Okay, so now I'm 52. Not really so old in the grand scheme of things, but when one considers that many African-American women die at 67, well, who knows? I am intending to live til age 115 should Jesus tarry (unless the world is really way crappy by then) Which means I will have to deal with femininity and the world's stereotypes and expectations for older black women. Unfortunately, unless one is Diana Ross, the world desexualizes older women, especially Black older women and Non-white older women. We are immediately placed in the category of wise old crone, hag, etc. Unless we go all cougar. Which I really can't see myself doing.
(I'd have to imagine life without hubby, period of grieiving, burial etc...to reach the imaginative state of being a single gorgeous cougar with young gorgeous hotties after her. And although I like looking at gorgeous hotties, I really like having hubby around. So yeah, my imagination can't go there. Yeah, for better or worse, I prefer imagining stuff that I really would like to happen. )
Ooh, that reminds me, before I forget. A dream from an online contact has really connected to me. She dreamed that she saw Jesus homeless, looking all icky and well, like how homeless folks look. So we got to talking about that dream and whether it was Jesus identifying with the poor, the prisoner, the sick and what all else? My take on it was that perhaps we the church just haven't given Jesus a home in our hearts and spirits. And that really made me start thinking about the purity of my mind, spirit, and heart. If my spirit and body and mind are temples for God, they should be clean. I'm generally good about inner cleanliness. If I find anger, malice, untruthfulness, lust, uncleanness, selfishness, etc in my personality or character, I set out to clean myself of them and to repent. But there are a few besetting sins.
Which leads to this embracing motherhood thing. I don't mean embracing motherhood for my own children, but embracing the term Moms, Mami, and all those terms which folks on the internet and on the street call me. I have one of those faces that makes strangers like me, and which makes young guys come to ask me deep questions about life, women, etc. The funny thing is on the whole I have embraced it. But there is still a part of me that lusts and I have to put that under the blood of Jesus, as we Christians say. And really, I rather like guys on the internet and on the street calling me Moms or emailing me for questions (ah thank you God for blinding them to the fact that I might actually be lusting after them1) And thank God, holiness is improving.
So yeah, Wise Motherly figure....I can deal with that. Crone, hag, not so much. Cougar....not on your life. Even if I end up being a 115 year old hottie.
(I'd have to imagine life without hubby, period of grieiving, burial etc...to reach the imaginative state of being a single gorgeous cougar with young gorgeous hotties after her. And although I like looking at gorgeous hotties, I really like having hubby around. So yeah, my imagination can't go there. Yeah, for better or worse, I prefer imagining stuff that I really would like to happen. )
Ooh, that reminds me, before I forget. A dream from an online contact has really connected to me. She dreamed that she saw Jesus homeless, looking all icky and well, like how homeless folks look. So we got to talking about that dream and whether it was Jesus identifying with the poor, the prisoner, the sick and what all else? My take on it was that perhaps we the church just haven't given Jesus a home in our hearts and spirits. And that really made me start thinking about the purity of my mind, spirit, and heart. If my spirit and body and mind are temples for God, they should be clean. I'm generally good about inner cleanliness. If I find anger, malice, untruthfulness, lust, uncleanness, selfishness, etc in my personality or character, I set out to clean myself of them and to repent. But there are a few besetting sins.
Which leads to this embracing motherhood thing. I don't mean embracing motherhood for my own children, but embracing the term Moms, Mami, and all those terms which folks on the internet and on the street call me. I have one of those faces that makes strangers like me, and which makes young guys come to ask me deep questions about life, women, etc. The funny thing is on the whole I have embraced it. But there is still a part of me that lusts and I have to put that under the blood of Jesus, as we Christians say. And really, I rather like guys on the internet and on the street calling me Moms or emailing me for questions (ah thank you God for blinding them to the fact that I might actually be lusting after them1) And thank God, holiness is improving.
So yeah, Wise Motherly figure....I can deal with that. Crone, hag, not so much. Cougar....not on your life. Even if I end up being a 115 year old hottie.
No comments:
Post a Comment