Monday, October 07, 2013

Even feminists sometimes dream of rescuers

I am so not the perfect feminist.

Okay, feminism and everything else.
Feminist and not so much
Unprejudiced and not so much
Christian-like and not so much

Seriously, it is that RARE person who is totally feminist, totally unprejudice, totally Christlike in their behavior.

My novel, The Constant Tower, is pretty feminist in its own way. The villain NAHAS is representative of fathers and husbands who lead their family, running over their family's wills and happiness, in his quest for what he considers right. He's not a bad guy...except for that pesky ugly wilfulness of his. And that's kinda how I dealt with feminism. I really do think men/pastors/male leaders DO run rough-shod over folks (usually wives, women in the church, secretaries) and are very much benevolent tyrants.

But at the same time, how feminist can I be if in my daydreams (when I am furious with my husband) I daydream of a rich young guy with a big house and who loves kids taking me away from my drab sad life to a wonderful world? Yes, I still want a man to take care of me...even in my daydreams. What a bummer!

But also there is the whole "Am I prejudiced?" bit. I'm generally not prejudice. But there are moments when prejudice pops up. For instance, I am battling my anger with nasty gold-digging African guys who were asking me for money when I was on facebook. And I'm truly peeved at my illegal Ecuadorean neighbor who keeps coming into my yard to take stuff. Seriously, there is such a thing as asking! Why just walk in and take stuff? Sometimes I see stuff my stuff in their yard where they have placed it for all to I think..."oh, okay, they didn't exactly steal it. They took it without my permission." But sometimes stuff is just taken. There is nothing more annoying than to be sitting in one's living room in a towel writing when one hears --then sees-- some guy coming on one's front porch taking one's bicycle away. And it's stolen just like that but one is too undressed to race after the culprit. I don't think every Ecuadorean is a theif. One of the three churches I attend is made up of Ecuadoreans. But still, I must admit I am not flawlessly unprejudiced.

And when it comes to religion. I'm not there yet. I don't have as much faith as I wish and I don't watch only G movies as a good Christian should. (Although I will admit I have definitely developed an aversion to certain kinds of indie movies.)

So yeah, all this mental, spiritual, and behavioral idea of social perfection is a spectrum!!!!! I'm on the spectrum of all of them. I suppose we're supposed to reach the end of the spectrum by the time we die. From glory to glory and all that. But I doubt I will be perfectly anything by the time death calls. Just saying.

Okay then...back to daydreaming of a rich Asian twenty-something guy to rescue me. YES, even feminists dream of rescuers. Imperfect feminists anyway. 

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