Monday, February 04, 2008

Things remembered

So often the spiritual Christian life is not about learning something new but about learning something old in a deeper way.

Well, here I am with this fast and for those of you who fast you know there are generally three things that happen during fasts.

The first: nothing at all seems to happen. You plod through the fast and at the end you say to yourself although I don't see anything happening, I know something must've happened because I fasted.

The second: you plod through the fast not really sensing God at all and at the end something major happens.

The third: you walk through the fast and every day you feel God holding your hand. So in the end you start thinking that it doesn't matter what happens at the end of the fast because everything is cool and you've been traveling all along with God.

Well, I'm kinda experiencing the third. Very interesting. God is just always here helping me along.

So that's the first thing I've "learned" or "remembered."

The other thing was something I felt God teaching me last me. And what did he re-teach me? That true faith is joyful. IF I am praying and believing for something, I should be so convinced that God has already answered my prayers that even if I don't see it, I should be joyful. Yesterday, this joyful conviction of God's care and blessing just overwhelmed me. Yeah, yeah, i know this is all old hat...but I can get pretty despairing sometimes...which is being double-minded. Totally believing yet full of unbelief and sespair at the same time.

Last night, I prayed with joy and belief and didn't whine at all to hubby, my ally and comrade in spiritual arms. I totally believed. So that's the fourth day. Will see what else God will teach -- or remind-- me of tomorrow. Praise ye the Lord.

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