Saturday, May 26, 2012

Dark Parable: Ripping my heart out

I dreamed I was in a school and a teenaged boy with many sports award wanted to leave school without taking the last examination test. I cried and wept and kept telling him he shouldn't do that, thta the test was very necessary. Then there was another kid I was crying for. Quite the weepy tears. Then there was a dance class in the gym or something like that.  Then suddenly a video of Elvis Presley (The King) dancing was seen by some of us and there was this big earthquake inside this vision of the king. And just as this vision of the earthquake happened, there was an earthquake in the real world. Some of us were saying to each other, "Did you see the vision on the wall of Elvis Presley? Did you see how the earthquake in our world happened just when it happened in that vision?" Much amazement. Cause it was a kind of phenomenon and like a vision that only a few of us saw. The school where we were was totally destroyed from the inside although one could still get around and no one seemed to have died. I opened the back door so people could come and go but someone said security didn't want us to do that because straners might get into the school. so i shut the door.

THere was a black goat impaled on the fence around the school and it was living as it bled. I felt it was placed there by someone to curse the school but who knows? it could be Jesus who became a curse for us.

I was walking outside in the town where everything seemed normal, and I saw a Christian writer friend named Grace B. I told her about the earthquake in the school. She said she didn't see any and behaved as if she doubted me. I said it only occurred in the school. I wasn't sure if she believed me after that.

I was then at my house and I had opened my body and was removing various parts and non-vital organs. Then I removed this big organ from my body. It had little fibrous stuff connected to it that I was trying to get rid of by pulling them away with my fingers. They looked like little fiddle vines and beautiful little anemones or octopus tentacles. I was scraping them away and putting them in the garbage so I could clean up the organ and send it to wherever I was sending it. Then i realised the organ  looked like a heart but was kinda like my liver, that it was a vital organ. When I realized that I started waiting to die and I said out loud, "Oh My God??? What have I done?" Then i rushed to call 911.


I don't have all the interpretation on this but I think I have the last part. So quickly: the first part. Vaguely apocalyptic but only in a certain area, in a school...and Elvis dancing might be a christ symbol... The King, after all. Not sure but I'm thinking the impaled goat is about the cursed scapegoat: Jesus who became a curse for us.

The last part is about my tendency to self-destroy whenever I get very sad. I go into reclusive self-destruct mode. Like getting rid of my blog or getting rid of stories or getting rid of people. The liver in the Bible -- the Hebrews of old times thought of it as the center of the emotions-- thus it is the heart and the liver in my dream. Liver purifies and the heart is what causes us to feel (symbolically) but I had not considered them vital to my life and was removing them. I have to be careful then whenever I am hurting or reassessing my life and what I am willing to part not drop something that is vitally important to my the blog or like my friends. I tend to be very honesty...which is maybe what I am considering reconsidering. Honesty in this life is such a detriment. But would I be Carole if I removed that aspect of my personality? Not that I worship my personality but...well...there are certain things one feels convinced is necessary in being one's self.

Not sure what the earthquake bit meant. An earth-shattering event in a place where one learns? Or why I wanted the boy to take the official test and not to trust his life to his awards alone. I must remember A Cry For Hire, the Horace poem.  I dreamed of which reminded me how to take advice. Ooh, yes, the dream...gonna add a link for that as well. The dream that spawned my story A Cry for Hire

Debra's interpretation
I think the old way of things is being transcended. I think the way some / most of the churches who corrupted Jesus' teachings will cease; they will be no longer be teaching those false lessons. People will cast off those corruptions ( if you eye offend thee pluck it out). People will see the truth. The Old Religion has often been symbolized as a goat. Jesus referred to the masses as sheep who are gentle creatures who follow without a lot of critical analysis. Goats on the other hand pick their path very deliberately as they traverse rocky hillsides.
In spite of the corrupt church trying to eliminate the old religion it lives on although impaled and bleeding.
Maybe a new school is in session. Maybe with lessons Jesus actually hoped people would understand and employ for a better life.
We learn more from the tests in life than the times we are not tested. Perhaps you wanted this young man to learn what he needed to learn; to live a more fulfilled life.
At least this is my first blurry thought on reading your dream as I wake up.

he he. heres what i think. I think its an apocalyptic dream about widespread deception  and the antichrist. kind of like a hologram elvis being the leader and you being able to see things about him that others cant or wont. "Grace" Bridges is too full of grace, to see the bad but the bad is t here. You are being infiltrated by the world and are working at extricating the worldliness out
of you but its more complicated t han you think and you  might pull the wrong stuff out if you do it yourself (parable of weeds and tares) .octoupus tentacles are worldy things trying to get ahold
and one world thinking! :)  I'm reading the book FAther ELijah by Michael o'brien and LOVING IT
its like a catholic end of the world series but SO  much better than tim lahaye garbage

 Jessica:  wow, the symbolism on your dreams
just read Tombs of Anak last night and there was a little black goat sacrificed on the perimeter to draw the spirits of death and destruction in on those who dwelt inside
according to the notes on the back, it was pulled from the general Philistine culture
the interesting thing with the fibroids though is that you did not start to die until you realize that you had removed something
 me:  wow, we're so in sync
 Jessica:  and then you started to die
 me:  WOW
 Jessica:  it's almost as if it was unnecessary until you thought that it was necessary and then it became necessary
 me:  i wasn't sure if it was a curse or not
 Jessica:  I don't think it's a curse
I think that maybe it's a matter of your mind
 me:  well i had not realized i'd yanked my liver/heart out
 Jessica:  were you sure that it was the heart or liver?
 me:  yes it was kinda both
 Jessica:  or were you just afraid that it was? because if it was, wouldn't you have felt the effects right away
rather than waiting to feel the symptoms?
 me:  i was amazed i wasnt dying though
who knows?
 Jessica:  it's almost like Wile E. Coyote running on air

 me:  dream worlds
very funny if you think of it
it could make a good cartoon panel
 Jessica:  hmmhmmm
perhaps it connects to what you were saying about doctors
 me:  but i wokeup so terrified
 Jessica:  and not believing what they say for certain
of course
it's playing on your fears
 me:  but really should i have een opening my body and cutting out body organs?
even if there was no blood
 Jessica:  well...let's look at it symbolically
 me:  so it feels like spiritual heartlessness
 Jessica:  you, spiritually heartless?
hard to imagine
 me:  for instance
 Jessica:  now for the liver and processing bile, perhaps
 me:  you are one of the few people i can argue with
and not turn my heaqrt against
that is quite a feat with me
other folks
my besetting sin
is to drop folks
 Jessica:  ahhh!
 me:  and in the dream it was as if i had done somethign so self-destructive and heartless
 Jessica:  just had a thought!

 me:  like getting rid of logan or gabe or you or logan
because i didn't want to commit to heart or maybe because i didn't realize how important that person or thing was to my spirit
 Jessica:  the liver functions to remove bile, and what if its that you cannot process the bile other people give you
arguments, stress, cruelty
 me:  wow
ooooooooooooh, so good
 Jessica:  so you avoid them as if you were missing part of your liver or almost all of it
 me:  wowww
 Jessica:  of course, the reason that you removed it was you were also trying to make sure that you got it clean
anemones and the like need to grow in areas with bile and infection, which is part of how they clean the ocean
 me:  yes, they seemed very floral like lovely little
but they were clogging stuff
 Jessica:  yes
 me:  but why the terror when i shouted, "What have i done?"
and actually
i was prettying it up
to put it on sale
 Jessica:  good
but you also need your liver
interesting too
is that you were only prettying it up to bless someone else

 me:  getting rid of those pesky little fibrers
 Jessica:  you were not doing it for yourself
 me:  oh please, you're being too nice there
 Jessica:  ahh no
 me:  it was orga ntrafficking
 Jessica:  I think it's very true
 me:  and getting rid of the parts of mysself
i felt i could live without
 Jessica:  hm, let me reread it
it would be a loose definition of organ trafficking
because there are lots of folks who donate organs for nothing
but am pondering what it would mean
for organ trafficking, it would mean that you might have been in a somewhat desperate situation or feeling the need
did you have any particular emotions or feelings before the terror?
 Sent at 2:36 PM on Saturday
 me:  no..just the first dream..and i wasn't worried but i was miffed that the christian girl grace didn't believe me about the earthquake
i think my mind used her because
she has had epilepsy all her life
and she thought me making loic have epilepsy whenever he ate grains
was wrong and said so
then a few months ago she suddenly emailed me and said
i am so sorry i was rude to you when you said that earlier

times people treated epilepsy with
grain removal
 Jessica:  wow
 me:  i had to laugh
i hadn't seen the rudeness at all
but it was on her mind all these years
so she appeared
 Jessica:  there's something else that's interesting in the dream
in one sense the they are related
 me:  in my dream as a christian who doesn't believe something i tell her
 Jessica:  you were so distraught and struggling with the boy not listening
and then with her not believing you
 me:  grace is a good name though for symbolism in a dream
 Jessica:  but you did not seem to turn away from them
 me:  christians have this very narrow restricted way of being
and they often will not believe you if they haven't heard others say it
 Jessica:  indeed
 me:  wow you're good
 Jessica:  perhaps the dreams are encouraging you to find that balance
 me:  so the dream is really so much about my sense of helping or trying to tell something to folks who don't value it
 Jessica:  because with the bottom dream, you would not be able to handle any
but in the first segment, you were unable to detach yourself
and it was grieving you deeply
just like it was with that writer you were trying to help and her story
but the other thing that connects is that in the beginning as in the end, you were not tending to yourself to keep the temple in its proper condition so to speak
 Sent at 2:42 PM on Saturday
 Jessica:  and it does bother me a little bit for your sake that you allowed those fibroids (which remind me of the fibromyalgia) to remain in your body until you were thinking about sending them elsewhere for other folks
it's almost a willingness to accept less than optimal condition for yourself
 me: non-rebuking way of looking at the dream
 Jessica:  plus to continue with the organ trafficking image, generally those who give up their organs in the industry give them up because their lives are "worth less"
and that's why the traffickers follow it and promote that concept
either the donor's life is worth less than the person to whom the organ is to be given or the donor's life is worth less than a child or someone who they hope to help provide for
 Sent at 2:46 PM on Saturday
 me:  and really considering all the heartfelt talks with youthful lambs,,,
 Jessica:  yes
 Sent at 2:47 PM on Saturday
 me:  and christians who won't past the tests
 Jessica:  hmmmhmmm
 me:  but who have many awards
the world's recognition but still something else is needed
that's why the earthquake takes place in the school but not in the world at large
it's aimed for those in the school
i guess i'm working on my reasons for the fibro
 was praying for you last night
 me:  and the world's doctors are okay
but we have to heal by strengthening our immune system so we don't attack ourselves
but we are so trained to be spiritual and to belittle our emotions that somehow we attack ourselves
 Jessica:  yes

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