Pondering the two Creation stories

Been really studying the spirit-soul-body triune nature of man. So began the Bible again from Genesis.

There are two creation stories in Genesis. In the first chapter, animals are made before men and women and all are created from the word of God. In the second chapter, Man is made from dust --God kneeling on the ground-- then animals are individually made and brought to him to befriend him. Then wo--man is taken out of man to become his true helpmeet.

I think the creations have to do with the creation of man's spirit...as a spirit being. And then with man's body...as a physical beaing. And then they connect somehow. Gotta ponder this. -C

Come your kingdom!

Come your will!
The kingdom of Heaven is within you.

Jesus told his followers to preach the gospel of the kingdom. He told us to occupy til he return. He told us we were ambassadors, that he had given us power and authority to destroy sin, sickness, death, poverty.

And what have we dwindled into? A religion that makes Jesus a sentimentalist and God's kingdom a continual striving.

I was at the diner a few months ago and an older woman was very sad that her friend -- an old guy of about 70-- had just died. What does the waitress say with her glib Christian self? "It was his time. God took him." I was pretty annoyed. I talk about my beliefs here but I'm not one of those Christians who challenges other Christians over stupid theology (okay I DID get a bit peeved with a christian friend who picked on Absalom in one of those typical sermons that turn some Bible characters into scapegoats and villains and others into sacred cows.)

So I just sat there. The older woman kinda protested. But the waitress said in her pious way, "It was God's will."

I so wish people would stop blaming God for things that the devil does, that we do to ourselves, that people do to each other. It's that "God is sovereign" thing. People keep behaving as if God's will actually gets done on earth without our help. God has said it is his will that all should come to the knowledge of Jesus Christ, but he also said "how shall people know anything about the gospel unless someone preaches to them?" So, God may will that everyone be saved...but it ain't gonna happen unless we work as co-laborers with him.

God probably wanted the old man to live. But unfortunately, we have way too much unbelief and are not exercising our faith for miracles. The Bible says God is able to make all things work together for good......according to the faith that worketh IN US. Our faith has to meet God's grace and we must hope and do what he says in order to bring his kingdom into the world.

Needing God's love

Oh gee! I need love so much today. So much, so much love. Oh sure, hubby loves me with all his heart. Sons adore me. Doggie on my left and kitty on my right both love me. What I need is to feel the love of God. I need to feel an angel touching my shoulder. Heck, I need to SEE the angel. I need to see Jesus and feel his love. If I were cute and not committed to Christ this is the time I'd probably choose to find a rich young lover to make me feel okay. Uhm....I'll give my main character in my novel a young lover to help her with her grief.

Okay, I really shouldn't need to see God's love in order to believe it is here. The Bible tells me about God's love. That alone should suffice. It's a more sure word, as St Peter says. I have to soak in God's word and envelope myself in His love.

Been thinking of Hebrews 5:12

12

For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.

13

For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.

14

But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

2 Peter 3:18

But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. to him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.

1Peter 2:2

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

Then thinking of Hebrews 6:1-2

Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment.

Am I interpreting Hebrews 6:1-2 right? Did Paul (or whoever wrote Hebrews) actually say that we should leave the first principles of the doctrine of christ and go on to perfection by NOT repeating the foundations but advancing? Uhm... Every church I have been in have spent 90% of their time talking about repentance from dead works, the doctrine of baptisms, eternal judgement, the resurrection of the dead, faith toward God, and laying on of hands. A few have really delved into exploring faith, and I've maybe heard four -- at the most-- sermons discussing the laying on of hands. Will have to ponder clearly what Paul is talking about here. And will really soak in Bible verses about God's love. To me, the milk seems to be the love of God. That's what my faith and peace should rest on. I can endure anything and be healed of every spiritual wound if I understood how much God loved me. Then I could push aside all this bitterness I have against some evil Church folks, some cruel atheists and allow God's love to flow through me. I'm not saying I don't know God's love. I'm saying I don't "reliably" know it. If I knew God's love, I could definitely move on to perfection. I want the knowledge of that love to be always, always, always with me. -C

Baby Parts for Profit

This is a transcript of a commentary from the radio show "Stand to Reason," with Gregory Koukl. It is made available to you at no charge through the faithful giving of those who support Stand to Reason. Reproduction permitted for non-commercial use only. ©1999 Gregory Koukl

For more information, contact Stand to Reason at 1438 East 33rd St., Signal Hill, CA 90755
(800) 2-REASON (562) 595-7333 www.str.org


Baby Parts for Profit

by
Gregory Koukl

Some have argued whenever anyone cries "Nazi" this is a good reason to reject their whole point of view because nothing could really compare. Nothing in our country could be properly characterized by that kind of comparison. Well, I don't know. You be the judge.


I have a piece here that I would like to read to you. It's not ordinary that I read a piece in its entirety, but in this particular case I think it is critical. It's not only a critical issue, but it is said so well and so effectively that I just want to pass on what columnist Mona Charen has written November 9 in a piece that is simply entitled "Harvesting Part for Sale."

If you have not heard anything about this, I suggest that you sit down. If you have younger children around the radio, they don't need to hear this. You're going to have a hard time hearing what I am about to read, to think that this is possible in our country.

Oftentimes we talk about casual slippery slopes and how one thing leads to another. I have talked and written in the past about moral velocitizing, the idea that when you take another step in moral decay for a few months or years it seems radical because it is such a change from what things have been like. Then we get used to it and it seems like normal. It's like when you go out on the freeway and you accelerate to 60 mph. You're moving pretty good until you get used to 60 mph and then it just seems like it's not fast enough. Then you accelerate to 80 mph and that's fast until you get used to it, and then it is just regular and you need to accelerate even faster. So you go faster, and faster, and faster at deadly speeds. It seems like you're safe.

Morally, we have become velocitized because every time we take another step for just a few moments we feel uncomfortable. Then we get used to it and it is ordinary. As Frances Shaeffer has said, "What is unthinkable yesterday is thinkable today, and ordinary and commonplace tomorrow."

The rest of the article is here.

And remember that many, many, many of these aborted babies being harvested for body parts are black babies and poor hispanic babies.

Kitty update

Well, BathSheba (two week old kitty, called Sheba and She for short) is quite the fearless thing! She struts past Hemotep (8 month old pit-bull, called Hemo) and taunts him. Then they get into this chase game. She gave him a big slap across the nose a couple of times. I just love this cat. You should have seen her eating her milk and niblets in her saucer. Didn't give a fig about Hemo hovering over her. Definitely a case of "you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies." Looking good.

witchraft and the male member

When I read stuff like this I think
A) Hey, is this true?
B) Why do I believe it's not true?
C) Why do they believe this odd thing is true?
D) Why do I believe that what these particular people believe is untrue? How do I judge these people? My opinion of them will affect my opinion of what they say.
E) If there is external proof of the wrongness of these guys' belief, what has caused them to be unable to see the external proof of their wrongness?

Pen*s theft panic...

Oh the other hand,

Here's an article about women and their spears.

Not being conformed

The world is too much with us...as Shakespeare said. I think it was Shakespeare.
The holy spirit through St Paul said, Be not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

I'm amazed how much the world works against the Bible. Many young kids nowadays have been trained to see anger and wrath as some kind of a great emotion. They have this attitude about "she didn't respect me." Dang, kid! You're a kid! You have to earn respect. Why be so angry? Why is anger seen as the mark of adulthood? The Bible tells us that anger is foolishness.

Some extreme Freudian psychologist likes telling us that we should look into the darkness of our souls or that we should not be in denial. The Bible tells us not to look too much into that dark place but to forget those things which lay behind and we should look ahead with vision.

Christians also are wrong-headed sometimes. Often they tell us to behave in a certain way. But those ideas don't come from the Bible but from some weird sense of class and propriety. Heck, if Paul can whine about Alexander the coppersmith doing him much evil...and if St John can gossip about the church leader who "liked having the preeminence" among church leaders. Heck, I'm not Paul or John but it shows that they allowed way more honesty than many of those Christians who tell a person not to complain about the harm caused by another person.

But to my point: health--

In the United States, fear of one's health falling apart and eating in order to live is considered the height of responsibility. If one isn't afraid of getting cancer, for instance, one is not considered mature. If one isn't trying to eat the "right things" in order to keep healthy one is seen as being immature and shallow. But the Bible tells us Fear Not. Let not your heart be troubled. Do not lean to your own understanding. Heck, in my own life I have seen that often the world's idea of truth is just not true at all. What the world considers safe is often very unsafe indeed. Fear, for instance, has caused stress...and stress oppresses the immune system...and often leads to death.

The Bible tells us that we should war a good warfare..by remembering our past victories, by remembering the prophecies given to us, and by holding on to the word of God. Christian warfare is not the Crusades but it is the war within the mind. It's the good fight of faith. I think about some weird stuff that have happened to me...and they help me to see how truly odd the world is.

I think of the Wise woman in the Bible whose son died. Folks kept asking how her son was. She didn't tell them the matter. I think of Jesus who told his disciples that Satan was nearby and he was going to be careful with what he said. I think of the angel Gabriel who shut up Zacharias' mouth so Zacharias' negativity and unbelief wouldn't affect Elizabeth's pregnancy. I think of Joshua leading the people of Israel around Jericho...in silence..because God told them he had already won the victory. (If they had spoken, would they have been asking themselves doubtful questions?) I think of Jesus who did his best not to say "Lazarus is dead" when his disciples asked him how Lazarus was. Also when Jesus healed the man outside of Bethsaida and told him not to go back inside the town because hanging around folks who didn't believe in healing wouldn't have been good for the man. I think about the time Jesus said to his disciples, "The time is coming for me to die soon and I won't be talking any more about this because the prince of this world comes." All he needed was for more and more of his disciples to be talking about "Crucifixion shall never happen to you." There is a whole lot of careful speaking and careful non-speaking in the Bible. There are also situations where God shows us that we should call those things that be not as though they were. God called Gideon, "Though mighty man of God" when Giden was pretty wimpy. He renamed Simon (reed) "Peter" (a rock) because -- let's face it!-- Reed is a pretty wimpy name. Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and we should learn to call those things that be not as though they were. And yeah, Jesus wasn't EVEN kidding when he said we would have to account for every idle word.

I would have found it hard to believe that speaking God's word against a situation was true...except that one night I had a major major ear-throat attack. I knew a cold was coming on. Every October when I went outside without covering my neck I'd get the scratch ears/throat thing. And then I'd be down with a nasty cold which led to Bronchitis and me being in bed for two weeks. That night I decided that no matter what I would not say "ouch, I think I'm getting a cold." Small decision. And what a battle that was. One never knows how tough it is to conquer a temptation until one has actually conquered it. The person who has given in to a sin cannot truly understand it as well as the person who has battled that sin and never conquered it. (Yay, Jesus!!!!!! Our great high priest who knows how much energy it takes to not sin!!!) So there I was... all I wanted to do was say, "I'm in pain. My throat is hurting me." But I had promised myself I would not speak such a word. Tears welled up in my eyes. I started to say "Ouccchhh, my throat!" but caught myself in time to say "Ouuuu Cheeesus I love you! You are my healer." Honestly. But I knew that I didn't want to get the bronchitis and I was gonna try to do this word of faith thing. At one point I was in so much pain and so wanted to say, "I think I have a cold" that I got very angry at God. How dare he make the world like this? How dare he create the kind of world where I couldn't relieve my internal stress by saying "ouch!" Kid you not. I hated God soo much. I felt so deprived of my desire, my need, to complain. I finally fell asleep...in pain. The next morning I woke up and the pain in my throat was gone. That was six years ago now. And since that battle I have not gotten a cold from going outside without my neck covered. And whereas I would get the mean bronchitis yearly and suffer I have only gotten one cold in all that time.

So yeah, I have proof that not conforming to the world and living by God's word...does indeed transform one's life. Ah, folks! I could tell you stories...all true! -C

general stuff

Well, we decided to name the Kitty Bathsheba. Bath and She for short. She's 2 weeks old Now I just have to get her and 8 month old over-friendly pit bull puppy to become friends.

The new Ecuadorean immigrants in our community and the African-Americans seem to be getting to know each other. At first many of the Ecuadoreans seemed to believe badly about blacks. Some still do, but I feel a lot of peace arising up between everyone.

I realized how the folks in my novel do "keening" and am gonna write that down.

Trusting God in all things. Resting in his love and care and word. -C

Robert Alter's translation of The Book of Psalms

The California Book Award gave a special, out-of-category commendation for
Robert Alter's translation of The Book of Psalms.

Here is a review of the book in the New Yorker.

Here are his own words explaining how he translated Hebrew poetry.

Abiding

Okay, so here I am abiding. Because that's one of the major ways to get a prayer answered. Not that I'm using God or anything...but I DO know on which side of the bread my life is buttered.

We must abide in the vine in order to be blessed.
The word must not depart from our mouth.
We will find him when we seek him with all our hearts.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added onto you.

And soooo many other verses to that effect.

So yeah, you get the point. Not that there's no way for one to get a miracle if one just asks God out of the blue. Just that I wouldn't depend on it. One has to befriend God. Aaargh. That means avoiding some of my favorite tv shows...and really focusing and meditating and reading the Bible.

Other things to do to get miracles, according to the Bible (Okay, a few of these is in Christian jargon but most of you --if you're evangelical-- know what the Bible verses are and the implications.):

Speak to the mountain.
Speak the word only.
Curse the fig tree. Have faith in God.
When you stand praying believe that you already have it even if you don't see it and you shall receive it.
Call those things that are not as though they are.
Bind the strong man.
Take heed what you hear...and don't be double-minded.
Praise in order to conquer the enemy and give thanks to water the word.
Rest in the word and trust it to do the work.

Deep in my lazy bones, I know I'll get my miracles for my son and me and we will finally have a full and good and abundant life. Why? Because I'm keeping with the program and doing all that is necessary to obey and stay in tune with the law of faith. Most folks who don't get miracles don't do all this stuff. Because they don't know what to do. God's ways of getting miracles are pretty precise. We know the truth....and the truth sets us free. Faith is a law. Laws are constant. I'm just gonna obey them.

wip updates

Presently working on some weird love/attraction issues. I am totally in love with Danny, my main character in Inheritance....and yet I feel as if I can't quite commit to doing a regular slice-of-life (with a bit of paranormal) story. I'm afraid of it feeling too normal and too christian and too normal christian fiction love story. And yet I'd love to just delve in and write a great sweet simple love story....which is what it seems to want to ve. I have problems writing in regular 3rd person. I simply have trouble making third person narration sound wonderful. When I write in 3rd person, it sounds pretty plodding... Ah me, why the heck do I keep complicating matters? Even if I think my 3rd person narration is pretty crappy, folks who read slice-of-life fiction are not going to get all worked up about it if I'm at least competent. I wanted to be competent and lovely, though. Maybe the beauty of the language will come when I'm finished.... we can only hope.

As for constant tower, I'm find that I've developed this weird sexual attraction to the young character called Gillan Corridor...and am working on the glossary to better understand the theology of the world.

Gotta work on Daughters of Men too. It's really up Juno's alley. Demon lover and all. IT just needs sooo much work...and it needs a plot because it's so aaaaargh.... episodic.



-C

Sundays in America by Suzanne Strempek Shea

Sundays in America is a A Book Sense nominated title for those who like studying Christian spirituality and the nature of human community and worship.

Here's the blurb:

A spirited, spiritual pilgrimage to different Christian churches for a year of Sundays—from storefronts to mega-churches, from Massachusetts to Maui

When Pope John Paul II died, Suzanne Strempek Shea, who had turned away from the Catholic Church of her childhood, recognized in his mourners a faith-filled passion that she wanted to recapture. She set out on a yearlong to visit a different church every Sunday for a year—a journey that would take her through the broad spectrum of contemporary Christianity lived in this country, from her New England home to the West Coast, the Deep South, the Midwest, and even to Hawaii.

Beginning with a rousing Baptist Easter service in Harlem, including a sing-along at the Cowboy Church in Colorado's Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame and a multimedia experience at Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church, the largest church in the country, Shea approaches each congregation with the curiosity of a newcomer and with respect for each unique expression of faith. Sundays in America weaves the threads of Christianity in America into a vibrant tapestry, an essential guide for those seeking a new house for their worship, as well as a colorful road trip for the armchair explorer.

Check it out.

Fasting from wrong thinking #1

Okay, where to start? where to start?

So many wrong thoughts, so little time.

I think the quick, powerful, active word of God I will use to conquer my first negative thought is: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139.

Alas, I dislike and distrust my body.

I dislike it because when I was around 8 my half-sister said, "our father likes me better and makes me live with him because I'm light-skin and you're dark." Okay, she has forgiven herself for this but it has done major damage and caused a whole lotta self-loathing on my part. Of course, as an adult I know that she probably needed to believe this lie. She was born a month after I was born to my mother's best friend. My mother was married to my father. Hers wasn't. And hers never wanted her so after my mother had had it with my father's various adulteries and beatings and forced abortions....well, she divorced the man. But my half-sister wanted to believe this and I have no doubt the lie healed her...but it's brought be a great deal of grief. I have never felt beautiful. Yep, I used to model for the students at my college etc and people have said that I was very beautiful...but I never felt it. I don't even look in the mirror. (Yeah, I gave this trait to Satha my main character in Wind Follower.)

I also distrust my body. My mother was a nurse...Nurses are alarmists. They always think the body is going to fall apart on you. It doesn't help that I've had such a stressful life that my health broke and my body did kinda fall apart on me.

Remedy: With God all things are possible.
Remedy: It is never too late.

Prescription: I am going to get up every morning and walk to the mirror and say, "I praise you Lord because I am wonderfully and fearfully made." I hope I can say this thing with faith. I hope I can believe it when I say it. (Might have to remind myself of my sense of humor and how happy I have made my friends. Will see.) I hope I can actually look myself in the mirror. I truly don't know what I look like. I so wish I were saner...but alas, I am what I am. May God help me. Amen.

ah, the power of envy

Well yesterday there I was at the deli. Who do I see? A woman who really did me wrong. Aaargh. She looked gorgeous, had lost a zillion pounds. Talk about shame!!! (on my part.) So...am committing to my diet. This plus the tuna dream. There's that line in the Book of Ecclesiastes about many of the great things done on earth is really done out of pure competition and envy....well, uhm......

Upshot: I'm committing to eating only real food, nothing forbidden-by-the-Bible, nothing processed, nothing overly-cooked. Will be eating mostly raw and will be drinking my water.

I REFUSE to be fat at the end of the year.

I've got six great works to do. -C

tuna and lobster dream

I had a little dreamlet that was interesting. Dreamlets are important things. But a small dream is as important as a large dream...and sometimes even more so. It's as if God and/or the body wants to get the news to us in clear, clear, images without all that extra stuff. And I've been so sick lately, this dream definitely is speaking to me about something I need to hear. The question is: what is it saying?

I dreamt my husband or son had made seared tuna. But there was also a skillet with lobster on the burner. I knew I shouldn't eat the lobster because it is forbidden in the Bible -- the cockroach of the ocean, my gyno would say-- but I took it anyway. Then the dream ended.

First, I think the dream is about disobedience and human apetites. We are led into danger by something we "prefer" even if it's dangerous to our health.

Secondly, I think it refers to spiritual food. We have to be careful what spiritual things we allow ourselves to listen to. Itching ears want to hear certain things.

Thirdly, I think it refers to physical food. We have to eat food that is healthy for us. Non-packaged, non-processed foods primarily. Foods in MSG, with soy, etc...is unhealthy for all of us in general and very very unhealthy for some of us specifically. Also, come to think of it, lobster has a lot of glutamic acid.

Fourthly, I think it refers to emotional food such as entertainment. Today on SciFi channel, there's a creepy crawlie fest. Mosquito, Locust, etc. (Actually, locust is allowed on the Biblical diet) But perhaps I should do a lot of Bible reading, praising, simging...instead of watching movies today.

Fifthly, the tuna was real tuna. Not the canned type. That canned type gets me so sick sometimes because of the "broth" it's processed in. Frankly, i always think that real tuna is just plain too dry...but I gotta do what I gotta do.


-C

Tales from the hood

I told my veggie friend -- whose distrusts the media and all things normal-- that when it comes to soy she really has to remember that big corporations are behind the push for it. She's also very anti-world bank. So she should remember soy and what it's doing to Brazilian farmers.

Well, last night older son was celebrating the 21st b'day of his Turkish-American best friend Mehmet, He, Mehmet, Romance, and Battle (that's his last name but they all call him that) all went to a club in Poughkeepsie. They were having a good time when some guys approach them. Battle's big problem is that he's way too friendly with strangers. So he's being way to friendly with these guys. The next thing you know these guys are following them out in the parking lot. Much to the annoyance of older son. All of a sudden these stranger guys say, "we got a gun, let's go out and rob people." Older son is like, "Say what? What did you just say?"

Minor pause for backstory: I make older son read the proverb chapter of the day. Proverbs 1:10 goes something like, "My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. If they say, come and lets lie in wait for the innocent and slay them for all they cash, don't do it." Other backstory: we've been praying Psalm 91 over this kid especially, "the lord delivers Logan from the snare of the fowler" Other backstory, I'm lying in bed trying to sleep -- for the eighth sleepless night in a row-- (Next week younger son is on school recess. YAY!!!!!! That makes me happy. I can rest in bed in the morning....if I don't sleep. But am planning on sleeping. And tomorrow is the weekend so I can rest all day also.) and having nothing better to do am asking God to protect older son (who didn't tell us he 'd be leaving work for a party.)

Stranger guys start being assholes and start saying "come on, it's easy." Older son and peeps walk to car with strangers still following. Someone in older son's posse says something which annoys the strangers (not sure who said it but I think it was Romance.) Strangers say, "I could kill you here, bro." That's it. Mehmet and older son get into car and peel off. This morning older son says to me, "Them Poughkeepsie guys are grimy, yo. Newburgh is worse, you know what I'm saying. But Poughkeepsie's got them clubs...and you know...well they all go there." Aaargh. I sooooo need some peace in my life. Way too much drama going on. But it's nice to know that God's got my back and that the word of God was living, active, and powerful in protecting my son.

Went to deli around the corner and who do I see looking gorgeous and 60 pounds skinnier? A woman who thinks she is more classy than I am. And what was I wearing? Crummy neighbor clothing...with no bra...and pendulous breasts flopping. I HAVE SOOOOO got to learn how to bike. And I've got to lose weight. People pick on black women for being fat as if we overeat. But there are allergy issues, stress issues, dehydration issues, and money issues. Folks just like judging.

In the past 14 months, five people have died from being arrested in police custody in Newburgh, NY. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Calling those things that be not as though they are

Am pondering a few things.

When Jesus met Peter he said to him, "You are Simon. From now on your name is Peter."

The word Simon means a "reed" (A broken reed God will not break.) But still reeds are pretty wimpy and drifting and directionless. So Jesus didn't want to call him that. It was a bad name. Hey, the other disciples were probably just as wimpy...and Jesus was praying for all of them, especially since the devil wanted to sift Peter like wheat. So Jesus named Simon "Cephas" which means Rock. Rocky. Petros. A man of stone. He called Peter what he wanted Peter to be.

When James and John wanted to call down thunder to destroy the Samaritans. Jesus called them the Thunder Boys, the sons of thunder. In that case he called them what they were. And yet it wasn't a bad nickname. It's not like he was going to call them Samaritan-killers. It's not so bad knowing one is a son of thunder. They were, like Elijah, quite aware of the power and authority God had put into his people. As long as they didn't send she-bears down to eat up kids, as long as they didn't destroy innocent people out of spite....heck why not keep the name?

When Jesus said he himself was going to be killed in Jerusalem, Peter decided to speak positively and to rebuke Jesus for saying something negative. He said with great authority, "You shall not die in Jerusalem." Either he said it as a note of worry to snap Jesus out of it, or he was exercising his spiritual power of faithful speech and positive confession. After all, Jesus had been trying to teach these guys how to have faith in using his word as authority. But it was the wrong time. God alone can tell us when to use his name and his authority.

When Jesus saw the apostles on the boat, he was about to pass them by...but he realized they weren't going to use the word of power to stop the waves...so he used it themselves. They had power to stop the waves and wind but they were depending on him. Again, it's a matter of knowing what and when......

Am pondering this.

Timing, fate, fortune, luck

Older son came home from work last night all-a tremble. "Mom," he says, "you've got to ease my mind about something that happened this morning in school. I've been thinking about it...all day."

Turns out he got an award at school and later there was a talent show and he got one of the last tickets although the show had only fifteen minutes to go. So he figured, why not? So in he goes. And turns out there's a raffle with the tickets. The raffler-picker (or whatever you call her) dipped her hand into the box and took out a ticket, called a number. Waited. Repeated number. Person wasn't there. Took out another ticket. Called a number. Waited. Repeated number. Person wasn't there. Took out another ticket. Son heard all the numbers on his ticket being read except the last one. He wondered if he should walk the long road ahead to claim the prize. What if he was an idiot, etc? Folks upfront might laugh at him. Raffler repeated number again. Yep, it was his number. He had won $200. And we really coulda used the money. But he was afraid of walking upfront but was still nervous...and just couldn't do it. Some guys who disliked him were upfront and none of his friends were around. As he pondered whether he should go or not, the raffler-picker lady called out a new name. He let the money go. He was existentialistically-stressed about it all day. Why had such a thing happened? Had he been an idiot? Was this just bad luck dogging his steps?

It reminded me of another time when some weirdo technical glitch happened with my phone just when I was about to win a radio program giveaway.

The kid was so weirded out I had to say...

Well son remember when my friend the singer always bought a lotto ticket and the one night she didn't buy the ticket was the night she won. Remember? She said everything kept telling her to buy the ticket as she usually did and when night fell she kept thinking, "did I forget to do what I was supposed to do?" Then the next morning she was sooo nauseated when she saw the numbers and realized they were her numbers? And she was in bed for a week. Son, maybe God made her not buy that lottery ticket. All the bad family issues that pop up with winning lottery tickets. And it's possible that if you had taken the winning money those weirdo enemies of yours might have jumped you and taken the money. Maybe God protected you.

I said, "yes, maybe it's not that you weren't listening to God but that you were."
"Yes," he said, "and none of my friends were there to walk with me back to my car."
Ah, the things we moms have to do. Am not sure if I said all this to ease his spirit...or if I really believed it. But it gave him peace.

Well, okay, the same weirdo thing kinda happened to me today. I'm home all day and made absolutely no phone call. And the very moment I made the phone call....wouldn't you know..an important call came in.

This kind of stuff happens not always..but often enough to make one really ponder what exactly luck is...and what fortune--misfortune...or God's timing is. I just have to decide that my times are in God's hand.

Treasures in earthly vessel

Am thinking of the Bible verse: "We have this treasure in earthly vessels." What treasure? The glory of God.

Elsewhere Paul says, "Don't say 'who will ascend up to God to bring Christ down?' The word is nigh thee....even in thy mouth."

Elsewhere he says "By whose stripes you WERE healed."

We really must believe we have...not that we will have...but that we already have the fullness of the glory of God in us. We have to believe the finished work of the cross of Christ is already working in us.

With the heart man believes that we HAVE salvation. With the mouth, confession is made unto salvation. Having and calling more and more into being what we already have.

Paul also says: No weapon formed against us shall prosper...and every tongue that rises up in judgement we will condemn.

When we don't speak about our salvation, we are not accepting what we have. We are allowing the sickness to prosper against us by not condemning it. WE are the ones who must condemn the sickness by denying it its right to challenge what we believe about Christ's finished work. We have every right to condemn sickness because we know what Christ has done for us. We must fight the good fight of faith. And show forth our treasures...and bring forth what we want....and we shall have whatsoever we say. Jesus told us that Satan comes to steal the words from our hearts. Well I heard a minister say that We must steal the negative words coming at us. I like that. Everytime autism and muteness and allergies tell me my son will never be healed, I will say "The Lord healed him 2000 years ago on the cross thank you. And that healing will manifest in his life because the Lord has promised me I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

Heck, when I was writing my novel I'd meet all these negative writers. They'd say, "it's hard to be published." They'd say, "White folks just aren't gonna publish black folks." They'd say, "your book has too many things that people don't see together. Fantasy with race with christianity. No one will buy it." I told them that if they were gonna be negative, I didn't want to listen to them. The Lord tells us to be careful how and what we hear." Most of these folks aren't published. They still whine about the world instead of fighting the negative thoughts.

Everytime some negative prophecy or worldly bit of wisdom comes at us and tries to overwhelm our minds with doubt and despair, let's condemn those negative satanic despairing thoughts with God's own positive word. And let us believe that God's finished work is working gloriously in us. Immanuel. God with us. Lord, we lift our hands to give you the glory and we will worship you for the rest of our days. Amen, true and faithful.

Two Tim Hawkins christian comedy routines

Tim Hawkins on Church:


Hedge of Protection:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvy_CMOhrg0

Where is my faith?

A great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling.
But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him,
“Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”
Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!”
And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But He said to them,
“Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” And they feared exceedingly,
and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!”

Mark 4:37-41 NKJV

I'm thinking of the time when Jesus' disciples came to him when they were apparently -- to the human eye-- in great overwhelming trouble. They snapped at him and said, "Don't you care that we're going to die?" To which he answered, "Where is your faith?"

Yes, where the heck is my faith? I know God loves me. I know that by Jesus' wounds we were healed. I know God is powerful, caring, loving, merciful, compassionate. But why don't I have any gentle peace about these prayers? Okay, okay, in the old days the old folks would "pray through." Maybe I should do it...sit at the side of my bed and pray and pray and pray until I feel God's peace falling down and enveloping me.

Aaargh. I love talking to God but to set time aside like that. I'm one of those lazy types that likes listening to sermons or the Bible on CD or to praise television. Devotion by soaking. I like praying at night and in the morning and at lunchtime -- hubby calls me from work to tell me when he's going for his walk and we pray together during that lunchtime-- but to actually kneel down at the bed and pray through....well....

One of the taped ministers whose sermons I listen to at night is Emily Dotson. I listen to Andrew Wommack too and tapes/CD's from Sid Roth's Messianic Vision. But I especially love Emily Dotson because when she was miraculously healed she was prayed for by a regular person and she worked out her own salvation with fear and trembling and much persevereance in a spiritual battle. A part of me keeps thinking that I'd like my son to be miraculously healed by my own praying and persevereance (and prayers from my friends and my church.) I don't much like the idea of folks being healed in great evangelist healing ministries. Because those folks may have gifts of healing and gifts of miracles and my mother's friend was miraculously healed of brain cancer in one of those healings -- a Catholic priest-- but the FACT is that all Christians have the power, authority, and ministry of healing as part of our great commission from God to occupy until he returns. And that's what is so wonderful about the Emily Dotson tape. She prayed through and pushed and pushed. All by her lonesome. So am trusting on that. I'd hate to have to sit through a healing sermon -- with whining moaning younger son beside me-- until the healing began.

God has been really trying to tell me to trust in him. It amazes me that we are a people made for faith, we humans...and yet... we have so much trouble trusting God. The effect of the fall, definitely. Humans are made up of love, hope, faith...in God's image...and yet we are so prone to despair and doubt. And it's soooo odd that even those of us who love God simply cannot trust him. What work the human soul needs! Trust him. And I'm trying to trust him too.

Besetting Sin

I keep asking myself: When will I be free from these particular issues?

Fear -- child of alarmist mother, grandchild/relative of people who delighted in scaring and terrifying young children.

Worry/Post Traumatic Stress -- And a terrible fear of having to take care of myself. I've been in a state of worry/spiritual divorce/abandonment/ it seems like all my life. I'm hoping in God to help me cast my care on him.

Fear of man, personal history of judgmental people and self-repression -- A terrible inability to tell people when they've hurt me...a fear of hurting them... a fear of being disliked by people. A fear of falling short or being judged by them.

I know most Christians will give an easy answer to it -- cause they are such know-it-alls-- but God is able...even now, after all these years...to heal one like me who is so beset with fear. It's hard to believe in a miracle when one has had a problem for so many years but... if Jesus healed the man at the pool of Bethesda who had been sick for so many years, I know he can healed me. If I CAN BELIEVE and learn to trust him. One moment at a time.


-C

the temptation to laugh

Have you ever had so many flaky bad stuff happen to you in one month that you just want to both cry and laugh?

I had forgotten how much the devil hates humans. All those movies where Satan is shown as either the symbol of freedom (against boring restrictive God) or as jealous of humans (because God loves us so much) cannot begin to understand the choreography of demonic evil in human and cultural life.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sounding all medieval here. Making everything out to be all about the demonic etc....but honestly, there are so many weird things that happen in some folks lives that one can only think there is some spiritual assignment against them.

I have a friend whose husband has been dying the past four years. I won't tell her name but some of you know who she is. This is in addition to the other stuff happening in her family. The poor woman's hubby is in so much pain that he gets down-right suicidal and she has to be on the alert all the time that he doesn't take pills or stab himself or kill himself when she isn't looking at him. Okay, I believe that sometimes we open the door/hedge for bad things to happen to us: bad diet, bad speaking, family curses, etc. But sometimes....well, there are demonic snares afoot.

The weird thing though is that when stuff gets really bad in my life I cry and when it gets really bad I start laughing...because I had forgotten God's people had been so hated by those who hate those who love God. And when things get so bad I wish I were dead I just get up and sing because singing praises to God fights the spiritual enemies. But as I get those pray-for-us emails from my friend....well I just can't laugh. I can't praise. I just have to pray. What a sad life the earthly life can be!

Dossouye: a Charles Saunders anthology

Charles Saunders, that excellent Afro-centric fantasist, has just published a new book, 'Dossouye', with Sword & Soul Media. The book is available via print-on-demand at www.lulu.com

'Dossouye' consists of all the short stories about the African Amazon warrior that were published in anthologies over the years, plus a brand-new novella. He heavily revised the first Dossouye story, "Agbewe's Sword." The others were slightly altered to make them flow better sequentially. The new novella, "Obenga's Drum," puts the preceding stories into context, and ends the volume.

Here's the blurb:

Charles R. Saunders, critically acclaimed author of the cult classic Imaro novels, has created yet another heroic-fantasy icon in an Africa of a different place and time. Orphaned at a young age, Dossouye becomes a soldier in the women’s army of the kingdom of Abomey. In a war against the rival kingdom of Abanti, Dossouye saves her people from certain destruction; but a cruel twist of fate compels her to go into exile. Mounted on her mighty war-bull, Gbo, Dossouye enters the vast rain forest beyond the borders of her homeland, seeking a place to call her own. The forest is where Dossouye will either find a new purpose in life… or find her life cut short by the many menaces she encounters.

Sword & Soul will also be publishing the remaining Imaro novels. So, if you can spread the word about this, I'd really appreciate it.



Well folks, Worth the price of admission alone! Everyone please support . You'll be glad you did!

update on novels-in-progress

I am really realizing that both my new works-in-progress deal with wars.

BACKSTORY: The gospel of Jesus Christ is that we were once at enmity with God but now we have been placed by Christ, through our faith and acceptance of his bloody sacrifice of himself, into the kingdom of God's dear son. We have a captain who has destroyed and plundered death, the demonic dominion of this world, and sickness. He has taken captivity captive and given gifts to men....especially the gift of authority and power over the kingdom of Satan. Through the eucharist, the blood of Jesus, the word of God and faith we can conquer as Jesus did.

Inheritance takes place in real-world upstate New York. Or rather the actual world. (God and the angels alone live in the real world. And those in Christ are trying to live in the spiritual world but we are so carnal minded we sometimes can't see what God's word -- truth-- says about certain situations.) So now am really trying to make this demonic/deliverance story more real-life than it's been portrayed in novels and television. A succubus story that is normal yet can scare the pants off you cause it's sooooo close to home. I tend to like horror stories that seem more real and seem as if they really could happen to a regular person. A) because those horror stories are truer, and B) because those horror stories are always happening in the world...except that people don't think of them as demonic stories. Heck, a serial killer murdering women and who is only capable of sexual fulfillment if he has sex with dead bodies, baby girls, or whatever kind of sexual perversion out there....that's demonic. Except the world -- and many Christians-- just don't believe it. So the creative work of inheritance is to show the demonic in a way that is exciting for horror readers but which rings totally true.

The Constant Tower, on the other hand, I think is gonna be kinda allegorical. And this kinda scares me. I hate allegorical Christian stories. Sometimes they are so point-by-point match-game that the story is stiff. By which I mean the stories are so filled with symbolism and sermon illustrations that there's no breathing room. The two basic allegories in Constant Tower are: 1) The world is out of sync and people of that world think that the out-of-sync-ness is normal. and 2) there is a Great Spiritual war going on in that world but peoples in the world are unaware of it. So, how to do it?

Will see. Gotta focus. Gotta make the stories Christian without being cookie-cutter, true without being preacherly, paranormal without being flaky. Wish me luck.

-C

Rubber hitting the road II

Okay, I am TRYING my best to be a good Christian and all but I really have to decide about getting rid of certain stuff in my house. Not my stuff mind you. Some of these "things" have a place in my heart. Some not. Some have a "place" in my older son's heart.

Example: If I am committing to a miracle for younger son, should I be keeping all those old tattered picture books he's had for 17 years? No, i think not. Out they should go. Even if he likes hearing them, I should start reading older kid stuff to him. Maybe even the Bible.

Example: My son's hip-hop tracks on MY computer. Okay, so there I am listening to some great sermon on whatever -- faith, standing on the word, sowing and reaping, whatever-- when the sermon ends and what pops up a song my son likes (Juvenile, Lil Wayne, etc) Or a song written by my son and his hip hop band. I don't really want to get rid of these tracks cause I like music. Of all kinds. Plus those songs aren't really mine. This is pretty iffy. I really don't want to seem like one of those cookie-cutter Christians who has a house with only pure things inside it. (For instance, some of my favorite movies are rated R and I am not going to give them up for anyone just because they have a little sex and violence.) I'm thinking that blatant sexuality is annoying but some songs...well, I have a blue-grass song in my computer about reincarnation. I like the song but I don't believe in reincarnation. Can I die to self and actually toss the thing away?

Example: There I was looking over the top of the bookshelf when I see a DVD packet. I pull it down to see what the heck it was and I am greeted by these big round black women's booties in my face. Aaargh! Back in the day parents had to deal with finding porno mags, now we have to deal with finding porno mags AND porno DVD's. (No, it's not my hubby's DVD) Older son has got to stop bringing this stuff home. Now isn't this the kicker? Here I am trying to speak to spiritual mountains, trying to speak with spiritual authority to illnesses and I cannot even tell my older son to take out the garbage...kitchen garbage and otherwise.

Come on, Carole! Get yo Christian act together.

Rubber hitting the road

Or, as we Christians say...."Building one's life on the rock" and "Being a doer not only a hearer" or "walking the walk and talking the talk."

Because of the situation going on at my house, I am really committing to trusting in how the Bible says things work: praise destroying the enemy, the word being living and active, actively praying for someone who is actively hurting me, speaking to the mountain when praying as Jesus commanded in addition to talking to God about his promises, praying in tongues more, dwelling in God's word day and night, rejoicing always and not leaning to my own understanding. And there has been quite a spiritual battle going on. Cannot tell you how many weird, cruel, and just plain bizarre harassment the family has gotten....kind of like a demonic choreography of evil. But am totally trying to do things the Bible way....especially with simply praying and speaking the word instead of praying and speaking the problem.

My computer begins its day with one sermon and flows, via my son's hip hop sleazy anti-women songs, to other sermons. I suppose I could fiddle around and try to make the music program separate spiritual mp3 from hip-hop and other mp3's...but you know how it is...when you start fiddling around with some program or other and making playlists etc...well before you know it.... three hours go by.

In addition, I generally have my television turned on to gospel music channel or god tv. So the word is bursting off the walls around here.

Okay.... off to work on my WIP-C

Wars, small, great, undeclared, and recurrent

Yesterday I stayed in bed all day and watched movies. I saw two movies I hadn't seen before. One was called Tomorrow (by writer Faulkner by way of director Horton Foote and actor Duvall) and the other was called Constantine with my lifelong crush Keanu Reeves. (In fact I have had such a jones for Keanu for such a long time that in Wind Follower I actually named my character Kaynu after him.)

Anyways, Constantine --despite Keanu's gorgeous self-- just had me rolling my eyes. Hey, I'm okay with folks fooling around with Christian theology but what a mish-mash it all was! I mean...he had to look into the eyes of a black cat in order to enter hell. What's that about?

"Tomorrow" on the other hand touched me -- although I think the actual Faulkner story would have touched me more. I can't help it. I'm a Black Jamaican but I have always had this fascination with poor white folks in Appalachia. Supposedly --at least this is what I pick up from the media-- these salt of the earth types would be the first to lynch me. I can watch movies about city sophisticates having all kinds of angst but the stories that really touch me are those about poor, country people, whatever culture they're from: China, poor white, Africa, Latin America, African-American.

So there I was watching it and reminding myself that I haven't seen The Apostle in a while when it suddenly dawned on me that all my stories are about wars. Wars, small, great, undeclared, and recurrent. In Wind Follower, my main characters thought the human war was over and they figured that as long as they avoided the spiritual war, the spirits would ignore them. In Constant Tower, there's a war of a different kind going on. And in Inheritance, wars also abound.

Of course all stories are about conflicts...and conflicts are another word for war. War against the self, war against nature, etc. Each author has her own opinion about what wars abound in this life. Romance writers concern themselves with the emotional wars at home and the wars between the sexes. Sometimes status and race are thrown in but for the most part, the characters in a romance story are dealing with their home culture and emotional inheritances and how their cultural inheritances conflict -- war with-- that of the one they have come to love. Other writers, on the other hand, deal with more political and social wars. And Christian fiction writers often deal with spiritual wars: the conflict between the self, the soul, and the spirit....and how that inner conflict is compounded when it encounters the world, the flesh, and the devil.

I totally believe that a great romance is the best kind of story possible. Why? Because it concerns itself with love --which is eternal and which changes the soul-- and with the creation of a new family/community while retaining the best of one's self and one's community. In Romances, relationships are ultra-important.

Now all this is tough for me to balance in a fantasy story which aims for action from the get-go. I, unfortunately, am fascinated by normal life --the normal life of the world we know, and the normal life of the fantasy world an author has created-- and what makes normal life tick. This means that even when I create a fantastical world, if I'm not careful I'll find myself wandering leisurely among the poor folk of that culture, ambling along the country lanes...and not pushing the plot along. Romance writers and Christian fiction writers are used to this kind of slice-of-life stuff. They are used to slow country rambles with subtle small conflicts and stressors. Most fantasy lovers, on the other hand, are more into Constantine-type stories. They want a lot more action upfront...like 30 pages of mucho drama, death, external warring. So I'm trying my best to get into that groove. What to do?

Work at figuring out how to work with cross-genres, maybe. Thank God I'm still growing as an author. I hope that whatever path my stories take -- the gentle ramble or the page-turning adventure-- that my fans will walk lovingly and patiently with me. Thank you all.

Okay I'll admit it

Okay I'll admit it.

Why the heck am I fasting? Is it a glorified diet? Is it the only thing I can do to respond to a vague feeling of uneasiness? Is it my attempt to get rid of my age-old uneasiness at last? I soo wish I was one of those Christian types who had a capacity for inner peace. I just always feel unsettled.

Is it my present crush on Jason Castro -- he of American Idol Fame? Bit of a digression here: Am I hoping to lose 100 pounds and to meet him and he'll fall madly in love with moi? (Dang, I'm vain!...or is it just old-maid desperation?)

It's weird when these crushes jump upon a person. One day one is living a regular life and the next day some young thing appears on the far far horizon and one's thoughts return to one's youth.....ahem.... (Although I have had crushes on older guys. A gay doctor was the last one. And he had a crush on me too, which was pretty par for the course. Me and gay guys seem to hit it off way too well. Lord knows what that tells about me.) The funny thing about being married is that one DOES end up getting little crushes along the way. Mercifully, being married prevents any kind of sinful stuff, but I'm always amazed how when one is stressing in life some sweet young thing always pops up thinking one is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Mercifully, some young thing hasn't popped up lately or lord knows what mental contortions I would be going through. Ah me! But I digress.... Jason is definitely a wonder. Now, along with my other mental to-do's, I now have to change this crush into a maternal caring.

But, returning to my main question:

Why the heck am I fasting? Weight loss desires? Fear of disease and obesity?
Worry about sons? That uneasiness and unsettledness and dread I have had since childhood? That legal stuff bit? Yes, my street cred issue is probably behind all this. Will the day come when the cops will be trying to catch Carole McDonnell ridin' dirty?

Well, I am hoping it's not a glorified diet. I'm hoping I'm fasting because I really want to get close to God and because I'm in a pickle and I know He'll help me out.

Things I've learned in my present attempt to fast (reason why this fasting was bound to fail today) : I can't not eat when I'm alone in the house. PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I just get lonely...and food comforts me until hubby and the kids get home. Worry eating. And I can't go taking away my worry-eating when the family is gone. It'll just make me feel really fragile (Okay, time for another Jason Castro you-tube reference by way of Sting.) So...gotta remind self...fast only when there's a school vacation...or on a weekend. Will start this fast again on Saturday.

And yeah, still thinking of Jason. Gosh, he reminds me of guys I knew in college back in the day. Ah Purchase College... Old Purchase students don't die....they just sell out.

Fighting against myself

Well, I seem to be in a battle against myself...on many fronts. Okay, okay, the battle is not ours but the Lord's... but still I've got to be aware that there's a battle going on.

First, on a creative level, I have to deal with this carnal Christian part of me. Yep, I'm a carnal Christian. So there I am...wanting to explore wounded and perverse sexuality (in a novel) and at the same time wanting to write a novel about a sane lovely white guy who falls in love with an older black woman. Problem: if I create a main male character who is too wounded, the subtext is gonna be "See, only nutty white men fall in love with black women." Yes, yes, admit it. That's what folks'll say. (People always ask why X falls for Y when X and Y seem diametically opposed.) Heck, that's what they said when my hubby fell in love with me. Hubby is kind of a cross between Ethan Hawke and Timothy Hutton. Nice looking, handsome in the sexy light of the bedroom. But hubby is relatively sane. Folks just couldn't understand what he was doing with me. (Never occurred to them that I am so witty and gorgeous that men simply had no control over themselves ....and that doors opened by themselves as I approached. Okay, perhaps I exaggerate a bit.) Upshot, though: I want to put black women up there as being beautifully sexual...past a certain age. Something this society doesn't do. Gotta do my part toward healing us and redeeming us from the Aunt Jemima image. And a young white guy character has got to be the male hero..cause --uhm-- they are the ones whose opinion on beauty matter in the media of these United States.

I really want to do a Christian love story...and watching Kate and Leopold last night -- first time I've seen it-- I have to admit I was touched. This in spite of all the historical errors. There is something about a noble hero. But then again, there is something in me that hates turning a story into some shared masturbatory pleasure. I want to create a noble lover worthy of a great story, but I don't want to be sitting around thinking, "Let me imagine what it would be like having such a cutie be in love with me."

And then there is that carnal part of me, the part of me that wants to deal with how sexually wounded I --uh, hum....I mean... WE... uh...no, i mean...some of us...-- are. Ah, gee! One has to be so careful. I certainly don't want to go around saying that some Christian women are sexually screwed up, repressed, wounded, victimized, etc. And I certainly don't want to say that I am a mess. But dang, I wanted to write about sexually wounded men. Sex is such a strange and powerful force in our lives. How to do it? how to do it? And do I have the skill to make it all lyrical, spiritual, Christian, yet not heavy-handed?

The clearest bit of wisdom I've gotten from God so far is this: "Carole, you're trying to write a novel that will work for a secular company (which doesn't mind eroticism and racial issues but which might have problems with the religious aspect)and a Christian company (which might have problems with race and sex but which would like the Biblical stuff). If you're trying to hit two targets that are in two different directions, how can you hit either?" Okay, I think that was the wisdom and guidance God gave me. I think.... Holy Spirit didn't give me any specific instruction about what to do. I think He's leaving that up to me and will bless whatever choice I make. He just wants me to "choose instead of trying to hit all the targets with one book." At least I think that's what He's saying. So I have to choose what kind of book Inheritance will be.

But that's not the only fight I have going on with myself. Other stuff: my temper, my problem with this current fast. (Dang, I hate not eating!) Aaargh. Okay, Lord, you've got to help me out here. I need to see clear. Be a light to my path....and a co-author to my new novels.