Beginner's Luck-- yet another phrase from the pit of hell

Yes, now I'm on the rampage against "beginnger's luck" and "lucky in cards, unlucky in love."

And once again it's about this:

My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.

Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.

For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:20-23

Proverbs, dichus, etc all have the power to affect us and to create mental and spiritual strongholds. 

So what does the concept of "Beginner's Luck" do?

Well, let's say you've decided to do sweepstakesing. Let's say you win some wonderful stuff. Yep, this happened to me so I'm speaking from experience. When I first began sweepstakesing, I won $10K for a friend's wedding. (I'd entered his nme several times.) I won a box of 12 broderbund educational software one week and the next week won another box of educational software from another company. In a letter from one of the sponsors, i was told there were 600,000 entries. So, assuming both software contests had about the same amount of entries, I had won 2 out of 1,200,000 entries. I won other things as well, including roller blades for my son from E! Entertainment channel.

Then someone says to you: "Oh, you're so lucky! it's beginner's luck." Suddenly I stopped winning. Your mind incorporates this idea -- very subtly, without you being aware of it-- and you start thinking there is a cut-off mark for luck. I'm telling you this really happens and it's an example of how strongholds affect our ability to receive from God or to be blessed by the spiritual laws of the universe. I used to be weirdly lucky when it came to knowing which horse would win in  race. It was just uncanny. Then someone said to me, "Lucky in cards, unlucky in love." And I suppose some part of me believed that, and because I didn't want to be unlucky inlove....voila, the ability left.

I had not guarded my heart against that particular proverb. The world brainwashes us. That's why we have to keep in God's word to have our minds washed and cleaned up by God's view of reality. 

But it also reaches past the idea of luck. It also has to do with our ability to receive answers to prayers. We develop this quota mindset and start thinking we have received "enough good" and maybe heaven's gonna shut down on us.  Without realizing it, we develop this subconcious belief in a God who has limits. The word of God only works in a heart that is ready for it. We have to break up our fallow ground. Folks who have finally managed to get past the false truth of "earning" God's kindness, but who still are believing that God's kindness have a quota, are not able to receive, wish or imagine certain blessings.

When my husband's sister was dying, his father prayed this prayer to God: "God, you know I've never asked you for anything unimportant. But I'm asking you now. And if you hear this prayer I will never ask again."

Now, whether she would have been healed or not, there really is something very unBiblical and very wordly about tht prayer. We are all taught that God the big CEO in the sky helps only those who helps themselves and only cares for important things. Yet the Bible says, "Cast all your cares upon Him for He careth for you." The Scripture doesn't say, "Cast all your important care, cast all your care after you have carried them appropriately long enough, cast all your tried and true valid care after you have tried to help yourself."

I remember once i was sooo soo thirsty. I'd gone for a long walk without drinking any water. So I sid to God, "I'm so thirsty. I want some coconut water.But i have no money. Could you drop  dollar for me on the road so i can go to the deli two blocks down the road to buy some?" After I sked this, i felt a joy and a total assurance that i would get the dollar. I felt i should walk a block out of my way along a certain road. I went down that road and kept looking on the ground. Bingo: a dollar bill was on the ground. Someone had dropped it. I giggled wildly and went to get the coconut water.

The next day i also forgot to drink some water and was walking again. But try as i could I kept thinking, "God won't let me find money again. Not again. He thinks I should know better than to repeat the same mistake again. And even if he isn't mad at me for making the same mistake again, He doesn't do miracles twice in a row." Of course none of this is Biblicl. But my objections are stuff one picks up in the air, crappy seeds put in the ground that stand up as strongholds in our mind against God's extreme kindness and goodness.  

So hubby and i were lying in bed pondering and discussing the many proverbs, sayings, platitudes that we have allowed to affect our hearts...and thus affect the spiritual ground God's seed is planted in. 

Leaving you with this:

Hear ye therefore the parable of the sower. When any one heareth the word of the kingdom, and understandeth it not, then cometh the wicked one, and catcheth away that which was sown in his heart. This is he which received seed by the way side. But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; Yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while: for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended. He also that received seed among the thorns is he that heareth the word; and the care of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, choke the word, and he becometh unfruitful. But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. Matthew 13: 18-23

Pondering: Fantasy, daydreaming, hope

Hope imagines. But it imagines things it believes is good for itself. Based on one's knowledge of Scripture or one's own ethics, one's hope can be morally questionable -- but even so it's daydreams are geared toward some wished-for situation.

Despair imagines. But it imagines and meditates on what it fears. Based on one's knowledge and trust (or distrust) of Scripture, the images one meditates on in one's despair is either seen as the only possible future one could dream of (when one finds one's self in a bad situation.)

There is imagining impossibilities that may happen, and imagining improbabilities, and imagining miracles.

Both imagining impossibilities and imagining improbabilities have to do with attempts to heal. But imagining impossibilites involve back-tracking -- daydreaming about the past, woulda-coulda-shoulda-ing. In those daydreams, we often are attempting to heal our past soul wounds and so it's vain imaginings.  We are often not our own age, and yet we somehow are in the current era/year...which is always a bad sign. So daydreaming of being our twenty year old selves in 2013 with some famous young hottie.....nah, not gonna happen.

Imagining improbabilities is a step higher toward true hope. We are at least in the present, we are our own age, we are doing wonderful things or engaging with wonderful people. But the things, the people are slightly improbable...and again there is a need to heal our wounded soul. Thus we may daydream about being our real age but we put ourselves in such improbable situations. If our souls and spirits are being healed by imagining ourselves with some rich,powerful, famous person....well chances are this is not a true hope.

Imagining miracles. Well, this is true hope. It is setting the mind on the thing desired, imagining a good outcome based on a promise of God. This is the hardest daydream to enter because we have to know Scripture, we have to imagine Jesus or some holy Biblical person doing the miracle, and then we have to imagine God in us (the hope of glory) or some other Christian doing the miracle. Or we can just imagine a sovereign move of God without any human agency.

This kind of daydreaming is also difficult because when we reach a point in life where we need a miracle, our minds have often already become washed with negative images. So we're battling the vain negtive images the doctors, memory, time or habit have put in our minds and hearts...while at the same time trying to trust God's word and the images the Scripture wants to put into our minds. Plus, our daydreaming habits have usually not been creative or hopeful. So it's difficult to picture good things happening.

True hope is not vain or depressing or impossible imaginations; it is hope of salvation. I'm not saying our thoughts create our reality. Because God is able to give us more than we are able to ask or wish. I'm saying that we should at least keep tabs on our wishing. We should at least put as much conscious effort into imagining what life will be like when (not what life might be like if) our prayers come true. We should at least consciously imagine the looked-for end with the same gusto that we put into a sexual fantasy. We should walk around in our future hope knowing every nook and corner of it.

So there I was...realizing I am age 54. This means ...many of the daydreams and fantasies I have been indulging in for the past 34 years must now be put to rest. There is really no way that many of these fantasies will come true. Rich Korean young hottie will not arrive and bring my younger self or my current self happiness. But really, these daydreams are my second homes. What to do with them? Make stories out of them. I know those worlds so well. And in letting go of them and training my mind to lose past them...I can have my cake and eat it too. My mind will let them go but they will forever be engraved in story form.

Will see how it works. Sad...but some dreams have to be let go. 

Black Speculative Fiction Month posts on Suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack

Thanks a bunch for joining in on the fun!

Dee

1 Oct The Importance of Black Speculative Fiction by Balogun Ojetade http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-66

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=378 

2 Oct The Laroarian Conflict by A. Jarrell Hayes http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6E

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=412 

3 Oct Iniko by Alicia McCalla http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-5G

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=352 

4 Oct The Constant Tower by Carole McDonnell http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6N

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=421 

7 Oct Between Dusk and Dawn by Lynn Emery http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6y

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=406 

8 Oct Taurus Moon Relic Hunter by D K Gaston http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6b

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=383 

9 Oct The Other Realm by Deatri King-Bey http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6W

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=430 

10 Oct The Serpent Cult by Howard Night http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6B

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=409 

11 Oct Sin Eaters-Devotion Book One by Kai Leakes http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6H

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=415 

14 Oct The Seedbearing Prince: Part I by DaVaun Sanders http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6q

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=398 

15 Oct Spell by Janell http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-5N

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=359 

16 Oct

17 Oct Woman of the Woods by Milton Davis http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6n

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=395 

18 Oct

21 Oct Masoth The Journey Beyond by Ehav Ever http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6K

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=418 

22 Oct Hayward's Reach by Thaddeus Howze http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6v

 http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=403 

23 Oct Order of the Seers (Book I in the Order of the Seers Trilogy) by Cerece Rennie Murphy http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6Q

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=424 

24 Oct

25 Oct  The Switch II: Clockwork by Valjeanne Jeffers http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6h

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=389 

28 Oct The Temptation of John Haynes by Shawn James http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6k

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=392 

29 Oct Mamaluke Bath  by Andrew Asibong  http://wp.me/p2yAZ4-6e

http://www.suspensemysteryhorrorandthrillersinblack.com/?p=386 

30 Oct

31 Oct

My halloween post --yeah, another post about the hi-jacking of the possible

In my last post I talked about natural supernaturalism and magical realism and I kinda mentioned the hi-jacking of reality but didn't really get into it.

But since it's Halloween, I figured...why not?

So once again I say, those who believe in a rationalistic closed universe have hijacked the possible away from us. I for one have no problem believing there was a time when the universe didn't have to prove how incredibly supernatural and magical it all is. People saw the magical, accepted it, and didn't have the need to train their minds not to see it.

So yeah, an example of modern reality-hijacking and impossibility-thinking: The various medical books have described "hallucinations" of seeing the deceased person speaking to us is part of the mind's way of dealing with death. Okay, I didn't see hallucinations of my mother when she died but I know folks who have seen their dead children return to say goodbye or who have seen their parents after death. Now, because reality --and those in charge of how we see reality-- have decided this is all hallucinatory...then folks are trained to believe their minds re playing tricks on them. Because, after all, something impossible can't be happening to them.

So now it's Halloween. A creepy holiday definitely, and one that celebrates mostly death, dying, and killing things. Easter, which celebrates life and resurrection is not so famous among other cultures as our Halloween is.  Because although Halloween celebrates death, it also celebrates and tries to reclaim the impossible. Nature abhors a vacuum. You pull the magical and the mystical and the numinous and the unexplainable from the human possible of reality and the magical must make itself known.

I remember reading of a kid who murdered someone just to see if God would stop him, just to see if the human conscience really had power over self, just to see if ghosts and demons would haunt him. Sad old world that people have to go to such extremes to see if something other than reality exists. And of course it's all about faith isn't it? If one has trained a kid not to see God, not to see the numinous power in conscience, not to see the magic of retribution in the world, not to see ghosts....then even if God were standing in front of him telling him not to do it..he would not see God. Because the kid's eyes have been trained not to see. He would only think it was all an hallucintion.

And then there is the other side of the mysterious and the magical -- miracles. When you have folks saying miracles don't exist or saying that flowers are magical...they demean the word. They fall into the hijacker's hand, they raid the glories of the possible.  

Travelling Fantasy Blog Tour: Fantasy and What It Means to be Human

From the beginning of time (and perhaps before time began) the question has always existed: what does it mean to be human?

Humanity lives/exists within a prescribed setting which limits knowledge, age, joy, the body, sexuality, tribe, power, authority, dominion, physical movement, movement in time.

As a writer of Christian fiction I grew up with the story of Adam and Eve which is the first encounter most Christians have with the question of What does it mean to be human. In that story, man is created but not yet settled into a specific kind of being. (And in the Christian mythos, man will not find his true "self" and "being" until the end of time when time is no more.

Adam and Eve are beings who do not die. Yet they are not really immortal. They're in a strange nexus of creation where they are like god with (some) dominion and some knowledge. But they lack something, something God apparently thinks is not particularly important. They do not understand right and wrong.
They have consciousness but are without law or conscience. They have a blissful ignorance of evil and cannot judge/blame either themselves, others, God, or the world. For them, it is a world which is neither immoral or moral.

Despite God's desire that they remain outside of the realm of guilt or consciousness of evil, God did make them moral beings. Their one morality: the freedom to obey or not to obey. They are aware of one thing that they lack: they do not fully understand the ramifications of evil: disease, death, cruelty, hunger, toil, meaninglessness, and the thousand ills flesh is heir to. This knowledge of death is what separates them from God, what makes them less than God.

But  third agency enters the picture and challenges them to be like God. The agency tempts them with knowledge of evil, law, conscience, guilt. The humans take a wager upon themselves. It is possible that humans can understand evil and not fall into guilt.  Their first response to eyes opened to evil: shame. Shme about what? Shame in their comparison to  perfect God. Thus humanity falls from its own perfection as it aimed for God's perfection.

There is so much in this story, myth, history. And all fantasy stories echo it. All these elements are found in fantasy: Humans who wish to put side emotions and become, robots who wish to be humans, humans locked way from Eden, humans betrayed by a God, humans betraying their gods, humans casting off their gods, intrusive deceiving godlike figures, humans battling death, humans defying death, humans conquering time, humans failing a task, humans striving, humans ignorant of evil, humans being dominated by the world, humans dominating the world. All the echoes are found in fantasy stories and will apparently continue until the end of time.

Other discussions on fantasy and what it means to be human can be found here
http://immortaldream.tumblr.com/

http://valjeanne.wordpress.com/2013/11/01/being-human/

Natural Supernaturalism, Magical Realism, and the hi-jacking of the possible

So yeah...I'm working on Onion.

Okay, natural superalism is what I'm iming for. Magical realism. This is generally not done in a lot of Christian fiction because many Christians have been taught to think of supernatural and magical things (which happen on a frequent basis) as rare or demonic. I've managed to do natural supernaturalism in Wind Follower and Constant Tower. But heck one can get away with magic in an epic fantasy novel. To try it in a contemporary world is a hard row to hoe. I want to try it though. I want to see how much I can get away with. So, my aim: expanding genre-bending in American evangelical Christian fiction.

Pentecostal Fiction often uses the open universe when writing apocalyptic fiction.  Mainstream Christian fiction uses it when a prayer gets answered ...and even then the supernatural is a rare non-normal thing. For the most part most American evangelical Christian Fiction has a Baptist closed world leglistic view where grace and the miracle-working-God-in-us charismatic grace is rarely seen.

American Christian evangelical Fiction is pretty unimaginative when it comes to playing with literary form, and often when they try to go outside the box/push the envelope they are so lacking in their knowledge of the dimensions of the box or the outside of the envelope that they just create a muddle. There really is nothing more embarrassing than the typical evangelical American christian artist "going outside the box."

The realms of the unseen are rarely dealt with in a normal kind of way. The rationalistic world has basically defined and hijacked the definition of the possible. And American Christians who aren't really charismatic (and remember, we Charismatics are in all denominations so I'm not picking on denominations per se)  also tend to see as things the non-Christian world sees it. So writings about healings, miraculous translations from point  to point B, non-human parasitic forces (demons), unseen realms, words of knowledge, etc, etc, etc..will just cause mainstream Christians to roll their eyes...or to think the writer is a nut.

So how to write a good story that has normal Charismatic stuff? In addition, I want to write about normal normal charismtic urban kids. These kids are not the perfect little kids one sees in some christian books. They're real. They think guys are hot. They are praying one minute and seeing angels the next and lusting after guys the other. What to do? Can I pull it off without making it hokey?

Jesus, are you listening? You gotta help me. Thanks, Lord.

Off to write other stuff now though. Gotta get the bottleneck stuff outta the way: the review of Alan Jacob's Book of Common Prayer: A history and Larrimore'sBok of Job: A history (both of which I've already reviewed for Examiner and both by Univ of Princeton Press) but I want to write another review for both of them on blogcritics as well. Gotta also post my review of Dark Girls by Bill Duke. And a book on how to be a vegan (ain't gonna happen, too much for me to commit to. Even down to not wearing leather shoes.) A coupla other books as well. Am also working on a book called "A Fool's Journey through the Book of Proverbs" and a book called "Scapegoats and sacred cows of Bible Study." Also gott write about three short stories. Then...I gotta commit to Onion.

Fractured Legacy by Skye Callahan

Can Kaylyn figure out how to stop a spirit that has been looking for her since she was a child?

Available October 22

Fractured Legacy

by Skye Callahan

Kaylyn Anderson's fascination with abandoned places and dark creatures kindled her work as a paranormal investigator. But when dreams begin to distort reality, she questions what is real and pulls away from everyone she trusts. The opportunity to investigate the Teague Hotel--a long-abandoned landmark that has always piqued her curiosity--provides a chance to redeem herself. Unraveling the hotel's secrets won't be easy, but Kaylyn soon finds herself the target of a dark entity that has been trapped in the building for decades.

If Kaylyn stands any chance of defeating the spirit, she'll have to accept that her fears are real and convince fellow investigators that she hasn't lost her mind.

Buy your copy on Amazon

Read the first 3 chapters on Wattpad

Follow along with the Release Tour for interviews, excerpts, reviews, and a chance to win a signed paperback (US), bookmarks and Fractured Legacy swag in the Rafflecopter giveaway.

About the Author: Skye Callahan

Skye Callahan was born and raised in Ohio and has seen enough unbelievable stuff to feed a lifetime of paranormal stories. When not writing or working at the dayjob, she hangs out with her ethnomusicologist husband and pet ferrets, reads, and takes long walks through the cemetery.

Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads | Blog

The Pearl of Great Price and the Good Samaritan

I so dislike Facebook Bible Studies and social media Bible discussions. Because no matter what happens, there is always really limited (note, I do not say "crappy") exegesis and analysis on the verse being discussed. And the limitation often reflects American Christianity.

For instance, someone mentioned the Good Samaritan parable on FB today. And everyone starts posting about this and that...but in the long run it's still the parable understood from the white privileged kind of view. Which is NOT invalid but which is...because it is white privilege or ven black privilege...limited.

As a minority I had to step in nd put in my two cents. The other aspects of the good samaritan parable is pretty much usually forgotten:

For instance:

A) helping people who are prejudiced against you,
B  ) that the understanding of another's pain and seeing the other person as a human beyond their externals C) that the people who are outwardly religious often are not loving in their hearts (and either do just up to the limit the law requires or find a way to legally not do the right thing --like going over to the other side)
D) knowing that we ourselves have been helped by people we have been prejudiced against. People like talking about giving and giving...as if christians are so saintly and do-gooders...but we also have received much from people we are prejudiced against and from people who we think God would not love.

We as Christians like to think about how helpful we re but we don't want to consider how much we have been helped. As long as we go around thinking of ourselves as good samaritans, we are seeing ourselves as people who are not wounded, who have not been helped and had our wounds bound up. We are also in the position of folks having been good neighbor to us. If we consider the good smaitan from both angles, then all our self-praise at being good samaritans get modified by humility...hopefully.

I remember hearing what the Chinese Church interpretation of the Pearl of Great Price is. They say Jesus was the man digging in his garden and we are the pearl he found and he gave up all he had -- his life-- because the pearl was so precious to him. The rest of the Christian world interprets the parables in so many ways but we American Christians have our narrow little interpretations. Even when we think we are outside the box, we are pretty well ensconced in it. nd you can always understand the effect of an american missionary because then the non-white church and the non-american church just starts taking our interpretation of things.

American analysis of the parables are often focused on the legalistic aspects. Doing, doing. We should be good and do.Or, look at us: We were good nd found tghe kingdom and gave up all for it. It is still self. And is still full of the old righteousness mentality. Get the focus off us. We like to think we have given up  a lot and everything to follow the kingdom. Why can't we also think tht the parable is about both sides of love. Jesus giving all for that great pearl (us) and us -- realizing how valuable we are ..and how costly... can now respond to that love and also give up the little we "think" we have.

The Nature of Love: a theology by Thomas Oord

Paperback: 208 pages

Publisher: Chalice Press (April 10, 2010)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0827208286

ISBN-13: 978-0827208285

Here's the blurb:
God is love. Consequently, shouldn t love exist at the center of Christian theology? When love is at the center, theology is understood differently than it has typically been understood.

Some theologians have placed faith at the center, others God s sovereignty, still others-the Church, but Dr. Oord places the emphasis on love. God s love for us, revealed in Christ, in the Church, and in creation, and our love for God and others as ourselves must be afforded its rightful place.

Beginning with the foundation of love is what differentiates the Christian faith from others...a loving God. Dr. Oord defines love as:

To love is to act intentionally, in sympathetic/empathetic response to God and others, to promote overall well-being. 

Is this not what has defined Christians throughout history?

Thomas Jay Oord is a professor at Northwest Nazarene University in Nampa, Idaho. He is a theologian, philosopher, scholar of multidisciplinary studies, and the author or editor of a dozen books. 

Thomas Jay Oord is a theologian, philosopher, and scholar of multi-disciplinary studies. He is the author or editor of about twenty books, and he is professor at Northwest Nazarene University, in Nampa, Idaho. Oord is known for his contributions to research on love, altruism, open and relational theology, issues in science and religion, Wesleyan/Holiness/Church of the Nazarene thought, New Evangelical theology, and postmodernism. He is or has been president of several scholarly societies. Oord blogs frequently at his website: http://thomasjayoord.com

Fantasy stories, escapism wishfulfillment

I generally don't mind fantasy stories that are escapist stories but there is a kind of escapist story that so reeks of wish-fulfillment that it is embarrasing to read. It feels as if the author is leaking her neurosis all over the reader.

Okay, I have no real problem with an author's neurosis per se. What I have a problem with is the leaking of it. I want an author who will grab her neurosis by the throat, wrestle it to the ground, and look it in the eye.

I want honesty. I want escapism but true escapism. One has looked into the eye of the minotaur of one's fantasy and one has escaped stronger and more clear-eyed.

So there is pulp fiction and there are escapist fluff romances. Not for me. Not for me. When I look at stuff like that I feel as if I'm reading un-self-conscious masturbatory fantasy. Again, note: I have no problem with being made to look at someone's masturbatory fantasy. But I want to think the author is examining the fantasy, facing its implication, and in general preserving the fantasy cake and destroying it as well.

As a black person, I've seen many manuscripts by black writers. Some of them are very Conanesque...they hail back to a mythic time when Blacks were a great empire. Some are revenge fantasies....they are about black vampires hating --eating-- white victimizers. On the whole, when I read stuff like this ..I don't feel empowered, I feel pity for the writer. Revenge fantasies like power fantasies just make me cringe.

But not neurosis.

At first one might think that a writer searching deeply and honestly into her fantasy (for all to see) would be embarrasing for the reader and for the writer. But that's not what happens. What happens is that we also want these truths to hit us. We know ourselves...we know we have indulged in fantasies very like the authors. We feel normal because we now see that someone has shared our fantasy. But something goes sour if we see our fantasies in the simplistic fictive dream. IT doesn't heal the self. It feels empty. Let's not just keep our childlike Christmas concept of our fantasy, all shiny and juvenile. We have to make this fantasy grow into adulthood, an adult saner understanding of the truth of the fantasy.  We have to recover from this fantasy while at the same time honoring it. To hold to the fantasy without examining it is to stay in the rut that created the fantasy. We want to see and understand elements of the fantasy that we have not seen. The fantasy gets old if it's not challenged. At the same time, the fantasy must still be redeemed in a valid way.

Everyone who has read my stories or seen my status on facebook KNOW that I have a thing for Asian men, for passive men, for pretty men. I wrote stories about them, about them loving dark women who don't love themselves. And yet. . . .I like to think that I have used my neurotic fantasies elegantly and I have searched deeply into them. I have never -- to my best ability-- brought my unregurgitated fantasies for the world to see.

Just my 0.02 cents

So much to see, so little time

76 COUNTRIES IN COMPETITION FOR 2013 FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OSCAR®

BEVERLY HILLS, CA -- A record 76 countries have submitted films for
consideration in the Foreign Language Film category for the 86th Academy
Awards*®*.  Moldova and Saudi Arabia are first-time entrants; Montenegro is
submitting for the first time as an independent country.

The following countries have submitted these films for the 2014 Oscars. And yes...how many am I gonna try to see? 

Afghanistan, "Wajma -- An Afghan Love Story," Barmak Akram, director;
Albania, "Agon," Robert Budina, director;
Argentina, "The German Doctor," Lucía Puenzo, director;
Australia, "The Rocket," Kim Mordaunt, director;
Austria, "The Wall," Julian Pölsler, director;
Azerbaijan, "Steppe Man," Shamil Aliyev, director;
Bangladesh, "Television," Mostofa Sarwar Farooki, director;
Belgium, "The Broken Circle Breakdown," Felix van Groeningen, director;
Bosnia and Herzegovina, "An Episode in the Life of an Iron Picker," Danis
Tanovic, director;
Brazil, "Neighboring Sounds," Kleber Mendonça Filho, director;
Bulgaria, "The Color of the Chameleon," Emil Hristov, director;
Cambodia, "The Missing Picture," Rithy Panh, director;
Canada, "Gabrielle," Louise Archambault, director;
Chad, "GriGris," Mahamat-Saleh Haroun, director;
Chile, "Gloria," Sebastián Lelio, director;
China, "Back to 1942," Feng Xiaogang, director;
Colombia, "La Playa DC," Juan Andrés Arango, director;
Croatia, "Halima's Path," Arsen Anton Ostojic, director;
Czech Republic, "The Don Juans," Jiri Menzel, director;
Denmark, "The Hunt," Thomas Vinterberg, director;
Dominican Republic, "Quien Manda?" Ronni Castillo, director;
Ecuador, "The Porcelain Horse," Javier Andrade, director;
Egypt, "Winter of Discontent," Ibrahim El Batout, director;
Estonia, "Free Range," Veiko Ounpuu, director;
Finland, "Disciple," Ulrika Bengts, director;
France, "Renoir," Gilles Bourdos, director;
Georgia, "In Bloom," Nana Ekvtimishvili and Simon Gross, directors;
Germany, "Two Lives," Georg Maas, director;
Greece, "Boy Eating the Bird's Food," Ektoras Lygizos, director;
Hong Kong, "The Grandmaster," Wong Kar-wai, director;
Hungary, "The Notebook," Janos Szasz, director;
Iceland, "Of Horses and Men," Benedikt Erlingsson, director;
India, "The Good Road," Gyan Correa, director;
Indonesia, "Sang Kiai," Rako Prijanto, director;
Iran, "The Past," Asghar Farhadi, director;
Israel, "Bethlehem," Yuval Adler, director;
Italy, "The Great Beauty," Paolo Sorrentino, director;
Japan, "The Great Passage," Ishii Yuya, director;
Kazakhstan, "Shal," Yermek Tursunov, director;
Latvia, "Mother, I Love You," Janis Nords, director;
Lebanon, "Blind Intersections," Lara Saba, director;
Lithuania, "Conversations on Serious Topics," Giedre Beinoriute, director;
Luxembourg, "Blind Spot," Christophe Wagner, director;
Mexico, "Heli," Amat Escalante, director;
Moldova, "All God's Children," Adrian Popovici, director;
Montenegro, "Ace of Spades - Bad Destiny," Drasko Djurovic, director;
Morocco, "Horses of God," Nabil Ayouch, director;
Nepal, "Soongava: Dance of the Orchids," Subarna Thapa, director;
Netherlands, "Borgman," Alex van Warmerdam, director;
New Zealand, "White Lies," Dana Rotberg, director;
Norway, "I Am Yours," Iram Haq, director;
Pakistan, "Zinda Bhaag," Meenu Gaur and Farjad Nabi, directors;
Palestine, "Omar," Hany Abu-Assad, director;
Peru, "The Cleaner," Adrian Saba, director;
Philippines, "Transit," Hannah Espia, director;
Poland, "Walesa. Man of Hope," Andrzej Wajda, director;
Portugal, "Lines of Wellington," Valeria Sarmiento, director;
Romania, "Child's Pose," Calin Peter Netzer, director;
Russia, "Stalingrad," Fedor Bondarchuk, director;
Saudi Arabia, "Wadjda," Haifaa Al Mansour, director;
Serbia, "Circles," Srdan Golubovic, director;
Singapore, "Ilo Ilo," Anthony Chen, director;
Slovak Republic, "My Dog Killer," Mira Fornay, director;
Slovenia, "Class Enemy," Rok Bicek, director;
South Africa, "Four Corners," Ian Gabriel, director;
South Korea, "Juvenile Offender," Kang Yi-kwan, director;
Spain, "15 Years Plus a Day," Gracia Querejeta, director;
Sweden, "Eat Sleep Die," Gabriela Pichler, director;
Switzerland, "More than Honey," Markus Imhoof, director;
Taiwan, "Soul," Chung Mong-Hong, director;
Thailand, "Countdown," Nattawut Poonpiriya, director;
Turkey, "The Butterfly's Dream," Yilmaz Erdogan, director;
Ukraine, "Paradjanov," Serge Avedikian and Olena Fetisova, directors;
United Kingdom, "Metro Manila," Sean Ellis, director;
Uruguay, "Anina," Alfredo Soderguit, director;
Venezuela, "Breach in the Silence," Luis Alejandro Rodríguez and Andrés
Eduardo Rodríguez, directors.

Reviews hits and misses

So I'm reviewing again. Which means: I get all these emails offering books, DVD's, music CD's to review. Reviews range from secular to religious to secular books about religious books. So much to choose from. Which is often a problem.

When choosing to accept an item to review, one can:
1) Choose an item then utterly regret the choice when it arrives
2) Choose an item and looooooooove one's choice
3) Not choose an item and utterly regret it when a trusted friend reviews it.

If I regret choosing a particular book (because we reviewers actually WANT to like a book), then I can simply not finish reading it, finish reading it but not review it, review it in as kind a manner as I can (because I don't want to upset a fellow writer), or totally slam the book and the author.

If I choose a book I really like, I write a review. Generally, the greater it is, the harder it is for me to show how wonderfully great it is. Don't know why.

If I don't choose a book and later I discover how great it is, then I kinda stew.

So there I was on facebook a few months ago when Mirta --a good online friend-- told me about the book SIFTED. She loved it. I remember SIFTED being on the list sent to me from the Christian publisher. Now, looking on amazon, I see several books entited SIFTED. I don't even know which one Mirta is praising. I may ask her but now ---urg!!!!-- i'll have to buy it. Which is a real bother to a reviewer///at least this reviewer.

Okay, you may ask, why didn't you take the book then when it was offered to you?
Because -- generally-- I roll my eyes at Christian expository/devotional/exhortation/teaching books. BECAUSE they often seem pretty distant to my situation or written in a shallow way or...well...let me just say that most Christian fiction and non-fiction strike me as deeply shallow. Apparently prejudiced old me missed a good one. So annoying.

Which leaves me all alone with my lonesome to figure out what all SIFTED means. Yes, the Holy Spirit, my mind, and discussions with friends is all I'll have to go on as I try to figure out this verse:

31And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:32But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. Luke 22:31-32

I have to figure out the difference between God's sifting and Satan's sifting.

I suspect there are more verses with "sifting" in the Bible...which aren't translated as "sift" in the KJV.

For, lo, I will command, and I will sift the house of Israel among all nations, like as corn is sifted in a sieve, yet shall not the least grain fall upon the earth. Amos 9:9

There are probably some folks out there who will say there is a difference between God sifting as corn and Satan sifting as wheat..but since "corn" seems to be an interjection done by the KJV translators I can't really go there.

This sifting of Peter comes after Peter's great confession: You are the Son of God, the Messiah. So is that when Satan chooses to sift us? When we're sure of our own righteousness? Peter was awfully sure of himself: "I will never leave you!"

So is sifting as wheat the same as separating the chaff from the wheat? And what is the difference between God purifying us and separating us from our chaff? Satan is about the law and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil....but Jesus is about the tree of life. Satan is concerned with seeing how we fully follow the law, and how we deal with our own righteousness. Jesus is concerned with us leaving off our righteousness and accepting Jesus' righteousness. so????

You see....all this I would know if I had just believed Christian publishers actually could be depended on to write good spiritual books.

And then there is the "after you are converted"....what is that supposed to mean? Apparently, one can repent from one's sins and become a disciple and even an apostle doing all kinds of miracles with the twelve, the other seventy, the one who followeth not us, with Jesus...and yet not be converted yet? Is this converted from one's own righteousness? Or converted from one's ways of looking at the world?

Yep... I would know all this if I had gotten the book. Sooooo annoying. 

Him and His Ugly Will

One of the main themes in my novel, The Constant Tower, is the way wills battle each other, how powerful people impose their wills on those less powerful, and how weak people have nothing but their wills.

Folks talk about the human will a lot. The will to survive, the self-will we must break, the strength of will. And really many novels are about the will of the protag (what the protagonist wills) versus the wills of others. We see the good protag and we hope that his goals and all he wills will come true. And we hope all the baddie's will will not come true or that the baddie will relent in his wilfulness.

The Constant Tower, among other things, is about will, willing, holding to one's will. Oh, there are other thematic elements but the most important for me was how a father and husband has a will and how children and wives have their wills stomped on. To be unable to have one's own will is to be pulled along by the tide of another's will, or to be pulled in another's wake, or to be suddenly smashed and tossed by a large wave.

My main protagonist in TheConstant Tower is a king -- a man of will, of course because the default of all kings is their power. He is also a husband and a father. He has the good of his family/clan at heart. This is the worst kind of wilfulness -- the wilfulness of a benevoloent tyrant.

Because most stories take the will of the protags or antagonists for granted, we don't often ponder the idea of the will.

Someone with a great will is willful because he believes his way is the right way. He has gathered information that proves his way is the right way. Also, his ego might be involved. He simply cannot let others see him relent. To relent is to admit failure to both himself and to others. Admitting failure to himself implies he has made the wrong move and he is perhaps deeply deeply deeply wrong in all his convictions. Admitting failure to others implies others are more knowledgeable about life, others, the world than he is. So much is involved in holding to one's wilfulness that giving up on what wills is tantamount to death.

In Japanese dramas and films, there are often moments when someone has to apologize --bend and kneel-- before his enemy. This bending of the knee is so tantamount to the breaking of the will that the kneeler is crushed beyond words. Tears, clenched fists, brokenness, shame, loss of face, vengeance, suicide -- all are possible addenda to such scenes. This often happens in Korean dramas but not to such a horrifying degree. When someone in a J-drama demands someone apologize, well we viewers know all hell is gonna break loose or all hope is lost because the apology is a way of saying that wilfulness has been broken.

I'm always amazed at how demanding some folks get in these dramas: The good guy or the bad guy DEMANDS that his enemy kneel and apologize. The demand is relentless. Apologize (KNEEL, GROVEL) or I will not forgive. Apologize or I will not help your company. Apologize and bend your will visibly to mine....or I will not forget this slight. It's your will or my own.

I totally understand not giving in to an enemy. And I totally understand wanting one's enemy to say, "I'm sorry." But I just don't get why the visual representation that implies the breaking of the enemy's will is so dang important. To me it's like the line in the story that goes: "I may be kneeling but inside my heart I am standing up." For me, being made to appear as if my will is broken (by the act of kneeling) is still not really my will being actually broken.

Okay, so this leads to kneeling in prayer.

We Christians kneel all the time in prayer.  We ask God to forgive us for our sins. We tell God He is the true and only power in life. We say we are nothing. We say we are giving up our will. Yet, really...are we? Aren't we still truly wilful people? Religious people who do all kinds of genuflecting and bowing and kow-towing to God can be incredibly attached to their ugly ugly relentless will. 

Even feminists sometimes dream of rescuers

I am so not the perfect feminist.

Okay, feminism and everything else.
Feminist and not so much
Unprejudiced and not so much
Christian-like and not so much

Seriously, it is that RARE person who is totally feminist, totally unprejudice, totally Christlike in their behavior.

My novel, The Constant Tower, is pretty feminist in its own way. The villain NAHAS is representative of fathers and husbands who lead their family, running over their family's wills and happiness, in his quest for what he considers right. He's not a bad guy...except for that pesky ugly wilfulness of his. And that's kinda how I dealt with feminism. I really do think men/pastors/male leaders DO run rough-shod over folks (usually wives, women in the church, secretaries) and are very much benevolent tyrants.

But at the same time, how feminist can I be if in my daydreams (when I am furious with my husband) I daydream of a rich young guy with a big house and who loves kids taking me away from my drab sad life to a wonderful world? Yes, I still want a man to take care of me...even in my daydreams. What a bummer!

But also there is the whole "Am I prejudiced?" bit. I'm generally not prejudice. But there are moments when prejudice pops up. For instance, I am battling my anger with nasty gold-digging African guys who were asking me for money when I was on facebook. And I'm truly peeved at my illegal Ecuadorean neighbor who keeps coming into my yard to take stuff. Seriously, there is such a thing as asking! Why just walk in and take stuff? Sometimes I see stuff my stuff in their yard where they have placed it for all to see...so I think..."oh, okay, they didn't exactly steal it. They took it without my permission." But sometimes stuff is just taken. There is nothing more annoying than to be sitting in one's living room in a towel writing when one hears --then sees-- some guy coming on one's front porch taking one's bicycle away. And it's stolen just like that but one is too undressed to race after the culprit. I don't think every Ecuadorean is a theif. One of the three churches I attend is made up of Ecuadoreans. But still, I must admit I am not flawlessly unprejudiced.

And when it comes to religion. I'm not there yet. I don't have as much faith as I wish and I don't watch only G movies as a good Christian should. (Although I will admit I have definitely developed an aversion to certain kinds of indie movies.)

So yeah, all this mental, spiritual, and behavioral idea of social perfection is a spectrum!!!!! I'm on the spectrum of all of them. I suppose we're supposed to reach the end of the spectrum by the time we die. From glory to glory and all that. But I doubt I will be perfectly anything by the time death calls. Just saying.

Okay then...back to daydreaming of a rich Asian twenty-something guy to rescue me. YES, even feminists dream of rescuers. Imperfect feminists anyway. 

Black Speculative Fiction Month blogs

http://blackspeculativefictionmonth.com/


http://valjeanne.wordpress.com/2013/10/01/october-is-black-speculative-fiction-month-yall-ready-for-this/

http://blackartinamerica.com/profiles/blogs/happy-black-speculative-fiction-month


http://kickingandscreamingblog.blogspot.com/


http://chroniclesofharriet.com/2013/10/01/happy-black-speculative-fiction-month/


http://www.mvmediaatl.com/Wagadu/?p=492


http://www.alienstarbooks.com/1/post/2013/10/october-is-black-speculative-fiction-month.html