Monday, January 12, 2009

Fear Faith Love

Trying to let God move into the places in my spirit where fear has taken a place. Fear and Faith work against each other. We find ourselves having faith for something at the same time we are having fear about it. That just leads to doublemindedness and our prayers not moving ahead.

We are told that perfect love casts out fear. And perfect love is not that we love God but that he first loved us.

So am trying to focus on God's love for me. I remember so much of the sweet little godwinks he's sent my way and I know he loves me. Over the weekend I was telling a friend about something sweet God did to me a year or so ago. When I was younger I wrote an essay called oreoblues which was a sex history. It got published in lifenotes: personal writings by black women published by w w norton. That was about 18 years ago. The collection of essays was in my bookcase untouched. Then after 18 years I hear the holy spirit say "get up and rip out your essay from the book. So older son doesn't see it." I find the book. Rip out the section with my essay. Then return it to the bookcase. And hid it deep in the bookshelf. The VERY NEXT DAY I see the book on my table. Older son says, "my english class professor wanted us to find a book on essays by black folks. Then I remembered you had this book." (Okay, wow, he hadn't looked at the book all that time????) So the kid goes in and looks around and finds my favorite essay. (By Jamaica Kincaid, not by me. Thank God.) Now isn't God lovely? He spared me son's judgmentalism. That kid is so tough on me sometimes and so cruel ...well, I would have been reduced to tears. But our lovely God spared me! How kind He is! Hallelujah, what a savior! Oh, Lord Jesus! Take my life in your hands! I will live for you!!!!!

I can't tell you how many times he's gone before me to protect me from harm and in this case embarrassment. How ever present, how sweet our Lord is! I must trust his love and move fear from me.

Back in the day when I was younger I used to accidentally find myself astral-projecting. I saw a lot of stuff. Met a demon. Went under the earth. I became afraid of the supernatural. Even before that I was wary of the supernatural because my sister and I had to deal with ghosts and evil spirits because my mother would go to witch doctors, mediums, and obeah men. So I find that there is a fear of the supernatural in my life. I think this often gets in the way of God's gifts working in me.

But I have other fears too. Fears of old age -- after seeing my mother with all those tubes on her death bed in the hospital. Fears of paperwork and government officials. Fears of nosy governmental officials.

We Christians often don't want to admit we're afraid. Sometimes we behave as if we're never afraid. But God cannot heal any area in our life unless we ask him to enter into it. Yeah, i know...sounds heretical. But I believe it. God CANNOT touch any area of our lives unless we invite him to. If we don't know it, we can ask God to touch that area. But often we know it. Think of all the racist Christians we know who don't allow God to touch their racist souls.

I don't want Satan building a garden of fear in my spirit -- using the television health pundits, negative neighbors, drastic prognosticators. I invite Jesus into my soul to build a garden of love. Then the fruits of the spirit, the gifts of the spirit will grow inside me. Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. And God has also shown me countless times. I love my savior so much. My Lord Jesus, Sweet, sweet, Lord! They words I have hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee!
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