Vain Imaginations versus Productive Imaginations

I waste so much of my time, of my life, imagining vain things. I've written posts about this before but I've got to get my mental act together again. Imagination is spiritual truth. It is what God sees when He looks at us. And when we have fruitful imaginations, our imagination becomes the substance of things hoped for.

Where are my mental images of Gabe being healed? What images have I built and stored and given to God so He can cause them to come true? What images have I built in the chambers of my imagery to be substances faith can work on?

I have wasted my nights and my mental daydreaming time. Instead of dreaming of young hottie Asian lover, I should imagining my new house. I should be imagining younger son talking. I should be seeing the days and mornings of his healed life.

I should spend days in the sun imagining walking into a room and touching the sick and causing them to be healed. I should be imagining raising the dead and should be focusing on the dreams I had of raising the dead and delivering people from drugs. I should be musing and pondering the vision where God told me I would do six great works. I should be imagining and imaging my stories being shown on Korean and Japanese TV and movie screens.

Lord, let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be always acceptable in your sight. Let it be grace in your sight. Help me to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Please, Lord, help me make it a habit to daydream about productive things and to create mental images of things you want me to bring forth in my life and in the world. Jesus you said, "When you pray, believe that you have received and you will receive it." Help me to see in my imagination and to live in my mind with the substances of things I hope for that I might see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.Amen.


And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5

Psalm 51:6
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. NIV

Isn't love enough? Why must I have beauty?

Isn't love enough? Why must I have beauty?

I love that quote but it's one of the few quotes whose author I can't remember. Weird too, because this is such an important question in my life. I have a very bad case of loving the creature more than the Creator. I am absolutely enthralled to male beauty. Oh my gosh! Now I'm in love with the Korean actor Kim Hyun Joong. And what makes it really bad is that he really seems like a perfect guy to have a crush on. Yep, the whole package: beauty, humor, kindness, compassion, and that "eternal youth" je-ne-sais-quoi. Now, whence this problem?

But before I attempt to answer that, let me digress for a moment.

One of my female feminist writer friends and (come to think of it) one of my male Black writer friends...okay, okay... they BOTH get irked at my female characters. In the great divide of whether a writer should about what is or what should be, I fall squarely into the camp of writing what IS. (At least where my female characters are concerned.)

No super-human women characters for me. I want to write about women's life as I see it. The sorrow of it, the being dragged into situations because they are poor or married to the wrong guy or ugly or fat or emotionally off. I cannot write about female warriors conquering the world. It is important to me to talk about female sorrow. Not that my characters are all victims but they certainly have endurance down. I'm not going to be ashamed of showing their pain. People still need to see the pain of women.

So then -- returning to my original question-- why, then, do I totally write about idealized male characters? (Of course all these idealized male characters help the woman characters. Sometimes they also hinder them but the woman's there through thick or thin, because in her position in society she has no choice but to rely on the guy....which is what most of the married women in normal life on earth do.

But why must these characters be so beautiful? If I ponder and ponder this, I think there are a multitude of causes. First, I grew up with American TV...and I think that makes one love beauty. Perhaps a bit too much. (I don't know why specifically, the kind of male handsomeness I like is the very pretty kind but I'll have to sort that out.)

Secondly, Beauty is an ideal. Beauty IS probably truth. In heaven, all things are beautiful. When one thinks about it, how can God not make anything beautiful? But earth is fallen and so what is common in heaven is  the exception on earth (something like beauty, for instance.) Oscar Wilde said something about the mystery of beauty once. (A quote I've forgotten but whose author I remember.)  To love the beautiful is to love God's perfection but...being on earth it becomes worship, I think. And that is why I must work against it.

Thirdly, I like resting in beauty. When life becomes hard I daydream about another life with a rich wonderful carefree hottie. It's a false comfort and a habitual one.

We are to yield the members of our body to God. Our eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hearts. We are to let go of the worldly spiritual senses and to keep our eyes focused on heaven. All this is of course a problem for me emotionally and also spiritually. Because my heart tends to rest in these earthly beauties. I am to rest in God's beauty...as yet unseen. God's beauty, which is so much more lovely than some Korean hottie. Oh Lord, fee my soul. Set it free to praise you and to admire and adore only you! What to do? God, free my soul. Let me worship you alone.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.
 Take my eyes, Lord, and let them be consecrated, Lord, to thee. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me to take every thought captive and to push away vain imaginings. Let me love YOU, Lord. Let me develop a deep crush on YOU! Let your wit satisfy me! Let your beauty and intelligence and compassion satisfy me! Let me consider YOU worthy of my deep adoring crush! Let your own self be considered worthy in my heart of daydreams. Let me only consider YOUR wonderfulness, O Lord!  Amen.

The Ultimate Treasure Hunt: A Guide to Supernatural Evangelism Through Supernatural Encounters 

Kevin Dedmon

Paperback: 219 pages

Publisher: Destiny Image (December 1, 2007)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0768426022

ISBN-13: 978-0768426021

The Ultimate Treasure Hunt leads believers into a supernatural lifestyle of Kingdom building. Author Kevin Dedmon captures the heart of witnessing and personal evangelism through his taking-it-to-the-streets ministry where healing, miracles, and deliverance are regular occurrences. Based on biblical principles and personal testimonies, you will learn how the simplicity of hearing a word of knowledge from God leads you to clues for the treasure hunt. Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature (Mark 16:15). Witnessing the love and saving grace of Jesus does not need to be invasive or argumentative; rather, it is a supernatural encounter when God reveals Himself in a specific way. The fun begins when you read the step-by-step guidelines for embarking on a successful, fulfilling treasure hunt.


Kevin Dedmon has a traveling ministry focused on equipping, empowering, and activating the Church for supernatural evangelism through signs and wonders, healing, and the prophetic. He earned a Master's degree in church leadership from Vanguard University, and has been in full-time ministry for more than 25 years. He and his wife are part of Bethel Church staff in Redding, California.

Dark Parable: Two accusations, two reactions

I dreamed I was in the kitchen when I heard something like someone falling. I glanced out the window and saw a kid lying diagonally his feet in the air near the handlebars, his head near the wheel on the ground. I figured he'd fallen but I said nothing. Two minutes or so later, I ran across the street somewhat agitatedly and said, something like, "What happened? Is everyone okay? I just heard a noise." The kid looked up at me and said, "You lied." Because I had obviously not heard the noise "just now." After that we became good friends and I could tell him anything. I invited him into my messy house, told him about Gabe and he watched while I made something for Gabe to eat. Then I looked out my window and saw an apartment or condo being billed across the street -- same area where the boy had been bicycling earlier. I watched as modular sections were put together and when it was finished I ran over there to explore one of the apartments in the complex. I entered one of the apartments. Two of the construction workers were sitting inside the living room but I saw enough of the place to see it would really suit our family. Other people were there too, other apartment-seekers and folks who had been involved in the real estate. The apartment had furniture in it and the construction workers were discussing among themselves whether the furniture came with the apartment or if stuff was just there to show folks what the apartment would look like furnished. I was going upstairs when I grabbed at the dresser at the bottom of the stairwell. It was so lightweight that it tumbled over and smashed to pieces. Two or three women were standing by. One woman said to me, "Well, I for one am not gonna accept blame for that." I walked over to her and I totally gave her a talking-to. I said, "First of all, I didn't ask you to accept any blame. Who are you that I should specifically point you out as the blame-taker? And why are you assuming I would shirk my responsibility? Why malign me by assumign such a thing?" I said a lot more. She might have been the owner or realestate property rep or something but I thought she was just being too rude.

INTERPRETATIONS
When I woke up, I realized the dream was about three different things:

First: self-defense and self-defense. We shouldn't defend ourselves against the truth because God is greater than ourselves and He knows our hearts. The human heart wants to defend itself all the time and sometimes doesn't want to hear true Holy Spirit convictions. But we should listen to the Holy Spirit's convictions because then we have a true friend. But when the Accuser accuses us we should defend ourselves by using God's word of truth. We should not allow a lie or an implication to go un-answered. Silence gives consent, in natural law cases, in family situation, and in the spiritual world. A falsity should be challenged, and challenged violently. The violent take it by force.

The second point of the dream was how to understand about different kinds of spiritual accusations. The straight-forward challenge from the boy brought friendship and honesty.  I realized he was right. I think this is the way God challenges us. It's not a cruel accusation but something that sets us on the right path. The way the women accused me is the way the "Accuser" does it; subtly, undermining, implying.

The third aspect of the dream was: the power and use of the word. If we are to use God's words in such a way that angels, the laws of God, and demons respond...then we have to ALWAYS use words carefully. No exaggeration, no subtlety, no pretense...even small. Say something from one's heart or nothing at all.  If the spiritual world understands that we understand the power of words, then our words will be honored and feared. Demons won't be saying, "oh, some of her words fall flat. Oh, some of her words aren't to be taken seriously."

We have to be so careful in our words. Something as simple as "Oh, everybody likes apple pie" just isn't gonna cut it. Using phrases like, "What a crappy day! It's only gonna get worse!" doesn't cut it. Saying stuff like "Cancer runs in my family" isn't the way to go. Stuff like "I hate Mondays; crappy stuff always happens on Mondays" is not the thing to do. No generalizations, whinings, exxagerations, dangerous jestings. Words are precious things. God used them to create the world. If we are to occupy the world and use the powers and authority of God's kingdom, we have to use words carefully.

I suspect the construction workers are symbolic of angels. I'm always dreaming of workers. And the building is the implication that we are all working on a building. Glancing out the window could also mean looking one's eyes. The house is of course the mansion of the soul: our lives, our bodies. The windows being the eyegate of the soul.




I don't know why the dream came up now. But I've been praying and praying and I think that in order to move into actual praying and speaking to the mountain, we have to really see the importance of our words. Like Isaiah whose mouth was purified when he was in the temple in heaven. The mouth is the most difficult thing to sanctify and to tame and out of the abundance of the heartthe mouth speaks. We have to be so careful.

Three similar-but-unalike anthologies with stories by yours truly

It's getting to be an interesting summer. I'm in three speculative fiction anthologies.
The first two have come out and I'm waiting for the third. Patting myself on the back here: I like it that I'm in three different anthos with different audiences.

The first is Christian speculative fiction, edited by Lyndon Perry of Residential Aliens over at Createspace.

As a rule, although I write Christian spec-fic, I gotta say I tend to avoid it when it's written by Christians I don't know. I don't mind seeing Christian cosmology explored (And isn't speculative fiction another way of depicting cosmology?) but I do dislike and fear preachiness. I dislike Christians saying they're doing something different "pushing the envelop" and "outside the box" when they aren't really aware of how big the box is and what the internal and external dimensions of the envelope or box is and where exactly they are pushing the envelope to or from. I've been reading the stories and they are all great stories. My story is the least worthy to be there. It's not as full of gravitas as some of the stories here and it's not as regal as some of my Christian stories. But it is unique in one respect so I feel I've succeeded somewhat and that it's a good choice for that anthology. I was aiming for humor and I was aiming to put race into a Christian speculative fiction antho. As such, the story works.

The second is African-themed speculative fiction -- Sword and Soul-- edited by Milton Davis and Charles Saunders

Sword and Soul speculative fiction is a historical genre that is not as seen as often as say the Asian martial arts fantasies and the western historical fantasies such as gothic stories, elven lore, and regency vampires. I like the idea of "everybody gets to play" but when it comes to being cosmopolitan about fantasies, the bookworld has not allowed black fantasies into the game. When one goes to a book store, the literary conversation rarely has a black fantasy writer in the forefront. The great Charles Saunders is, of course, the originator and creator of Sword and Soul genres and I am so glad he liked my story and accepted it in this anthology. The book hasn't arrived yet but am waiting for it. Even more because when it comes to the spec-fic world, most of the writers I know are Christian and/or Black. I only know three people in the Christian anthology but I think I know of or am acquainted with or am friends with pretty much everyone in this anthology. So it'll be fun to read this one.

My story, Changeling, is one of my favorite short stories. It isn't sorcery, at all, however so it isn't what anyone would consider speculative fiction. But it has an ancient folkloric feel to it and it really is a beautiful love story.


The third is general speculative fiction, edited by Warren Lapine. It's called Fantastic Tales of the Imagination. The first person accepted into this anthology was Harlan Ellison. Wow!! The second person was equally great. I was the third accepted person. Can you believe that? I'm happy about this anthology because I really like the idea of being in a group that is precisely normal and all-American, generic fantastical. The writers in the other two anthologies have specific religious and racial concerns and their stories show their concerns in a safe setting. They are, so to speak, among friends. But this anthology is one that is aimed for the general fantasy audience. My story --A Cry for Hire-- has a black-heroine, has minority concerns, has female concerns, has health concerns, has religious concerns, and could only be written by someone who is not part of the majority spirituality, majority race. Most speculative fiction is written by men, white men, (okay some white women too), healthy white men, healthy white men who don't really think about Christian matters. My being included in thi s anthology makes me feel very ambassadorial. It makes me feel skilled at slipping into the majority world, being in and among and yet still my Black woman Christian emotionally-messed-up self. Although the story is religious, it manages to not be so steeped in religion that it can make it into this story. Although the story is about motherhood and about race, the story isn't gooey and it doesn't threaten white readers. So yeah, am glad for that. Waiting to see what the other stories will be ...and yes...am waiting to be liked by the authors in this general spec-fic antho.

Is God to Blame? Moving Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering

Paperback: 211 pages

Publisher: IVP Books (September 9, 2003)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0830823948

ISBN-13: 978-0830823949

Dreams, Visions, Deja-vu and other strange occurrences

My friend, Chazz, a very militant atheist recalled something that happened to him while he was in the service in the west on a Native American reservation:  He was in the middle of a desert in the middle of the night when he sees this strange creature. Humanoid but not really. It still perturbs him to this day. I suspect it was a shapeshifter because many folks have encountered shapeshifters on Native American reservations. Yet, demonic, naturalistic, human lost soul, or angelic, this visitation didn't make him believe in God. At best, he believes that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in humanist or Christian philosophy. He's not a Buddhist either, or the adherent to some New Age philosophy. So, yeah, an absolutely militant atheist who believes there are strange humanoid creatures other than man in the world.

So what does it mean: seeing something weird and paranormal isn't gonna convince anyone about the supernatural. Or at least about the ultimate supernatural Good or the ultimate supernatural evil. We humans see a lot of things. Although, I gotta say that I always wonder why it is that so many atheists and agnostics have NOT seen angels, demons, or other supernatural things. I read a survey once that said many Americans had had supernatural experiences. Why haven't the atheists been so blessed? Or have they so steeled their minds against believing or seeing that -- even if something comes to them-- they are unable to see the kingdom of God?

I think of the sweet, wonderful beautiful angel who appeared and smiled at me. I think of the vicious demon I saw in a vision underneath the earth (who saw me and hated me so much.) I think of the two deja-vu experiences in which time rolled back: the car accident where the windshield broke and glass splintered all over me. Then the windshield was suddenly not broken. Nope: I hadn't been confused in the accident. I did actually see the windshield break. Then I saw it utterly not broken. Very odd. In that other time-line, had I been so splintered that I would've ended up in the hospital?

Then there was the time I was talking to a friend on the phone and suddenly time rolled back. I actually felt the reel of time roll back, as if I was a tape being put on rewind to just before the beginning of the phone call. Then when time started again, my friend telephoned again. I picked up the phone knowing it was she. (This was before the days when one had Caller ID) Then, in the middle of talking, I said: "Go finish cooking your soup." She responded, "How did you know I was cooking soup?" That's when I knew she hadn't noticed the time-looping.

(Of course I have to laugh here: when folks talk about deja-vu they totally don't understand what it means to have a LITERAL deja-vu. They're talking about impressions -- which is weird and a strange enough occurrence -- maybe connected with a spirit from that place whispering to them or something) but it's not what I mean when I think of deja-vus. For me, deja-vu means realizing that an angel or God has literally rolled back time. After all, time is an earthly construct. Einstein proved that time/space/mind work a bit differently on earth than on any other place in the universe. After all, we should be able to see both sides of a coin at the same time, and time itself should be flowing in all directions not just one. The earth breaks a lot of rules.

I've never been translated from one place to another in a matter of minutes but it's happened to other folks.

The question remains, though: why is it that some folks see odd things in the world, but other folks claim they have NEVER had a supernatural occurrence? How can one live through life and not have an utterly strange occurrence one is floored by?

My God Is Real (Lyrics in Navajo)

What's trope for the White female protag is not trope for the black female protag

Someone reviewing my book stated that a fantasy story about a man in search of his lost stolen wife is old hat. Perhaps, but for me it isn't. He might think the trope of honorable men a bit old because there are countless stories about honorable white men in search of their lost white wives or beloveds. But in the west, there are few stories about black men searching for black wives or white men searching for black wives, or Asian men searching for their black wives. Heck, black women are rarely sought for. Which is kind weird considering A) the amount of black women who were stolen and raped by white slave owners in American history and B) the number of black women and young girls who go missing in contemporary times.

So just because white women have had noble warriors searching for them doesn't mean my story in Wind Follower is old. And just because white women have had stories about great loving marriages doesn't mean black women shouldn't write about such marriages because it is "old." And just because white male characters married to white female characters have had to reject with white temptresses/seductresses doesn't mean that white male characters married to black female characters who reject white temptresses is old.

Really, just because white folks have had a chance to be heroes and heroines in a particular situation, does that mean minorities should simply bypass that aspect of our literary existence? Is what's old to the white world also supposed to be old to the minority world?

Heck, just because a white feminist is tired of men holding doors for them and helping them out of cars, should Black women be tired of such tropes as well? Heck, white women's vaginas  -- in literature and in society-- have been put on pedestals! Latino women's vaginas have been relegated to the exotic or fiery pedestals. But Black women have been shown as ugly, or in need of societal pity/help, or sexually-loose... and we didn't have any literature showing our vaginas as worthy of pedestals....or worthy to be searched for and honored.

Then there was Neth. (Yeah, I'm still annoyed with the Neth review of Wind Follower.) He said nothing happened in the first 200 pages of my novel. For him -- a white man without heart and totally into his own cultural need for battles-- nothing happened. But for Black women that was the heart of the story: an interracial romance with a dark-skinned well-loved black woman was shown before their eyes.  For a Christian Black woman who likes romance, much happened. Because in Christian romance novels, we had a noble black woman oppressed by white Christian imperialism. (Not something one finds in Christian stories) And in for Black fantasy-lovers, we are given a view  (as John Ottinger says in his review -->) of a medieval Black/multicultural society. We are given sword and soul, according to Charles Saunders...instead of the usual impoverished Black culture which White Americans (Christian or not) assume about Africa.  We are given a great novel according to Chris Howard on Stuff as Dreams are Made On.

  Okay.... got that off my chest. For now!

Dark Parables: The violent take it by force

I love dreams in which I get violent. But I really, really, really love dreams when hubby gets violent. In this small little dreamlet, he dreamed that he was in a car with a man and his wife in the front seat and in the back, my husband, the couple's small baby, and an evil man. The evil man hit the child once and the mother turned around and slapped the evil man hard. Some time went by and the evil man hit the child again. Again, the mother hit the evil man.

The Bible tells us that the kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force. Several years ago, I began to understand the meaning of violence and fighting in dreams.

In this dream, the interpretation is:

We strike at the demonic or at the disease by the word of God. We fight and we take the kingdom by force. Evil and the demonic attempts to return and will not give in easily. Evil tries to return no matter what. But the woman hit the evil man whenever he hit her child.

I wonder though. While it is better for the child that the mother is at least hitting the evil man, shouldn't both parents be hitting the evil man? Shouldn't the evil man be bound? And really, shouldn't the evil man be cast out of the car? 

Dark Parable: The rejected countessa

I dreamed of a beautiful party being given at the palazzo of a great lady. She might have been a countess or a duchess or just a high-born lady. The time was about turn of the century England and it was also a contemporary time. I generally don't mind time discrepancies in dreams because heaven is beyond time. All people to be who are going to be in heaven are already there now in the truest sense. And God is in all time so he is DAILY LIVING with the countess in her own time, so He is daily living with me in my won time now and simultaneously with me.

The palazzo or manor was the place of an art festival. Artists of all kinds and sorts were there. I wanted to read some poetry and was getting dressed but had some trouble with the clothes and with the poem. I finally decided on black leather pants and jacket . Very hipster. But the poem I was supposed to read -- one that was so great that everyone likeed it and which I knew everyone would like-- was in different bits and in shredded pieces of paper. I had all these pieces of paper with the poem parts written on one side and other stuff written on the reverse. I kept all these in a little sandwich baggie but the papers kept being lost and I couldn't get all the pieces together to recreate the long poem. I began to realize I was in trouble.

The art party/conference/festival group had divided itself  into two distinct groups, although other folks were milling around elsewhere. I left the large performance area in the living room and entered the dining room where another group was sitting at a large dining table with food. But it was also kind of a gaming table. Group of upper-class Englishmen --aristocratic youth-- entered or were already there. They intended to do gaming or to eat and basically to enjoy themselves. I realized the poem I had was pretty much useless and I hadn't memorized it but I still wanted to do a performance...or maybe I was signed up  ...whatever it was I had the diary of the countessa who was the owner of the house. IHow I had it I don't know but I managed to slip it under her pillow as if I had never had it. I pulled it out from the pillow in her sight so she thought I was just looking at it then. I asked her if I could read her journal to the young aristocratic men gathered. She said yes. Which was pretty brave of her but she was dying so she didn't care.

Now this countess was dying and praying to die. Her name was Carole. She was very upset with her nurses and pretty indifferent to the revelers in her living room and dining room, and they were indifferent to her or to the fact that they were using her house for their revels. Some of them even hated her and judged her because of something outre she had done in the past.

I took out .the diary and said to the elite aristocratic young men, "I want to read the countess' diary." They groaned dismissively that she was a woman with a bad reputation who had dome something unseemly in her youth and had been rejected ever since. I said, "So you come to her house to eat and play but you don't respect her enough to hear her life?" That convicted them although I could tell they weren't really trying to honor her. They were just ashamed and trying to do the "right" honorable thing. They were gonna listen then leave.

So I started to read the diary to them. It started out very gently. I don't quite remember what. But she was talking about love, then her feelings of love and then her beau. I kept flipping the pages. Then I came to the entry where she told what happened, how her beloved seduced her one night and then the very next day he married another. The story was told crisply and succinctly but the power of the hurt and the grief and betrayal was evident. I looked up to see that of the eight or so men who had been there when i began reading -- and I hadn't read for so long-- only three remained. And those who had remained were truly touched by the writing. One of the men who had been the most dismissive of her -- he had dark curly hair and had said something snide and judgmental and snobbish against her-- was visibly shaken. It was as if he had been suddenly converted. That was the effect: a restoration of her honor and a telling of the true story. I don't know if the woman in the bed, the Countess named Carole, cared that her name was now cleared. But the reading affected those boys and me as well.

I so hope I don't have a kind of idea in my mind that I will die and THEN folks will understand me. But whatever it  means... it would make a good little story.

Interpretation from Deb McCallYou my love are hanging on to mistakes of your past. You have not forgiven yourself and fear that on your death bed no one will forgive you or ever know the real Carole, the redeemed Carole....Somewhere in your life you have been used by others blatantly... The grand party was maybe a pre-wake or funeral of sorts in your mind. So many people from all different walks of life, some came to "use" eat and be entertained, others came to speak in your honor. You are sifting through shreds of paper trying to put together a poem to read, but the poem is shredded and no longer complete because your life has been tumultuous , (they represent your life as YOU see it). God brings clarity to your MIND and you "read" (speak) from the diary, you are relieved that you remember certain things, hurtful as they may have been, but so important to you for others to know and hear...You are redeemed, forgiven after your life has been "read"...BUT, your true redeemer is not man, it is God. I think God was telling you in this dream that HE is all that matters, not the snobs and aristocrats or even the youth, yet there WILL be and there are people who admire and love you for who you are already, those are the ones who stayed and listened and were moved by your words...VERY much like life itself, right now. Keep writing, keep dreaming, keep loving, keep trusting and listening to the Lord Carole, He is trying so hard to reach out to You and grab that hand and never allow you to let go! xxoo

Cleanse the lepers

Okay, so Jesus gave us several evangelical commands. These commands are given to all Christian believers, and so all Christian believers have the authority to do them.

Preach the kingdom -- That Jesus Christ is Lord
Preach Salvation and baptize-- That Jesus Christ is saviour and that the believer has a new life because the believer has been translated out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of God's dear son, that we are dead to this world, that the law (symbolized as a dead wife) is dead to us and we now have a new spouse.

Most mainstream evangelical missionaries nowadays preach salvation. They don't really preach the kingdom. Thus many people say that Jesus is their saviour but they don't really obey him. And even when they obey Jesus, they don't really understand the principles of the kingdom, the largest principle being that through the blood and righteousness of Jesus a Christian has authority over demons and sicknesses.

This is why the rest of the Great Commission is not generally done.

Heal the sick --
Cast out demons --
Raise the dead --
Cleanse the lepers --

Christians are given the authority to heal when they preach the gospel. Signs follow the testimony and preaching of Jesus. Like when Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal and when Moses challenged Pharoah's magicians. The authority to heal is not the same as the gift of healing or the gift of miracles. The charismatic gifts are given for use inside the church as God wills. The authority to heal is given to all believers. The authority to heal is always present and is a command and is for those outside the church. The gift of healing and when used with the Prayer of Faith is for healing those inside the church. So it looks as if healing a believer is more difficult than healing a non-believer. Why? Because God wants everyone healed and so his healing power is present when Jesus is preached. Because the sin of the unbelievers doesn't get in the way of their healing whereas those within the church might have sinned a sin unto death or might be under unforgiveness, which is a despising of the great blood and salvation of Jesus Christ. Because the believer is in a war between two kingdoms and the believer and the church will have to know how to fight the spiritual battle.

But even when folks know to speak the Prayer of Faith and command healing for the sick and to command the dead to be raised (only after praying to God to see what God wants, btw), or cast out demons....they don't really discuss the prayer of cleansing.

Of course there is a difference between praying to God for someone to be healed and commanding a person to be healed. Jesus didn't really tell anyone to pray for the sick. He seemed to have assumed that all the healing will be commands.

So the way Jesus said it..it seems that praying for the sick is not the same as cleansing the lepers. When we pray for the sick, we say, "Be healed." The healing command can further be divided into

"Be made whole." and "Be Clean." But Jesus puts the cleansing prayer in its own category.

"Be healed" should be all-inclusive, shouldn't it?  But perhaps "be made whole" is a command that speaks to parts of the body -- seen and unseen-- that are not quite well-made or that have been damaged.

"Be Clean" -- in its own category-- seems to be about infection and contagion. True, the folks back in the day didn't understand germs and the mechanics of infection in the way we do, but they understood contagion, I think. People were not stupid. And although some like to think of it as a spiritual command (bringing the rejected leper into the fold, etc) I doubt it. After all the command is said to the body of the leper, not to the believers. It could also be combined with the prayer to cast out demons because demons are generally "unclean."

But I wonder... is there more to this cleansing command that needs to be studied? Although praying is about our relationship with God and not really about a methodology, some prayers require we be sticklers. For instance, Jesus said "Speak to the mountain." Most Christians do NOT speak to the mountain; they insist on asking God to move it.

So then:
Candida overgrowth, AIDS, Infectious disease, bacterial infection, viruses, amoebas, dysentery, cholera, stuff that run rampant through the human body but are not part of the body, things that the body needs to be cleaned of...uhm.

Should we be saying, "Be cleansed" ?????????

Anywhere With Jesus (Lyrics in Navajo)

Witchcraft Blaster Prayer 2.0

 This prayer was written by Rich Keltner:


  Right now, In the Name of the Lord Jesus and by the     power of His Blood, I ask the blood of Jesus cleanse any sin, transgression or iniquity in my life, I close any breech, and ask forgiveness for any openings in the spirit, that they would be covered in the blood of the lamb, Jesus Christ! Amen.      


Right Now! By the power of the blood of Jesus Christ I break all curses and loose myself and any of my   Family members from all evil curses, incantations, chanting, whispering, charms,   crystals, hexes, vexes, voodoo, hoodoo, incense burning, candle   magick, sex magick, blood sacrifices, blood rituals, doll spells,   vexations, bottle curses, cutting of roots, curses from berries, curses     from powders, pipe smoke, tobacco, herbs, eggs, oil bewitchments, insect curses, army of insects, coral,     buried objects curses, hidden objects spells, jinxes, accidents, misfortune, poverty, potions, spells of Death, spells     of Destruction, Bones, Human Skulls, Animal Skulls, graveyard dirt, coffin wood, coffin nails, pins, needles,     pain, sickness, infirmity, evil disease, all bewitchments, meditations, Astral projectors, Lucid dreamers, imagined   evil, imagined anger, prayer chains, witchcraft or sorcery in any form   which may have been put upon me or my family line, from any witch,   warlock, covens, person or persons or from any occult or psychic source.     


I claim the Blood of Jesus upon each of these demonic powers, to negate and cancel them now! I also renounce all connected and related evil spirits! And in the Name of Jesus Christ, I command     Every curse, vex and spell with the evil spirits to go back to the senders SEVENFOLD, let the Angel of the Lord use a battering Ram on their walls, blow through their pentagrams, circles and through their walls of protection and let their evils be bound to them by the Blood of Jesus, that their own traps and pits   would become a blessing unto them, and that they would find the   salvation truth of Jesus Christ to set them free from their own snares,   Amen.   


Second Phase. Twisting the sword!   


In the Name of the Lord Jesus, I break any and all   curses placed against me by witchcraft, spells or enchantments and   command the curses and demons from them to return to the senders SEVENFOLD,     and I bind every wicked curse, all the demons and spells back to them by the Blood of Jesus according to (Psalms 109).  As they clothed themselves with cursing like as with their garment, let it come into their bowels as water and like oil into their bones. As they  remembered not to show mercy. Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered with the LORD; and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out. Let the extortioner catch all that he hath Amen!     


I break the power of any and all blood sacrifices and rituals invoked against me or   my family in the Name of Jesus Christ!. I proclaim the Blood of   Jesus upon any of my personal items that a worker of black magick   may have accumulated. I proclaim the Blood of Jesus upon these items, upon   my hair, my nails, perspiration, clothing, my blood, my saliva, my   urine or any other body fluid and upon my personal photos, my   families’ photos, my birthdate, scrolls, my written name, my signature,      Handwriting, any drawings or dolls created in my image, furthermore any   item that would be used as my image to invoke harm!  I negate, thwart and dissipate any hidden   embedded accursed items or objects on my body, on my clothing or placed in my   dwelling by proclaiming the blood of Jesus upon these items or objects right   now!  


I declare all of these curses null and void against me or my family, by the power of the Blood of Jesus Christ!   And command them to go back to the senders of these evils, SEVENFOLD! If an   evil spirit was outsourced by any other witch or warlock, and does not know the   name of the sender, let the Angel of the Lord tell the names to the demons as they go back right now! In the name of the Lord Christ!      Amen

Chambers of My Imagery

'Then said He unto me, Son of man, hast thou seen what the ancients of the house of Israel do in the dark, every man in the chambers of his imagery!  Ezekiel 8:12

May no one, no one, no one ever see what happens in the chambers of MY imagery. The angry vindictive wishes, the tawdry sexual fantasies, the morbid death-bed scenes!

My mother was a nurse and an alarmist. She filled our young heads with thoughts of suffering and lingering disease. So not good! And now... so much so much so much going on! The foreclosure and the losing of the house, the wondering about Gabe's health... and my not sleeping...aaargh... just hard. 

I do have moments where i wish i would die to be free from my mind but oh well still alive. I'd rather die suddenly in bed though than linger. And I suspect that if Jesus asked me when I arrived in heaven if I wanted to return to earth, I'd probably say "No, thank you!" 

But for constant tower and for onion... i live on

Dare I believe this mind can be repaired and freed from oppression, stress, false comforts?

The Bible says God has given us peace that passes all understanding. I shall have to affirm that and fight the good fight to push the negative thoughts from the chambers of my imagery.
St Paul says we have the mind of Christ! Yet, alongside this mind of Christ is the old man with its fears, anger, lusts, etc. I shall have to fill my mind with the word of God more and more.

Search me o God and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, o Lord, my strength and my redeemer!

Prepare in me a clean heart oh God!

Be the only thing I want, Lord! Be the only thing I desire Lord! Be the only thing I honor and worship, Lord!

To "like" or not to "like"

Ah the trials of we Christians! Talk about the day having enough troubles of its own. Every day when I'm on youtube I have some big choices to make. Choices that battle fear and shame. Choices that battle the fear of man.

Imagine looking at a religious video of the most Biblical sort. I mean, talk of hell, demons, and the like. Stuff even Christians might laugh at you about. Imagine having atheist youtube friends who see everything you "like" and who can look at every comment you make. Aaargh! Everyday, the temptation comes on me to simply not "like" the video. It's a very powerful temptation, I will say. But, I tell myself I gotta fight. So I "like."

This means that folks on twitter, and across my social network are all seeing that Carole McDonnell has liked a video which talks about hell, speaking in tongues, etc. Tyrant Shame (from Pilgrim's Progress) is a terrible thing but not enough to make me deny what I believe to be true. It's a small thing and the mind says... "ah come on, you're not denying... you're just not letting folks see what you're watching." Ah, slippery slope of shame. Ain't gonna do it. I won't deny the Bible or the Lord knowing a cloud of witness is looking on....not to mention my Lord himself.

The opposite problem also occurs. Imagine clicking "like" on a Harry Potter video when one knows Christians are watching. Or on a horror movie or even a vaguely sexy movie. Much the same. Ah well...but you gotta do what you gotta do... be yourself.

Power and Spirit reduced to mere doctrine

So I've been catching up on the Harry Potter films. And a college friend called me while I was watching Prisoner of Azkaban. She's a pagan and we got to talking about religion. Which is stressing because the idea she has about Christianity is that it's all about semantics/doctrine/a book of rules/ etc (Not to mention her idea that Christianity causes wars and destroy the freedom of the individual.)

The dryness, the doctrinal debates, the wallowing in discussions of sin that so many evangelical Christians delight in... can turn away true seekers. I know people will say that a true seeker will not be turned away by the gospel, that something within the truly seeking person will find Jesus. Nah!!! I don't think so. There is a beauty in Christianity that some Christian adherents destroy. 

Humans like symbols and symbolic action. We like rules and laws also but we tend to like only those rules we think we're good at. We like stories and myths of great heroes. We like power and the supernatural. We are born with an awe for it. All these are in Biblical Christianity of course but the way they are presented in the denominational church.

I'm not getting all Roman Catholic, Orthodox, Episcopalian on folks because I don't believe that mere aesthetic sacramental church going is true worship. A lot of folks make that mistake. But there is something of the sacramental in the Biblical Church. 

The Baptist evangelical types shun the supernatural therefore anything "wonderful" (full of wonder and magic) or even seen as miraculous is suspect. So they consider the Shroud of Turin a demonic deception or speaking in tongues and discernment of spirits a fraud. St Paul declared that his preaching was not with mere words of power or reasoning debate but with power. Elijah had a showdown with the opposers of the true God that was not about semantics or debate but about showing the prophets of Baal that our God is supernaturally powerful, eternally present, easy to be entreated, and holy. Moses challenged the king's magicians through magic.

But nooooooo modern Christianity has been reduced to powerlessness. And even those sacraments and doctrines which have power are minimized. Who really believes nowadays that being baptized will cause demons to leave one's body? Few people, and so there is a spiritual work but no understanding of what the spiritual work is supposed to do. Same thing with communion. It is a healing thing. Continually taking communion while one is sick brings healing. Yet who avails himself of this? Few, because the believer's mind has been trained to not see the supernatural power of the sacrament. Do we really believe that when we praise God demons flee? And do people really believe that at communion we are joined to everyone in the Lord's body and with the Lord himself? If we did, wouldn't we love each other more? Do we really believe at confirmation that when the bishop/priest lays hand on us we receive the gifts Jesus dearly bought for his church: the ability to heal the sick, raised the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast our demons, do signs and wonders in evangelism through the gift of the holy spirit? No, we don't believe that. And even if we do believe that, we have enough doubt and unbelief simultaneously that we are double-minded. Our mind is not totally renewed by God's word because it has been brainwashed by denominational brainwashing?

Then there are other stuff such as multiplying food, being translated from one place to another... ah, the possibilities are endless. If Jesus and the early apostles did it, we can do it. No preterist here.

So when I see Christian people loving the aesthetics of Asian martial arts, the spirituality of Buddhism, or Wicca, or some other more "powerful" spirituality or "peaceful" spirituality or "beautiful" spiritual or more "environmental" spiritually I feel sad. Not only because there are Christian equivalents of some of these  things. I mean why go to Buddhism when the Quakers are here. Okay, the Biblical Quakers are here. But even then.. so much is missing in even Biblical Quakerism that should be there. The early quakers did miracles, after all.

C S Lewis rediscovered all these glories in his conversion from atheistic pagan to Biblical Christian. He was accepted back then but now modern evangelical Christians slam him. So now I'm working on My Life as an Onion. The main character sees demons, but worse she has the gift of discerning of spirits. I really can just see all the evil comments coming to me from Christians telling me I'm using magic. Oh well. Will see. But I want to do a truly Christian book... a charismatic Christian fiction. Heaven help me.

Christian Speculative Fiction Writing: Discerning of Spirits

Okay, so I've passed the first hurdle in Christian writing which is the need to sermonize. Yeah, a few preachy moments have slipped into some stories but no more than those that slip into regular stories by feminists, wiccans, environmentalists etc.

Now the second hurdle is upon me: how to show something I believe about Christianity which some evangelicals and southern Baptists (the largest denomination) do not believe and how not to get blasted for being an evil writer dragging folks into witchcraft. Yep, I'm writing a story about the discernment of spirits.

Discernment of spirits is a charismatic gift in which one is able to see/smell/hear/recognize demons so that one knows what kind of demons are operating in that situation. Although I have seen an angel and have seen and encountered several demons, I don't have this gift. But my character Denise in MY LIFE AS AN ONION has it. Hence the problem.

I have to somehow be able to distinguish that what happens with my character is not like what happens to mediums or characters like those in The Sight (with the great Cate Blanchett.) Now since many evangelicals and Southern Baptists see any kind of supernatural thing as evil, I can only trust and hope that my pentecostal friends will stand up to defend my book. I can already see Christians slamming the book. But yeah, I wanna do it.

And I want to not have to come right out and say that my character didn't get this gift through a family spirit but through God's holy spirit. Yet I want the reader to know it came from God without actually writing a sermon about it. Can I trust Christians and non-Christians to see with their soul without me giving them an explanatory three-point sermon.

Lord knows what idiot invented the three point sermon, a sermon which doesn't save anyone and only comforts or challenges those in the church, and only gives us the horrible weak unholy Christianity that we have nowadays. Such sermons speak to the human western mind but the Lord says it is with the heart that we believe. Not with the mind. The heart is more abstract than we know.

Jackie Pullinger did so much to save prostitutes and drug-addicts in Hong Kong and God saved them through the heart. The western human heart has an idea about what needs to be said to save a person. But God alone knows what each person needs to hear. Tell any story and every different person will be affected differently.

Jackie told the story about the pearl of great price found in the field to some new converts in Hong Kong and asked them, "What is the pearl?" And they ALL responded, "We are the pearl of great price and Christ gave all to save us." See how differently the Scriptures are interpreted to new believers by the Holy Spirit? The way I see it: You don't even know what you will be trying to preach if you do your story rationally. WRITE FROM THE HEART and if you're honest... whatever truth within the story will touch the reader. 

Even Jesus didn't tell the meaning of his sermons except to his disciples. Evangelical stories tend to just show american preoccupations and American christians live within a very odd box. They always think they're pushing the envelope when they are firmly sealed in it. 

We western Christians are not particularly deep. Nor do we deal with the reality of the spiritual in everyday life to the extent of some folks in Africa (or India or Asian or Latin America or Indonesia where folks go to witch doctors or shaman.) We don't understand the spirituality and the cultural issues of far-flung ethnic groups and we only barely know about the pop religion believed in my non-Christians or non-Biblical Christians. We aren't aware of what things are keeping people away from Christ. To write a story aimed at a specific mindset as if that mindset is the be-all and end-all of why people aren't Christians is a might on the arrogant side. We simply do not know enough to write with any specific slant or lesson in mind. Just write the story. 

As for  skill in being overt, you have to be really skilled in NOT being preachy. A little preachiness will seep through but that is allowable because so many stories have a spiritual side. Charmed, Witches, Ghost Whisperer. The problem is the Jesus thing. It can be done but avoid sentimentality and churchiness. I'm pentecostal and black so I get away with a lot. If I'm gonna go with it, I'll have to be totally free. A symbol does wonders, I should remember. Steven King once had a scene in his book where where everyone holed up in a theater ate a can of sardines and a coupla slices of bread. He didn't have to come out and say it was a communion.

I just want to show that we don't live in a closed universe..and that God's son, the Lord Jesus Christ, gave gifts to his people to help them in the war against these evil spirits. Will see. Ah me!!! Well, trusting God.

God at War: The Bible & Spiritual Conflict

Greg Boyd

Paperback: 414 pages

Publisher: IVP Academic (September 12, 1997)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 0830818855

ISBN-13: 978-0830818853

Product Description

In this bold and compelling work, Gregory Boyd undertakes to reframe the central issues of Christian theodicy. By Boyd's estimate, theologians still draw too heavily on Augustine's response to the problem of evil, attributing pain and suffering to the mysterious "good" purposes of God. Accordingly, modern Christians are inclined not to expect evil and so are baffled but resigned when it occurs. New Testament writers, on the other hand, were inclined to expect evil and fight against it. Modern Christians attempt to intellectually understand evil, whereas New Testament writers grappled with overcoming evil. Through a close and sophisticated reading of both Old and New Testaments, Boyd argues that Satan has been in an age-long (but not eternal) battle against God, and that this conflict "is a major dimension of the ultimate canvas against which everything within the biblical narrative, from creation to the eschaton, is to be painted and therefore understood." No less edifying than it is provocative, God at War will reward the careful attention of scholars, pastors, students and educated laypersons alike.

Fave Japanese young actors

I'm feeling old now. If I was younger, I could dream of going off to Japan and meeting one of these guys and falling madly passionately in an outrageous tabloid romance with one of these guys. But noooooooooo! Oh well. I honestly hope, though, that I will still like them when they get older. One can always tell if one liked an absolutely gorgeous actor as a person or as a thing to be lusted at if one still likes him when he's old gray and fat. Mercifully, I still have some fave  American actors whom I still love now...whom I loved when I was younger. So... I'm probably not as shallow as I think. 

Some of them are majorly hot and their hotness calls to something youthful in me. Dare I say lustful? But some just have a certain something, a sadness, a connection to the world... These guys are all about 24-26 and were originally musicians.... so there is that eternal youth thing happening in which their characters are so about youthfulness, youth issues, etc.

I decided to keep a list of my favorites just in case anyone asks me who my faves are.

I could list the older guys like Fukuyama Masaharu but I've decided this post is gonna be about the younger set.

So now, in no particular order of preference.... my faves

Aiba Masaki  Just a sweet regular guy. He starred in My Girl Asahi ( A Japanese drama not to be confused with a Korean drama) Just the kinda guy who would be one's next door neighbor. He also starred in Saigo no Yakusoku a nice little suspense thriller, with the rest of his band.

Hayami Mokomichi  I'll admit I have only seen him in one movie, as far as I know. So maybe it's his character I liked and not really him. The movie was Zettai Kareshi (Absolute Boyfriend) and he played a robot designed to be a girl's absolute boyfriend. Yep, it's sad.

Aiba Hiroki I liked him in Delicious Academy Delicious Gakuin a j-drama which was a food comedy. No one does food comedies so well or self-mockery about their extreme obsessive perfection as well as the Japanese and this one was just giddy. Some of the jokes worked, some fell flat but hey, you gotta love the wild attempts at flakiness.

Ryunosuke Kamiki What a sweetie! What kindness and art in his acting. Try to see him in Kokoro no ito

Takizawa Hideaki aka Takki... oh my heavens! Pardon me, while I drool. Intense? Angsty? wounded rebellious...sinful and or odball characters. If there is any story dealing with revenge, and Takki is in it... watch it. Check out his drama, Taizou no kisetsu and his movie Romeo and Juliet. Also Taiyo wa Shizumanai and Strawberry on Shortcake (not the best but quirky)  He also does a lot of period dramas. Such as An actor's revenge (Yukinojo Henge)

Miura Hiruma. Probably one of the prettiest male actors around. And unfortunately he gets stuck in roles in which he is a heart-throb or a sainted but dead figure who did something noble and lives on in the hearts of those who knew him. Yeah, i know but ... what can i say? He is in Koizora, a school drama. He is in dramas such as Bloody Monday and Samurai High School. He might actually have it in him to be a good comedian. He tries to be and he succeeds sometimes. I just wish they would free him from the genius/saintly mode. When I watch his movies, I do wonder about myself having such a huge crush on this kid.

Miura Ryusoke Oh my heavens! What a cutie! He's about my older son's age and I just want to take care of this kid. No lust here (as in Takki's case) but utter maternal love. He was in delicious Gakuin also. The show definitely had its hilarious moments.



Kubozuka Yosuke. Another one who takes oddball films...about eccentric but not really angry folks. He's the one who is always in love with an older woman or who plays mentally disabled people. Try to see him in Long Love Letter aka floating classrom

Kanata Hongo. What a sweetie!  Pouty fully lips, melancholy face. Very princely looking for some reason. He starred in my favorite male Japanese actor Hiroshi Abe (Now, Hiroshi is a guy I could fantasize about at my age!) in one of my favorite Japanese movies Aoi Tori (The Blue Bird)

Yamashita "yamapi" Tomohisa   So beautiful, so good. Sweet, sweet, kind eyes. He was in Nobuta wo Produce and Long Love Letter aka Drifiting Classroom. He was also in Kurosagi (The Black Swindler) A hint of the rebel but not as woebegone as Takki. Cynical but...comes off as compassionate nevertheless (although all these guys come off as compassionate. Compassion sells, I am assumimg.)  

 Kazuya Kamenashi  Kinda rock-star hot but since I was never really into rock stars... he doesn't bowl me over, but he does make one think of the hottie rockstar popular guy in high school with the kind heart who didn't realize he was so gorgeous and always talked to ugly girls as if they were beautiful. (And he has gotten stuck with those roles several times. He stars in  Tatta Hitotsu no Koi  Nobuta wa Produce and  Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge In the last two, think... "Japanese version of She's All That."
   
Ninomiya Kazunari is good as well. Not super-handsome but there's something about him. He was really good in Door to door  Saigo no Yakusoku   and  Ryusei no Kizuna


Matsuda Shota is a good actor as well. I'm not sure what I think of him but he stays in my memory so I'll mention him here. Not really my type but a hottie nevertheless. He was in Liar Game as the genius who prevented the main female protag from being taken advantage of. 
And then there is Amano Hironari  (recently changed his name to Amano Kousei) oh heavens!!!!! Simply the most gorgeous guy in the world! 

oh gosh... but lust aside these young guys don't have the place in my heart that Hiroshi Abe does. :sighing and fanning myself::   But will save Hiroshi for another time when I list the older actors  Like  Shosuke Tanihara  (check out My Rainy Days..good flick!) Must go cool off. 

Bible Personages I wanna meet in heaven

Of course there is Jesus. I definitely want to meet him in all his glorious wonderfulness in heaven. The apostle Paul as well. I like the way he was so human and the way he whined in all his epistles. I like Daniel too. Daniel was so stalwart. And Moses. Moses is one of my absolute faves. I adore his patience, his writing style, his spiritual understanding that the blessing often goes to the one who doesn't deserve it. Also Samuel, who really is just unswerving (for the most part) and Elijah. Elijah's showdown with the prophets of Baal then his virtual nervous breakdown as he fled. Yeah, I love those guys.

But I gotta say I also want to meet some folks other Christians might not want to meet.

I want to meet Lot's wife. She had to flee her home and leave behind her married daughters and their husbands. Lot tarried, she tarried. Why did they tarry? The English Bible isn't clear. Either she had 4 daughters, -- two married and two unmarried-- or two betrothed daughters. The angels told them to take the "daughters who are with you in your house" and because someone was tarrying (Not only Lot and his wife), the angels had to drag Lot and his wife and two unmarried daughters out of town. After the destruction of Sodom Lot couldn't deal with it and drank to forget his sorrows. But Mrs Lot was probably luckier.. she died when she looked back. Christians like to think God was so angry with her he looked down specifically and spitefully turned her into a pillar of salt. The meaning of pillar of salt is disputed. For instance, it could mean the same as our word "petrified" to be turned to stone. Could she have lived any longer with the memory of dead children and possibly dead grandchildren? In the rapture, (if we're lucky enough to be removed from earth), how will we not be able to look back at unsaved children and grandchildren. Remember, Lot's wife. But why do we want to see her as looking back because she lusted for the evils of Sodom?

I want to meet Michal. Caught between loyalty to a father she loved and a husband she loved. Then married off to a man who loved her while her husband picked up other wives along the way. Then yanked from that loving husband and brought back to be just one of many wives. Then spitefully not given children from her husband because she and he had marriage difficulties. Then having the seven sons she adopted and raised being killed by David.

I want to meet Prince Shechem, who was more noble than all his people and who seduced a girl he loved and  -- unlike David's son, Amnon-- loved her even more after the seduction and got destroyed for that love. He and Absalom are prototypes of wonderful wounded princes... great characters, great noble lost princes.

I want to meet Job's wife. Wives of prophets certainly have a tough time. God was gracious in killing Ezekiel's wife and sparing Ezekiel and his wife all sorts of grief...but Job's wife had to endure seeing her sons and daughters murdered, had to endure being comfortless while Job at least had his comforters, had to endure the parental loss of children and temptations to die.


I want to meet Hagar. Who knows when she got stuck with lying Abraham and classist Sarah who refused to "have her son be equal to that of a slave woman"? I want to meet her son Ishmael (and his stepbrothers Midian et al) who was rejected and sent out into the wilderness by his father. What a devastation that is! Even if God has promised to help, there is the woundedness of rejection. No wonder the supposed decendants of Ishmael have such an issue with the descendants of Jacob. She's the first single mother in the Bible and God placed her there for a reason: so that abandoned single mothers will know that Thou God See me.

I want to meet Saul. Because he was so pitifully weak and incapable of leaning on God. Because God put him in a position that God should not have put him in. Just like Jehu. Because all that power went to his head. Just like Jehu. How many preachers nowadays have been blessed with great ministries who should not have been so blessed? How many people have received great wealth who should not have received great wealth because it has destroyed them and their children!

I want to meet Absalom. Seeing his sister raped and his father useless to do anything about it. I understand his bitterness. I understand how bitterness and hurt can take over a person and I won't be angry at Absalom for that. He lived in a time before the holy spirit worked in all men to heal them. But even now, Christians have to deal with injustice and fall into unforgiveness and bitterness.

I have no doubt at all that these folks are all friends in heaven. Hagar, Keturah, and Sarah probably pal around together.  David and Michal probably have picnics every once in a while. But I'd like these scapegoated characters to include me in their little circle, knowing I was a friend to them even while they were dead for ages, that I wanted folks to honor their lives and not have kneejerk disdain toward them.

I want to meet the Samaritan woman at the well who was so rejected she had to go to the well alone in the middle of the day, who was divorced five times -- why? because she was mouthy? because she couldn't have children? why? I want to meet her because even after she had brought Jesus to the people in her village, the people still had to put her in her place and say, "We believe not because you told us but because we see with our own eyes."

I want to meet Demas who loved this present world and who forsook Paul. It didn't say he forsook the faith, but that he forsook Paul. Did he grieve after that? Or did he think he should have stayed in prison and accepted suffering for Christ? The third turncoat (after Judas Iscariot and Simon Peter) and we don't know what happened with him after. Did he come like Esau crying for his birthright?

I want to meet Delilah, who loved her man and also her family and had to choose to save her family by betraying her man. Whether she is Israelite or Phillistine, I don't care. Such a threat, such a choice. It's difficult..and what would I have done if I were in her position?

I want to meet Orpah, who turned back and didn't follow Naomi as Ruth did. Because she had little hope and didn't fully understand the blessing that could have come to her. I won't judge her for not having the light Ruth did. I like to believe that something of Israel's God remained with her when she returned to Moab, that in some ways she affected those around her.

Yes, I want to meet Esau too. So many, so many.

And I suspect God loves them as much as I do. We Christians are trained to think God hated and still hates them. So many Bible studies lacking in compassion where we are trained to hate Bible personages and to have no compassion for people like them in the real world. But how could a God who loves outcasts, the wounded, the rejected, not love these people we Christians are so trained to dislike?

The terrible devastation of an unhappy ending

I recently cried at an unhappy ending in a Japanese Drama. Sure it was sad and i cry a lot when I watch these movies. But this was different. I can't describe it; it was a feeling of devastation, a feeling of being cruelly tricked by the screenwriter, cruelly manipulated to hope for good and suddenly a bad ending occurred.
I wish I could describe this devastation.

I cried, yes...for the characters for also for something else...something I can't quite explain. I cried for my own heart, that it was tricked and led and manipulated like that -- that it was UNNECESSARILY made sad. I cried perhaps because I suddenly realized I was probably dealing with a cultural spirit of grief and melancholy that forces itself into even their most joyous stories. I wish I could describe the pain of those tears. It's heart-rending sorrow for the characters, mixed with anger at the mindset that makes unnecessarily sad bitter endings the norm.

How such a tiny country should have such a focus on family separation is beyond me! How such a competitive "winning" culture could have such an addition to the romance of death boggles the mind! It's almost as if stoicism nihilisim and sorrow have come together to create the perfect artform of cultural grief. I won't analyze it. I won't forgive it and I won't like it. It hurts my heart.

I like dark stories but I will never ever ever ever write a story that does this kind of devastating cruelty to ANYONE. Now that I know how it feels to be so crushed, I will remember what G K Chesterton said,

The popular preference for a story with "a happy ending" is not, or at least was not, a mere sweet-stuff optimism; it is the remains of the old idea of the triumph of the dragon-slayer, the ultimate apotheosis of the man beloved of heaven.— G. K. Chesterton

(Of course, maybe it's not the sensitive story-lover in me that is so wounded. It could be my issues of separated children or separated siblings. I still have some wounds in that area...but still......)

The watch over the mouth and the cancer-phobia battle

Last year this time I was getting a lump removed from my breast because my nipple was bleeding. It was one of the worst fear battles I have ever fought. Fear brings torment, the Bible says and the apostle was not kidding!

The torment came in a slew of attacks against my carnal mind, with some few from the world, and from the devil. The news shows had stories about cancer on all the time. I kept hearing about people having cancer. And I kept having dreams. The dreams were interesting. Someone was always asking me how I felt and almost encouraging me to "talk about" my fears or whine about the pains. And always, always -- GOD IS FAITHFUL-- whenever I was about to launch into some comment and declare I had cancer, the dream would end before I said the word. I would get up in the morning with pains in my breasts exactly where some dream person had said I had cancer. Whatever the dream person said, whatever happened in waking life, I was determined not to speak this fear.

Why? Because I did not want to speak the fear and empower the cancer spirit. Cancerphobia is part of American society and ....although not everyone with fear of cancer will get cancer... cancerphobia can definitely be used by a cancer spirit to cause one to curse one's self. Especially if there are immune system issues and stress and unforgiveness issues. Silly sounding, I know...but spiritual truths sound like foolishness to the rational man and I know whereof I speak.

I totally believe this because six or so years ago I had a major night battle with bronchitis. For years, since maybe 1990, I would get a very nasty cold whenever I went outside in spring or fall without covering my neck. It would become a flu or a bronchitis or pneumonia and I'd be stuck in bed for about three weeks, plus would have a tough time walking around for three months after that until my bed was healed because bronchitis, like many disease, like returning back. One really has to fight against a disease even after it has left because disease and demons like coming back.

Anyway, about six years ago, I did the stupid thing and opened the door without covering my neck. I lay in bed that night and felt a scratching in my nose, throat, and ears. I knew a cold was attempting to take me over and I knew the cold would become the usual bronchitis. I sat in bed afraid I would get sick then the Lord told me to fight. I decided to. The Bible has a verse: "The children of Ephraim, although armed and carrying swords, turned back in the day of battle. ...they limited the holy one of Israel."

So I was armed. I was not ignorant of the devil's devices. I knew the spiritual weapons of my warfare. The main weapon was to not let my mouth be used by the devil to destroy me. The devil's power over us is often through our own mouths. It was a small but powerful and decisive and hard battle. EVERYTHING in me wanted to turn to my husband and say, "I think I'm getting a cold." That's really all I wanted to say. In my heart, I felt that the ability to complain and to announce the anticipating cold would be true relief. I know it sounds silly but there it was: I wanted to say, "Oh Gee I feel really crappy and I know it's a cold." But I was told by the Lord not to say it. Imagine being in terrible pain and feeling that the way to relieve the pain is to speak about it and say it. I don't know why but it seems to be part of the human spirit to go assessing things. One gets up in the morning and says, "I feel crappy." Or, "dammit, the bill collector. I just know yadda yadda." Really, the verbalization of a situation is not necessary but we are trained (by the devil and the world) to say it. And because life and death is in the power of the tongue -- and the only power the devil has is how he makes us use words against ourselves-- this is how we often destroy ourselves.

Anyway, it was funny. I got very angry with God for making the spiritual laws of the world as He did. How dare He create spiritual laws about the use of the voice which prevented me from whining? It sounds silly now but really, I felt as if I would go insane if I couldn't breathe out, "I am getting a cold, I think." The burden and anger of  feeling I would go insane if I didn't declare such a small sentence (uhm... a sentence, a life sentence...interesting thing english) cannot be adequately described...It was so powerful I surmised my resolve had come up against some inner emotional issue or some external demon. At one point, the pain in my ears, throat, and nose got so scratchy, so itchy, I felt as if I had strep and I wanted to say, "Ouch!" I started saying, "Ouch" but caught myself in time and said, "Oh, Christ, my savior!" All night it went on like that. In the morning the itchiness, scratchy, burning, terrible discomfort was gone! Talk about working out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Since then, I have stood outside in absolute cold weather (with extremely chatty neighbor.) Twenty years of cruel bronchitis and chest pain and strep colds GONE forever. That situation taught me a lot about the power of the mouth.

A church sister named Wendy was told by her doctor that her tests came back positive and that she had breast cancer. She said, "In the name of Jesus, there is no cancer." I suspect the doctor gave her a look and told her she was being odd. He repeated the doctor's report. She told him the doctor's report: By Jesus' name I WAS healed. I have no cancer." There are people who go around declaring that cancer runs in their family so they have to be careful...and when they get a positive report of cancer they say I'm glad I caught it in time or else I would've died like my mother and grandmother, etc. And now that it's taken out and I lost a breast, I'll be careful lest it come back again.... like it did with my etc.... Well, that is not the way to do it. The thing to do is to say to the doctor, "Do what you think is necessary but the Lord has said I shall not die but live and that by His wounds I was healed."

Of course one can't go saying stuff like that if one doesn't believe it because it's with the heart one believes and with the mouth one confesses to deliverance. Some folks don't have the faith to believe they were healed on the cross. Some folks don't believe that death and life are in the power of the tongue. And some folks don't understand enduring patiently and triumphing until the healing grows from seed to plant to blossom. The doctor got annoyed but the next time she went back to him all signs of cancer had disappeared. If it hadn't disappeared, Wendy still would have continued to declare that Jesus is Lord and had healed her on the cross. She was prepared to endure.

To this day I know that I would've gotten cancer if I hadn't fought against those dream-speakers. I wish I had known how to battle when my son was diagnosed and when I became sick. Then the illnesses would've have gotten so entrenched. But God is able...and I'm still trusting Him. It's a battle, friends. The Bible does not say we will "feel" healed, only that we are healed. And we must walk by faith in God's word, not by sight or by human prognostications.