Monday, July 14, 2008

Temptation Redux

Yesterday hubby was walking my dog and doggy sat on a man's grass cause he was waiting for me. Man got nasty. The previous incident flashed before my eyes. The previous temptation also.

Wow! I don't think I passed this temptation redux with flying colors. I was still annoyed that someone was so nasty. I still had way too much anger at his rudeness. I still wanted to do something to put this guy in his place. Didn't do it, though. Kept remembering the present mess I'm in. So, sometimes it seems as if a temptation comes one's way again. It was very weird. In my case, I have to accept the fact that there are powerful rude people out there and I have no power..except the power of being silent and praying for them.

In other temptation news, I failed miserably in food issues. But am fasting today. Doing well so far...and let me tell you it's hard to fast when you haven't slept in four days. Everything in me just wants to eat. No real temptation about watching bad movies, though. I watch and listen to movies all day as I write. And I find that having a month without TV (except for Christian shows) has freed me somewhat. I avoid bloody true crime shows better. I have no desire to watch shows with murder and movies with adultery etc. So that's good. Plus -- strangely enough-- my dislike of Christian Television has grown, making me more selective. Those long long days of watching so much Christian TV only made me dislike the hype and the marketing technique of some and made me find some folks I really respect. I've also gotten very good at not saying negative self-deprecatory things that negative wit whispers in my ear. And am speaking a bit more positively -- speaking the Word and not canceling it out by some stupid comment.

I keep thinking of the Bible verse about returning to one's sin is like returning to one's vomit. A couple nights ago while trying to sleep a thought kept trying to return. It was a thought of an old boyfriend...and I suspect it had become a bit of a comfort for me when I couldn't sleep. I would think of him all rich and powerful and what it would've been like if I had married him. Now here is a case of God changing a person effortlessly. Try as I could to allow that thought to come back and fill my night with wistfulness the thought just couldn't take hold. It was as if the holy spirit was preventing it from taking my mind. Nice, uh? God DOES protect you from certain sins. And some of them...I guess we have to do the work ourselves.

Ah well... off to the novels. -C
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