Monday, June 09, 2008

Christians on the web

I don't know about other folks but my relationship with Christians on the web has been a weird mix. I either become really good friends with them or I become the object of their gossip. Truth to tell, it's only the really odd Christians who like me -- the non-cookie-cutter types. I am always finding out -- often before I have said anything too snippy or outrageous-- that some Christians were gossiping about me.

So, then, what exactly is my problem? Why do so many "normal" Christians -- especially normal white Christians-- consider me their enemies?

Okay, the group that I first had the problems with was a group that immediately set out to dislike me because I said that many of my gay female friends were raped as children...by their brothers or uncles or by people in the church. Well, I got a big slap-down saying I was being pro-gay. Whatever. Then the next thing I said was that I didn't like the Iraqi war and that Bush was being creepy to start the war. Well, that got me another slap-down. Then I was waay frank about my critiques of their stories. Not good because they could not take criticism and were so in a rush to be published that they wanted to believe their badly-written stories were ready for primetime -- they were aiming to be published as quickly as possible. They said I was a harsh critiquer. Then one woman was talking about good hard-working people who don't take welfare. She pretty much assumed that black people were on welfare...and that they were welfare queens who didn't like hard work like the "typical American." I -- because I could not keep my mouth shut-- said that I didn't like the racist euphemism "hard-working" because it implied "white." I also didn't like the assumption that blacks were the only ones on welfare because poor whites are the largest group on welfare and there is also corporate welfare...like some of the corporations certain politicians were involved with. I further declared that my son was sick and I was sick and we were never on welfare even though we both coule have taken it. And what does the group do? They start sending mean notes about me to each other offlist. How do I know this? One of them accidentally sent her comment about "Carole's bad behavior" to the list.

That's what I especially dislike about Christians on the internet...the herd mind. (Heck, maybe Christians in real life are as bad.) When my book Wind Follower was being toured by one group, the head of that group wrote me an email saying, "Many of our readers have had problems with this book because of the sex and the violence and the difficulty of the writing because they feel you're such a bad writer." First, I told him he should not have told me that folks were gossiping about me. Sh*t, who wants to hear about that? I would've liked to be in total ignorant bliss. I didn't say, "What the heck are you guys talking about? You're either non-published or self-published and you are judging a book edited by a super professional at a traditional publishing house?" But although I didn't say that I couldn't help but to become snippy. It's hard not to have snippy dynamics when one hears people are talking behind one's back.

So now this morning I realized that yet another of these Christian groups to which I belong has removed me from its list. (I think I got removed from this last list because a woman was going on about how she wasn't going to get married. I simply said to her --and the list-- that it was her choice but she should remember that A) Paul said in only one letter that people should not get married. In another letter he said that women under sixty should get married. And in Proverbs and Genesis, we are told to marry. Then I said B) that if she decided not to marry, she should take care of her health. Sickly non-married older relatives end up being a burden to nieces and nephews and grand-nieces who have their own parents to take care of and don't really want to go figuring out medical and financial issues for sick aunts. YEAH, WELL!!! IT'S THE TRUTH. I was in major financial mess last winter with medical bills and my aunt ups and dies and all the nieces had to pool money to bury her. So I was being honest. But Christians on the web do not really appreciate honesty. It's all about sweetness and light.

Upshot: I now have a reputation among some web Christians as being bitchy and short-tempered and rude. They don't seem to realize that I am only bitchy and short-tempered and rude to Christians on the web. And that they do deserve it.

But the funny counterpart to all this is that I keep meeting atheists, especially feminist atheists -- especially WHITE feminist atheists-- with whom I get along quite well. I keep becoming friends with non-Christian gay guys on the web who totally appreciate my honesty. Heck, when I told one internet gay writer buddy that I -- a born-againer wanted to review his book about his rather odd cruising sex life as a male prostitute, he said, "ooh, that'll be a great hook in the review." I told him not to fear and that I wouldn't savage him. He says he's cool; he knows I won't be cruel. Now what is that about? Also, when I get into a heated discussion with one of these folks, we work things through. I have told white feninists that they do NOT suffer as much as black minorities. (Quite the to-do because they always want to excuse white privilege.) and then we get into a deep heated discussion...and then we're closer than before. Try that with a Christian on the internet sometime. It's really strange but Christians are probably the most unforgiving types...and they don't tell you why they have cut you off. Very self-righteous types who think they know all about you.

Not only are many Christians on the internet part of a great gossipy herd-mind, but they are so into this weird idea of "sweetness" that they don't quite know what to do with honesty. So -- in spite of myself, or maybe because of myself-- I am now stuck in a bind of having to forgive these jerks. So annoying. Here I am trying to work on all my spiritual issues and this new one just creeps in on me. It's been said that God forgives people and keeps his relationship with them. But humans forgive and often sever relationships. Well, uh...I'm human. I now am stuck with folks who have "forgiven" me (or maybe not) yet have severed their relationships with me. Because they all gossip together about me without trying to understand where I come from. Basically, they reinforce each other's prejudices about how a good Christian ought to behave and I simply have been weighed in the balance and been found wanting.

I'll forgive these folks who all think I'm wrong and evil because I don't share the same agenda or racist/political notions that they do. But I will not partner with them. Nor will I have a relationship with them. No anger, mind you. But how can two walk together unless they be agreed? -C

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Erica here,
I don't like cookie cutter Christians at all. I've had my experiences with them. I do not stand for war because I don't know what we are fighting for anymore, and I also have a friend down the street who is gay but she is so cool and sweet. We are called to love one another so that is what I live by. Its hard sometimes when you encounter Hateful Christians-what an oxymoron!

I am currently writing a story, a novel about two people and one of them has a dream that foretells a particular one's future, but she is too down in the dumps to realize her unique power and gift...so yeah I am very busy and I am still taking those classes at the university.

Along side of that, I have been reading some C.S. Lewis. I love his book called "Mere Christianity" not sure if I agree in the book about the Christians taking up arms and going to war though. I know war is a way of life now, but I honestly don't see what we are getting from it.

As for "Cookie Cutter" hater christians who don't really know you, I'm shocked that that they marked you off their list! You are the most spiritual and creative person I know! Windfollower was awesome and published by a real publisher! I like how books for Christians can include sex and love, and not be as raunchy as say, a Porn book. I don't want to read about flowers and people who are perfect. Tell me a story about someone like me who is in trouble and making decisions all in fiction. Shoot, those people crazy!

Carole McDonnell said...

Thanks, Erica.

Well, pastor last night gave a sermon on "Forgiving one's enemies." He spoke about the difference between forgiving a friend and forgiving an enemy. Aargh.

A classic reaction from me: I'm gonna ignore the sermon.

I honestly cannot deal with it right now. Because when you forgive some folks they assume you're saying they're right. And I am not strong enough to have those folks believing that I'm apologizing to them. -C

Anonymous said...

Yeah, its hard though. I had to ask for forgiveness and forgive others this past week- news flash! I don't normally do that, if ever because honestly I am too quiet and generous a person to have done wrong someone,but to keep the peace I did it. Now, thats my situation and it worked out for the better in one case, so-so the other case.

For you, its probably best to keep on truckin' and forget them people. Sad to say but you must move on from that. I'm reading a book right now called "Unchristian" by David Kinnaman. it supposed to explore why people no longer like Christians anymore, spanning from history to hypocrisy and harsh judgment from the Christian Community and how we should approach them.
-Erica

Carole McDonnell said...

Wow I've never heard of this book. Thanks for telling me. Will post it to my darkparables blog.

In my experience many Christians teach the law as opposed to teaching the gospel. -C

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. You're a fine writer. Your story reminds me of Psalmist David's complaints. He found gossip harder to take than swords.
Have you read: When Bad Christians Happen to Good People?

Anonymous said...

Lelia,

I read the book and it was an eye opener. I am reading unchristian now and it is somewhat similar.

Carole McDonnell said...

Hi Lelia.

Thanks. Yes, very true about David and his dislike of cruel words. Alas, there is that aspect of the web. What to do?
-C

Carole McDonnell said...

Erica:

If you ever want to join an online crit group, I invite you to join mine. Some nice folks on it...and we help each other perfect our novels.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/genrecritters/

-C

Anonymous said...

thanks carole!

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