The Magnificat: Mary, one of the 99%

Then Mary said, "My soul praises the greatness of the Lord!

Before I go on to talk about the 99%, I just want to pause and ponder this "magnifying" the Lord.

Here is a description of what "magnify" means in the Hebrew context. People are always asked in the Bible to magnify the Lord.

 Barnes' Notes on the Bible
O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together. Psalm 34:3
O magnify the Lord with me - This seems to be addressed primarily to the "humble," those referred to in the previous verse. As they could appreciate what he would say, as they could understand the nature of his feelings in view of his deliverance, he calls upon them especially to exult with him in the goodness of God. As he and they had common calamities and trials, so might they have common joys; as they were united in danger and sorrow, so it was proper that they should be united in joy and in praise. The word "magnify' means literally "to make great," and then, to make great in the view of the mind, or to regard and treat as great. The idea is, that he wished all, in circumstances similar to those in which he had been placed, to have a just sense of the greatness of God, and of his claims to love and praise. Compare Psalm 35:27; Psalm 40:17; Psalm 69:30; Psalm 70:4; Luke 1:46.
And let us exalt his name together - Let us unite in "lifting up" his name; that is, in raising it above all other things in our own estimation, and in the view of our fellow-men; in so making it known that it shall rise above every other object, that all may see and adore.

Her Magnificat echoes the song of Hannah (another song by a woman about being poor and powerless) and makes me think of Psalm 78 where the Psalmist recalls what happens when one "limits" the holy one. Remember, earlier in this chapter, Zechariah has already gotten a promise from God and failed miserably to not limit the Holy One. It's only after the blessing actually appears (when God is sure Zechariah's mouth isn't going to ruin the promise) that Zechariah's mouth is opened and Zechariah can sing his own song of praise. But Mary gets her revelation at the moment of the promise (and her affirmation later when Elisabeth is also given her own revelation and greets her.)

So what does Mary say?

46And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
47And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
48For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
49For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
50And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
51He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
52He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.
53He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
54He hath holpen his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;
55As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.

Okay, such a song makes me think, "Okay, Mary, what's up with that?"

True, it's a song from the Holy Spirit but it also rises from Mary's heart. Mary is all about the poor, and she is not about forgiving the rich in some gooey sentimental way. She is about totally revamping the system as the religious world has declared it. And it is often this way in our days. God DOES help the poor and he DOES send the rich away empty. Why are people in Africa, India, etc more likely to receive answers to their prayers? Because they have less than we do.

So she magnifies God for this. Perhaps religion had made her forget what God was like. Perhaps the teaching of her day had made her limit God but she has found herself again. God is for the poor!

Psalm 78 (various passages)

9The children of Ephraim, being armed, and carrying bows, turned back in the day of battle.

10They kept not the covenant of God, and refused to walk in his law;

11And forgat his works, and his wonders that he had shewed them.

40How oft did they provoke him in the wilderness, and grieve him in the desert!
41Yea, they turned back and tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel.
42They remembered not his hand, nor the day when he delivered them from the enemy.
43How he had wrought his signs in Egypt, and his wonders in the field of Zoan:

56Yet they tempted and provoked the most high God, and kept not his testimonies:
57But turned back, and dealt unfaithfully like their fathers: they were turned aside like a deceitful bow.

Zecharias and Gabriel

Okay,

Starting with my Christmas posts.

First with Zecharias/Zechariah/Zacharias/Zachariah

In the first two chapters of Luke we are told that Zechariah and his wife are holy but that they didn't have children. Now, they are old. Elizabeth was barren when she was younger and now, older, she is even more barren.

Zechariah is a priest, offering incense to God and who knows what he is thinking about ...maybe about his age, maybe about his lack of children. But suddenly the angel Gabriel appears. (I soooooooo love Gabriel.) Gabriel says, "Don't be afraid, Zechariah. Your prayer has been heard. Your wife will bear a son."

Now this is odd. Has Zechariah, even after all these years been praying for a son? That's some heavy duty faith. It's one thing to pray for a son when your wife is young and barren. But now she is old and barren. And Zechariah has still been holding on, hoping against hope, having faith and consciously --or unconsciously-- praying for this. Has he not been conformed to the world yet? Has he not decided to simply give in? Has he been fervently praying all this time and holding on to something that is now utterly impossible because he knows God is able to do the impossible? Has he been studying the stories of Sarah and Hannah and persevering against all the strongholds of unbelief (It's God's will, Zechariah, that you didn't have a child, etc, yadda yadda.)???

Of course this could be all unconscious praying, a kind of sad wish he's only half-aware of. Or maybe he had prayed a long time ago...and God never forgot the prayer.

Note, though, Zechariah's response to this news that his prayer has been answered. It's pretty much the same response that the early church had when they prayed for Peter to be released and Peter was released. He doesn't quite believe it. Now, in the English version of Zechariah's conversation exchange with Gabriel, Zechariah pretty much asks the same question Mary asks the angel. "How can this be?" I don't know the tone in which he asked, and the King James version translators either didn't know or ignored Greek and Hebrew punctuation so we can't really see the difference. But it's apparent that Gabriel treated the same question differently depending on how it was asked and who asked it.

Gabriel made him immediately dumb and unable to speak his unbelief. I personally don't think that this is Gabriel being antsy. He was putting a bit in his mouth James 1:26 -- as Psalm 32:9 tell us. This is someone taking away the rudder of Zechariah's life. The tongue is the rudder of our life and we can destroy even a miracle by our negative words. Jesus tells us that we will give an account of every idle words Matthew 12:36 we speak. God has given us such wonderful promises to speak, wonderful words of life. So we have to commit to speaking properly. Why? Because as Christians, we do not walk in the dark. We know how the world operates. We do not stumble in the dark as those who have no light.

I often wish I would have a bit put in my mouth Psalm 39:1 so I won't say anything negative about my life and put the ship on the wrong path. James 3:2 James 3:4

It's tough but God has asked us to be mature and grown and to be adult about our authority, our power, our use of words.

So, no matter what I will watch my words. I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so Psalm 107:2and stop talking negatively or affirming the pathological truth.

Oh God, set a watch before my lips.Psalm 141:3

The Lord had prepared a blessing for the world, yet even in such a great situation there was the possibility that Zechariah's speaking lack of faith would cause the blessing to be destroyed. We Christians work in collaboration with God. God works with us, never without us. Speaking the word and not having a mouth that  speaks sweetness and bitterness is important. The Bible says the people marveled that Zechariah delayed. So, here is the situation. The time came for Zechariah to come out from behind the curtain and I imagine he's been practicing speaking and begging God to return his voice to him and telling God "Lord, I promise. I will speak faith." And then he realized God wasn't gonna return his faithless voice to him. So now he's stuck with the problem of going outside to the congregation without being able to speak. What will he say? What will they think? Will they think he's evil and was struck by God for some sin? God hasn't taken away his ability to write so he can write about what happened. Writing takes time. One can't just slip out everything when one writes. And he doesn't get his voice back until John is named. Then he can affirm with his own voice what God said to him.


I think of the Wise woman in the Bible whose son died. Folks kept asking how her son was. She didn't tell them the matter. I think of Jesus who told his disciples that Satan was nearby and he was going to be careful with what he said. I think of the angel Gabriel who shut up Zacharias' mouth so Zacharias' negativity and unbelief wouldn't affect Elizabeth's pregnancy. I think of Joshua leading the people of Israel around Jericho...in silence..because God told them he had already won the victory. (If they had spoken, would they have been asking themselves doubtful questions?) I think of Jesus who did his best not to say "Lazarus is dead" when his disciples asked him how Lazarus was. Also when Jesus healed the man outside of Bethsaida and told him not to go back inside the town because hanging around folks who didn't believe in healing wouldn't have been good for the man. I think about the time Jesus said to his disciples, "The time is coming for me to die soon and I won't be talking any more about this because the prince of this world comes." All he needed was for more and more of his disciples to be talking about "Crucifixion shall never happen to you." There is a whole lot of careful speaking and careful non-speaking in the Bible. There are also situations where God shows us that we should call those things that be not as though they were. God called Gideon, "Though mighty man of God" when Gideon was pretty wimpy. He renamed Simon (reed) "Peter" (a rock) because -- let's face it!-- Reed is a pretty wimpy name. (Although Peter was always wimpy and even after Jesus renamed him and prayed for him, Peter would go back to being reedlike. Heck, who gets a vision of God saying he loves Gentiles as much as Jews, then later turns against that very same vision and starts not hanging out with Gentiles? Peter, that's who.)

Anyways, Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and we should learn to call those things that be not as though they were. And yeah, Jesus wasn't EVEN kidding when he said we would have to account for every idle word.

Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength

I was telling God how hard it is to have a great all-powerful God. We limit the Holy One of Israel all the time. Sure we believe He heals but if we have eight or nine things with us, we find it hard to believe He can heal all 8 or nine things suddenly all at once. We think He's great but for whatever reason we can't see Him doing wondrous miracles. At least I have that problem. I would like Gabe's healing from autism, muteness, teeth issues, palate issues, tummy issues, allergy issues and for my healing of all my ailments and for all our financial ailments to be manifested all at once.

Some Christians will immediately say that "we have to learn to endure, that God does everything one at a time, one step at a time, in little increments, in categories, so we can learn persevereance and endurance. But I think this is false because sometimes folks, like me and my son, have waited 21 almost 22 years to be healed of stuff. And God would not drag things like out. So there is something we have to make our faith rise to. This is something we have to learn, to ascribe glory to God. How great is my God? Very great...and yet...and yet...

In the Psalms, David by the Holy Spirit says that when God delivered the children of Israel out of Egypt on Passover, there was not one of them sick, their shoes waxed not old on their feet. The Passover lamb healed every single person of every and all their afflictions. A great salvation, a great simultaneous salvation. So as I was pondering all this, and how I would love to be able to pray for the sick and to make them totally healed, every whit whole, I suddenly thought of the spirit of prayer and supplication out of the blue and got the feeling that the spirit of prayer of supplication is what allows us to ascribe to God glory and strength and to imagine impossible things.


Yes, sometimes there is a mystery. Sometimes it's unforgiveness, sometimes lack of faith, sometimes God alone knows what, sometimes lack of fervency. Too many people die unhealed, though, waiting for the appointed time. So I'm wary of waiting. Satan lets us put off a lot of things and Derek Prince says that is often a trick to make us "wait" to receive. I've received it for Gabe now.

And I'm being fervent. It's the latest stuff I've been working on, after working on the unforgiveness loving heart thing. If the suffering is very intense I don't think God plays with lives like that. Jesus said, "God answers readily and speedily." And Daniel was answered speedily. But the devil was getting in the way for 3 weeks. I always think it's best to believe that God has given and that we are to spend our times taking heaven by force...because the healing was already provided and the prayer was already answered. God teaches us how to receive as the days go on, but he has already given it to us.


All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers. 2And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no. 3And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live. 4Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.  Deuteronomy 8:1-4


For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen. Nehemiah 9:21


He brought them forth also with silver and gold: and there was not one feeble person among their tribes. Psalm 105:37

Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Psalm 96:7; 1 Chronicles 16:28; Psalm 29:1


Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; Ephesians 6:18

Wish Fulfillment Mary Sue Characters

I'll be blunt about this. I hate Mary Sue characters.

I;ve had to deal with a great many of them in the past month. And I KNOW I've gotten on quite a few folks' nerves because I snapped at them about their main characters. Whether it's a black writer with a character who suffers racism quietly although he is secretly a powerful alien. Whether it's a black writer who creates a character whose wonderful skill is discovered. Whether it's a white writer who creates a character who saves the day. Whether it's a female writer whose queen character does EVERYTHING in the palace because she is THAT GOOD, we are in Mary Sue territory where the character is screaming, "Look at me. Look at meeeee. See my humble greatness, hidden underneath all this apparent normalcy. I am here to save the day or to destroy it." And honestly, it is all too much.

Quite simply, Mary Sues do not work in a good story. As a writer, a reader, and a Christian, I find myself getting impatient with them.

As a reader, I dislike them because they sap away all sense of drama. They beg to be loved by the reader and they want the reader to see how great, humble, wonderful they are. This makes them flawless or they have flaws in a likable way. They sap the story of drama because obstacles fade away before them. They hog all the glory...in their humble way. No one else is allowed to do great things because the Mary Sue character is the be-all and end-all. In fact, in stories with Mary Sues, most other characters are shown to be stupid, incompetent, helpless, lazy. Mary Sues simply do not share hard work with everyone and their supposed hard work and obstacle is usually so easily conquered by them that the reader always knows what will happen.

As a writer, I dislike them because they betray the fact that the writer is too close to his story. A writer is supposed to step outside of his story and his own mind and see his story with a clear eye. A writer is supposed to be telling a story, and is supposed to be in love with all his characters. The characters aren't supposed to be there to show how great the Author's stand-in is. Oh, sure, we writers are always in our characters but we have to have enough slickness and craft to hide our desire to be loved, or our desire to be shown as great and misunderstood.

As a Christian I also dislike wish fulfillment Mary Sue main characters because I think we should be honest with ourselves. No one is flawless. Some flaws are not likable. No one is perfect. No one survives alone. No one is the savior. Other people are not there to be useless and weak so we can show off our skill. Mary Sues make come off as humble. But it's a kind of twisted pride that gets annoying after a while. I understand heroes and heroines are there to save the day but in a world of psychology, theology, and democracy... we can't ignore other people.

When writing about a character who is all-knowing, we need to step aside and ask ourselves how we are treating the other characters.

We must be honest with ourselves so we can write honest characters. This means that a character must be human, with weaknesses. I don't mean they must be victims because that's another way of making them saints. I mean they must have it in them to do evil. They should not be saints or lovable scamps or victims. They should be human.

Two wondrous answers to prayer, and a birthday dream

Three sweet little godwinks from God this morning. One about affirming the word and speaking to the mountains, one about a particular youtube preacher friend, one about dieting. All three were things I was thinking about last night. So I feel God was telling me this morning that he was with me last night.

Other than that: two wonderful answered prayers. The first: My friend Tamera went to the doctor and they saw a mass on her chest. The Prayer Center on facebook prayed for her and when she went back to the doctor, the mass had disappeared.

Another answer to prayer: My friend Jessica was supposed to take the MRSE. She and her hubby were to drive to a city about 100 and 200 miles away, both taking the tests the next day in different cities. She had been worried so we prayed and prayed and prayed. So she goes to this town and sits in a cafe. While there, she felt a nudge to talk to a certain woman. She went with the nudge and plucked up courage to speak to this strange woman in this strange cafe. Turns out the lady had written a book on how to take the MRSE. Then, turns out the lady had a copy of the book on her. Then, the lady GAVE Jessica the book. Jessica read the entire thing that night. The book had some incredible things that Jessica would never have known about. Upshot, Jessica passed the MRSE

Is our God personal and upclose and good or what?

Okay, I'm one of those people who really think dreams on holidays and on birthdays are super-important. So, today is my birthday and last night I had this odd little dreamlet. I was showing a little boy how to walk to school.

The school was in between two blocks. One block was a main road with snow that had gotten dirty. The block behind the school was a quieter block and it was called TURN street. (Yeah, I know... reminds me of the verse in the Bible about the street called STRAIGHT.)

Anyways, snow was all around and --on the sidewalk-- dirty snow from the road that had piled up from snowplows or whatever. I had told the boy how to walk in such times. Because the roads were all plowed but the sidewalks were covered up and little kids could be  half-covered, more than leg-deep in the snow. By the way, it was such a sweet little boy. About 7 or 8. Light brown hair. Very sweet and kind. WHO the heck are these lovely people, especially these lovely kids, we meet in dreams? I told him how dangerous it was to walk in the road because he avoided the snow but I kinda conceded that he had to walk in the road and he should look behind himself as he walked. Later, someone told him some more advice. He said to me, "You didn't give me all the advice on how to walk to school in this snow." He wasn't chiding me, but I did feel a bit imperfect to not have told him everything about how to walk. I said I was sorry, that I had missed telling him that. And he was so sweet about it. Not chiding me at all.

My friend, Rose-Marie interpreted it this way:

i think its about paying attention to small details for the sake of  hearing the voice of God. We nurture obedience, like that small child in your dreams, we have to be  absolutely honest and exact in our speaking. No shading. also, the little turn off was quieter.... God is taking you  that way. Woman!! Korea? you are not going to chase that boy that you like! NO!

The other dream that's kinda important to me is from a few days ago. I dreamed I was eating Baked Turkey, mashed potatoes, fish heads, green peas. When I woke up I instinctively knew that that was the diet God has prepared for me.  Everyone loses weight in his/her own way. I feel God is telling me not to do anything weird like all fruit or all whatever but to do what He knows is best for me. Perhaps I need protein. Who knows? But this dream -- combined with my dream of the angel pushing corn, wheat, pork, and processed food off my plate-- has given me a guide as to what to eat.

Then there was this one on the night of Dec 5th

I dreamed that I worked in an ofice with Kim Jaejoong and Kim Hyun joong (or was it Jung il woo.) These are Korean actors I have crushes on. Both of them were so kind to me. They invited meto a picnic inthe park "this tuesday" with a Chinese leader or king. I was so worried because I thought it was also the same day I had an appointment with Robert DeNiro. I was informed by the secretary that I should stop eating onions because even when I left a room, the aroma of onions and onion odor body odor still lingered and that when I breathed, I had onion breath. I found out the meeting was on another day and that I could go to the two different appointments, the DeNiro appointment being first. Then when I was eating with DeNiro, he also told me to stop eating onions. It was as if a day would come when the power of the onions would remain with me even if I stopped eating them. The effect of the onion would still go on. In dreams, what we digest is often what we "eat spiritually" in waking life. But what could onions mean? Unless, God really means onions. And really, I do eat raw onions ALL the time. I

Would you believe this dream came true in a weird way. I asked a friend what it means and she said, "simply don't eat onions." Then she added, "Onions are blood thinners." A week after this dream, I had to have emergency oral surgery on my teeth, the doctor asked if I  had been taking blood thinners.  I said no. Because I had given up the onions. If I had been taking the onions, my body would have had a hard time clotting. God had helped me in time. .


So yeah.. am at 270 pounds now. I want to go to Korea. God has told me I have six great works to do. I have to commit to obeying God. That's another thing. I have been putting candy bars in my mouth even when I HEAR the Holy Spirit telling me at the very same time NOT to eat it. Clearly disobedience to be saying, "Ooh, I know I shouldn't eat this but...."  So from now I'm determined to obey and to do what I know I should do.

Eureka...and the moment of sudden delightful comprehension

There is a memory that sticks with me. It's a memory of learning, a memory of a day when I was suddenly enlightened about something. Now, I'm sure we all have had moments where we suddenly "understood" something but that this particular memory should stay with me after all these years (I'm 51, gonna be 52 on Monday, and this thing happened about 40 years ago) ...well, I KNOW there is a reason why it has stayed so upfront in my memory.

This is the memory: I was in orchestra class in the basement with Mr. Klingensmith, our music teacher. I think it was elementary school. I had a violin in my hand and we were all playing some music. But the thing was...I didn't know how to read music or to play the violin. Yep, I was second violinist and surrounded by tons of people and had been in the orchestra for a while but I was woefully ignorant. This was how I was reading music and playing music. (And this was how I was "playing the music" on that day of my enlightenment) I had my violin in my hands and I was looking at the fingers of the kid next to me. The left middle finger on the D string, the left index finger on the A string or G or E string. The left ring finger on the.... well, you get the idea.

I would glance at the music notes and not really get how they connected to the notes being played on the violin. I hadn't begun taking piano at that time, so I was woefully ignorant on two counts: music reading and violin playing.

Anyway, the watching of the nearby violinist's fingers....was what I did everyday....and that was what I was doing on that day.

AND THEN!!

Suddenly. One of God's "suddenlies" it DAWNED on me that when the violinist beside me pressed her index and middle fingers on the A string, that that was where the C was on the music sheet. And when she pressed her index finger on the A string, that that was where the B was on the music sheet.  I was amazed. After all those weeks of faking it, I finally UNDERSTOOD.  I understood what was on the music sheet and I understood what the fingers were doing and I understood what Mr. Klingensmith was saying about the first bar and the B notes and the B flat meaning you moved your index finger just a little back on the A string. All that in one moment of time.

And I have always remembered it...this great epiphany.

This is the image and the concept I have in my mind when I pray for God to send out His light and His truth and His understanding to someone. This is the memory I have in the forefront of my mind when I ask God to make my younger son "understand." A sudden AHA moment when my younger son is watching TV and the words MUSIC on the screen and then suddenly totally comprehending "seeing" the words ...or when he writes the letters of his name and SUDDENLY understands that letters are written sounds and that they can be rearranged and played with to facilitate communication.

It's so easy for me to understand that this could happen with him because this sudden eureka moment has happened with me. So I believe and this is the image I focus on.

Of course there are other eureka epiphany moments. Moments when one suddenly realizes that someone loves you, that God loves you. And there are the Eureka moments of despair ...when one KNOWS one is dying. And there are the false eureka moments ...when one experiences an impression or epiphany which  is caused because one is self-deceived or caused by satanic delusion....for instance, an event which makes one believe in something that is not true. Moments like when David Gervais "realized" as a young child that God did "NOT" exist and was a great lie invented by humans. Moments when one suddenly understands that the world is based on greed and there is no love in the world. So yes, there are false eureka moments.

But this eureka of delightful comprehension is the one that I'm pondering...the one which I believe God has caused me to always remember...because He knew I would have to hold onto the vision of getting my son to talk.  

My invalid, diseased, sick characters...and my other truer self

Okay, so my characters tend to be ill. Loic has epilepsy, Psal has polio. Novella had a stroke. Not to mention all the congenitally-disabled children that abound in Carole McDonnell stories.

I've had this idea, this thing I cling to, that there is this other me...the healthy me. The healthy me wouldn't be so reclusive and choosy about her friends. The healthy me would be generally witty and light and funny and not prone to snapping folks heads' off. The me that was, the me that should be...at age 51/52.

But come on.... there comes a time in one's life where one says, "Uhm, this is me. For better and for worse."

I know God has placed his healing virtue in me and I know I will be better soon. I also know my younger son will be healed.

But I also know that this 30-year phase of my life has certainly affected me and my work.

Quite simply, what would I have written about all these years if my in-laws had liked me, if I hadn't been sick, if younger son hadn't been afflicted? Healthy people? Good grief, no! Say not so. I've always had a liking for folks who didn't quite fit in. Of course they were healthy folks and they didn't fit in because they chose mentally and geographically and intellectually not to fit in.

But the past 30 years have given me a body of work that honors the valiantly ill. (This is not me, mind you. I'm never valiantly ill. I whine like whining is the new trend. )

My characters are lovely wonderful and wounded. Some of them, like Loic in Wind Follower, don't whine. But Loic lives in denial, and he makes everyone around him live in denial as well. No one is to mention or even notice when he has an epileptic fit. To be noticed is to bring a burden of shame on him that he can't deal with.

Some ill characters, like Psal in Constant Tower, work with their illnesses but their personalities are nevertheless marred by their illness. I'm a bit like Psal. Psal doesn't exactly whine but he is frustrated. He wants what healthy people have but which his health prevents him from getting. And he gets nasty when people challenge him. Yeah, that's me... Psal.

Some ill characters, like Ephan in Constant Tower, keep quiet because they feel happy to be accepted. So they hide their illness from those who would judge them....and they speak of their pains only to close friends. They soldier on in endurance and patience. I want to be like that.

Funny the way human personalities deal with things. Anyway, yeah, I'm glad I've created sickly characters. Not glad I've been sick...but yeah, the creation of these characters are my treasures in darkness. I would not have created such wonderful literary souls if I had never known illness. So, am thankful to God for that.

Dark Parable: Communal and Mutual Dreaming

Okay, something weird and interesting is happening. Strange mutual dreaming between me and friends afar off. Now, I've had experienced communal dreams before. And I kinda understand what they're about. I'll put them  in three basic categories (although there may be more...but I'm just going to talk about my own experiences.)

An example of communal dream type A:

One week when I was very depressed, I got emails from about four friends. They didn't know I was depressed and didn't know each other but suddenly all of a sudden within two days of each other ...they all dreamed of me in a state of peace. Several saw me surrounded by bright colors. The bright colors were either clothing or butterflies. Several saw me on a porch looking out at the sunset. I took that weird flaky happening as God comforting me.

An example of communal dream type B:

I was worried if my son would ever be healed. Out of the blue all these folks all had dreams the same night and calling me up to say they saw my son healed and talking.

And now for the new kind that has me a bit befuddled.

Communal dream type B (which is also a kind of mutual dream)

On Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving I dreamt this:

I dreamed my friend Rain and I passed by an old house and I said I wanted to buy and rebuild it. She said, "It was my grandmother's house. I love it as well."
Then I dreamed about my celibate gay friend Jim. In the dream, he had written a novel about a pedophile under a pseudonym. I wondered if it was about him. Whether he was the victim or the perpetrator. I had a friend who I invited into Jim's house and after we ate there I was wondering how to explain to Jim in an email that we had been in his house without his permission. We walked toward my friend Rain's house. She and Jim both used to live near each other. But there were construction workers in the road and in the intersection. Finally I got there.
I asked Rain for some pecans from her tree. She said, "I prefer giving and offering without people asking." (In real life she is not like this at all.) I told her Jim's tamarind tree was full. She asked, interested, "Are they ripe?" I answered, "Yes,they are ripe. Very ripe."

The friend who I had dreamed about dreamt this:

On the same night, Rain dreamed I came to her with  a little girl about 8 years old. She was my daughter. My daughter had a little boxwith a bird inside which she kept kinda covered because she didn't want the bird to fly away. I said, "It's a pigeon." Rain said, "It's a duck. Look at its flat bill. It's a duck."

Another friend, Debra, dreamed this the day after:

Oh my I had a series of strange dreams early this morning. I think you figured in one of them so write to inquire whether you had a similar dream. Are we multi-dimensionally traveling you and I?
All I recall now, several dreams and hours later, is that we were talking, and you were comforting me in the way friends do, and we started to dance. A small slow dance in the way you would do with a friend to encourage each other in life. At least I think this was you; it looked like you; you were wearing a head piece of some kind, and you had on a sleeveless sheath dress that flowed free to your ankles.

As my friend Rain and I talked yesterday night, we found our lives had been taking on some odd parallels. For instance, she had been going to the store everyday to buy pecan to make pecan pies and she had been thinking of my friend Jim (someone she rarely thought about)

So what is going on? Is God simply saying that He is aware that I am praying for these people and these people are praying for me? Or is something else going on? And what the heck is going on with the pigeon/duck thing?

Unresolved Sexual Tension (UST) and the joy of restraint

Okay, I'm still thinking of Stepheney Meyer and Twilight which, among other things, is about sexual tension. And it could be argued that the culmination of the book is pretty much about the culmination of the sexual act. Pretty much all the world, and the relationships between the werewolves and the good vampires, will be much better after Edward and Bella have their daughter and give her to Jacob to whom he is bonded from the womb.Yep, the whole series is a waiting for the big O

Of course all romance novels are about sexual tension. We want the hero and heroine to get together but the Twilight Series is so about carnal concupiscence and sensual longing. Long wistful needy stares, restraint, restraint, restraint.

As a writer I can tell you that kind of UST is hard to pull off. In a novel. and definitely in a series. I, for, one, have attempted to make my characters in Wind Follower keep away from each other and I never really managed it. I wanted them in bed. And because I wanted them in bed I (lacking all restraint) had them indulge in premarital sex before marriage. But I set up the world in such a way that the poor girl suffered for it. So in my overly-indulgent way, I celebrated the wisdom of safety.

In My Life as an Onion, my WIP, I'm succeeding in keeping the lovebirds apart....although they live in the same house and pretty much have set up household together. I can see why they haven't done it. My female character is a Christian girl (and a nut-case) who wants to prove she's not like the loose girls he's slept around with (the swiss cheese party girls who are all full of holes because they were used and discarded.)And the guy has slept with so many people (Note: people) that he doesn't think sex is anything special... although he doesn't want her to sleep with a particular person but he doesn't mind if main character will sleep with his best friends.

I'm not sure what I think of this situation. It's possible I will find that it doesn't satisfy me. Something in me wants to deal with sexual relationships outside of marriage. So I'm kinda hoping that this story is really true as is...and that I'm not just doing what is required of me. I want to write truly...which means allowing the BG (Black Gang of the subconscious) to write the stories it wants to.

And then there is the UST in Constant Tower which I'm in the last stages of editing. This is kinda weird for me. Because there is one female main character and three possible suitor princes. Prince A loves her and there were signs of mutual attraction when they first met. However, he did something evil and unforgivable so the two who might have been perfect for each other, had trouble not arisen can never get together....although Prince A is still in love with female MC and is determined to marry her. Prince B who is fated to marry and fall in love with main female MC is totally in love with another princess for the first half of the novel. His mind is utterly elsewhere sexually. The reader, nevertheless, wants him to end up with the princess because ...well, yours truly is also dragging them along blindly and pushing the reader to want this. But at this same time yours truly (because I am THAT good) is also setting up cute little scenes between Prince C and female MC, the kind of angry UST scenes that make you say, "Good grief, these two are always arguing with each other, sure he has a thing for older women, but good heavens! could it be they are in love with each other and this will cause trouble between Prince B and C in the future."

But the characters are young. Yep, Bella and Edward's age. But war is going on and a whole lotta stuff and there is a longhouse full of men in need of sex...so teen angsty UST isn't going on in CT. In a weird way, for all the sexual and feminine issues going on in this book, love and passionate sex is nowhere in the book. Why is that? I'm really thinking the Christian critics of Wind Follower who laid into me because of a few none too wild sex scenes is the cause of it. Or maybe the final marriage is so full of grief, politics and is really about comrades fighting evil that sexuality has no way to get into the story. But shouldn't there be a balance? Shouldn't I show a fully sane marital sex scene? (Uhm, thinking, thinking, did I have a fully sane marital sex scene? Do I even have the capacity to do such a scene?) But the more I think about the lack of real Bella-Edwardesque UST in CT, the more I feel I ought to put it into the story. Yet, I can't.... ah me... so, will the book be curiously sexless?

Gotta think. 

In Defense of The Twilight Series

There's this quote going around:


‎"Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” -Stephen King


This quote shows up everywhere and no one questions it. They just post it on their blogs, facebook status, etc. 


First, I have a deep dislike for scorn. 


Second, I have an even deeper dislike of folks swallowing every glib funny dismissive comment that pops up. I'm not a mormon or a lover of vampires. Nor do i care one way or another about Stepheney Meyer's success. I just think the belittling of a work that explores teenage sexuality or anything the world deems "small" is incredibly rude. Especially when Christians join in on the general sneering. Incidentally, I'm a huge fan of Stephen King. But surely, he should know better not to diss another successful author who tacked the same subject his book Carrie did.


So what is this Stephen King's problem with this book? (I might be reading into this quote but he seems to have a problem with the main issue which is about having a boyfriend.)


Well, ya know...it is very important to have a boyfriend when one is a newbie to a high school. 


Moving on. From what I have heard, having only seen one movie and listened and read countless reviews, the book seems to be (to me, anyway) an exploration of sexuality and carnal concupiscence. 


Now, what a grown up male writer says about a book exploring teenage sexuality should be taken with a heavy dose of feminine salt. Everyone writes about different things. Christians write about what things that Christians consider important. And sometimes we write about things that even atheists consider important. And vice versa. So, as writers, we shouldn't be so easily dismissive of what another writer considers important. Who are we to judge what another person has been called to do? We don't want others to easily dismiss our souls in our own writrings, do we? We don't want them to challenge the importance of the mission we are called to write about.


Now from what I've heard in movie reviews there are some interesting issues in the last book:


Passionate sex that breaks the bed.


Celibacy


Fear of sex, fear of passion


Fear of pregnancy


Pro-life issues. A fetus being allowed to live in spite of presenting danger to the mother.


Pedophilia because Jacob the werewolf bonds with Bella's unborn baby girl.


This is heady stuff.


A lot of folks are saying the pedophilia subtext has to do with Meier's Mormonism. Maybe yes, maybe no. 


True, there is a lot of pedophilia in the history of polygamy...especially the polygamy of Mormonism. But there really is a simpler answer. Trust me as a writer I know this one.


Quite simply, When a book has consisted of three main characters -- two of whom are in love with the third-- there is always a way found to make everyone one big happy family. 


Star Wars -- Han Solo, Princess Leia, and Luke Skywalker
Harry Potter -- Harry Potter, Hermione, and Ron Weasley,  (In this case, Ginny Weasley helps to bound the family group together)


In the case of stories like my WIP Constant Tower where one is allowed two husbands, then a brother-sister relationship or a fourth person is not necessary to create the bond. But in Twilight, the bond between the female character has to be maintained through her daughter. It's an old pattern. Even better, the daughter will bring all warring groups together (one suspects.)

Anyway, I don't think dissing love and teenage sexuality is a good idea.

Emotionally Honest Characters and Christian Dismissiveness

My characters are always emotionally-aware and often emotionally-honest with each other. Somewhere along the line I learned to really love scenes where some needy character tells his/her soul. Picture poor lame Phillip in Of Human Bondage telling one of Muriel's lover "not to take her fromme"or the unloved Cathy Sloper in Henry James' Washington Square "asking her father to say something nice about her." Such scenes wrench the heart because the heart of the character and thus the goal of the story depends on whether or not the character's bravery in telling his heart's need is going to be dismissed or not. And let's face it. Often it's dismissed.

Anyways, I have this thing about emotionally honest characters who know themselves and who live honest lives, characters who sometimes say the neediest things.

But I'm thinking about whence came my interest in dismissiveness? I'm thinking it's because of my various encounters with dismissive atheists, dismissive christians, dismissive people in general. Especially when folks are dismissive after they have been told something incredibly important.

There's a movement in Christianity that is all about dismissiveness. Joyce Meyer's "Get over it" preaching for instance, which she uses to tell people to tell themselves to stop being entrenched in their own grief but which many Christians (being human with generally unredeemed emotional thought life and habits) often use against others who are in pain because they are unwilling to bear each other's burden.. But even before Joyce Meyer the tendency existed, especially in the reactions of male ministers toward certain folks in the Bible.

Bible personnages can be divided into Sacred cows and Scapegoats. And in Bible studies, we are taught who to hate from our youth up.

When I look at Potiphar's wife, I see an unsexually-fulfilled woman who is married to a eunuch. Sure, the women in Pharoah's harem are safe from the king's chamberlain...but heck...so is his wife. No, I'm not excusing her false rape charges being brought against a guy she tried to seduce...but I am seeing the complications here. Complications which... most Christians will dismiss because she's a scapegoat we've been taught to demonize her as an evil woman.

When I hear a minister use the Prince Amnon rape of Tamar story to say that all lust leads to hate after the sexual act is fulfilled, then I instinctively think of Prince Shechem.He wasn't the son of David, he wasn't a descendant of Jacob. YET he loved the woman he seduced and wanted to marry her after the seduction. If I bring that up to the minister to challenge his "lust leads to hate" sermon, he gets dismissive.

Okay, so those are sexual issues. But even when the issue has nothing to do with sex, the "trained" Christian talent for dismissing the pain of others comes up. We are taught to dismiss Mrs. Job's pain. Sure, she lost all her children, sure no one has come to comfort her, sure she is the weaker vessel and her husband should be comforting her...but heck... we have to think about Job because Job is God's prophet and she's "upsetting and tempting him."

And the dismissing of the pain and goodness of "foreign" scapegoats just gets to me. Oh yes... David murdered Uriah...but well... David was a man after God's own heart so...well, God forgave him. Oh, yes, sure Delilah was being threatened but she was a temptress (Folks, she was being threatened!) and she was a foreigner. (Puhleze, we don't know if Delilah was a foreigner or not. The Bible doesn't say.) Oh, sure David killed all of Michal's adopted son just to be nasty but well, Michal laughed while he danced before the Lord (Folks, that was more of an angry quarrel between a man and his estranged wife than something that had to do with God.)

So, I can see why modern Christian men and women have gotten this habit of dismissing "the emotional facts" for the sake of some higher purpose. They will therefore attempt to bombard the emotionally honest person with "the facts." Weirdly, this leads to a world where Christians become repressed and rarely tell their hearts because they know some Biblical truth will be used against them. Plus we end up with Christians actually thinking it's rude to be honest or that it's pathetic to tell one's heart.  Christian propriety is often another way to be cruel and dismissive.

As I am working on the Constant Tower now, I see how fixated my mind was on this kind of cruelty. I always knew I hated it but more and more as I edit I see my anger at the cruel dismissiveness shown by the larger clan toward the wounded within it...for the same of some higher ideal. I so want this book out and in the world soon.

Dark Parable: What is truth?

I dreamed my friend Rain and I passed by an old house and I said I wanted to buy and rebuild it. She said, "It was my grandmother's house. I love it as well." hen I dreamed about my celibate gay friend Jim. In the dream, he had written a novel about a pedophile under a pseudonym. I wondered if it was about him. Whether he was the victim or the perpetrator. I had a friend who I invited into Jim's house and after we ate there I was wondering how to explain to Jim in an email that we had been in his house without his permission. We walked toward my friend Rain's house. She and Jim both used to live near each other. But there were construction workers in the road and in the intersection. Finally I got there. I asked Rain for some pecans from her tree. She said, "I prefer giving and offering without people asking." (In real life she is not like this at all.) I told her Jim's tamarind tree was full. She asked, interested, "Are they ripe?" I said, "Yes, very ripe."

What a world we live in where we must decide if we can be open to our friends or not! In both dreams, the issue is about honesty and self-revelation. My friend Jim is very important and has an important job so perhaps he can't tell his truth directly. He must reveal his truth carefully. He has to tell it slant, as Emily Dickinson says. But self-revelation to friend versus self-revelation to the world at large is something different. Yet, this is a road to be dug up and explored... I know why I dreamed this part of the dream. Sometimes some people are unapproachable and require dishonesty of us in order for us to befriend them. Sometimes, we ourselves are afraid of being truthful.

One should be able to say to  friend, "I have need of this" or "I want this." One should not manipulate in order to get one's friend to offer. IT doesn't seem like friendship to me. One should not have such weird rules when it comes to friends.

Eating in a friend's house might imply telling about a friend's life without getting permission to say so. Not sure why I dreamed this part. Generally I'm not a gossip so I don't know what's what with this part. Although I do wonder about my friend Jim and the sexual issues he had to endure. How does he speak his truth?

When I finally figured out this dream, this is the verse that came to me.
Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. Psalm 51:6


If we cannot be honest with our friends, can we be honest with God or with ourselves?

Dislike your own clan? Let the black gang handle it.

I forgot when it was exactly but the day came when I realized I really did not like the clans to which I belonged. Perhaps I knew them too well. Perhaps I had grown up in a contentious time where stories were weighted in such a way that it bothered my sense of fairness...at least the stories I was forced to see because they supposedly told of my clans sorrows so truly.

But I was always the one who would look at a tough feminine woman in a story and groan that the plot was set up to make us like her.  Truly, fifty years from now when folks look at some of the sitcoms I grew up with ...the silliness and the overwhelming agendas of the plots (Are all sitcom dads stupid? Are all female cops tough and are all weak women to be mocked?)

But it wasn't only the female clan that annoyed me. The Christian clan as depicted in Christian movies bugged the crap over me.  Because I had met those pious insensitive dismissive holy camel-swallowing-gnat-straining legalistic Christian types before. But I also hated the way atheists and secularists and "former Christians" depicted Christians.

Especially the former Christians. To me it was a problem with art. Their art was always unbalanced, like they were trying to show one side so powerfully that they could not for the life of them see another side. I have this thing about balance. And it's really difficult being balanced when one belongs to one of the suffering groups: black, Christian, or feminine. Because one knows that everything we the sufferers write in our novels about the larger world is probably true, and yet at the same time we know that although the world has caused us to suffer, we have also done our share of victimizing others (those like and unalike ourselves.)

So how is an artist to deal with this?

I venture to say that the BG should handle it. The BG (Black Gang of the subconscious) are invariably more artistic than we ourselves are. I cannot tell you how many stories I have destroyed because some bitterness against some black/white, male/female, Christian/atheist person has seeped into my story. I totally think anyone who sets down to write about her clan without thinking the matter through will end up with a wobbly book that only shows her neuroses without any elegance or writerly craft.

The Constant Tower is my novel that the BG wrote. All my issues are in it. Yet, because the BG wrote it, it is not bogged down in specifics. My Life as an Onion is the novel where I am aware of my own issues and of each opportunity to slip in some comment against Christians etc.. Hence, it's the novel I have to really be careful of. I really really really should not have written a contemporary novel. My issues seem to come out better  and more elegantly in fantasy. But now what to do? I like Onion. So.... I'll have to finish it. It'll probably be a bitter novel, like one of the novels written by former Christians, Black and white.   Aaargh! May God have mercy on my soul. 

POEM: I fear my mother will

I fear my mother will,

upon her death, become omnipresent;

all-knowing, all-powerful.

I shall be in my lover's house

safeguarded - I think-

from the eyes of my husband.

I shall be about to come

when just at the wrong time

in that pervasive darkness,

my mother's invisible right hand

will make itself known.

And a voice - hers: I will recognize it-

will demand

that I rise up and go home.

She will pull the blanket protectively, prudishly,

over my naked breasts

And I,

embarrassed, and mother-beaten,

will retrieve my clothes from the floor

and go home.

Bible Historical Books: Writing History as a Calling from God

If you love history as much as I do, you will have noticed that many primary historical sources are written to praise historical figures or to curry favor or to show the historian's skillz. Not so, the Bible histories. I'm not sure but I think they are the first historical documents written that shows one's nation's history -- warts and all. Probably because they were written by prophets or scribes who were priests.

Looking through the books of Samuels I+II, Kings, I+II, and Chronicles  I+II, one sees king after king -- even the good ones-- who do good, evil and a mixture of both. We see cause and effect...and can even figure our why certain historical and personal events happen in their lives...we can even understand why some of the good kings died so badly...and can even pin-point the moment they sealed their fate by doing some subtly ungodly act. Yep, even the subtle little not-so-bad things have some major consequence.

It definitely shows God is very involved in the lives of kings...and no doubt in the lives of commoners. It shows the power of curses uttered over one's self and by one's ancestors.

These prophetic historicans didn't even have to have insight (I think) about why certain events happened. God simply told them.

Sometimes we Christians go about saying they don't know why something bad happened in their lives, or we say something bad happened out of the blue, or we say God isn't working in our lives. But the histories show God is always working in our lives. Sure, the book is about kings but i suspect the same forces are  working in ours. We are led to either think that stuff happens for no reason at all or that there are spiritual causes working...stuff we might have done in this life, stuff our ancestors have done, etc.

A) I'm not saying God does everything. B) I'm not saying we are the cause of everything that has happened in our lives. C) I'm not saying that we personally deserve everything that happens but I am saying that everything really bad or good that happens seems to have a reason. Either because the king was not close to God or listening to God and some demonic force was fighting against the king and the king was unprepared (or made the wrong response.) Or the king made an ungodly decision (or two or three) and planted a seed which caused him to reap something really bad in the end. Or the king's ancestor did something and the curse fell upon the king.

Whatever the reason, I've got to give kudos to the Prophets and Priests who wrote the chronicles. They listened to God's spirit and were honest in their depictions of the kings. Even David, who was so loved, is shown in his horrible humanness. Pretty good history-writing for back in the day, I think.

When the kings listened to God

Just Six Numbers: The Deep Forces that Shape the Universe 

Martin Rees 

Hardcover: 300 pages

Publisher: Basic Books (December 1999)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0465036724

ISBN-13: 978-0465036721

Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 5.7 x 0.8 inches

How did a single “genesis event” create billions of galaxies, black holes, stars and planets? How did atoms assemble—here on earth, and perhaps on other worlds—into living beings intricate enough to ponder their origins? What fundamental laws govern our universe?This book describes new discoveries and offers remarkable insights into these fundamental questions. There are deep connections between stars and atoms, between the cosmos and the microworld. Just six numbers, imprinted in the “big bang,” determine the essential features of our entire physical world. Moreover, cosmic evolution is astonishingly sensitive to the values of these numbers. If any one of them were “untuned,” there could be no stars and no life. This realization offers a radically new perspective on our universe, our place in it, and the nature of physical laws.

Writing About Humans

I'm feeling feel really blessed to have written some of my stories, and in this case, "Changeling."

And i feel really blessed about the story "Cry for hire" in Warren Lapine's anthology, Fantastic Stories of the Imagination.

I think a lot of people who are white who expect black folks to write about certain things will look at Changeling and see, "wow, there is art here!" 

I'm a lit major so i read great works and I aim to write great works

but there are folks black and white who have beliefs about what writers should write about

social issues or race or feminism, or politics, or religion or whatever. In stories like those, stories written with a purpose to preach about an idea or change the mind of the reader or support some particular tenet, one ends up with cliches and tropes and really nothing is new in those stories because we have seen these issues (and often those stories) before.

I'm not saying writing religious stories are bad or that writing about race is bad or writing about the oppression of women is bad. I'm saying writing cliched characters is bad. And writing about politics creates old stories that make readers eyes glaze over because those writings (in the hands of most writers) tend to be stereotypical and to create characters who lack humanity and uniqueness.

My characters in A Cry for hire and Changeling are all very human

But Cry for Hire is about poverty, race, isolation. Changeling is a folktale full of human characters in a tragic regal history but it is also very political.

And yet, when I wrote them, I had no political agenda or racial agenda. I simply wrote for the love of story and the love of depicting the human condition. Somehow the political, my own neuroses, and my concerns seeped through. I think that's the issue with many stories. Most people are too controlled when they write and writers with  political/racial.social/racial agendas are even more controlled than others. They have to learn to trust the discomfort of having human characters who may not fall in line with the required stereotype. 

 

Lord, I'm Coming Home (Apache Lyrics)

Dark Parables: Caring for the wounded

I dreamed I had some kittens, not newborn but not really old either. They were in our kitchen/bathroom. The room had a large bathtub and a fridge. We kept them there to protect them from our doggie, Hemo. The kittens were inside this room, inside the tub, inside cages (although there was one cage that was shared by two kittens), and they had warm little jackets on inside the cages. There were about five of them. My husband was the one who consistently fed them and I pretty much forgot about their existence. Then I was accidentally reminded by my husband that I had to feed them. I had forgotten to feed them one day and they had managed but I realized I hadn't been feeding them. I opened the door and made sure the dog couldn't go inside. Then I let the kittens roam free and took off their littlekitty kackets so they could feel each other's fur and bodies. As I looked around, I saw a kitten who went back and put on his jacket. I thought how strnge it was that he had gotten used to it.

I dreamed I saw a movie shedule for Friday movie nights and Wednesday movie nights. I was sad because I could no longer go out at night to watch movies because of the fibro but the movies in the series were sooo good, I was tempted to start going to the movies anyway. Twice a week couldn't ruin my life so much. Then I was in one of the movies I had wanted to see. A girl (who was me) was talking to another girl (who was apparently a bit of a snob) about a boy she missed. The girl said, "I miss my old friend. He had a sadness in his eyes but I really liked him. And I don't like this new neighbor." The snobbish looking girl said, "You miss him because although he had sadness in his eyes, he had a light in his heart that you could see. This new neighbor has darkness in his heart because he has had a great sorrow. But you should try to find the light in his soul again and re-light it." Then the scene shifted to a different place far away where the boy whom had been the girl's neighbor had moved to. Now, he was the one who had no light in his spirit because he was sad because he had moved away from the girl.

I think both dreams are about working hard to heal the wounded, especially the young wounded people in the world. I used to put myself out to help the wounded and hurt but I kind of stopped after a while. I think the dream is telling me to learn how to do this again.Interesting that it was the snobbish girl who brought it to my attention. Generally, my pride and hackles rise and my fangs go out when a proud person tries to tell me anything. But in this case I listened. Oh well, good advice from icky people is good adivice no matter how much you might dislike them.

I think this connects to some of the folks I meet on the internet.


I do seem to end up with a lot of male young friends from all over the world and so many of them are sexually wounded. But I am so fearful of being hurt, or distrustful that they might be using me for money that I can be very distant...even when I'm friendly. I think God wants me to lighten up and develop compassion. 
Yep, this is a "compassion required" dream. 

Returning to Daily Communion

Okay, I had totally forgotten our habit of taking daily communion to get myself and my son healed. Yes, yes, yes... one forgets to do stuff.Perhaps because I went all gluten or was engrossed in other matters. Anyway, we have returned.

So yeah, everyday...three times a day.... communion for the family and affirming the work Jesus did by shedding His blood for us.

Hubby and I basically have saltines and water or tea or juice.

We declare:

"Jesus we are doing this because we believe you when you said your body is food indeed and your blood is drink indeed. We understand that feeding on you is a spiritual thing and spiritual things are happening as we feed on you. Therefore feed our spirits, souls, minds, bodies, spirits with what we need.

Jesus, you fell on the way to the cross. You hit your nose as you fled, therefore your nose bled for Gabe and his congestion. You fell and broke your teeth as you fell, therefore your teeth and gums were wounded so that ours might be healed. It is written, you were wounded for our transgression, the chastisement for our peace was upon you, and by your wounds we were healed. Therefore, we believe and affirm this exchange. By those wounds to your nose, Gabe's nose was healed. By those wounds, Gabe's palate is healed and restored.

Jesus, you were crowned with thorns that pierced your head and the blood vessels and nerve endings in your brain. Therefore, by the blood you bled from your head, all brain injuries were healed. We believe and affirm as we take this communion cracker and meditate on your work, that you were pierced -- as this cracker and matzoh was pierced-- for our iniquities and wounded so that Gabe's brain and  my brain and all the illnesses in Gabe's head can be healed.

Jesus, you thirsted on the cross. Therefore we declare that you were thirsty for our sakes and the dehydration in our bodies was healed by your thirst. The pain in your throat was for our sakes, therefore our throats are healed because you bore all throat illnesses.

You were whipped 33 times. We affirm as we look on the stripes on this matzoh that the stripes you received were for our sakes and for the healing of our entire body, soul, and spirit. As we break this matzoh,  and cracker, we remember that Jesus took the bread in the Passover and broke it and we thank you and affirm that his healing is now ours. We look forward to our healing and to the mighty work that your body and blood are doing in it.

Then we take the water, juice, tea and say, "The life of the body is in the blood. Therefore, Lord, we take your life...since you took our sins. By the blood of the eternal covenant, we are in covenant with you and equipped against sin, sickness, and deception in this world. Dear Lord, your body and blood are preserving our body and blood from sickness and sin in this world and in the world to come. Thank you for delivering us from what we don't know and from what we have gotten used to. Amen. It is done."

We'd been doing communion for a while before it fell by the wayside...but thinking back... I was totally battling unforgiveness then. And a bit of anger in my heart against hubby. So now, we'll be able to do this the right way. YAY!!!!!

Okay, healing...come quickly.