Friday, December 12, 2008

Anger, Anger

What to do with it?

Honestly, I could just choke certain people. Much of this anger is sane and has good reasoning behind it. Another part of it is just anger against the sin of the world! What to do with all this anger? Work on an anger scene in my novel? Pray against it? Will see.

They trouble with anger is that one has to figure out who is responsible for the anger...and to see if one can do anything about the anger.

In my case, the problem is an anger at my life. But I'm also angry at glib answers given to me by folks who don't know or understand fibromyalgia or autism. or what it's like living without sleep with a child who has autism. Consider being up all night (every day for 20 years) and finally falling asleep for one hour about five o'clock in the morning (again, this kind of thing happens every day) and then one's autistic child comes into one's room at five thirty (once again, this happens every night) and simply has to sleep in one's bed because he is crying about some particular pain that you cannot ever discover although you've been trying to discover it for 18 years. Consider waking up then having to bathe this 18 year old, make his specific food (because he's allergic to something else or simply refuses to eat anything else or has a dislike for everything else) and then having to dress and groom this 18 year old who is crying because he is in pain and you're on the verge of tears because you have a son who is always in pain. Consider going through the house cleaning up the same damage you cleaned up the day before because your child is in so much pain and because he doesn't talk because he is non-verbal he smashes everything and clears the table and bookshelves and kicks the plaster off the walls and breaks the door and the windows every day. You do this while you're in a state of sleeplessness and extreme fatigue because you yourself have slept for only one hour a night for twenty years.

Consider glib folks who do not understand what living sleeplessly is about telling you your house is messy when once again you have had to wash pee from mattresses and wipe prune juice (because your son is continually constipated) from the wall because he thew it there.

Consider annoying know-it-all Christians telling you that you would be healed if you had more faith but the fact is they aren't praying for you. Consider dealing with folks who think if they had walked in your shoes they'd be dancing instead of being angry or whining.

Consider enduring all this and having no money while enduring all this because since you don't work and since the son is always going to the doctor you are way in debt.

Consider dealing with idiots who tell you that perhaps your son should be hospitalized.

Consider silencing yourself because others simply do not understand yet insist on giving you stupid advice.

Well, got to go. As usual -- although I don't really say it-- son is beside me weeping about something I don't understand and cannot possibly help...while I endure something I don't understand and cannot possibly cure in myself.

Yeah, damn right I'm angry. And I'm angry at sickness and at the devil. Life shouldn't be like this.


Lisa said...

Since feeling anger has such unhealthy consequences, trying to learn how to ease it and not feel it becomes imperative to your health!
We feel anger if we've felt we've been wronged in some way: ditched in line, cut off in traffic, trying to help someone who doesn't appreciate your efforts or anger with ourselves for not behaving/doing what we think we should do, or would like to be able to do.
Also, anger is often a symptom of depression. (That is, a person is clinically depressed, however, they don't actually mope and act 'depressed', but they are angry about everything and fly into to fits (or sputter into them) at the smallest thing, although to them . . . it doesn't feel small.)

Do you care to say why you are angry? Although I can understand if you don't want to name names . . .

So not only do you need to work it out of your system, you need to work to prevent it from building up!

To work it out of your system. Is the 'cause' justified? Bounce off what happened to someone else, do they understand and agree that you've been 'wronged'. If you can deal directly with the person that has wronged you (preferably in an non threatening and nonbostile way) it can help to vent those feelings. In some cases, people who habitually cause you to be angry, should be removed from your life - if that is possible.

Learn to relax yourself, to breath deeply, maybe think of the positive events in your life (you know - purring little kitties) tell yourself that it will get better - it will, either change the situation or change your attitude!
Try to talk it through, if with no one else, yourself. Ask yourself, Why am I angry? Is it really worth upsetting myself about? Can I change it?
Also note when you trying to work it out, referring to the offending party in negative ways only helps to fuel the anger.
maybe that person is having a really bad day (parent died, child sick, house blew up) maybe they've been raised in such a sad enviroment their ability to see clearly has been clouded (oh that is my non negative way of saying racist pig or sexist pig . . . :-)
You know the saying 'Lord grant me the ability to accept what I can not change and change what I can change."

Stupid people should be pititied - if they are saying something out of pure ignorance, shake your head in dismay but work to not allow it to upset you - it isn't worth it.
I used to get so irked with drivers who would cut me off, try to sneak in, I used to try to prevent them from sneaking in- just wasn't worth the aggravation, I for that most part, just allow them in, and feel better for being nicer to people.

Continue to treat others the way you want to be treated, those of us REALLY do appreciate how kind you've been to us!

(I just love the live blog list I have on my blog!)

Carole McDonnell said...

Hi Lisa:

Just annoyed at lack of sleep, at judgmental folks, stupid publishers who don't believe in writers' books. That kinda thing. I'll definitely take your suggestions to heart. Thanks -C

Lisa said...

I believe in your writing, although I know that doesn't weigh much in terms of getting published and actually making some money on selling books! I long to hold the entire book about the 'towers' in my hand and read it cover to cover. (I don't recall you mentioning the name on this blog so I won't either).

About sleep, what steps have you made to determine why you aren't sleeping and what can be done about it? Long term solutions that is. Even for things like if it's worries keeping up, you need to find some trick to relax your mind. For, me believe it or not, I have this big huge goliath mansion that I'm building. it has has 4 level 'theater' in it, a huge formal dining, several guest suites for my company, wheel chair accessible because my sister, now dead, was in a wheel chair - but I'm just thinking ahead so handicap people can visit. A BIG huge exersize room overlooking my yard that cascades down a lake or some body of water . . . oh the list goes on and on. I usually fall asleep before while I'm 'renovating one or two rooms'. Other thoughts tend to keep me awake -maybe because they're the real world problems.
the problem if you are tired EVERYTHING is more difficult to deal with. Getting a proper nights rest should be the first order of business.

I remember one trick to relax, envision like a painting and plant yourself in it. So I had myself in this lovely waterfall painting my sister did. I built a house by the river, but then worried it would flood, so then I thought 'hey, I'll put it on stilts' then I realized that I wasn't really relaxing myself, worring about the house flooding in all! Ha, that trick didn't work.
(So I'm surprised building my house works - but it does)

now I know why you always managed to read all the submissions and managed such wonderful comments - sounds like you don't sleep very much.

I realize you have some pressing family issues also, but seriously, if you aren't sleeping, your ability to manage anything goes out the door.

(do you like my new avatar - my babies - just love them and I love posting now on blogs so I can see my kitties everywhere. Hey, my motto - It's the little things in life that keeps us happy!)

Carole McDonnell said...

Yes, i love your new avatar. Godo creative use of the imagination. I should do that. At least to counter the negative ones. -C

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