Sunday, February 10, 2008

Learning to allow others to make their own mistakes

Hi guys:

Today I'm feeling a bit like a mother hen who is watching three of her chicks make very bad mistakes.

First of all, I shouldn't even be feeling this way about two of those chicks. I'm not even their mom. Which only shows I have to really commit to fasting from speaking in addition to fasting from food.

First chick: older son (the only one I'm presently worried about who IS my chick and who I really have a right to worry about.)

Older son hates his job and has developed a really bad cough since he began working there. It's a factory and there's dust on the floor, cold hallways because doors are always opened. I have told him for the past seven months that he should quit. He coughs terribly at night. But does he listen to me?

Second chick: My divorced friend is madly in love with a married man. I have warned her about this. I love her a lot. I get stressed out when I read an email from her that shows she is totally involved with this guy. Aside from the fact that we are Christians and shouldn't even be getting involved with coveting other folks' husbands, I just don't trust married men who are in love with other women beside their wives. Wait til the marriage is over and the divorce is final, i say.

Third chick: A fellow writer in our critique group left. Her writing was awful but she is self-published and many writers like her. Now, in my experience I have met many self-published writers who are great...and many self-published writers who are bad. This woman was terrible. Several folks emailed me privately that they simply could not make it through her writing. But I, like a fool, actually critiqued her stuff. She immediately pulled the story from the group and now two weeks later left. The fact is I want her a real publishing company. And as long as she thinks she knows everything (or gets afraid when showed how difficult writing really is) she's not going to get published.

So here I am. Trying to learn my boundaries. Trying not to feel rejected because someone is human and simply refuses to take my all-knowing all-loving advice. I've not taken I shouldn't be so high-and-mighty about folks not taking my advice.

Even so, it hurts as heck and it feels like rejection when someone simply isn't listening. That, my friends, is not sane. I shouldn't be so invested in my advice or in other folks' lives. A hard road for a Christian and for a person who generally likes people. So, I've got to learn to let it go. Balance. Balance. May Jesus teach me balance.
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