seeing all on the earth, seeing through the eyes of all on the earth, seeing the evil being done on the earth. 


Yeah, no ghost or demon matches the terrifying majesty of God. 

WTF Moment in Bible Study: Jesus' Dogs

Yeah, I know...another WTF moment in Bible study.

So, hubby and I have finished Revelations and now we're back in Psalms! YAY!! A triumphant return in less than a year.

So anyway, I haven't done a WTF moment in Bible Study in a while although I've come up across some interesting doozies. But it is fitting that at the end of the Bible, a dramatic one should present itself.

Now, going from the gospels, the epistles, and what all in the New Testament, Jesus called folks "dogs" twice.   Dog apparently was a slang used back in the day (In Jesus' day) which means, "Strangers, foreigners, folks not like us."

This was the term Jesus used when a foreign woman came up to him asking healing for her daughter:
He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." Matthew 15:26

It's the kinda thing that makes little ethnic me a bit antzy...and depending on how spiritual I'm being, I pretty much accepted it as Jesus (the son of God) just testing the woman and urging her on to faith. Or Jesus (the son of Man) having a little more growing in favor to do and working out his provincial kinks. After all, this is the Saviour of the world who when he heard the Greeks say, "We want to see Jesus" heard the call that "the world wants to see me, so I must prepare myself to die for the world. So, yeah, he loved people...all people.

But then, up comes this:
For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and fornicators, and murderers, and idolaters, and whoever loves and makes a lie. Rev 22:15


Aargh, YES, the Lord of all life has not gotten rid of the old slang. John the Revelator has Jesus -- white hair, sword coming out of his mouth, sitting on a throne-- using an epithet for stranger. 


Dang! That's scary! Okay, I can deal with folks being called fornicators, sorcerers, idolatoers.
I can deal with the cowardly and unbelieving and all liars having their part in the lake of fire.
I can even deal with the question of why are there gates to a city if no one is outside it or wait a second why are there trees for healing if no one gets sick so there really must be some kind of person not quite saved enough to get into heaven. (Won't go into detail about the priests in Ezekiel's vision who can't see the Prince's face although they serve him forever. Won't go into detail about what exactly does God do with all those people who were born in the millenium but not under the holy spirit and who joined Satan during the 1000 year Little Season because although Satan hadn't been loosed to tempt them, they still had the unredeemed human spirit that was at war with God.)


But this dogs thing! ??? Wow, what an insult to be outside the kingdom! Now it's a spiritual kingdom and folks are still the "strangers"...well, in a spiritual non-ethnic way, you're not Jewish and not in the Chosen People kinda way. True, I don't think folks in heaven will always be talking about the "dogs" outside the gates (Not even sure if they're outside the gates or in hell. One of those annoying places where the Greek punctuation isn't really known) But the fact that Jesus was so harsh here, that even in his spiritual ascended self he uses this phrase.


So who are these dogs? Well, I'm still gonna go with the stranger hypothesis. But they might be saved dogs, if you know what I mean. People who knew Jesus but who kept indulging in their sins and returning to their sin like a dog returns to his vomit. 


Either way, it certainly is a shocker when one ponders it. All the tribes of the world are in heaven in Revelations  -- and Jesus is grown up, the lamb of God (for the world) the lion of Judah and son of David (for Jews) and yet, the wounding comment he had used against the Syro-Phenician woman to show her non-belongingness still exists...and is one of the last words on his lips.... Well, near to "And the Spirit says, 'Come.'"


Yeah, it blows the mind. Well, it blows MY mind. I've never liked being an outsider, you know. Strive to enter, folks. Don't want Jesus calling us "dogs" now, do we? 

Thanksgiving...and pondering the freedom to eat whatever

Ye shall not do after all the things that we do here this day, every man whatsoever is right in his own eyes. For ye are not as yet come to the rest and to the inheritance, which the LORD your God giveth you. Deuteronomy 12:8,9

You are not to do things then in the way in which we now do them here, every man as it seems right to him: For you have not come to the rest and the heritage which the Lord your God is giving you. Deuteronomy 12:8,9

Of course in Judges, that's all the people do.
Therefore I swore in My anger, Truly they shall not enter into My rest."


"Notwithstanding thou mayest kill and eat flesh in all thy gates, whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, according to the blessing of the LORD thy God which he hath given thee: the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the roebuck, and as of the hart. Only ye shall not eat the blood; ye shall pour it upon the earth as water." Deuteronomy 12:15-16


Uhm... St Paul speaks to Christians (those who have finally entered into God's rest) that everything of God is holy if it be prayed for with thanksgiving. The apostles in ACTS 15: didn't put all the law onto the new gentile Christians but said, "Eat anything but not with the blood."

But still...this seems to apply only to stuff caught in hunting. Not to pigs and shellfish. Aaargh.



"Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou inquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise." Deuteronomy 12:30

Okay, so no..."let me go exploring other cultural spirituality" crap.

In Search of the True Light 

by Mike Shreve

Paperback: 334 pages

Publisher: Pivotal Publications (July 2003)

ISBN-10: 094250738X

ISBN-13: 978-0942507386

During a time of deep introspection, Mike Shreve turned to Far Eastern religions seeking the true experience of God. Eventually, he became a teacher of Kundalini Yoga at four universities. Then a dramatic revelation of Ultimate Reality changed the course of his life. This pivotal experience caused him to re-examine concepts foundational to his worldview, such as: the origin of the universe, the true nature of God, pantheism and monism, karma and reincarnation, the path to enlightenment, plans of existence man’s divinity and ultimate destiny, universal cycles and ages and more.

This book is the product of profound spiritual insights received over a period of thirty years. Read it, absorb it, mediate on it – and you, too will be guided into the "True Light."

Guide Me Oh, Thou Great Jehovah -- in Cherokee

Believe not every spirit but Try The Spirits

Okay, so hubby and I were in 1 John as we wend our way through the Bible and we come upon this:

"Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1"


Now, what a world! John actually expects us to be seeing spirits. Oh sure, some folks will say that he meant "the spirit of the prophet" but I don't think so. If one reads the verse plain and simple, it seems as if John is actually believing that part of the Christian life is to live under an open heaven where folks will see spirits. And not only will believers in Christ -- who are the sons of God-- see spirits (and angels going up and down into heaven) but we will see them so often that we have to know how to deal with what he seems to be implying is a common experience. (Strange that the supernatural side of Christianity has been robbed from us) 


But then he tells us that although we'll be seeing spirits, we have to try them. Okay, this requires a bit of boldness. I mean we are trained by modern Christianity to reverence any old spirit or angel who just happens to walk by. But here John tells us to be bold and to try the spirits. Really? Oh sure an angel puts one in awe and the typical angel says, "Don't be afraid, don't worship me" etc. But really...if one sees a spirit, will one have the Biblical knowledge, the gumption, the wherewithal, the strength to actually test it. 


This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 1 John 4:2


Okay, so what does that mean? I mean at face value it seems to say "Was there a historical Jesus?" And even the antichrist might attest to that. So if one is bold enough to challenge an angel of light, one should know what one is saying. Looking back at the passage, I think John is saying we should ask the spirit something like this: "Did God send His son Jesus to earth as a human being to live and die as a human being so that through Jesus all the world would be saved? And do you believe that the blood of Jesus covers me and testifies to that truth? Do you believe the Word of God testifies to this truth? Do you believe the Spirit of God testifies to this truth? Do you believe they testify to this truth on earth and in heaven?"  


Mohammed didn't test the spirit, I think. The angel said it was Gabriel and he believed it. Joseph Smith didn't test the spirit, I think. The angel said it was Moroni, and Joseph Smith believed it.  And if it's not a spirit that passes the test, then it's a spirit of antiChrist whose purpose is to deceive and to create deceiving prophets. But how exactly are we to test it? John tells us this:




Islam                                                                               Mormonism


One God                                                                         Many Gods


The Bible is corrupted                                                    The Bible is corrupted/badly translated


Only the Koran has truth                                                 Only the Book of Mormon has truth


Polygamist                                                                      Polygamist


In Heaven, women used for sex                                      In Heaven, women used for sex


Mohammed is God's prophet                                          Joseph Smith is God's prophet


One goes to heaven by Works                                       One goes to heaven by Works


As for the God of Islam and the God of the Mormon Church: 


The Creator God of Islam is unapproachable, holy, distant. But He is not Love. He cannot even be described as a father because even that is insulting to the Moslem.         


The Creator God of Mormonism is unknown because he is either way back in a long line of Gods who created gods who created gods who created gods. Ultimately, the immediate Creator God (of planet earth) is not the uncaused causer of all things...so He is unapproachable.   Plus He isn't beyond sexuality. 

Okay, I'll admit it: I once pulled this on a spirit. Not one I actually say though. I was too flabbergasted by the angel I saw to do anything but look at him shellshocked. But if he had said anything, I think I would've been annoying enough to actually try him. And I think he would have allowed it. But there was a time I tried it. My friend Tiina was table-tipping and I was sitting across the table from her. Table-tipping and certain other flaky activities never worked through me and I am glad. God was protecting this little idiot from all sorts of troubles. But they worked through Tiina and she could tell all sorts of things... well, the spirit would tell her stuff and she would know it. Anyway, one day a spirit comes and starts up with, "Peace, Love, and Truth to you all." Something like that. I forget the exact greeting, but I thought.. "Well, that is all very nice but...." Then I launched into the test. And what did the spirit do? It stopped talking. The table stopped tipping. Then Tiina turned around and glared at me: "You offended it!" Yes, alas, little old 19 year old me had hurt the feelings of a thousand year old spirit. The spirit never came back. Am I sorry? Heck no!

The upshot: 


But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! Galatians 1:8

Who I’ve Become Is NOT Who I Am

Who I’ve Become Is NOT Who I Am 

by Sonya Visor, founder of TruU Ministries.

About the Book

Who are you when nobody’s looking? It’s time to take off what hides who you truly are…the mask! Are you tired of going around family, friends and church folk with a frozen smile and a broken heart? Unmask your true identity and learn your real name as pastor’s wife and playwright Sonya Visor cuts to the heart with dynamic testimony of sexual molestation at a young age.

BEING SILENT GAVE POWER to the hands that touched her life. Can hands meant to protect you also have the power to crush your identity? YES! But when we stop allowing a mask of shame to hold us captive with CLOSED mouths, WE CAN let Jesus be real in our lives.

Discover who you have become and embrace who you really are in a book that goes past the pews and what other’s think about you — to bring glory to God by being transparent and transformed. It’s time to take off your mask and let the true you show up!

About the Author

Sonya Visor is a vessel of God who is Real, Transparent, Anointed, “Compassionate but Tough”– these are a few words to describe Co-pastor, playwright, workshop presenter, conference speaker and author Sonya Visor. 

She is the co-pastor of New Covenant Church, Racine, WI. She is a powerful preacher and teacher of the Word of God. She is the president of CHP – Covenant House Press, a Christian publishing company that produces books, plays, greeting cards and DVD entertainment that bring glory to God.

Sonya shares her heart with her husband, Pastor Tony Visor, who she calls her better half, for nineteen years. She and her husband have ministered effectively in the city of Racine together at NCC since 1999. Sonya is blessed to love two sons, Jason and Tony, Jr.

Who I’ve Become is NOT who I AM, is Sonya’s first non-fiction book. Her passion is to minister to the people who hide behind masks. Sonya’s calling is to break and destroy the yokes of bondage, releasing the power of God into the lives of others by the preached Word and prayers of deliverance. When you can find the strength, to step into who you truly are; you can find the strength to BE THE (TRU U). TRU U is the women’s ministry that God has charged her with to help other’s become free.

Visit her online at sonyavisor.com or truuministries.com.

Better Than I

The Three Types of Anointing spoken of in the Bible

William Lau of the Elijah Challenge does a rally great job talking about the priestly authority, the kingdom authority, and the prophetic authority. Priestly authority to intercede for others, prophetic anointing ti speak to our brothers and sisters, Kingly authority to speak to disease, demons, sins, etc. Jesus has made us all kings and priests and prophets. We are all subject to each other. Prophets to pastors, pastors are to minister the church. In the Bible the kingly anointing was shown as different from the prophetic or the priestly. They were divided. Kings got in trouble when they tried to act like priests. In Jesus we have all three, praise God.

Signature in the cell

Signature in the cell
by Stephen C Meyer
Hardcover: 624 pages
Publisher: HarperOne (June 23, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0061472786
ISBN-13: 978-0061472787

Here's the blurb:

One hundred fifty years ago, Charles Darwin revolutionized biology, but did he refute intelligent design (ID)? In Signature in the Cell, Stephen Meyer argues that he did not.

Much confusion surrounds the theory of intelligent design. Frequently misrepresented by the media, politicians, and local school boards, intelligent design can be defended on purely scientific grounds in accordance with the same rigorous methods that apply to every proposed origin-of-life theory.

Signature in the Cell is the first book to make a comprehensive case for intelligent design based upon DNA. Meyer embarks on an odyssey of discovery as he investigates current evolutionary theories and the evidence that ultimately led him to affirm intelligent design. Clearly defining what ID is and is not, Meyer shows that the argument for intelligent design is not based on ignorance or "giving up on science," but instead upon our growing scientific knowledge of the information stored in the cell.

A leading proponent of intelligent design in the scientific community, Meyer presents a compelling case that will generate heated debate, command attention, and find new adherents from leading scientists around the world.

From the Back Cover
Meyer tells the story of the successive attempts to solve this mystery of DNA and argues that fundamental objections now exist to the adequacy of all purely naturalistic or materialistic theories. The book then proposes a radical alternative based upon developments in molecular biology and the information sciences: it proposes the design hypothesis as the best explanation for the origin of the information necessary to produce the first life.

SIGNATURE IN THE CELL will not merely provide a critique of evolutionary theories. It also shows that, based on our uniform and repeated experience-the basis of all scientific reasoning about the past-there is a strong positive case for intelligent design. From our experience we know that intelligence alone produces large amounts of information. Thus, the book shows that the argument for intelligent design from DNA is not based on ignorance or a desire to “give up on science,” but instead upon just the opposite: our growing scientific knowledge of the inner workings of the cell and our experience-based knowledge of the cause-and-effect structure of the world. For just this reason the argument for design can be formulated as a rigorous and positive scientific argument-specifically one called “an inference to the best explanation.” The book shows, ironically, that the argument for intelligent design from DNA is based on the same method of scientific reasoning that Darwin himself used.

Here's a youtube vid


Here's another

Ascribing Glory to God: Update on the Lumpectomy

I'm in awe about the wonderful sweet loving closeness of our God. A few months back He said to my spirit, "Stop worrying. If anything bad is going to happen to you, wouldn't I tell you and save you?" So I tried to stop worrying. I went and had the mammo because I had a dream telling me the milk in my left breast had gone sour and I had a cancer So I took the mammo. Just in case. The mammo showed negative, but then God made me bleed after the test. (Praise God!) So they had to do all sorts of other expensive radiological tests. And that's when they found the lump. Then God made the hospital give me 100% financial discount on anything the hospital does and the county's cancer society is paying for everything else. All I have is a few lab fees. And all this when my husband is out of work! What kindness the Lord has shown to me!

I had the operation for the lumpectomy on Tuesday. Before that, all Monday night, I was up telling my hubby luke all about my death and cemetery arrangements. Yes, I am that morbid. But it's from getting no sleep for 20 years. It colors the mind. So I was thinking was pretty sure i would die so was quite weepy at the hospital but wiped my teas everytime th e nurses came in. But the funny thing was i was also cracking jokes and all the nurses on all the floors were saying how funny i was ...so God was with me. Ah yes, I am so witty!

Anyway, I went to the hospital and was afraid of dying under the anesthesia. So I finally see the anesthesiologist. His name is Jason Jacobs and he's jewish --a nice guy. I say, "so once again for the xillionth time today you guys are gonna explain anesthesia. you must do this a lot every day"

Anyway we're chattering and on about pain and finally we're in the --

Ooh, forgot to tell you that Kazuo ishigaro's book "Never let me go" was at the book section in teh waiting room and I opened it to a line which read, "You found God or something?" So felt God was with me.

Anyway, finally we're getting the aneasthesia into me and I say something like I'm just praying to God and Dr Jacobs gets in a theological discussion with me about God, "How do i know that God exists etc?" I don't know..it's weird. I can be in the middle of nowhere reading a porn magazine and someone will come up to me and start a theological discussion. Hey, so God has poured out the spirit of inquiry on folks, looks like. And trusts me to say something somewhat worthwhile. So Dr Jacobs is going on very intently about he goes to temple etc and he doesn't know that God exists. And I'm thinking..."For heaven's sake, Lord! Is this really the right time?"

And I said,"Well Doctor, perhaps, you should read the Bible and he says "I'm Jewish i don't read the bible." I say "I meant read the Tanakh." And I'm trying to see what is necessary to say but really I've known that God will use anything so who knows what God can use.

Then the nurse nearby says "What's that the old testament?"
And I say well i didnt want to call it old testament cause jewish folks get upset about that. So he asks me about well i'm a good person and you christians believe that good peopel go to hell if they aren't christians. Then he says, "And what's the difference between that and science fiction?"

And this nurse -- who had her theology TOTALLY RIGHT by the way just kept interrupting me and I was trying to fend off fear as the medicine and anesthesia got put in and to answer him before sleeplessness took me over and everytime he asked me a question she would answer with me. And I was kinda getting annoyed because he was asking me But at the same time she was totally on target

but I wanted to focus on what God had done to make me know he was alive and existed and to teach him to look for God in this life. And she was going on about the difference between humanity trying to show human's own works and Christians being put on earth to show God's own righteousness. And I thought, well, it's possible that now that they both know they can talk to each other about God they'll talk to to each other but honestly why is it Christians can't allow each other to witness and a third person has to jump in
So I didn't know if i was there as a catalylist to get them to know each other and discuss religion or if she was just intruding.

Hard to realize if I was the one to be used or if I was the one who should've kept quiet. I didn't get mad but very interesting experience. I felt he was asking to know how God is alive and she was talking about theology. Didn't seem to be what he was interested in...and didn't seem to be the answer either of us could give him but I was kinda hearing his desire to have an experiential relationship with God and trying to do that. While she was...well answering the question he asked about what is goodness and why do Christians think our goodness isn't righteous. Too many cooks and one mixed broth. But now I'll add him to my list. I kept saying to him, "Why don't you tell God to show you he existd?" And he kept saying, "But why should I talk to him when I don't think he exists?" And I'm thinking, "Uh, Doc, is this really the right time...and can't you just play the 'What if?' game? And make a decision to believe."

So the next thing I know I'm waking up after the operation
and the FIRST VERY VERY VERY VERY FIRST Thing I hear is a doctor -- don't know who it was because it was a blur-- saying "So what's she doing, Praying? Is that what they call speaking in tongues?" Turns out I was speaking in tongues while coming out of the sleeplessness. Wonder if I was speaking in tongues while anestheisized? LOL. He seemed intrigued. And I remember what St Paul said about tongues being a sign for the believer...so who knows?

Guess what my first english words were when i realized I was awake and the operation was over?
 "Uhm, I'm still alive. Interesting"

just a scratchiness in my throat from the tube in my throat
other than that...the worst part of the entire experiecnce was the needles. And them searching for a vein.  My right arm is gonna be black and blue. I mean they had to do the ductogram again. And finding th nipple and to localize it whith a wire...and then they saw another lump that the MRI didn't quite catch but which looked odd so they had to decide to get the entire duct or two more ducts out. Can't figure cause they were talking ...it was quite a precious operation. Very funny, figuring the exact coordinace of the lumps and after all that they had this needle poking into my breast and this wire and this other needle and then they cover the wire with a paper cup. I said well that's like the astronauts going into sapce and doing this intricate repairing and then having duct tape. But they put the paper cup over the wire so I wouldnt move it as they wheeled me down the hallway just to cover it. So i have to go back next week and they'll tell me the result of the biopsy on the lump
lab has it

And I put a copy of my book wind follower in their waiting room library. So that's it. I'm okay. but they gave me a block which means i'll be in no pain until the bloc wears off tonight by which time the percoset should kick in. Was certainly good getting a midday nap. My first sleep in ages.
.
So started with a whole lot of fatigue, grief and fear...it ended well. Am hoping the percoset will re-adjust my sleep patterns.

That's it. Thanks for the prayers. And am ascribing to God all glory. If this thing had been discovered when my hubby had a job we'd be in way more bills than we actually are in. But God who is such a provider has set this entire thing up so that the hospital's charity fund and the county's cancer partnership are paying for pretty much 95% of all the bills. Basically, all we're left with is lab tests. Our God is so big so strong and so mighty there's nothing our God cannot do.


-C

Remembering God's saving power to me and ascribing to the Lord glory

This is part of a conversation chat Jessica and I had this morning. Figured I'd share. 

this morning God was so funny

Luke has a book called 3:16

and what the author does is take every instance of 3:16 in the Bible  (and where it would've been if the bible book was longer)

and preach the gospel through those verses

So there we were in Ephesians

and luke decides to get the book

and he's reding along and suddenly I say, "Ah, glory!"

Because I was thinking of the verse ascribe to the lord glory and strength. Sp apropos of nothing mind you..

I suddenly interrupt him to say "Ah glory"

And the next line in the book is "What is glory?"

we praised and gave glory and remembered all the things God had done in our lives

finally managed to do a great night ofpraise and ascribing

hadn't done it in a while

Don't know if I eve r told you about the time luke biked across the country and was in Kansas

with a flat tire  ..he bicycled across the country when he was 17...and he arrived at this little shop that had accidentally gotten

the wrong bicycle tube

and the guy had been meaning to return it for six months

but suddenly luke turns up and it was the perfect inner tube for that bicycle..a very rare one

 , and the guy had forgotten he had it or something...and there it was as if waiting for my soon-to-be boyfriend

then there was the time luke was walking kin the woods as a kid

and suddenly leaves spontaneously burst into flames before him. Then died down

Then we talked about the time God saved me from falling off the cliff

and the time God saved me from a knife on my bed and the time God saved me from fire

 God's intervention is amazing; I am so glad for that

 and the time God protected Gabe and Logan from accidents

Gabe used to get lost a lot

YES!

It was so good to remember

it gave me hope for the operation

Tomorrow this time i shall be either beng cut or recuperating

Then there was the time I was lying on my left side and talking to my sister or something

and I started getting ready to lie flat on my tummy

Then suddenly for no reason i stopped

yes, that one. Caren

And I was on my left side then turning to my stomahc and I suddenly stopped

And i thought that was weird..and when i looked down

a sharp steak knife

was perched at a 45 degree angle

the tip of the knife in my skin.just touching it

and if i had moved anymore

the knife would've pierced into me

I hadn't felt it resting on me but there it was

Then there was the time I was praying for something i dont know what

but i was praying to a voodoo saint

Erzulie

casuse i was dumb and my haitian friend was telling me

and each saint in the catholic hierarchy has a voodoo equivalent

so i put her pcitre on a table and a aluminum pan and a candle inside the aluminim pie can

plate

and i .

no, maybe it was a list of the prayer request ounder the pie pan

anyway that night the entire table went up in flames

cause the wax from the candle flowed and burned through the pie pan

and we were sleeping in the bedroom

then our dog Resin woke us up

and when i went into the kitchen there was the entire flame leaping up from the kitchen talbe to the ceiling

so God saved us then

Then ther ewas the time I was on Bear Mountain

which is THE place folks from Brooklyn go to

and there we were with my mother and my sister and i were playing and dashign about anwhither which way

and I dashed nd dashed in a particular direction and then suddenly stopped

and the weirdness of taht sudden stopping well it was so weird

i was 13 or so but it felt so odd to me

And so after I asked myself why i had stopped for no good reason

i continued walking in the direction where i'd been running

and two stopfootsteps later

there was a sheer drop over a cliff

God had saved me

And then there was the time when my mother and her friends were taking their babies to get vaccines

But something always stopped my mother

So her friend got annoyed and decided to go without my mother

And her friend's daughter died. I lived. Turned out the vaccine had something wrong with it

So yes, i was protected so often

  see, this is the reason we Christians know about God's faithfulness

Godly imagination and visions versus...well other visualizations

So I was sitting around attempting to renew my mind and my idea of what my future and younger son's future would be like.

There is a kind of human-created image that one creates in order to believe a kind of controlled visualization. But last night, these mental images came to me -- unbidden as they say. From my spirit. Not somethng i had put in my own mind. Not anything I saw in a dream either. I caught these three separate scenes in my mind and spirit

The way I catch people's names sometimes although I don't know them or have never met them, just looking at the person and suddenly knowing their names. (So far, I haven't seen anyone's illness by the spirit, thank God. Don't know if I would be able to go in front of someone and say, "Uh, the Lord just showed me you have blank blank and I am supposed to pray for it because when you have a word of knowledge that's what you do.) But anyway, these images popped up in my spirit the way I heard and knew names in my spirit and the way i saw Jessica in the green dress. So I know it's from the holy spirit that planted it and not my own mind making them up. 

I saw husband and older son exiting our car. Luke from the driver's side and Gabe from the right passenger front

only they two were in the car and they were in a parking lot. Gabe slammed the door shut and as he left and he said to luke, "Come on Dad, hurry. The movie's starting."   Just like that.

Then I saw Gabe sitting in front of my computer doing somethbing and he turned and looked and smiled at me in passing then went back to work. 

Then i saw him standing by the phone talking to Logan.

They were all just scenes from normal life. . .and interestingly I didn't see the day or time he got healed. But all this shows that my spirit can now conceive of his healing. Because I can see these images which were basically... normal life after the event

Gabe was wearing a gray green t-shirt and being a regular kid going to a movie with his dad. And my heart leaped with joy because i realized it finally at last i had an image. My once pessimistic brain could actually see the substance of things hoped for. And funnily, all three images included us all. One image with Gabe and logan, one with him and me, and one with him and Luke.

It was through a veil as they say. Known in part, prophesied in part. But I knew I saw it in the spirit, almosting it. But it was clear and sure and i was so glad my mind had the image at last. Dear Lord, give us vision lest we perish.

Then a negative image immediately popped into my mind. "I imagined bumping into the pediatrician who had told us to give Gbe the mmr shot. I saw myself walking with Gabe towards her --and Gabe acting up and being weird-- and I saw this lady doc but said nothing but she would see clearly what she had done by forcing us to take the MMR (I'm glad anyway, I followed the Lord's leading and didn't give Logan the MMR shot) be guilty

Then I realized that vindication and anger and spite had built that image because I wanted the doctor to know she was wrong. But  that I couldn't have the satisfaction of the vindication image and the healing image both in my mind simultaneously, that it was a kind of double-mindedness and it was clearly shown to me that the one with the doctor was one i should not even cultivate. And it was so different from the ones that came from my spirit.

How great our God is!

Dying to self, learning humility, renewing my mind

Okay, so this morning I just burst into tears. Why, you ask?

Because it's the first or second day of school and the bus company that brings Gabe to school said Gabe has to have an harness if he's on the school bus. Some aggressiveness in the summer because another student was mocking him.

Anyway, I was so hurt and felt so put upon. I began thinking about how powerful people have bullied me and how my life has been a life of being bullied by fears, authoritarian people, cruel people, slick bosses, sociopaths who knew how to handle the system, the verse, bill collectors, rich people, white people, superior church people. And I just burst out in tears to God, "Let not mine enemies triumph over me."

So I hear the radio. Generally I don't hear the radio cause the alarm isn't on. And they start talking about ovarian cancer and how we don't know what's going on cause it has no symptoms except vague ones
and I burst into tears again.

I said to God, "Oh God, since I've lived...all my life I've lived with fear caused by an alarmist nurse mother.
I've lived being bullied by those more powerful than i am. I've lived afraid of people and phone calls from bill collectors and rules laid down on me by powerful people. This has been my life..one of continual fear and stress. And I long for heaven because there I won't fear, there I won't stress about cancer or bullies. There is where peace should be. Because although you say you give peace and abundant life, I don't have it."

And the Lord said, "First, trust that if you got cancer i would tell you." This is true. Because I got a dream about the lumps (hopefully benign) in my left breast. And although the mammo was clear, God made my nipples bleed after...which led to the discovery of the papilloma. And he is taking care of the hospital bills for me.

Then He said, "Second trust Psalm 91 that you will not get cancer."
Which is true. Psalm 91 is a salvation revealed in the last days. That is one powerful psalm.

Then He said, "And the harness might be from me."

So I come downstairs and hubby Luke is researching harnesses because we have to tell the school system to get the harness because the bus company INSISTS and I was just feeling so bullied by powerful people and wanting God to heal Gabe out of spite to show those horrible know-it-all people and to make me not be pitiful and weak in everything in their eyes.

But I felt God saying it's about renewing my mind and not seeing a situation as bullying but to see some unpleasantness from horrible people as being about God working through the the powers that be to help us.

So Luke is looking at the harnesses online for the school buses...and Gabe goes to school next week because we hve to approve and ask for the harness...or else it's driving him 45 minutes away every morning and getting him in the afternoon and Luke says, "God's ways are not our ways. God knows the way we go."

So we've decided to see this as the authority being from God, that even though it's silly to put him in the harness and seems about their bullying and "winning" against us and strutting their power, that God knows if there's gonna be a bus accident and God could be protecting Gabe. And that we should die to self and accept the humiliation because according to Paul's letter to the Romans all things are of God. The funny thing is I am not really a fighter. But I've been so stepped on all my life that fighting back is often my only way of holding on  the little humanity they've left me. This world strips you bare. And I have been so stripped all my life.

So in many ways I feel a sense that i have died spiritually in a good way. I really hate losing. I really hate it when someone triumphs over me. I really hate the idea that someone has "won" over me. But in this I have to accept this authority even if the authorities might be arrogant and accept that whether the world is bullying me or not, that I must trust God -- Let the Lord fight my battles-- and that whatever comes at me, i must accept and rejoice in.

I have gotten into so much trouble trying to win against certain people in life. Trying to win against my mother-in-law, against evil people, against bullies. And I always thought that it would be a horrible kind of death to watch them triumph over me. It is a kind of death, definitely...only I'm beginning to feel that it's not so horrible...if we see everything from the hand of God. In some ways, also, I feel as if this has made the prayer for Gabe's healing purer. Because we have not because we ask incorrectly...so that we may consume it on our lust. Gabe's healing was always mixed up in validating me against cruel people. Now it's purer, i think.

The Secret, Wayne Dwyer, Deepak Chopra et al

Okay, so listened to Wayne Dwyer who is very Deepak Chopra esque

Listened to a lot of it but he wasn't telling me anything the Bible didn't tell me and there was so much truth mixed in with untruth and human wisdom that I had to turn it off.

I mean for instance, he said we draw things to us by how we are. Very true. St Paul tells us to renew our minds, remove strongholds of thoughts, be not conformed to the world, think of whatever is lovely, true, pure, of good report. BUT St Paul also says that God gives us joy. So if we cannot bring ourselves to joy, God can bring it to us....and uphold us.

Also, He says life will not get better unless you change your mindset and choose joy. Again, partly true, and partly false. God helps our weaknesses. 

And when he says the universe, it's like... I understand what he'[s saying but I also think that God is above the construct. God's MERCY and GRACE ha to be figured in, especially for the weak. FAITH in a helper and a comforter who helps in our weakness. While it is good to work with our own minds, the philosophy has a universe who helps those who helps themselves to be joyful thing. And that doesn't seem true to me. God understands taht from our youth, even as kids our minds have been trained to believe bad. And he works with even the most joyless, sometimes surprising them by joy.

In addition, the "the universe has given me the opportunity to do such and such by allowing me to get cancer." Nah, doesn't work for me. God gives only good things. The devil, our genes, our words, our habits, etc give bad things too.

Then there were his children. His children seem to have suffered from having him as a dad. I've seen this kinda thing with kids of psychotherapists dads. How can one be freely happy in a family when the family construct is that everything that happens in one's life is somehow caused by one's thoughts?

Then life is either karmic retribution in some way, or blessedness because one has been self-made and one has done it all in one's life. Both are equally offensive to me as a Christian.

The we are what we think is pretty Biblical actually. The Bible tells us "As a man thinks in his heart so is he." And "Guard your heart with all diligence because all the things of this life comes out of it." And "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" And "Faith is the substance of what we hope for" And "God calls the seen out of the unseen so we must put aside vain imaginations and think only what is lovely pure true just" and in job "The things I greatly fear have come upon me."

And so so so so many other verses in so many other places. So this isnt' anything new. And it's definitely not new with secular humanists...or to folks into pop quantum physics spirituality or with folks who have read the Secret...or even to Christianity

But the Bible allows a bit of finagling from God. Mercy towards those who don't know this truth. Sudden surprises. Sudden joys...that come to us in spite of our thought life. And this is what bothered me about this particular philosophy, he has no mercy for those who cannot be joyful. 

I truly believe in renewing our minds and getting rid of strongholds of negativity and doubt BUT I have had so many good things happen to me in spite of my negativity that I can't say this philosophy is entirely right. God often is merciful and protects the innocent who are ignorant of this truth.

Essentially, the Secret and much of this philosophy are kinda ripped off from the Bible. Jesus taught us the keys to the kingdom and those spiritual rules of how the world works are everywhere. But he also added God's love into the mix.  And the issue of our sins, and demonic deceptions, etc. 

Hipster Christianity-When Church and Cool Collide -- Brett McCracken

Say not the Struggle - Arthur Hugh Clough (by Paul Scofield)

Okay...another pill-swallowing attempt

Still attempting to teach younger son how to swallow pills instead of chewing them. These are Diflucan, to help fight the thrush. Am thinking I'll get some antifungals -- oils and what not-- and rub his body with them. The skin is the largest bodily organ. I've heard that a nutrient swallowed isn't as well or quickly-received into the body as one rubbed against the skin. So, hey, it's worth a try.

Ah, maternal creativity.

Hubby is going to the funeral this weekend. So weird. Am not sure what younger son knows. Does he know his grandmother has died? Who knows? Maybe an angel told him?

Making chocolate pancakes now.

Pastor Richard Twiss at Uniting General Council WCRC

Richard Twiss from Uniting General Council WCRC on Vimeo.

Nazi Literature in the Americas

Nazi Literature in the Americas (New Directions Paperbook) [Paperback]

Roberto Bolaño (Author), Chris Andrews (Translator)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Bolaño

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: New Directions (May 29, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0811217949
• ISBN-13: 978-0811217941
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 

Just to say the book is totally tongue in cheek.

Namaskaaram Devana

Amazing Grace in Cherokee