Saturday, February 16, 2013

Self-silencing and Letting go


After one of my Christian friends objected to me saying the world is a magical world, I stopped really writing about myself and religion on my blog. So my blog has been mostly empty. But now...yeah, more stuff that makes me feel the need to go silent. So yeah, time to just rest.

Am in a weird self-silencing and letting go mode. A real tiredness now, because i've spent the past 53 years of my life fearing illness to an obsessive degree, fearing about what folks think about me to the point of being terrified, worried about not having money. And really, what has all that worry done? I've been super careful, super prepared, super-alert to the point of hypervigilance and tiredness. And really, nothing has happened. I want to just chill now. And take whatever comes WHEN it comes, without anticipating. I also find that writing non-fiction and sharing my thoughts leads to sorrow for me, although at times what I say might be healing to others. But in writing fiction, one can tell all one's soul and still be somewhat protected. So am thinking from now on, I will share little of myself directly.

Am thinking this will be one of the last really personal posts on my blogs...then after this...nothing religious, nothing social, nothing societal...only writing related.
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