Fasting -- how i hate it

Well, it's been eight days in a row of absolutely no sleep. What an annoyance! Sometimes I manage to get an hour or even four hours. But this stretch!!! Not good. Especially when you have to get up in the morning to take care of a non-verbal child labelled autistic who seems to have been in pain for every day of his life...and who also sometimes doesn't sleep. Am in a great deal of pain at present, plus tired, and antzy.

Will be reviewing my ebuddy's book So Many ways to Sleep Badly. He also has fibromyalgia but he manages to get around. Gonna be interesting, reviewing his novel. Me a born-againer and he a transgendered person in the sex industry. But ever since he accepted my essay in the collection, Nobody Passes, I've had a real love for him. That sleeplessness bond. Plus the sex abuse bond.

In Wind Follower, I gave Satha my sleeplessness but I didn't follow through on it. Cause I didn't want it to take over the novel. Just waiting to see what Mattilda does with sleeplessness in his novel.

Church was fun yesterday. One of those fiestas we all love. Which reminds me:

What would have happened to me, Lord, if it weren't for your grace and your love?


Made a really intense and good catch in my novel a couple of days ago. Okay, I am all too well aware that my stories and novels generally have folks in interracial relationships. And I am aware that I tend to have light skin men doing the conquerinr and dark-skinned women in the women in distress mode. But there I was writing Constant Tower when - 202 pages into the story, mind you-- it dawns on me that AAARGH the good guys are the light skinned Wheel Clan and the bad guys are the shifty conniving dark-skinned clan. I had gone so overboard in depicting the rational of the main characters -- the light-skinned tribe-- that I pretty much made them saints who were merely avenging themselves. What a turmoil that put me in! What to do? Do I go back and turn the entire thin on its head and make the good tribe dark-skinned? (But then the woman who suffers in the beginning of the story would be a light-skinned woman suffering at the hand of a dark-skinned man. Not exactly historical.) Or should I make the light-skinned tribe not so light skinned? Like the Doreni..a kind of mixed tribe. And forget white-skinned folks entirely? That's kinda what i did in Wind Follower. But then a brilliant suggestion came to this brain o mine. I was overjoyed when it came. So am leaving everything as it is....and really bringing in a subtext I had not seen clearly: that of large multinationals taking over the resources of third world places. Not that two wrongs make a right but at least both tribes are equally greedy and shiftless. Except that the larger tribe is so used to using up 70% of the resources of their planet they don't really realize they're selfish. So it works. Nice.

I really have to fast though. I have to get some wisdom or some breakthrough in our family's life. Twenty years of this kind of continual suffering and pain just has to stop. I'm not saying, "I am going to fast because it's the right thing to do." I'm fasting cause I simply have no desire to eat...being so sleepy and nauseous from this long stretch of utter sleeplessness. Wish me luck.

The Great Exchange...Putting on Christ

The GREAT Exchange is a concept that is familiar to many Christians.

3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of hisresurrection: 6Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7For he that is dead is freed from sin.8Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: Romans 6:3-8

We are commanded in the Bible to "put on Christ"

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. Romans 13:14

For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.   Galatians 3:27

Because Jesus has shed his blood and given his life for us, we are able to take what He earned through His perfect life, death, resurrection, and Lordship. This is the difference between Biblical Christians and New Agers or believers in Unity. New Agers and Unity believers tend to believe that there is a kind of free-floating Christ-consciousness that we can sorta get and attain to in a gnosticky, eastern kind of way. But we can only put on Christ if we have accepted that He died for our sins. It's not we have to earn Christ-Consciousness, but we have to acknowledge the power of His shed blood, and that the Holy Mediator who came in the Flesh died for us. Through Christ, we have the mind of Christ, the peace that passes all understanding, and "all things." It is not true that Christians "mature" into Christ. God's blessings are not given to the "mature"..it is given to those who receive them and walk in them and put on Christ.



This morning I used the transformation prayer. I realize I tend to be very impatient with people who haven't suffered and yet who get good things. And I asked God to go to that root time when it all began, the time where I felt someone got something without deserving it. I put aside (which is what forgiveness means) that old thinking as part of the old man. And I put on the new man of Christ and declared that from now on I'm filled with the power of God and I now rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. So now I no longer require good to happen only to good people but that God's favor and mercy can fall on anyone, even those who might be considered deserving. For if I cage my world in such a way that good can only happen to those who deserve it, then good can only happen to me if I deserve it. So am free from that emotion. Trying to keep track of all the thoughts that come and taking them captive to all that is Christ and putting on Christ. So I've cleaned my soul of some crap this morning. Will see.

We have so many difficult and contradictory stuff going on in our spirits. The Holy Spirit was sent to give us light to show us these contradictions. He came "that the thoughts of many shall be revealed" and He also came that we may see the GREAT LIGHT, the kind of Life God has given us through His Son, Jesus Christ.

We have to do our part. God has done His. Our part is the receiving of TRUTH and LIFE and the putting on of Christ. One does not grow in holiness in the worldly way. In Christianity, one dies more and more to self so that Christ can life in you and through you. So you have to put on Christ and put away "the old man." (The old man is not only about sin. The old man is how the world does things. Even the desire to be very holy and good and to use our righteousness is still part of the "old man's" ways.

Hard to get a prayer answered when a part of you is battling against getting that very prayer answered. Having a philosophy that treats others one way but treating one's self differently. Iniquity. Inequity. We know the truth in our minds and we aim to love in truth mentally but if we are to live in a whole kinda way, in spirit and in truth, all our heart has to be unified and must bow to what our minds know. Trying. God bless and keep you.

11It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him:

12If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us:

13If we believe not, yet he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:11-13

In the same way that we put off sin and put on Christ's holiness (by faith, and by committment), we also put off sickness and put on Christ's health. Because God sent His word and Healed us. 

4Surely he took up our infirmities

and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

5But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4,5

Whoever has seen me has seen the Father

John 14:8-10
“...Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. (v.9)”

We understand some spiritual truths the minute we hear them. But others take more time for us to truly understand. The writers of the Bible often declare many truths about God, Jesus, and the nature of the world that confuse us. When Philip is told that he has already seen the Father, he naturally doubts Jesus’ words. As far as he’s concerned, he hasn’t seen God. God usually appears surrounded by lightning and angels. Philip would’ve remembered that. For Philip, Jesus’ words are confusing at best and untrue at worse.

Many of Jesus’s disciples forsook him when he spoke “hard sayings” such as this. But Philip continued as a disciple because he knew that Jesus had the words of life. (John 6:67,68)

In time, Philip and the rest of the disciples would understand that Jesus was the image of the invisible God (Col 1:15), the Word of God made flesh and living among humans, (I John 1:14) the prophesied God-With-Us. (Matt 1:23) They would understand too that they had indeed seen the Father.

Jesus, thank you for coming to earth to help me to understand, know, and love the Father. Amen.

Praise for Faith and Hope

There are three levels of hope. They can be summed up in these three sentences:

First: What would I do if I got...?
Second: What will I do when I get...?
Third: What am I going to do now that I have received...?

Whenever a believer is praying and hoping and having faith for something, the prayer falls into one of those three categories. The thing is to walk by faith. Jesus asked Mary and Martha, "Didn't I tell you that if you would believe you would see?"

To believe we have received ...before we have seen the answer to the prayer is to have a child's faith. It takes a great deal of inner strength. It takes focusing. It takes trusting that God exists and is very aware of you and that He is rewarding your faith. It takes trusting that the seed of prayer that you planted is really growing down there in the ground. Even if you don't see anything above ground. This is how the world works, according to Jesus. And blessed are those who can see the kingdom of God even when other guys can't see it. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge
Him and He is directing your path. Praise ye the Lord

Approve what is excellent

When you look at the various translations of Philippians 1:10, (if you don't have all these Bibles, you can always compare verses on www.biblegateway.com ) you see a subtle problem. The verses seem to say different things depending on what translation you're reading. Actually, it's only a problem if one is really legalistic about stuff. The problem is that the Greek word DOKIMAZO means to "approve after distinguishing and discerning." It was often used by the ancient Greeks to mean distinguishing between metals. Once one has approved/proved that something is a true metal, or a true gold, one would be silly indeed to willfully throw it away. So it can be translated as "things that differ" or "approve things that are excellent" (after you prove how the dross differs from true gold and you prove how the bad differs from the excellent.) Not a problem really because many English words present the same problem to non-English speakers. Think of the words keep (it can mean to guard or to protect or to safeguard) or minister (which originally means to serve but to some minds means the big leader in a church.)

So, linguistics aside, what exactly does this verse mean?

First we are to learn to distinguish between good theology and bad theology so that we can understand and show to others what the excellent gospel is.

Second, by understanding what good theology is and what the gospel really is, we know what God wants us to do in this world.

Thirdly, when we understand good theology is and what the real gospel is and what God wants us to do in this world, we can show forth the glory of God.

Fourthly, As Rom 14:22 says, if you accept and approve something and you don't judge yourself when you approve it, then you are blessed. Loose translation: if you feel it's theologically all right to do something and you don't feel guilty doing it, then you are blessed. But if you have even a faint glimmer of self-doubt in what you are allowing yourself to do, then don't do it. You really don't have faith in it. Of course, if one has had proof that one's theology is true but one does not care about such proof, then one is quite free to toss even the good proof away. This is where St Paul says, (when talking about eating certain kinds of meat or wish day to worship) there is nothing good or bad in itself but it's all about faith. And Shakespeare later says in Othello, "There's nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so." So if someone thinks it's a sin to go to church on Sunday, then let them be fully persuaded in their own hearts.

Consider, for instance, if my personal theology of the gospel is that God wants his people to be morally good but I don't really think about miracles, then the excellency I will probe to the world will be a morally good life. Think of those holy people and saints who have been really holy but who didn't believe in miracles.

But if my personal interpretation of the gospel is that God wants his people to be holy, healers of the sick, caster out of devils, helpers of the poor and that God is one's protector...then one will approve excellence in these areas...if one commits to it.

Let each man be fully persuaded in his own heart. As St Paul says. And once you are fully persuaded and are not limiting God and are committed to being a Christian as you think God wants you to be, then go for it. Show the world your light by being living examples.
Philippians 1:10 (King James Version)
"That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ."

Philippians 1:10 (New International Version)
"so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ,"

Philippians 1:10 (Contemporary English Version)
"how to make the right choices. Then you will still be pure and innocent when Christ returns"

Philippians 1:10 (Young's Literal Translation)
"for your proving the things that differ, that ye may be pure and offenceless -- to a day of Christ,"

Philippians 1:10 (Worldwide English (New Testament))
"When I talk to God I ask that you may have more and more love. I ask him that you will also know and understand, so that you will be able to see what things are right. I want you to be clean with nothing wrong in you when Jesus Christ comes back."

When you give a feast

There's a story Jesus tells in which he says that when you give a party, invite the poor and those who can't repay you. I always thought that was a very mean thing to do to the poor. Invite them to a feast at a rich man's house???? But then I realized that sometimes the poor have forgotten how to dream or how real folks live. And maybe they need to have great things past before their eyes to stir them to a passion to get themselves out of the gutter?


Of course, Jesus wanted to make sure the poor were fed and remembered. I know He wanted us to think in terms of visiting in prisons and hospitals, etc. Part of the job is love and the other part hope. 


But that is a given. That goes without saying. Generous people are always giving to the poor..but they never feed the poor in their own houses. (Okay, so we have to be careful of murderous and thieving homeless people...but bear with me.)


But the poor can be so poor and downtrodden for so long that they forget how to dream and they forget all the other stuff that is "normal." The poor and the depressed and the imprisoned and the hospitalized should definitely be taken care of but their minds must be renewed as well and their minds fed with memories of what their life could be. Sometimes they need to see the good in life. Many a drug addict has gone off drug because they saw a glimpse of the life they left behind. That's what I meant...not the obvious of feeding and remembering them. Folks aren't put on the earth to only receive our goods, they are put on earth to do great things as well. So they have to be taught to reimagine a good life, after they have been ill for a long time. 


To see someone running or dancing might be enough to make me want to lose weight. Normalcy -- good normalcy-- stretches the mind. Seeing the riches of this life can push the poor to perhaps hope and dream that they themselves could get all that. Isn't envy a good thing? Isn't angry competitiveness a good thing for those who have lost all their energy because life treats them badly? Just pondering. IT is not because the poor are dreamless that they end up poor. But after one has been poor or sick or grieving or hanging around bad folks...perhaps one should be surrounded by things that spur you on to become equal to the rich man. 


There is a certain arrogance to saying we should feed the poor. Of course we should feed the poor. But being able to bring them out of despair and to make those who have no hope and no image or imagination of good have imagination again...some folks are very into us being noble feeders of the poor, as if the bible is only about morality and kindness to the downtrodden. In their weird gray and black and white minds, they can't understand that and they think you are "blaming" the poor.




I feel that if a businessman who has become homeless lived in a house with a toilet that flushes for more than a day he would not be able to return to his homeless shelter in despair. He would become angry and envious and an image of good would rise again in his heart. Jesus' words weren't only about being good to others but was about the psychology of humanity. He knows people. And there is a healing power to taking someone into one's house as a friend...as opposed to making them objects of pity who are to receive from us as if we are lords of their lives. So much of what the Bible says is very deeply psychological. Yes, I'm thinking image and imagination should be fed and that perhaps envy and greed are things that can help push the negative images from the minds of those who have no image of good. After eating at a plush dinner table with tons of food...and sitting for half the day at a great feast....perhaps...perhaps... there is a lot to the phrase "provoke to jealousy." We use that to mean spiritual provocation and wanting to be good but if God made jealousy (and all emotions are good if used with the right mind) perhaps jealousy is a good thing. Yes, yes, some folks can't see God as creating all emotions...yet God himself is jealous because our minds are not imagining or envisioning Him properly.


Again, just thinking. 

Parable of the Sower

Okay, this is the parable of the Sower and Jesus interpretation of it:

While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: 5"A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds of the air ate it up. 6Some fell on rock, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown."
When he said this, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

9His disciples asked him what this parable meant.

11"This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. 13Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.

A Lamp on a Stand
16"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. 17For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. 18Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him."

The annoying thing about all these Bible folks is that they are so in the spiritual worlds that they make these gigantic leaps of thought and the shallow carnal mind -- like ahem, yours truly-- finds itself asking, "Okay, why did he just say that? Why'd he leap from this topic to that topic? I don't quite follow the thread of his thinking."

Well yesterday there I was.

I get the first part. The seed is the word of God. The parable is about how the word is alive and yet it needs to be planted in good ground: the heart. The parable is also about faith in a good heart and our endurance.

Then Jesus jumps to the lamp under the jar.
Okay, I got that. (With the help of a minister, so I can't take credit for actually knowing how to understand this thread.) The lamp is our faith. We have to use it. What use is faith if it's not used? We have the word. What use is the word if we don't use it? This is like the parable where Jesus asks, "which of you has a servant and doesn't use it?" So I get it. And I see it's connection to the parable of the sower...and to faith, enduring, and using of resources. Cause so many of these parables are about how resources are used.

Then Jesus jumps to a comment about stuff that is hidden.
Well, I get that also. Took a while but I sat there and then the Holy Spirit kinda helped me to see. Once again it's talking about the heart. It's the old "As a man thinks in his heart so is he" verse. It's the idea that what is unseen in the heart will manifest in some ways at some time and will be seen. Evil or unbelief or assumptions in the heart will bear fruit in our lives. So if in the core of one's heart one simply does not believe that good will ever come to one's life....sooner or later "truth will out."

Then Jesus jumps to watching how one hears. And by this time I'm like thinking, "Why does he collapse all this wisdom so close to each other? Why can't he explain everything he means instead of dropping one deep bomb after another?" But I get it. One must guard the faith and the beliefs and the hopes in one's heart. VERY CAREFULLY. Faith comes by hearing and loss of faith comes by hearing.

Then Jesus jumps to another comment, the old line that's in Billy Holliday's "God bless the child." Basically he says, "Then that's got shall get, them that's not shall lose." And again, I'm like... "Lord Jesus! Please! I'm not following you."
But then I get it. If you have little faith, and you don't watch out to preserve the purity of your faith you are going to diminish it by unbelief. It's not a case of the amount of faith because God has given to each the measure of faith and we all have the same one talent. (Okay, there are two parables about talents. One with folks being given equal amounts and another parable with folks being given equal amounts. But the basic teaching is the same: Do not waste your faith, do not take the easy road of not investing your faith. Do not allow your faith to dwindle.

Upshot, although many seeds are sown and many hear the spiritual truth about faith...there are few folks out there who actually get wonderful return on their faith. Of the folks who actually get some kind of good plant from their seeds -- folks who avoided the hard rock, the weeds, the wayside-- there are some who only get 30 fold, and seventyfold.

As Jesus said we bear fruit -- and get results from our faith in sowing God's word in our life-- through having an honest and good heart and through patient endurance.

Dark Parable: Ripping my heart out

I dreamed I was in a school and a teenaged boy with many sports award wanted to leave school without taking the last examination test. I cried and wept and kept telling him he shouldn't do that, thta the test was very necessary. Then there was another kid I was crying for. Quite the weepy tears. Then there was a dance class in the gym or something like that.  Then suddenly a video of Elvis Presley (The King) dancing was seen by some of us and there was this big earthquake inside this vision of the king. And just as this vision of the earthquake happened, there was an earthquake in the real world. Some of us were saying to each other, "Did you see the vision on the wall of Elvis Presley? Did you see how the earthquake in our world happened just when it happened in that vision?" Much amazement. Cause it was a kind of phenomenon and like a vision that only a few of us saw. The school where we were was totally destroyed from the inside although one could still get around and no one seemed to have died. I opened the back door so people could come and go but someone said security didn't want us to do that because straners might get into the school. so i shut the door.

THere was a black goat impaled on the fence around the school and it was living as it bled. I felt it was placed there by someone to curse the school but who knows? it could be Jesus who became a curse for us.

I was walking outside in the town where everything seemed normal, and I saw a Christian writer friend named Grace B. I told her about the earthquake in the school. She said she didn't see any and behaved as if she doubted me. I said it only occurred in the school. I wasn't sure if she believed me after that.

I was then at my house and I had opened my body and was removing various parts and non-vital organs. Then I removed this big organ from my body. It had little fibrous stuff connected to it that I was trying to get rid of by pulling them away with my fingers. They looked like little fiddle vines and beautiful little anemones or octopus tentacles. I was scraping them away and putting them in the garbage so I could clean up the organ and send it to wherever I was sending it. Then i realised the organ  looked like a heart but was kinda like my liver, that it was a vital organ. When I realized that I started waiting to die and I said out loud, "Oh My God??? What have I done?" Then i rushed to call 911.

INTERPRETATION:

I don't have all the interpretation on this but I think I have the last part. So quickly: the first part. Vaguely apocalyptic but only in a certain area, in a school...and Elvis dancing might be a christ symbol... The King, after all. Not sure but I'm thinking the impaled goat is about the cursed scapegoat: Jesus who became a curse for us.

The last part is about my tendency to self-destroy whenever I get very sad. I go into reclusive self-destruct mode. Like getting rid of my blog or getting rid of stories or getting rid of people. The liver in the Bible -- the Hebrews of old times thought of it as the center of the emotions-- thus it is the heart and the liver in my dream. Liver purifies and the heart is what causes us to feel (symbolically) but I had not considered them vital to my life and was removing them. I have to be careful then whenever I am hurting or reassessing my life and what I am willing to part with..to not drop something that is vitally important to my life...like the blog or like my friends. I tend to be very honesty...which is maybe what I am considering reconsidering. Honesty in this life is such a detriment. But would I be Carole if I removed that aspect of my personality? Not that I worship my personality but...well...there are certain things one feels convinced is necessary in life...like being one's self.

Not sure what the earthquake bit meant. An earth-shattering event in a place where one learns? Or why I wanted the boy to take the official test and not to trust his life to his awards alone. I must remember A Cry For Hire, the Horace poem.  I dreamed of which reminded me how to take advice. Ooh, yes, the dream...gonna add a link for that as well. The dream that spawned my story A Cry for Hire

Debra's interpretation
I think the old way of things is being transcended. I think the way some / most of the churches who corrupted Jesus' teachings will cease; they will be no longer be teaching those false lessons. People will cast off those corruptions ( if you eye offend thee pluck it out). People will see the truth. The Old Religion has often been symbolized as a goat. Jesus referred to the masses as sheep who are gentle creatures who follow without a lot of critical analysis. Goats on the other hand pick their path very deliberately as they traverse rocky hillsides.
In spite of the corrupt church trying to eliminate the old religion it lives on although impaled and bleeding.
Maybe a new school is in session. Maybe with lessons Jesus actually hoped people would understand and employ for a better life.
We learn more from the tests in life than the times we are not tested. Perhaps you wanted this young man to learn what he needed to learn; to live a more fulfilled life.
At least this is my first blurry thought on reading your dream as I wake up.

ROSE-MARIE'S TAKE

he he. heres what i think. I think its an apocalyptic dream about widespread deception  and the antichrist. kind of like a hologram elvis being the leader and you being able to see things about him that others cant or wont. "Grace" Bridges is too full of grace, to see the bad but the bad is t here. You are being infiltrated by the world and are working at extricating the worldliness out

of you but its more complicated t han you think and you  might pull the wrong stuff out if you do it yourself (parable of weeds and tares) .octoupus tentacles are worldy things trying to get ahold

and one world thinking! :)  I'm reading the book FAther ELijah by Michael o'brien and LOVING IT
its like a catholic end of the world series but SO  much better than tim lahaye garbage

CHAT INTERPRETATION WITH JESSICA
 Jessica:  wow, the symbolism on your dreams
just read Tombs of Anak last night and there was a little black goat sacrificed on the perimeter to draw the spirits of death and destruction in on those who dwelt inside
according to the notes on the back, it was pulled from the general Philistine culture
the interesting thing with the fibroids though is that you did not start to die until you realize that you had removed something
 me:  wow, we're so in sync
 Jessica:  and then you started to die
 me:  WOW
 Jessica:  it's almost as if it was unnecessary until you thought that it was necessary and then it became necessary
 me:  i wasn't sure if it was a curse or not
 Jessica:  I don't think it's a curse
I think that maybe it's a matter of your mind
 me:  well i had not realized i'd yanked my liver/heart out
 Jessica:  were you sure that it was the heart or liver?
 me:  yes it was kinda both
 Jessica:  or were you just afraid that it was? because if it was, wouldn't you have felt the effects right away
rather than waiting to feel the symptoms?
 me:  i was amazed i wasnt dying though
snicker
who knows?
 Jessica:  it's almost like Wile E. Coyote running on air

 me:  dream worlds
nodding
very funny if you think of it
it could make a good cartoon panel
 Jessica:  hmmhmmm
perhaps it connects to what you were saying about doctors
 me:  but i wokeup so terrified
 Jessica:  and not believing what they say for certain
of course
it's playing on your fears
 me:  but really should i have een opening my body and cutting out body organs?
even if there was no blood
 Jessica:  well...let's look at it symbolically
 me:  so it feels like spiritual heartlessness
 Jessica:  you, spiritually heartless?
hard to imagine
 me:  for instance
 Jessica:  now for the liver and processing bile, perhaps
 me:  you are one of the few people i can argue with
and not turn my heaqrt against
that is quite a feat with me
other folks
my besetting sin
is to drop folks
 Jessica:  ahhh!
 me:  and in the dream it was as if i had done somethign so self-destructive and heartless
 Jessica:  just had a thought!

 me:  like getting rid of logan or gabe or you or logan
because i didn't want to commit to heart or maybe because i didn't realize how important that person or thing was to my spirit
?
 Jessica:  the liver functions to remove bile, and what if its that you cannot process the bile other people give you
arguments, stress, cruelty
 me:  wow
ooooooooooooh, so good
 Jessica:  so you avoid them as if you were missing part of your liver or almost all of it
 me:  wowww
 Jessica:  of course, the reason that you removed it was you were also trying to make sure that you got it clean
anemones and the like need to grow in areas with bile and infection, which is part of how they clean the ocean
 me:  yes, they seemed very floral like lovely little
petals
but they were clogging stuff
 Jessica:  yes
 me:  but why the terror when i shouted, "What have i done?"
and actually
i was prettying it up
to put it on sale
 Jessica:  good
but you also need your liver
interesting too
is that you were only prettying it up to bless someone else

 me:  getting rid of those pesky little fibrers
 Jessica:  you were not doing it for yourself
 me:  oh please, you're being too nice there
 Jessica:  ahh no
 me:  it was orga ntrafficking
 Jessica:  I think it's very true
really?
 me:  and getting rid of the parts of mysself
i felt i could live without
 Jessica:  hm, let me reread it
it would be a loose definition of organ trafficking
because there are lots of folks who donate organs for nothing
but am pondering what it would mean
for organ trafficking, it would mean that you might have been in a somewhat desperate situation or feeling the need
did you have any particular emotions or feelings before the terror?
 Sent at 2:36 PM on Saturday
 me:  no..just the first dream..and i wasn't worried but i was miffed that the christian girl grace didn't believe me about the earthquake
i think my mind used her because
she has had epilepsy all her life
and she thought me making loic have epilepsy whenever he ate grains
was wrong and said so
then a few months ago she suddenly emailed me and said
i am so sorry i was rude to you when you said that earlier

times people treated epilepsy with
grain removal
 Jessica:  wow
 me:  i had to laugh
i hadn't seen the rudeness at all
but it was on her mind all these years
so she appeared
 Jessica:  there's something else that's interesting in the dream
in one sense the they are related
 me:  in my dream as a christian who doesn't believe something i tell her
 Jessica:  you were so distraught and struggling with the boy not listening
and then with her not believing you
 me:  grace is a good name though for symbolism in a dream
 Jessica:  but you did not seem to turn away from them
 me:  christians have this very narrow restricted way of being
and they often will not believe you if they haven't heard others say it
 Jessica:  indeed
 me:  wow you're good
 Jessica:  perhaps the dreams are encouraging you to find that balance
 me:  so the dream is really so much about my sense of helping or trying to tell something to folks who don't value it
 Jessica:  because with the bottom dream, you would not be able to handle any
but in the first segment, you were unable to detach yourself
and it was grieving you deeply
just like it was with that writer you were trying to help and her story
but the other thing that connects is that in the beginning as in the end, you were not tending to yourself to keep the temple in its proper condition so to speak
 Sent at 2:42 PM on Saturday
 Jessica:  and it does bother me a little bit for your sake that you allowed those fibroids (which remind me of the fibromyalgia) to remain in your body until you were thinking about sending them elsewhere for other folks
it's almost a willingness to accept less than optimal condition for yourself
 me:  yes...wow..a non-rebuking way of looking at the dream
 Jessica:  plus to continue with the organ trafficking image, generally those who give up their organs in the industry give them up because their lives are "worth less"
and that's why the traffickers follow it and promote that concept
either the donor's life is worth less than the person to whom the organ is to be given or the donor's life is worth less than a child or someone who they hope to help provide for
 Sent at 2:46 PM on Saturday
 me:  and really considering all the heartfelt talks with youthful lambs,,,
 Jessica:  yes
 Sent at 2:47 PM on Saturday
 me:  and christians who won't past the tests
 Jessica:  hmmmhmmm
 me:  but who have many awards
the world's recognition but still something else is needed
that's why the earthquake takes place in the school but not in the world at large
it's aimed for those in the school
i guess i'm working on my reasons for the fibro
 was praying for you last night
 me:  and the world's doctors are okay
but we have to heal by strengthening our immune system so we don't attack ourselves
but we are so trained to be spiritual and to belittle our emotions that somehow we attack ourselves
 Jessica:  yes

Sin: A History

Sin: A History 
Gary A. Anderson (Yale University press)

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Yale University Press (September 29, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0300149891
• ISBN-13: 978-0300149890

Here's the blurb:

What is sin? Is it simply wrongdoing? Why do its effects linger over time? In this sensitive, imaginative, and original work, Gary Anderson shows how changing conceptions of sin and forgiveness lay at the very heart of the biblical tradition. Spanning nearly two thousand years, the book brilliantly demonstrates how sin, once conceived of as a physical burden, becomes, over time, eclipsed by economic metaphors. Transformed from a weight that an individual carried, sin becomes a debt that must be repaid in order to be redeemed in God’s eyes.

Anderson shows how this ancient Jewish revolution in thought shaped the way the Christian church understood the death and resurrection of Jesus and eventually led to the development of various penitential disciplines, deeds of charity, and even papal indulgences. In so doing it reveals how these changing notions of sin provided a spur for the Protestant Reformation.

Broad in scope while still exceptionally attentive to detail, this ambitious and profound book unveils one of the most seismic shifts that occurred in religious belief and practice, deepening our understanding of one of the most fundamental aspects of human experience.

Is the world influenced by the supernatural

Is the world magical?


Okay, i haven't used witch or wizard -- so that's a good thing.

But for this once, let me use magical...rather than spiritual...
and please assume i mean only the best. How about supernatural?
Or fantastical?

One of my big problems with christians is how the simple mention of a word

can turn them off. but the christians have not given the world a replacement for the word "magic"

the nearest one can think is "a fairy tale" but that is too light. Or "fantastical."

but magical is not the right word either. Christians will not give the word "magical" a chance.

It's a bit like how C S Lewis has suffered because of his use of the word myth or Madeliene L'engle has suffered

because she used the word "fantasy." Both describe the ultimate reality. God's reality. Christ's reality.

So what will I do with this word "magical"? Obviously, I can't redeem it because it is used in the Bible to

show man's attempt to connect to the evil dark forces in the universe.

SO let me use the world "supernatural." And I hope I don't get slammed for this word,

although "supernatural" seems to separate the world into (generally) natural .

then suddenly some stuff rarely happens that is a bit off-center a bit supernatural?

Supernatural implies that the godly, the numinous, the weird, happens only rarely. 

Magical implies rules we know nothing about...but which are ever-present because 

the world at its core is following rules created by laws and a force higher than the ones we understand.

So is the world supernatural?

It is, in that there are forces operating that our rational minds
don't know, understand or have forgotten. I understand I'm using a 
word that many Christians are taught to hate. Perhaps i should have used
miraculous or wondrous or odd.


But  think of it: all the world, all the universe, all the mega-verses are in line with God except for this one rebel outpost that does't understand his love or his power or his ways. Because of that loss, that rebellion, that utter lack of knowledge we don't easily fall in line with the power-force-supernatural ways. We christians are called to bring God's light and god's ways into this world -- his power, force, magice, whatever we may call it-- to bring the world closerto being transformed by His power, to call the world out of darkness into God's marvelous light.

But all this loveliness is turned into doctrine theology mode -- instead of delight and simplicity and resting in a trust that the underlying spiritual laws of God are really what rules the world. Sad

There is the issue of non-humans and their effect on the world.
There are curses  in the family line,  ways  in which we curse
ourselves, by actions,  thoughts,  deeds


There is the question of what wecan controland what has power over us
and God's intervention;  there is prayer, working through  evil
spirits,  like Pharoh's magicians; working thru sacrements such as
baptism,  that transforms  us, sacrements that put us in covenants
with God and  others;  sacrements  that give us power, like the laying
on of  hands, there is speaking God's word and decreeing it to come to past...


So  how magical  is  this  world? And how magical is it intended to
be?  Jesus saved us to the uttermost. He gave us a great salvation.
Through him, through the ritual of his blood, through his work of
saving  us, He has restored dominion and power to a new kind of  man.


This new kind of man is battling all the time with the old kind of
man.  So we really don't know, as individuals, or as a church, the
greatness to which we are called in this life.


The world, the human flesh, the devil, fight against this great
salvation.  We don't know how much power we have over death,over
sickness, over things great and small, through the name of Christ.


Because it is through faith in the name of Christ that we are called
to show forth God's glory. But our imagination can't attain to the
knowledge, the height, width, depth, length of God's power working in
us who believe in Christ.  We almost  it. I feel as if it's like
learning to swim  or ride a bike. The place where one reaches that
tipping pointwhereone learning to float on the  everlasting arms.  In
learningtokeep  ones  balance whileriding on God's glory. I feel the
day will come when I and all the church will be swept away, water past
the knees, water past the thighs,waters to swim in, when we will truly
 understand that  the world is based on faith,on irrational,wonderful
things,on true magic.

Coconut Oil Giveaway

So, seeing I have this over-the-top Jamaican worship of coconut oil, when I saw that Tropical Traditions was sending out samples of Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil for review ...well, seeing I am a writer....well, yeah, I jumped for it. I didn't have to review it, mind you...but hey, why receive something for free and not review it? Besides, I want all the world to know the greatness of coconut oil, whatever company one buys it from. 

So...my sample arrived soon after I signed up. I actually squealed. It was like getting a prize. I love free stuff coming in the mail.


First impressions: Wow, this is one classy looking bottle. Second impression: They sent me two pint jars instead of one large quart jar. Good idea. I can use one as the ointment I can dip into and the other I can keep cleaner and use for spooning. Third impression: These bottles have large openings. Unlike those bottles that have narrow openings. Honestly, who would put coconut oil in bottles with narrow openings? It's a major chore to get it out of narrow bottles...and one certainly can't smooth it out. Not naming any names but a certain company should remember that some of its customers live in cooler climates where coconut oil becomes hard as a rock. That's why when I have to get coconut oil I get the Goya brand because it comes in a wide jar. Impressions on opening it: oh my goshhhhhh... I love that smell. It smelled so fresh compared to the Goya. Impressions on touching it: WOW....it felt totally ..trying to think of a word here. It felt less industrialized. It felt fresh and real. Then finally taste: OOh, it melts in the mouth. 

So then here is the video

Now, they have a giveaway for this oil. I'm generally lazy about the whole giveaway thing but hey, they'll do all the work. They'll provide a free quart of Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil as the winner’s prize for this giveaway and they will ship the oil directly to the winner I choose. 

So, if you want the giveaway, 

1) please subscribe to their email Sales Newsletter here: http://www.tropicaltraditions.com/subscribe_for_special_sales.cfm

2) Post on your blog about how you Use Coconut Oil or link to their how-to-use-coconut-oil page:  http://www.tropicaltraditions.com/how-to-use-coconut-oil.htm

3) Simply email me at SCIFIWRITIR (AT) GMAIL.COM with your name, telephone number, email address, and shipping address. I'll pick the winner and send them the info. They don't share this information with anyone! Open to U.S. & Canada. I'll pick the winner a week from now. How's that?

4)  Follow them on Twitter @troptraditions and @ttspecialdeals
OR

5)     “Like” Tropical Traditions on Facebook (Please don't add that you were sent by me. That's not necessary and those posts will be removed.
OR

6)  Follow them on Pinterest http://pinterest.com/troptraditions/

See, I get to take credit for that

"See, I get to take credit for that."

That's one of my favorite author quotes.

In order for you to understand it, I guess I should tell you about the circumstances in which Edward Albee came to say it.

He was being interviewed by someone about one of his plays. The interviewer said, "Oh I love the way you brought in this myth and this religious allusion and this societal issue."

Sorry, I don't remember the specifics but you know what I mean. There are times when you write a book or a story and reviewers find such lovely things in it...things you had never consciously put into it. When I wrote Wind Follower I was aware of a few of the myths, social history, historical and political events I was addressing. But when the reviewers and critical text analysts got to it, wow!!!!! They saw such glories in my book.

Well, I suppose when notified of all the wonderful subtexts happening in my novel I remembered Edward Albee's words and said, "Actually, I wasn't even aware that that was in there, and I had no conscious plan to put it in the book. Thanks. I get to take credit for that."

I don't know about other folks but I was a lit major. I like analyzing stories in the larger context and I like being analyzed. Makes me feel valid. Some of my stories are thin, mind you and they have no resonance. But it's so wonderful when a story has all these layers and readers can see such interesting cultural, religious, and social issues in them.

Most writers tend to be pleased to see that their stories are rich enough to carry so many subtexts. When a reader finds stuff in a story that the writer didn't consciously put into the story, it shows the writer is A) listening to the universal unconscious B) allowing true creativity to flow through him and through his own experience of life C) taking part in the great creative communal conversation of his time, D) well-read and E) downright deep.

It is that odd writer who says, "no, my work is not that rich. My work doesn't connect to these primal, or cultural, or social issues. My work only goes to this area and I refuse to see in it what I myself did not put into it."

Who wants to write stories that don't resonate? Who wants to write stories that echo only what one consciously puts into them? What is the glory of a story that is utterly man-made and lacking the true spirit of the universal subconscious?

-C

Interpretations, interpretations

Okay, so there I am continually downloading mp3 and windows media sermons because well I'm trying to abide in the spiritual vine and keep my first and last thoughts on Jesus. Hey, I'll do all this to get my son's healing to manifest. Jesus bought son's healing 2000 years ago on the cross and yeah, I'm stubborn enough to get it...cause I'm pushy and bitchy like that.

So anyway...these sermons. Aside from the fact that one has to be really careful how one hears and that there are all these pastors out there telling you NOT to have faith for miracles because well God is unpredictable. (Okay...they say, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, but it might not be his will to heal you and free you from the oppression of the devil. Okay...they say, God created a world based on biological, physical, chemical, physical law -- but when it comes to spiritual laws they want us to believe that God is just whimsical or not gonna heal you for "your own good.")

So yeah, aside from those....there are also pastors whom I can only call folks who are totally rooted in the rational. St Paul would call them carnal because for Paul anyone who used only human reasoning was carnal and not spiritual. The interesting thing so far is how they interpret certain scriptures.

Example: the parable of the sower. A sower goes to sow. Some of the seed he sowed fell on the wayside and was trodden down. No results there. Some fell on hard land. These sprung up quickly but had no roots so died soon after springing up. Some fell amid thorns. Plants strangled. Some fell on good ground and brought forth good plants. And of those good plants some gave 30 times the fruits, 60 times the fruits, 100 times the fruits.

According to Jesus if you don't understand this parable, you will never understand any of the parables. This parable is THAT important.

In Matthew's gospel, Jesus said the seed is the kingdom. In Luke's or Marks' he says the seed is the word of God. Now, I have no problem with the difference between the interpretations and whether Jesus said the seed is the kingdom or the seed is the word of God. Because taken on a spiritual level the kingdom of God is within us. And Jesus said the word of God is alive and it IS the kingdom and it feeds the kingdom. So, yeah, I'm not gonna sweat the semantics because I get the spiritual idea that both words pretty much carry the same meaning.

But these sermons I download...I am telling you it is ALWAYS some guy who thinks he's an intellectual who berates others for not "seeing" the truth who comes up with Bible exegesis and sermons so lacking in spiritual insight that it really makes you think: Is this guy kidding?????

When I went on my www.dogpile.com audio search and searched for sermons about the parables to download, did I think I would encounter such diversity of opinion? One could expect that kind of stuff when one downloads miracles (are the age of miracles past or not?) or speaking in tongues (Are the gifts of the holy spirit still present today?) but the parables?????

My friends, the guy I listened to yesterday said the parable of the sower is only about God's future restoration of Israel because the parable is about the kingdom of God. He said the seed that landed on good ground was when Israel -- geographically and at the end of the age-- will be established as God's true kingdom. All the other examples, says he, of the seed's bad planting was about humans trying to establish their own kingdoms of God on the earth. Then he went on and on about how intellectual he was and how we should all use human reason to understand these things. Okay, I'm cool. I can accept his assertions that humans are always trying to create perfect kingdoms on earth. I'm all for Israel. I'm actually very pro-Israel. And I KNOW that many prophecies concern the establishing of Israel and God's kingdom. But I wanted to shout to this guy, "Buddy, your interpretation about the parable misses the spiritual point. It may be valid in the governmental sense but you are too rational to understand or hear the Spirit speaks about how the kingdom of God works."

Now, I'm pretty cool about strange sermons. My grandfather was a methodist minister. My grandaunt was a charismatic former Roman Catholic nun. My mother was episcopalian and I had a very virulent activist gay theologian priest for some time. I can listen to any sermon. But on the other hand, I do kinda roll my eyes when a minister goes so far off the deep end one begins wondering if he actually knows how to swim -- spiritually speaking. So I stand amazed that there are so many people teaching sermonizing prophecizing who simply are so totally earthbound. They always talk about what they learned in seminary as if God's word is etched in a kind of old lecture they heard from a professor. God's word is living and it's how it speaks to you in a given situation. And it ALWAYS speaks of spiritual things. Do they listen to God and hear the spirit? Sorry, very long post. Anyway...am back to listening to sermons. Am hoping I come upon a good one. Wasted my day yesterday listening to this arrogant jerk.

Being unfaithful to the heavenly vision

Therefore, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: Acts 26:19

For every work of art there are three versions: The book we should have written, the book we wanted to write, and the book we finally wrote. Much gets in the way to prevent us from being faithful to the artistic vision. Sometimes we are afraid we lack the skill, sometimes we are afraid of being too weird for the marketplace, sometimes we didn’t fully understand the vision.

I had a dream once of a beautiful sculpture in a beautiful city. When I woke up, I only half-remembered the sculpture and the city. When I described the sculpture and the city to my husband, the image no doubt deteriorated further in his mind (after all, he isn’t in my mind.) And if he were to draw the picture in his mind of the dream picture in my mind, he would be further away from the dream city vision. And if I were to attempt to describe this city in a work of art, perhaps scientific, emotional, moral, and marketplace factors would limit the vision. Or if a reviewer or reader were to see the painting or read the book describing this city, the image would be even further away from the dream image. That’s the way it is in art; there is always an almosting.

So there is Peter on top of the roof when he gets this vision which God translates to mean, "Gentiles are okay now. God has cleansed them. Therefore you can now bring the gospel to them and not worry about connecting and communing with them." (Book of Acts, chapters ten and eleven.)

He repeats this testimony about three times. (And we also hear Paul's testimony about his own vision three times.)

Not to mention Peter's vision on the mountain when he saw Elias and Moses.

But back to the vision on the roof.

One would think that seeing this vision and seeing the impact on the disciples and the Gentiles, Peter would've stuck to being Peter. But he goes back to being his old Simon self and when certain disciples came from James, Peter --- uh, Simon-- goes back to avoiding the Gentiles. Paul had to call him out on this. (Galatians 2:12)

How can one have seen such a great vision and yet forget it? How can one not be obedient to such a heavenly vision?

Even stranger, Jesus had told Peter he would be sifted. Jesus had told Simon not to be such a "simon" (reed, blown about my the wind) but to be a "Peter" (a rock.) And Jesus had even spoken the word of blessing by calling Simon by the new name of Peter. Obviously, we have to work with God. God can't make us into something if we don't work with it.

I wonder about heavenly visions as well. Getting a vision often incurs all kinds of temptations. Joseph and the patriarchs hear from God that they are to be great in some way and what do they do? It makes Abraham and Isaac assume God doesn't speak to the Gentiles (Pharoah and Abimelech). It makes Jacob covet his brother's birthright because obviously his mom told him it would be his anyway. It makes Joseph walk around snitching on his brothers.

How can we then be faithful to the vision without being jerks? And how can we not be faithful to the heavenly vision when God has clearly ordered it?

Geared to praise

We human beings are geared to praise. Sometimes it doesn't seem that way but we really are. The Bible tells us over and over to praise God. It tells us not to take His name in vain. It tells us to love Him.

I'm not an expert in other religions but I suspect that Buddha and Allah do not ask for our love as much as Yahweh, The Judeo-Christian God does. He doesn't only want us to obey. He wants us to love Him.

Love is such a wonderful thing and love is wonderfully interwoven with praise. How can we not praise what we love? Although we are commanded to obey God, mere obedience to God doesn't cut it. Joyous appreciation of His love, joyous overwhelming happiness at His care, guidance, provision are things a Christian should be aware of. And when we become aware of this, we cannot help but praise.

There are three things that are anti-praise, things that deny God true praise:

First: Whining and murmuring. The Bible warns us often not to do this. Whiners imply that God isn't taking care of them, that He is unaware of them, that He is unloving.

Second: Praising the wrong things or praising in the wrong way. The human heart can be so manipulated by the media, human sinfulness, wrong priorities, that often we end up praising the wrong thing. How shallow it is to praise clothing, human medicine, cooking, and yet not to go further and praise the God who made all these things. Furthermore... loving the beat of a song or the "beauty" of a song or the artfulness of a song is not really praising God. It's aesthetics. A lovely church service does not mean that your heart has worshiped.

Third: No praise at all. Some folks simply do not praise God. They don't praise anything. Heaven knows what their problem is. Maybe they think God already knows how they feel about Him. Maybe they are self-conscious. Maybe they weren't praised as kids and so they find it hard to simply say, "God, you're amazing. I love you so much." Whatever the problem-- emotional issues or human wilfulness-- it's like pulling teeth to get these folks to praise God even in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Fourth: Listening to praise songs. Okay, I understand all about soaking music. And I understand the use of choirs...but really I can't think of any verse in the Bible which tells us to listen to songs. God's people are always commanded to join in with the praise and singing. We are all commanded to sing praises to God. Praise comes when both the heart and mouth are moved. Praise has power when both the heart and mouth are moved. If one simply sits and listens to praise songs, no matter how moved one is in the heart...praise isn't happening. The mouth must be opened, the mouth must join in with the praise. If you can't talk, God will understand you can't sing...but even so... try to sing along.

Fifth: Never singing to the Lord a new song. God has commanded us to sing a new song to him. This is not about tradition. I love old hymns and new songs. But when we are in our house and we spontaneously sing a new song to God, we are showing a new understanding of God in our life. New revelations of God's love and power should lead to new songs.

Well folks. It's ALWAYS the Christmas season. It's always RESURRECTION DAY. A time when God sent his son to live as one of us. What an amazing and lovely God and what a wonderful plan to make us understand what our God is really like. Praise ye the Lord.