Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Graduation Day

Younger son graduates today. I'm writing the post the day before right now I'm probably getting son ready so we can go on our way to the campus.

Twenty-one years of praying...and I've grown during that time. I so hope the healing will manifest tomorrow at the graduation. For various reasons...few of which are holy. Yes, I want him well...but I want to show the school people a thing or two. Impure prayer alas.

I believe God has healed younger son, that healing is in him and is growing like a seed...blossoming one day into perfect healing manifestation. But another part of me wants it to happen quickly. As a kind of wink from God to me... to say "see, it's not about a formula. I know you want it to be a special day and I'm gonna make it a special day for you." In that way, the idea of God as a CEO who works when we "sets the ball in motion but really doesn't deal personally in the day-to-day nitty-gritty" will be squashed. I will see that he knew what I wanted and gave it at a particular chairos moment that showed he was aware of me in a unique way. Instead of me being and doing the mechanics needed and him rubber-stamping it.

So, today, he's going to leave friends he's known for years. I don't know how much he loves them, how much he understands about his and their place in the world, or if he will see them again. Don't know if he'll care much. Heck I don't even know his sense of humor...but ...

Ah well... will see.  A new day has come (although the car rental guy hasn't quite come yet) and I'm vaguely expecting something wonderful in the future...

But present joys:

No more getting up in the morning from a sleepless night to bathe and dress younger son.

No more sending equally-sleepless son off to school

No more sending him off to school sick because "the school wants him in school and he's been sick all his life and today he's not so sick as he usually is"

No more getting up from a sleepless night to make four or five different breakfasts which he doesn't eat because he's not ready, then watching in sadness as he goes on the school bus without breakfast carrying a lunch he will not eat, then waiting for him to come home starving.

No more lack of control about the food he eats in school

No more waiting for his schoolbus to return and shaking with fear of his returning with some note from the teacher rebuking me for something he did there or something we didn't do.

No more leaps of the heart into one's throat whenever the school calls in the middle of the days for fear of something he did there or something we didn't do.

I dream of the day when other things we consider normal will no longer be part of our lives...but as it is... this day brings a lot of freedom.

But the main thing is: now Gabe is free and out from under their authority. Teachers, parents, ministers, and all those who have some kind of authority over us have the power to curse and to bless us. Now, Gabe no longer has their cursing words: "he can do this but he will never be able to do that." We can speak health and intelligence but it was difficult because he would return to school to deal with people who worshiped their IEP's and who would agree (emotionally, intellectually, spiritually) that this and that about him was incurable, that he could never reach some level. It was a battle, Luke and me against this communal authority's mindset. If one goes to a meeting at the school board and one hears words declaring how far one's child will not go, or how one's child CANNOT learn unless he has a drug, one really should challenge it. Because spiritual law is the same as earthly law: silence gives assent. But it's hard to challenge a table of experts. They think one is in denial; they think one knows best. And although the spiritual thing is to say, "I believe in Jesus' name that your educational knowledge is not better than God's power" one knows best not to say it if one doesn't want to be insulted or reported.

So now Gabe is no longer under their authority. Authority is a powerful thing. Everyday we would pray for him but then we would have to give him to the school and he would be under their authority and the power of their words, words which can curse. To not be believed in, to be gossiped about and disbelieved in. Now, the entire family is free and Gabe is no longer under the authority of those who limit him. This is a new day and a new time in our lives. Our prayers fly to God unheeded. Thank you, Lord Jesus!

I dream, dream, dream of the day my family and I will graduate from this life as we go to the real world that is our true home. Even so, come Lord Jesus. 

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