Thursday, February 26, 2009

Pondering a Challenge

This weekend is the Whole Women Conference. A friend emailed me and asked if I wanted to go. Since I'm totally out of the loop of Anglo-speaking Church groups I didn't even know about this thing.

But honestly, I don't want to go. Fact is: I dread these Christian women things. I dread the sermons which are often simplistic and don't speak to my particular condition ("Well, sometimes we women are selfish and we must learn to do with less! There is much more to life than money." This once said by two women who went on annual trips to Cancun and China.) Or sermons which are nothing more than an oratory competition where lukewarm spiritual food are served in pretentious or fiery sermons. I'm also imagining touchy-feely stuff, stuff about submitting to husbands, stuff about a female's place in the home. In addition, I don't know if I can last through it. It's a bit of a chore sitting up in my own house for more than four hours...but this will mean aaargh, being in a strange church or hotel possibly feeling tired and sleepy and being stuck there until my friend Liz drives me home. But the thing is... I might genuinely be surprised.

But then I keep telling myself that God wants me to rise up in defiance of my problems. I try to wash the dishes although sometimes I'm so tired I think I'm going to faint. And I'm trying to trust church women again. ::rolling eyes:: which is so very hard sometimes because many of them say judgmental things or platitudes, or they are so much more into "normality" than I am.

But I feel God telling me to stop being so cynical. So maybe I'll go. My besetting sin is to be a recluse and to avoid the world. At the same time my other besetting sin is my terrible habit of befriending folks way too easily. (Ah, the oversensitive Christian woman! What to do!) So this'll be a bit of a test to see if I can actually learn to hope. Or at least I can learn to hang with regular Christian women and be happily dishonest and distance. Will see what I decide.

* Addendum --> Discovered the conference minister is speaking on "obedience." Aaargh. Now I don't mind something about obedience to God. But if she dares -- I mean DARES-- goes on one of those "women should obey their spouses" tropes...I'm honestly gonna puke!
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