Sunday, December 14, 2008

What we don't know, what we are used to

I think I had this dream in response to my whining to God about my dream about Logan and in response to my continued anger against sickness.

I dreamed I was told in a dream, "Ask God to be delivered from what you and Gabe do not know and from the evil Gabe and your family have gotten used to."

This brought me so much joy.

Praying for what we don't know:
We have prayed against viruses, fungi, and bacteria in the womb, perinatal, pre-natal, and post-natal injuries to Gabe, vaccines, forgiveness issues, dietary and nutritional issues, genetic issues, brain damage, cell damage, demonic interfereance. NADA. We don't know what it is we don't know. We don't know what it is we need to be delivered from. And we have done every medical, nutritional, alternative, and spiritual form of healing. Nada.

Praying for what Gabe doesn't know:
We have prayed for Gabe to understand normal stuff like directions "on, in, beside." We have prayed for him to understand pronouns, vocabulary, not to kick in the walls, not to pee in his clothes, that he would understand what a typical Christian teenager would know. The kid doesn't know what he doesn't know.

Praying to be delivered from what we have gotten used to:
The abnormal has become normal in my house. We have gotten used to picking up an eighteen year old off a school bus. We have gotten used to walls being kicked in. We have gotten used to sleeplessness and to continuous pain in Gabe's and my body. We've gotten used to no money and to pain and continuous torment and fatigue.

Praying for Gabe to be delivered from what he has gotten used to:
The kid doesn't know what he has gotten to. Oh sure, he's gotten the learned helplessness thing down and he's used to being friendless but he has gotten used to a bereft sort of life, just as we have gotten used to.

I feel, though, that now I know how to pray for this situation. And it gives me hope for a miracle for us.

Well, this dream made me very very hopeful. Very. Today I've just been praying to God to deliver me from what I don't know. To deliver Gabe from what he doesn't know. To deliver us from the evils we have gotten used to. To deliver Gabe from what he's gotten used to. That's what he told me to do. So I'll be doing that. I need not know, i think, what these things I don't know are. But I have to give permission to God to deliver me from them by asking Him to deliver me from them. I've seen so many instances where folks are not healed because they prayed the wrong prayer. Folks who ask for healing when they should have asked for miracles, and vice versa. I don't think God is like a computer who needs us to fit firmly into a computer mode. But I do think that we don't know what to ask for. and it's up to the Holy Spirit to pray for us or to tell us what to ask for.
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