Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Rubber hits the road part II

Okay, so hubby annoyed me no heck last night by doing something he should've known better not to do.

Stuck as I am in a fast, the right and holy thing to do is to be loving, be forgiving, try to keep the chin up...and in general let the spirit triumph over the habits of the flesh. By habits I mean: my easy tendency to keep a grudge, indulge in sexy daydreams of whoever my soul is lusting for this week, and keep a relentless mighty powerful silent treatment going. Alas I am so much of a carnal christian so much of the time...it's a bit of a battle not to allow the wrong emotions to take over.

But I'm in the middle of a fast. And I have to ask myself: am I serious about trying to get the healing God has already placed in my spirit to transform my body? Am I serious about doing anything to get my son's healing to manifest? Yeah, yeah...I guess I AM kinda serious. The thing, of course (to my carnal mind anyway) is to manage to forgive my husband and yet to manage to make the guy feel guilty (which he really should rightly feel cause he was totally wrong.)

I know God isn't like that. God doesn't hold it over us when he forgives us. He doesn't make us suffer and squirm and wallow in regret before deigning to forgive us. You see: that's what I dislike about God. I kinda wish He'd let folks who have wronged me suffer quite a bit before forgiving them. Of course, I am never in need of His forgiveness. I'm pretty perfect. ::smile::

Okay, adelante. I'm on a fast. I can't afford to mess it up with a silent treatment. Let's see what I'll do to bring peace to hubby.....and still kinda feel I've made him suffer....and still kinda help my ego think it's won the game.
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