Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Update

Well, yesterday my little son and I danced to the tune of Marc Antony's I Need You. We haven't done that in years, I think. Or at least a year. I was feeling soooo well. Praise God.

It's been the most restrictive diet lately. A diet of positive affirmation of gospel Scripture, a diet of no wheat, no corn, no meat and tons of water, a diet of singing praises.

Interesting this healing: There are moments when it seems as if the illness has come back with full force. I'm on the bed in horrible pain. But then I remember that we walk by faith not by our senses. So I start getting into the spirit and I give the illness a talking to and tell it that Jesus destroyed it on the cross. And after a while it subsides. Yes, resist the devil and he will flee. So am resisting. It's quite humorous -- although sometimes it's humor in pain. Sometimes I am in so much pain or am in a phase of four-day sleeplessness and I feel utterly weepy. But I force myself to sing psalms and I speak the word of God with passion and thrust them around me with great anger like a warrior slinging a great sword. And after a while the illness goes.

So that's my current restriction. Now, I have to move on with my restrictions. I have to resist negative passive imaginations. OR rather I should aim for Positive, sinless, active imagination. I've been battling my tendency to fall into daydreams. Sex or death, sex or death. Those seem to be my focus. Hey, it would be okay if the sexual fantasy was about hubby...but noooo!!! it's about folks like Viggo Mortenson or one of the characters in the book I'm writing. So there is hubby doing his passionate best and I'm in the arms of some warrior!

Or I hear some weird health thing on the news and the next thing you know I'm imagining my death. I so wish I had control of my mind. I've told God, "Okay, I have no control over these passive imaginations. They just take over. Childhood issues mixed with being a writer no doubt. And the imaginations that I'm active about well, if I spent as much mental energy imagining myself well as I do imagining myself in bed with Viggo, I'd be way healthier. But God is good. He's my help and my shield and will train my mind. Anyway, back to my very restrictive but way healthy life.
-C
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