Christian cosmology: God, gods, Lord

Why do we call Jesus "Lord"?

According to Christian cosmology, there are spiritual "principalities, powers, thrones, dominions"...all of which are or were ruled by God. But one of these principalities, the Prince of the Crescent Moon and the Morning Star, (whose name was translated as Lucifer in the Bible but ) the Prince who was the Covering Cherub in heaven, the Prince of Music,  rebelled against God. He indulged in a kind of whispering campaign against God in the Third (highest) heaven and in the rebellion one-third of the spirit beings angels sided against God. They lost and were cast out of heaven.

Where were they sent?

Not sure of where they went. They seemed to be homeless...but not in hell. We are told that God created hell for the devil and the devil's angels but we don't know when God created hell for them.

In the beginning, God created the universe "but the earth has he given to the sons of men." The earth was a place where spirit and flesh met. God created a type of being called Man who were made in this three dimensional world and who would have a physicality made of the elements in this physical reality. He may have created other beings in other dimensions or out of other elements or in other universes but this particular being, Man, would be unique in all his creation because Man would be made in God's own image and likeness.  Of course, the angels were also created in God's own image but there was something about Man that could contain all of God so that God could live within them. It would truly fulfill something the angels could not.

God also gave to this creation the power to decide what kind of creation it would be. They could become beings who could A) live without law, and choose life alone... and not die. Or B) they could understand good and evil, and live under a law. In heaven, there really is no "law." He gave them a hint, however by commanding them what not to do. He said Choose Life. He said there is no need for you to understand evil or what is evil. He said this because in heaven there is no evil, and no knowledge of evil. It's not that an angel cannot sin; it's more like if an angel sins God doesn't care. It is a world beyond the concept of sin-consciousness because all beings there understand that God's love and one's worth doesn't depend on one's goodness.

Satan decided to attack this creation. When? Why? Perhaps because of jealousy, perhaps because of hatred. It looks as if the rebellion had already occurred when he attacked this creation.

Anyway, the creation called Man was attacked subtly.  Satan, urged them to choose to be beings who would have a consciousness of sin. God had declared all things good but Satan pretended to be giving the Man true light by urging them to take of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Light-bringer who is also the adversary. The more Man understands of morality the greater the ability to be judged and condemned, and the farther we move from the idea of God's all-accepting love. When Man chose the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, he chose to live in a world where Sin mattered in their relationship with God. Such religions as Islam, Mormonism, Buddhism, Hinduism, are all connected to the tree of knowledge: how man behaves, what man knows. But what God wants is for Man to simply accept His love.

In the Psalms God said, "ye are gods." Jesus clarified this further by saying God called the people who had received the law "gods." Why? Because the law given to the Israelites was given as a way to counter the power of the tree of knowledge...by A) being a schoolmaster to show them they needed to trust God, the tree of life and B) being the earthly spouse...

Jesus existed before.

Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Phillipians 2: 5-11 

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law Gal 4:4

The god of this world

Paul calls Satan, "the god of this world." John declares that "the whole world lies under the power of the evil one." Why? Because the First Adam had given up all his authority and dominion over the world to Satan when Adam gave in to the temptation. As a co-rebel with Satan, Adam now had no power.

Since Adam, the world had never had a perfect Man. He had tried to tempt this perfect Man in the wilderness. He said to Jesus, "All in this world is mine to give." Jesus did not dispute that but Jesus became the perfect human by never sinning against God. When Satan destroyed a perfect Son of Adam on the cross, he did something unlawful. For the first time, a perfect human had lived. Being sinless, He had the dominion given to Adam and he never lost it. The Pretender Prince  had come in contact with a True Man, the Second Adam.

For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man  Romans 8:3



Jesus destroyed the power of the principalities over Men. He spoiled principalities and gave gifts to men. He became Lord of this earth. Jesus then translated those who trust Him as Lord out from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God's dear son. By accepting "grace" which is symbolized as the tree of life, these people have given up the "tree of knowledge of good and evil" and the idea of working for God's love.  There is no sin in the New Jerusalem and heaven because there is no law there. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil is an earthly matter. Yes, the law endures forever, but those who belong to Christ are wedded to a new wife (unlike those who are wedded to the law) and are no longer under the rule of the schoolmaster.  (Not sure about those who are outside the gates of the New Jerusalem and the City of God.)

He has not removed the seven seals on the scroll ownership of the world yet. Satan is still, "the god of this world."


By becoming the second Adam and the New Man, he created a whole new kind of humanity . Now we are kings and priests. As Lord, He is our Spiritual head, and He has returned authority and dominion to the sons of God.

For the earnest expectation of the creation waiteth for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to vanity, not of its own will, but by reason of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the liberty of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. 23And not only so, but ourselves also, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for our adoption, to wit , the redemption of our body. Romans 8:19-23

He has given us authority over the earth, the spoiled principalities, sin, sickness. Now we can say boldly, "Let God's will be done on Heaven as it is done on earth."

For Christians, connection to God is not about being good in the world. It's about being translated out of this present evil world. In a very real way,  Christians are no longer of the old earth.

Therefore when Christians say, Jesus is Lord, the implication is that Jesus has taken us out of the world, Jesus the Son of Man has become Lord over all lords (in addition to being Son of God.) At his knee, the demons must bow because a Man has regained and redeemed the World from out of the hand of the devil.

Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:
Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell; And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.  Colossians 1: 13-19

 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers Romans 8:29

Dark Parables: Yet another apocalyptic dream

All these dreams about deluges. What the heck is coming?


I dreamed I and a janitor were cleaning the floors of an observatory. We seemed to be in the basement and we were pushing the cleaning materials ahead of us and through a hallway. I was barefoot (feet unshod?) when I saw the floor was strewed with thorns and splinters and I knew my feet would be really hurt when I stood on them. I complained about that and the janitor who was with me did something and the thorns disappeared. I went to the top floor and a great deluge was coming over the side of the observatory. People were screaming because they thought they were trapped with no way to get out. They feared they would all be drowned. But I went through some doors to the  other side of the observatory. It was strange but here the waters hadn't reached the top of the observatory on this side. It was as if all the waters had piled up on one side but somehow not on this side. I looked out and all I could see was  a field. Yet I knew the water from the other side of the observatory would come up and somehow we'd be deluged. I decided to escape. Some folks were on this side of the observatory as well. They tried to run with me but they couldn't. As they tried to walk, some invisible thing kept holding them back. They seemed to come up against an invisible wall. I escaped and ran into the field in the darkness. I don't remember how the dream ended but I knew I was escaping and that somehow it was strange that I had escaped.


Got this interpretation from Rose-Marie and I think it totally works:

i think it is about how perspective can trap people and that God will make a way for us to escape if we are willing. Hang in there and go with the flow.

So why do I write?

Every once in a while (actually way more often than a while) I ask myself if my work has affected anyone in anyway. Sometimes I lie in bed and think of certain chapters in my stories. Thinking about them has something of the virtue of a prayer. I meditate on my scenes and dialogs and imagine their effect on others. All the time it's really me wondering if my life is worthwhile and what my writing will accomplish for God....and if I am on the way to doing the 6 great works God promised I would do.

I suspect I want Wind Follower to help folks see that marriage is a commitment. And for Black women to have a story where a guy sees them as beautiful. And for people to see the folkloric (in the truest sense) beauties of Christianity. The last reason is the most important. So many missionaries are so American/western in their ways. They go out with their Americanness to save tribes without understanding the power or the tradition of the myths these tribes believe in.

What does A Cry for Hire accomplish? What do I hope for it to accomplish. It will show forgiveness. It will show the patience of a long-suffering wife. It will show an imperfect priest, a good thing I think. It will show maternal longing (not shown a lot in today's stories.) It will show the love affair of a middle-age couple. It shows Christians as normal people, a thing that's needed nowadays, I think. Oh, yes, and it's a good story as well.

The Constant Tower is about child abuse at its core, and about a son wanting his father's love. It's about stasis and wanting to leave a place but being too powerless and too weak to do it. It's about princes who don't fit into the mold of what princes should be. It's about weakness, and disabilities. How will the story affect the world and its readers? Will it make someone understand weakness better? Will it make people read  Black women spec-fic writers? Will it make people believe Christian writers can write good spec-fic? Will it make people think about the silly conventions of fantasy and spec-fic? Sure, it's also about fantastical worlds...in which resources are sorely needed and war is everywhere but that isn't important to me. Writing about war has never stopped warfare. Why do writers and other artists think that art can save the world? It doesn't. It saves certain parts of certain people's soul..but that's it, I think.

In the very deepest part of my being, I'll say that I believe my writing is for countries such as Asia, India, Indonesia. Those are the places I believe God has appointed my writings to blossom. Will see, though.

Practicing Computer Mode

A while back I read the book "The gentle art of verbal self-defense." A good little book with some practical hints about how to avoid one's self when dealing with rude people. Author Suzette Haden Elgin. he has a little bit of the process here

In a world of cruel people, one needs to know how to nip an answer in the bud. Weirdly, I read this book more than ten years ago and it's only in the mean cruel world of blogging and trolls and youtube where I have really had to use it.

Being a Christian and being Black in a world of nasty folks... well, one has to be prepared. And I must say I am getting good at this.

I recently told some anti-semitic folks to be more respectful about the death of a little Jewish boy. (Tons of mean anti-Jewish comments under the youtube news video just pissed me off.) Then I made the mistake of saying I was a Christian and it was the Christian anti-semites who really annoyed me.

What did i get? A nasty crack from someone calling me a brainwashed retard, and someone saying Christianity was inherently anti-semitic.

So I posted:

WTF??? What is wrong with some of these commentors? This is the death of a little boy here! Quit the anti-semitism and grieve for the child. I'm a Christian and I find anti-semitism even more disturbing when it comes from Christians. Honestly, people!

scifiwritir1

Then this comes up:

• @scifiwritir1

  Fuck you brainwashed retard.
  falcon5956 4 hours ago
  
  
  I responded with:
• @falcon5956 The word "retarded" is a cruel hateful word and it offends many people who have been born with Down's syndrome -- and their families as well. This word "retard" falls easily from the lips of people who would never think of calling someone a fag, a nigger, a kike, a homo, a honky, or other names. Worse, it is often used against kind people who are not able to defend themselves. I suggest you find another word to insult people instead of maligning people with disabilities.
  scifiwritir1 40 minutes ago
• Then this:
  
  @scifiwritir1 xtianity is inherently antisemitic.
  BrooklynNotQueens 1 hour ago
  
  
  I responded with:
• @BrooklynNotQueens The definition of "inherent" is an interesting one. One definition is: "Existing as an essential constituent or characteristic; intrinsic." I suggest you look up Art Katz's youtube video, "The Hebraic roots of the Faith" in addition to the writings of Sid Roth, Messianic Jewish groups, especially the thriving Jewish Christian groups in Israel, Jews who do not think Christianity is anti-semitism at all. Hope this helps.
  scifiwritir1 33 minutes ago

I used a kind of modified computer mode when dealing with the cruel comments. A bit of computer mode, and the Boring Baroque Response  with a touch of political correctness. Not sure how the political correctness thing works. ...or how well BBR and CM work online but I'm pretty proud of myself for at least attempting to follow the verbal recipe. Verbal self defense works if one is willing to go along with the game of appearing totally spacy and incapable of getting the point that someone wants to lead you into an argument. If they give up because they think you're a twit, it doesn't matter. But it seems that when I use it, I do behave in a bit of an "above-it-all" and "teacherly-correcting" mode. Oh, well, I'm just learning.... and I still want to win... even if I'm pretending I'm not actually in an argument.

Of course I should just learn to ignore...but ...

A Day is as a Thousand years

Okay, how amazing it that?  Can I --with my small human mind--comprehend this? Can I fully understand that  God, who lives outside of time, thinks a quadrillion thoughts about me each day....and about all his creations in all the dimensions and universes, that he is ultra-aware?

We have to commit our life and the paths of our life to him. How can we not with such a great and good and knowing Lord?

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 2 Peter 3:8

The day has enough trouble of its own.  Today's trouble is enough for today.  Matthew 6:34

How precious to^b me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.  Psalm 139: 17,18

For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night. Psalm 90:4


Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.  Psalm 68:19


Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.  Psalm 55:22


O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23


Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7


Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:Psalm 37:5


As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him. 2 Samuel 22:31


We have a wonderful Shepherd!

Poor in spirit -- crappy day but one good thing.

Yep, another post on poverty of spirit.

So this morning the folks from the rehabilitation for Gabe came to visit us. The first lady who arrived was so sweet and kind and accessible. Then the "head" of the institution came. Oh heavens! The dying to self required to deal with this lady.

Yes, she had an attitude. (Praise God! although I was hurt and wounded and weepy, I wasn't nasty. So, hey, maybe I've grown because the old me would've started being snide.)

I'm not sure why why she was nasty. I hadn't said anything at all ..so it's not as if I provoked her. She just entered the yard wearing her better-than-thou look. I'm telling you the lady had scorn down.

I could've spoken to them wondering what her problem was. (And truly, it IS a problem if she is so concerned with showing how great she is, even though she's dealing with a woman with a son like Gabe. But when folks try to be better than others, they usually don't care about other folk's heart.) Obviously she was esteeming herself higher than others  ..but why?

Was it because I was fat?
Was it because I was wearing a house dress?
Was it because my house is in a poor neighborhood?

I suspected she behaves this way only toward certain people. Some folks are like that. They're kind to those they deem their equals in importance and (for absolutely no reason) they are nasty and imperious to folks they consider unimportant or folks they don't esteem.

Of course, this could be the way she treats all people she interviews for her program. It might be that she is utterly self-centered and is unaware that the stuff she does in order to make herself look "important" also has the effect of making people look "unimportant."

A part of me kept thinking, "Carole, if you were truly humble, you wouldn't even notice how nasty she is being. Obviously, you still have some pride in you if your pride is affect." But I'm not sure about that. I mean I am not utterly humble but I didn't try to show her how great or educated I was. I didn't try to talk using big educational words. I didn't tell her I was a former teacher, a former reporter, or a writer. I mean... if I wanted to challenge her, I could simply have said something like, "Are you trying to show me how much better you are than me?" (Yeah, I've been known to make direct comments like that.) A comment like that might not have worked to change her or to make her see my humanity but it would have certainly put her on her toes when she's talking to me.

But the effect of the entire encounter is to make me feel small and desperately in need of God's love. I am feeling once again the effect of poverty, the effect of being fat, the effect of being in a house that needs fixing, the effect of having a child diagnosed as incurably autistic and retarded.

Something else... good and bad.

I sent a friend invitation to two youtubers I had a problem with. Well, actually, they had a problem with me. The first was a young kid who used to go by the name of filmfanatic57. I liked that kid. Just an intelligent kid. And so I friended him as I friend a lot of kids on the internet. BUT he used the word "retard" in one of his reviews and I snapped at him in a comment. Immediately, the kid became my enemy.

The second was an older friend from the UK. An atheist and movie lover. I never argued with him about atheism; we just discussed Asian movies. Then I told him he was being rude to another youtuber. He snapped at me and sent me a list of accusations, including his annoyance at my supposed duplicity and sneakiness and his assertion that I was stupid because I didn't agree with his assessment of certain movies. I wrote him a short, "Honestly, James, I am not that slick. And everyone interprets movies their own ways."

Anyway, I missed these guys. So I refriended them. I said to the older friend. "I know you've decided to exclude me, but I'm going to draw a circle to include you." I expected a snide comment. Imagine my surprise when he welcomed me with open arms!!!!! Yeah, am really surprised.

The kid, though, is relentlessly unforgiving. And that hurts. The young shouldn't be so unforgiving and spiteful.

I try to live a brave courageous life. I talk about God among people who think I'm nuts for believing in Gods, demons, angels and the like. It's tough living such a life but yeah, I'm really working on humility and dying to self. But what a day it has been! I want Gabe to be well. I want to be rich. I want to be thinner. I want a rich house.

I had a dream a coupla days ago where an Asian guy (around 35 or so) said to me, "I, for one, am going to be optimistic." That's all he said. So... am gonna transform my mind to focusing on Christ's finished work on the cross. To this end, after the snooty lady left, I was about to fall into despair but then I remembered the weapons of our warfare and I went outside and affirmed, "Jesus is Lord. He has healed me. He is my shepherd. I do not lack." So, yeah, I was shaken...but I was not greatly shaken. God helped me set myself right.  Thanks you Lord.

Letters from a Skeptic: A Son Wrestles with His Father's Questions about Christianity

by Greg Boyd

Paperback: 256 pages

Publisher: David C. Cook; New edition (June 1, 2008)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1434799808

ISBN-13: 978-1434799807

Product Description

Greg Boyd and his father, Ed, were on opposite sides of a great divide. Greg was a newfound Christian, while his father was a longtime agnostic. So Greg offered his father an invitation: Ed could write with any questions on Christianity, and his son would offer a response.
Letters from a Skeptic contains this special correspondence. The letters tackle some of today's toughest challenges facing Christianity, including
Do all non-Christians go to hell?
How can we believe a man rose from the dead?
Why is the world so full of suffering?
How do we know the Bible was divinely inspired?
Does God know the future?
Each response offers insights into the big questions, while delivering intelligent answers that connect with both the heart and mind. Whether you're a skeptic, a believer, or just unsure, these letters can provide a practical, common-sense guide to the Christian faith.

Weekend Movie-viewing: J-dramas

I watched two Japanese dramas. (about ten 45-minutes-parts each etc)

The first was called Long, love letter or Drifting Classroom. It's about a school that --on a pleasant afternoon on school break-- suddenly seems to disappear into a sink hole. 

The kids in school are there to catch up on their schooling. There are the brand girls who are hip and like the Japanese version of Valley girls. There is the really committed kid who's gonna become a doctor. There is Ootomo who is a bit of a slacker, and who Serikya-Senpai (hot to trot money-wasting nutcase selfish teacher) has been trying to seduce. There is another kid who is trying to reconnect with his girlfriend. There are some teachers, the most important of which is Asami who is sweet and hip and popular and who is in love with Masaki who was a former teacher but who got into trouble and has a reputation (untrue) about her toughness. She IS pretty tough though. Asami was also the teacher who was talking about X, Y, and Z and time, space, etc on the axis and came to the conclusion: Live in the moment.  There is also a lame little girl who didn't fit in (she wanders away from the school because she wants to be away from her fellow students) and several losers who didn't fit into Japanese society but now they fit in wonderfully because they found work that is valid.

The sink hole has transported them to the future. The school is in the middle of sandy desert. They have to learn to deal with the moment, while looking for a way to grow food ( nutcase teacher has taken all the school food and is hold up in a room with a gun and will only give food to Ootomo is he sleeps with her) and find a way home. 

Since the premise is that time is fairly malleable and flexible, it's a bit like Frequency, Lost, and Castaway all rolled into a Japanese school movie. Some folks we really love die...and there is nothing like a noble person dying in a Japanese movie: the Japanese do sacrificial noble characters really well. Along the way, they find out the world was destroyed by human greed, pollution, war. Plus they meet the last human men who want to protect a little girl because the last humans in the world are men and women can't be born or can't have children. 

There there was Bound by Shooting Stars. Can't really say what the Jaapanese title was. A mystery/swindler story/romance. Three siblings (one of them is a girl who is really a step-sister but the sibs prefer not to talk about it) are orphaned as little kids when their parents are murdered. They grow up with the promise they will find the culprit and kill him. One of them, Taisuke, saw a glimpse of the murderer. But 14 years have gone by and it's 50 days before the 15th year which would be the statute of limitation. (I didn't know the japanese had a 15 year statute of limitation on murder but I guess they do.) The sibs are swindlers and have kept connected with the cops who investigated their parents' murder. One of the persons they aim to swindle is an annoying rich guy...whose dad has a restaurant which features hashed beef rice with a taste exactly like their fathers. Could it be rich guy's dad killed their dad? And why is little Sis falling in love with rich guy? Isn't she committed to finding out about the murderer and bringing him to justice?

Really good, once you accept the Japanese caveats of sacrifice and justice -- I mean the guys in Shooting Stars turned themselves in for their swindling EVEN THOUGH they paid back the swindlers. Talk about the Hays Code. 

Speechless

I'm always amazed at how clueless people are about the holiness of God and about our own lack of holiness toward Him and toward others.

One friend said, "When I die, and I'm in heaven, I'm going to ask God why He allowed such and such to happen to me because I just don't see why He allowed this."

Oh, really? Oh, really? NO! I don't think we're gonna be able to ask God anything about why He allowed anything. Some folks might think it shows their closeness to God and their powerful friendship to God...("Hey, God is my Father and I can say anything to Him yadda yadda...") NO! Ain't gonna happen.

When we stand before God we are, like Job, speechless! Job, like a lot of the prosperity gospel types believed that gain was godliness. When he finally saw that there were a lot of strange things in the world and the world is beyond his comprehension (and God didn't even tell him about Satan) he said he was speechless.

The boldness of some people!

So when we die, the first thing we will be is speechless.

When we get the life review and our life passes before our eyes and we see how we have affected people, for better and for worse, we will be speechless.

When our life passes before our eyes and we see how much we did not know about the people we gossiped about, or slighted, or didn't esteem, we will be speechless.

When we see how many of our troubles that we said was God -caused was really caused by the devil, the world, or (God forbid!) US, we will be speechless.

When we see how many times God spoke to us and guided us but we didn't think He spoke at all (because that wasn't what we had faith or desire to do) and got furious at Him, we will be speechless.

When we see that some great well-reasoned word we spoke to someone which we thought did so much good for God was really totally nothing and ineffective... but some silly off-the-cuff comment we said converted a hardened sinner, we will not be able to boast, we will be speechless because it was the Holy Spirit doing the work and we were totally unaware.

When we see so many of the great televangelists and pastors who had healed the sick and raised the dead and cast out demons being put in hell or with tiny little shacks in heaven while some prostitute is given a great mansion, we will be speechless.

When we see ourselves in heaven, knowing full-well we do not deserve to be there, we will be speechless.

 Honestly, we American Christians talk much too much...and are know-it-alls about so many things. But the Great day will come when we are speechless.

God is holy, holy, holy. And we are not. He is loving and we are not. He looks upon the heart and not the appearance.....we do not.

A city broken down, and without walls

GOAL TODAY: Not to let anyone make me speak unadvisedly with my lips. In the past I just seem to fall so easily in this particular sin of speaking unadvisedly with my lips. And this morning, God very gently reproached me in this thing.

He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28

Because they provoked his (Moses) spirit, so that he spake unadvisedly with his lips. Psalm 106:33

 To day if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. Hebrews 3:7-8

Even God can be provoked!

Whether it's exasperation because someone doesn't understand, or self-pity because one wishes someone to understand, or frustration ....there has come this awful time when I simply speak unadvisedly with my lips. In this way, I've discovered that the need to express one's pain is used by the spirit of self-pity to make us re-affirm our sickness and our plight. We don't praise God or affirm His promises, or the theological spiritual truth. But we affirm the pathological truth.

In order to be healed in many things, we have to confess the word of God we are believing and trusting in. We have to affirm the promises of God and our believe in those promises. We have to declare to humans, demons, and our own spirits that God's word is true and we are depending on them.

However, I have failed repeatedly in this regard. When up against hard hearts or judgmental types caring friends who just ask a caring question... or even un-understanding people.... I have allowed myself to blurt out the pathological truth.

This is how the devil works: by letting us use the creative power of our own mouths against our own lives.

In the Christmas story....the angel Gabriel had to shut Zechariah's mouth because although God was giving a miracle, Zechariah's mouth had the power to destroy Elizabeth's pregnancy. The human mouth has been given great power.

The wise woman whose son died did not affirm the pathological truth. That is having power over one's spirit and not being an open city with no walls.

And when the child was grown, it fell on a day, that he went out to his father to the reapers. And he said unto his father, My head, my head. And he said to a lad, Carry him to his mother. And when he had taken him, and brought him to his mother, he sat on her knees till noon, and then died. And she went up, and laid him on the bed of the man of God, and shut the door upon him, and went out. And she called unto her husband, and said, Send me, I pray thee, one of the young men, and one of the asses, that I may run to the man of God, and come again. And he said, Wherefore wilt thou go to him to day? it is neither new moon, nor sabbath. And she said, It shall be well. Then she saddled an ass, and said to her servant, Drive, and go forward; slack not thy riding for me, except I bid thee. So she went and came unto the man of God to mount Carmel. And it came to pass, when the man of God saw her afar off, that he said to Gehazi his servant, Behold, yonder is that Shunammite: Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well with thee? is it well with thy husband? is it well with the child? And she answered, It is well. And when she came to the man of God to the hill, she caught him by the feet: but Gehazi came near to thrust her away. And the man of God said, Let her alone; for her soul isvexed within her: and the LORD hath hid it from me, and hath not told me. Then she said, Did I desire a son of my lord? did I not say, Do not deceive me?   2 Kings 4:18-28

That is having power over one's spirit and not being an open city with no walls.  She found a way to speak her heart's pain without affirming that her son had died.

Set, o Lord, a watch at my lips. Please!!! For my family's sake, for Gabe's sake, for my sake!

Dark Parables: Dream of key and chain

I dreamed I had gotten married to a man I recently met. At first I was afraid for him to see my house and my housekeeping skills. But he must have accepted my messiness because he married me. The time came for me to meet his parents. I was particularly afraid of my new mother-in-law. I gave his mother several photo albums to look at, and showed her my former husband's family relation...th eKennedy's. I was trying  to impress her although the photo was taken of a reflection of a Kennedy matriarch in a window. I shook out the dust of the album before giving them to her because i was afraid of dust and dust mites and cockroaches falling out on her. After I gave her the albums, she looked then she held up a door key (maybe a magnetzed key, but a heavy looking key)  and she showed me a dark brown chain. Heavy but not super-heavy.. I said to her, "Where did those come from? I gave you those?" I had accidentally given them to her without knowing it. I felt so stupid because I thought I had given her only the photo albums. Bu there she was holding these things that were un-necessary for her to  like me and just plain weird.

The woman vaguely reminded me of my own mother-in-law...a woman I avoid very much. I was aware of having had a bad mother-in-law so I wanted this new marriage to be better and to have this particular mother-in-law like me. But I had given her a key and a brass or iron link chain. That's what I remember...the dark brown of the key and the chain. Sometimes we unwittingly give someone the key to our lives as well, and they are able to chain us too because we've given them the secret to destroying us. The last dream I had about three or four or five weeks ago also had keys...but those were given by a man to me and my husband to open a door. Then the dream ended. Strange that the key motif should pop up again. BTW, in life we aren't key people, my hubby and me.

Yesterday, I went to the realtor and I was upset with myself for telling them exactly what was wrong with the house and how much I might sell the house for. I was upset with myself for not playing the game because realtors like pretending they're your friends but selling a house is really business...and one has to be careful. So I was mad at myself for that. And I'm generally angry at myself for being "real" in this town because so many folks are not "real" and I seem like a nut or an innocent sometimes when I talk with them. Another reason why I'm a recluse.... the people in the world terrify me by the way they judge us...by the class, status they put on us, by the way they compare us to themselves.

In the dream I spent so much time trying to give a good "picture" to this woman who was my future mother-in-law. And yet I missed some of the presentation and accidentally slipped up by giving her the key and letting her see the chain (to trap me, or what I use to trap myself or to trap others.) Whatrever it is, it definitely shows that we can plan and plan and try to show one picture of our lives....but the way a thing falls out and what people perceive about us is not under our control. We "leak."

I suspect we just have to be ourselves, without guile because we are unable to hide our guilelessness anyway. We show people the key to ourselves, we show them ways to bind us. We chain people to ourselves or attempt to chain people to ourselves by giving them what we think will please them. We  never really know what people think of us...so what's the use anyway? In the end, we can only be ourselves...and if the world thinks we're innocent, or foolish, or evil, or vain.... Only God's opinion matters. Jesus wants us to live lives without guile. We must be wise yet harmless as doves... and let others judge and interpret us as they wish.

A silly dove without heart

More and more I'm thinking that the modern church is like Ephraim.

Ephraim also is like a silly dove without heart: they call to Egypt, they go to Assyria.  Hosea 7:11


The men of Ephraim, though armed with bows, turned back on the day of battle; Psalm 78:9

I like characters with "heart" I like people with "heart." Something about having heart strengthens the soul. I can't give up on so many things because I want God to know I have "heart."

I tell myself that God is aware of my fighting the good fight. Jesus has given us weapons for this spiritual warfare. We are armed with songs of praise which route the enemy. We are armed with the blood of Jesus. We are armed with a great high priest. We are armed with the helmet of the hope of salvation, the shield of faith, the belt of truth, the sword of the spirit, the sandals of readiness to preach salvation, the breastplace of righteousness. We are armed with the word of God and the prophecies through which we fight the good fight. Yet sometimes we turn around and flee in the day of battle.

Wrestling is a hard fight. It's a personal fight. But we are called to wrestle against principalities, and to allow God to war against the evils in our own souls. 

Man is born in trouble and the day has enough trouble of its own...but we must not be silly and without heart. So many Christians have no heart. They can fight a little while but then they cannot endure. And it's by endurance that we achieve the promises. How many Christians have walked about saying God did not answer their great prayer when they learned early in life to give up on their small prayers? If we run with the footmen and they wearied us, no wonder that when we run with the horses we flee. We must train ourselves to have heart .... no matter what, to hold to God and to never give up.

He gives wisdom and upbraids not -- Part 2

Today I'm thinking of this again. Actually, I've been thinking of it a lot lately. This wonderful loving God who knows our frame, who understands why we've done stupid things, who understands why we have not done the things we should have done, who understands our frailties and our weaknesses....and our sins... and will not rebuke or upbraid us as he gives us the course correction.

As I sit here wondering what the heck this summer will turn into, I was afraid to ask God for help. Just in case He was going to stand off and not help me. Just in case He is like all humans who judge and lose their patience with us.

This kind of avoiding of God because one has been stupid and one fears his inability to help because one has not been doing the right moves...blocks the answering of our prayers. But when we remember that God is not like our earthly parents or our earthly know-it-all friends (who really know very little about our hearts and the pains we've been enduring) we can begin to push aside all strongholds against being worthy of his kindness.

The more I think about this verse, the more it feeds my soul. The more it feeds my soul, the more it heals it by giving me knowledge of what a loving patient sweet God we have. The more healed my soul is by the love of God, the more the torment goes because fear has torment. The more I am able to receive answers to prayer and guidance because I begin to understand how gracious and loving my Father in Heaven is.

Jesus came to remove not only guilt from us but guiltiness. Guiltiness has a power in and of itself because we cannot feel the Father's love. But Jesus came to remove sin and guilt and to show us the Father which removes our sense of unworthiness.

Lord, please keep me always aware of your patient love for me. I ask in Jesus name. Amen.

Restoration, and training my heart to dream again

Restoration is a fight, a fight to believe, a hoping against all the horrors of the past. It kinda reminds me of William Blake: First one sings songs of innocence, then songs of experience, then at last songs of regained innocence.

I've been watching a Korean reality show called "We Got Married." In it, one famous celebrity is "married" to another famous celebrity and they live together for a long time.

There is a character on it who made me feel suddenly very old. He is very like Ben in Onion and is the kind of person I would have liked to have married. Funny, chatty, a shyness and yet an openness to life, an eccentric streak. I got very weepy watching it and had to go for a walk. It was weird feeling so suddenly too old to have had that perfect marriage with that perfect person. After a while I stopped watching it because the overpowering sense of loss was too much. But it got me into rewriting Onion again.


This show is really affecting me and making me commit to old age and mid-life crisis. There is all that romance, communal friend/family thing (after all, all the nation was watching the show) and Luke and I never had that in our family, the hottie Asian guy I now have a crush on, the holding to God's ability to restore, and this feeling of untetheredness I'm enduring because we will probably soon have to move to another town because of the job and money situation. Dare I believe that God is able to restore my life?

Haggai, the prophet, wrote:

Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing?  Haggai 2:3

Ezra (the second Moses) wrote,
And all the people shouted with a great shout, when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. 12But many of the priests and Levites and chief of the fathers, who were ancient men, that had seen the first house, when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, wept with a loud voice; and many shouted aloud for joy: 13So that the people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people: for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the noise was heard afar off.  Ezra 11:10-13

Ah, to rebuild, to rebuild, to rebuild. What mental energy and hope is required? A part of the soul feels so tired and so fearful...and then there is the comparative mode? Will I live to see restoration completed in my life? I'm already so old.

I also got to thinking of my YA Onion. That's the other thing. I developed this weird attraction to Asian guys late in life so now that I'm old I really can't daydream about some wonderful cute Asian guy. It's a past I didn't have and a future I cannot have. Plus I love my husband. But I can return to My Life as an Onion with a renewed  love of this Asian crush thing. (Why is it that so many romance writers have had such bad issues in their romantic lives? Is that why we write romances, to put our fantasies on the page, to make them real in some weird way for us?)

All this makes me think: Am I willing to re-group? Am I able to believe that God restores all? (Including son's health and our money issues and health issues?) Am I able to see life as a work-in-progress even now? I can be such a depressive that it takes a lot to commit to the idea that one can be restored to a beautiful life.

Once again I think of this order Jesus gave his disciples:


12Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. 13But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: 14And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just.  Luke 14:12-14

I always used to wonder why a person would invite poor people to dinner. Sure, there's the whole feeding them and returning them to the community thing but I see now more and more clearly that in order to bless people we have to force them to see what a good life might be like. We have to let the drunk and the poor and the outcast and the maim see what it is they are missing. Perhaps they will learn to dream again. Because it's in dreams that faith can work.

I'm thinking of Nehemiah chapter 4 where the builders also carried weapons. Perhaps when (and as) we creatively build our new lives, we should also be on the defense against ancient enemies. Will ponder that. Restoration is not a totally carefree "I'm gonna dream" kinda thing. Restoring involves looking ahead and at the same time looking back at those demonic/cultural/environmental things that want to stop the restoration. And we're trying to restore God's temple...which is our bodies, our lives.

Oh Lord, teach me to hope and to dream again. Remove despair and tiredness from me. Make me see wonders and dream of wonders again. (No need to add the hottie Asian, though. I still have hubby...and my character Ben in Onion will do.) Thank you, Lord.

He gives wisdom and upbraids not

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that gives to all men liberally, and upbraids not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5 

What a wonderfully sweet declaration! What an insight into the sweetness and kindness and understanding of God!

As humans we do stupid things and make stupid decisions. God knows this. He knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. He is the Ancient of Days and has lived forever and always. But we are merely dust. We don't know the way the world works. We have not lived the lives of other humans so we don't know when experiments fail. We don't have time to make one experiment after another until we get it right. And often, when we make one experiment after another, we get it wrong a lot more often than we get it right. It is not in man who walks to direct his own steps. We don't see the larger view. All we can see is the step before our feet.

But we have a God who doesn't tell us "I told you so" and understands our stupidity. How loving He is.